How to Love Your Wife: 7 Helpful Tips

by Jack Wellman on December 3, 2011 · Print Print · Email Email

The Bible commands men to love their wives as Christ loves the church.  This is a very difficult command to obey because Christ gave His own life for the church.  In fact He died for it.  The church is spoken of as the Bride of Christ and Jesus is the Bridegroom and the two are engaged to one another.  The marriage feast of the Lamb of God will take place after the consummation of the marriage at His return.  The kind of love that Christ has for the church is the divine kind of love; a self sacrificing and unconditional love that humans can only hope to mimic.  So how are husbands to love their wives the way that Jesus loves the church?  Instead of consulting a Marriage Counselor or reading a book about marriage, we will go to the soundest of all logic.  There is no better marriage advice for husbands given anywhere, by anyone, at anytime, than in the Bible.  There is wisdom for husbands in how they should love their wives that is unlike any advice you will find in the world; the Holy Bible.  Let God speak to us on how a husband should love his wife.  ( For a related article check out: How to Respect Your Husband: 7 Helpful Hints)

How To Love Your Wife

The Bible commands men to love their wives as Christ loves the church.

Two Become One

The very first marriage ceremony ever performed was done so by God Himself in Genesis 2:23-23:

The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

This is a key point. When a man marries a woman, the two become one.  The fact that Adam said “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” is important. That means when she feels pain, then he should feel it.  When the wife rejoices, then the husband should rejoice.  They are sharing everything in life; the ups and the downs.

Another important thing in this verse is the statement of a man leaving his father and mother and is united to his wife.  That means that they are starting a new family and the family from which the husband came has no authority in this new family; no say and no active participation in the marriage between the husband and wife.  Of course the man physically leaves his parents home but I believe the intent of this – and the reason it is mentioned in Scripture is not trivial – is that the husbands parents are to stay out of issues involving the new family that has just been created.  Interference by in-laws can cause extreme pressure on either of the spouses and can strain the marriage itself.  What the husbands parents did in their marriage and home is not applicable to the wife since she and her husband have their own family – a new family.  The wife may not be familiar with the way her husbands home was ran and so the husbands parents can not dictate or even suggest that the wife ought to do certain things that were done when her husband lived at home.

One final point in these verses is that the two persons have now become one flesh.  In a literal sense if they have children, the one child has both of his or her parents.  I do not believe that this is the reason for saying that the two “become one flesh.”  I believe it is that they share a bond, an intimacy that is not shared by any other human on the face of the earth.  They become one in purpose, one in serving one another, one is communion.  When sex was involved outside of marriage, the language was that a man laid down with the woman, but in marriage, it says that the man “knew” his wife.  Lying down with someone is not the same thing as “knowing” someone.  During sexual intercourse between the husband and wife, there is such an intimacy that each other can really know each other better than they can in having an affair or having premarital sex.

Love Your Wife Through Action

Few people understand that another little know command for husbands is given in Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”

You have heard, seen or even lived through the experience when the husband comes home from work. His nerves are shot.  He is tired, hungry, and perhaps even frustrated after work.  Many wives work too and they have the same feelings after they get home from work, so the last thing she needs is for hubby to come home and unload all of the days frustrations on his wife who has an equally, or in some cases, a fuller plate than he does.  Husbands should not take it out on their wives – especially given the fact that she had nothing to do with what went on at work.  Sadly, this happens all too frequently.

Men, by their nature, tend to be more gruff, rough, and harsh with people.  I am not saying that men are inferior to women, but each sex has differences.  These differences, instead of being conflicting, can actually compliment each other.  What men lack in finesse, women may excel at.  Where women lack in physical strength, men may not.  There is a balance between the two in the dance of life where like a tight rope walker; each gives weight to the other side.  This balance adds the feminine and the masculine.  Like when hot and cold are mixed together, there is a moderation in temperature.  Most people like hot showers, but if there is not at least some cold water, it’s painfully hot.

Men need to love their wives and not being harsh with them is showing them love.  Love is a verb – it’s an action, its what you do.  Saying I love you is important, but showing it by loving kindness, consideration, and a soft spoken tone is more important. You can scream “I love you!” but a tender, soft kiss tells your wife more than a hundred “I love you’s” ever could.  Women love to communicate while men are often silent, but when husbands take the time to listen, it births a godly love.  Our actions can show love and our tone of voice can show consideration, but talking with your wife and listening is perhaps one of the greatest things a husband can do.  And not while watching TV. Give her your wife your undivided attention, make eye contact, and just sit and listen to her – let her talk.  She doesn’t need you to interrupt to try and fix things (men tend to be problem solvers); she just needs you to listen to her quietly.  This tells her you value her opinion and that it’s important to you.  This shows the wife that you love her.

Wives and Husbands: Co-Heirs and Co-Equals

The last thing a wife needs is for her husband to be inconsiderate.   Tell her thank you for making dinner, washing your clothes or making the bed.  Why not take some of this heavy load off of her shoulders.  Listen to what the Apostle Peter tells husbands in I Peter 3:7:

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.”

Peter writes about the idea of consideration and treating them with respect.  Being considerate is doing things for them (e.g. the dishes), opening the door for them, cleaning out the litter box, and regarding her as better than yourself.  Treating your wife with respect is speaking to her as your equal.  Brag in public about her to others.  Women are not inferior and they should not be made to feel so.  Peter tells us under the inspiration of God the Holy Spirit, that the wife is a co-heir and is co-equal in God’s sight.  Treating her as a “weaker vessel” does not mean an inferior vessel.  Peter is only talking about physical strength and not her strength of character, worth, or value.  God is no respecter of persons meaning that He does not play favorites, so neither should husbands be a respecter of their wives just because they are a woman or their wife.

Not treating your wife with respect, not being considerate of her feelings, and not regarding her as equal before God, will hinder your prayers.  Who wants their prayers blocked?  No one, but husbands risk their prayers bouncing off the ceiling if they are not treating their wife with respect and being considerate of her feelings as a woman.

Loving Her As You Love Yourself

Ephesians chapter five is regarded as the biblical marriage instruction manual.  No amount of human reasoning can match the wisdom of the Holy Spirit and since the Bible is the inspired (God breathed) Word of God, we would do well to listen to God’s advice for marriage.  Ephesians 5:28 reads, “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”  In what same way is Paul talking about?  Reading the previous verses tells us in Ephesians 5:25-28,

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,  and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”

This “same way” is how Christ treats His church.  Paul equates loving the wife as we love ourselves.  This is not meaning an egocentric, selfish, self-serving love but the same way in which we take care of ours selves and in the same way we want to be treated.  If the husband runs all the hot water out of the hot water tank by taking a long shower, he is not loving his wife the way he loves his own self if she has to take a shower next.  Why?  He would not want someone using up all the hot water and then expecting him to have to take a cold shower.  If we are cold, we turn up the heat; if we are hungry, we eat; if we are tired, we rest.  So with this same regard that husbands have for themselves in taking care of themselves, husbands should treat their wives.

Redeeming Your Time Together

Solomon was, next to Christ, the wisest man that has ever lived.  He shared this wisdom about marriage too so we should read what he understood about marriage.  In Ecclesiastes 9:9 Solomon writes,“Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love

Ways To Love Your Wife

“Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love

, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.

I have heard some describe the marriage between a man and a woman as where the man married his best friend.  His wife ought to be his best friend.  Before couples get married, they are usually friends first.  Marriage is a divine institution – not a human one.  God intended that we enjoy each other.  Sex was created not just for procreation (children) but for marital recreation.  God doesn’t make mistakes. There is pleasure in loving someone of the opposite sex and it is always best inside of marriage.  The marriage bed is said to be undefiled.  That means that whatever takes place in the bedroom between a husband and wife is permissible.  God has given us our spouse.  He is sovereign.  It is no mistake that our wife or husband crossed our paths in life.

Solomon encourages husbands to “Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love.“  Enjoy your time with your wife.  Sacrifice a football game to go to an event that she enjoys.  Tickets at the 50 yard line may not be her idea of fun, but a night at the symphony might be.  She might remember the days before you got married that you went bike riding with her, took long walks in the evening, or loaded up the car with food and had a picnic in the park.  We should redeem the time with our wives because time flies.  We may never get a second chance at a second honeymoon, to renew the wedding vows, or to spend a weekend at a bed and breakfast.

The Faithful Husband

Husbands made a vow before God and before witnesses to love their wives unto death do they part.  God does not take that lightly.  Adultery is a very serious sin and God can not be mocked.  Husbands will pay severely with marital infidelity.  There is no room for compromise here. The lesson for husbands is to remain forever faithful to their wives.  Adultery, or even flirting with another woman which can lead to adultery in the heart, can shatter families, wreck a home, cause bankruptcy, destroy children’s faith in marriage, and can bring down the mightiest of men.  We return to Ephesians (5:3) again for Paul’s stern warning to husbands, as well as wives, writing:

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” Needless to say, committing adultery may be going past the point of no return in a marriage.   Exodus 20:14 is the seventh commandment where God warns couples to not commit adultery.  Ephesians 5:5 says: “No whoremonger, no unclean person has an inheritance in the Kingdom of Christ and of God.” Colossians 3:6, we are told that fornication, uncleanness, and inordinate affection will cause “the wrath of God to come upon the children of disobedience.”   Adultery can come from the heart as Jesus declares in Matthew 5:28, “Whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her, has committed adultery with her already in his heart.”

For husbands, adultery in the heart is one of the most frequent of problems in this society.  Pornography destroys lives and devalues women.  Pornography, unfortunately, is far too accessible; on the Internet, on cable, pay-per-view, TV, and in magazines.  Pornography is just as serious as adultery, for when a man lusts after a woman in their heart, they have in essence committed adultery.

Loving Your Wife Like Christ

Men are the head of the household in the biblical model, but Christ is the head of man.  Men are commanded to be the spiritual leaders- but not the spiritual dominators.  Few women that I have heard of where their husband loved them in a supernatural way, as Christ loved the church, have ever had any problem with submitting to them.  Submission is easier when the one to whom they submit loves them enough to sacrifice his own life for them – to the point of dying for them.  Marriage has been described as a miracle in itself because it takes two opposites with great difference and these two polar opposites must live together, co-exist together, and cooperate as one.

Ephesians 5:25-28 shows what type of love husbands ought to show their wives; “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her  to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,  and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” This is something that husbands can not do in their own strength.  It takes a supernatural empowerment by the Holy Spirit.  It is not within human strength, power or capacity to love someone like Christ loves the church.  In the foot washing, Jesus Christ washes the feet of the disciples.  Even though He is their Lord and Master, and very God, He was a servant.  He came to serve and not to be served. He gave His life as a ransom for His bride (the church).  Husbands:  good luck with this.  You will need God’s help in this but we are told to love our wives just as Christ loves the church.

Christ was also forgiving. Even while they were crucifying Him, He told God the Father to forgive them because they didn’t know what they were doing.  Husbands must be forgiving.  They can not hold onto past grievances like stock and bonds only to cash them in some day.  To bring up old issues is to not be loving their wives as Christ loved and does love the church.  He gave Himself up for us and so husbands must give up themselves – including their own interests – for their wives.  Husbands, love your wives like Christ loves you.  We always get into trouble when we say “you always and you never.”  These types of sentences are condemning and judgmental.  Absolutes like these make forgiveness impossible and tell them that things can never change.  Christ loved us while we were still enemies.  So husband must love their wives…like their own bodies, like a sacrificial lamb that Christ was, and like the mercy and grace we received.  There are fewer things a husband can do where a wife would not happily submit to their authority.  That is truly how to love your wife.

How Do You Show Your Wife Love? Share Some Examples In the Comments!


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{ 136 comments… read them below or add one }

Kris June 17, 2013 at 5:53 pm


Thank you for your acknowledgment as we all have trials in this life to go through with His care and strength…That you are willing to ”bear ‘ with and along side with a sense of empathy and like hearted sorrow is actually sadly comforting that we have this in common….but that is what living through this world is for believers. How desparately sad it is for those who know not the Lord who endure these painful things!.

Indeed I am casting off daily the ways that sorrow hits…and reminded in our sharing in His suffering for His name sake as well. Why suffer needlessly …Certainly Iel sorrow for those whose hearts are hardened and randomly wreck and ruin others lives thinking nothing of it ! They are in deeper trouble than they realize!

I am presently reading a book called the”The Death of Truth ‘ by Dennis McCallum which does a good job of laying out the way Modernism and then Postmodernism have been undermining all aspects of the society and structure of the godly order of the family as well as the faith.

It helps somewhat to understand what is going on in the world even as the Word has told us things would become darker and darker…thus those who are Jesus Christs in truth shine brighter….Now as we see the ‘New Age’ of ‘Post Christian ‘ era being what those of the world rejoice in …we are to pray even more fervently for those lost souls who will perish if they do not repent …

Thank you for your joining with many now who are in need of encouragement and support in going forward to obey the command to walk circumspectly and to pray for those who despite-fully use you….That you train up your children with the wisdom of GOD is a worthy and enduring testimony which I am sure is a blessing to all who know you .

Gal 6:9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

Our children were home-schooled…one of the sad things my husband did upon the graduation of our first child from a prestigious University with honors ..[pardon me for boasting ...I was so confirmed by this because our families of origin were not supportive and were concerned because they did not regard me as any kind of worthy teacher...I must say that 'my children learned more in their overcoming any of my own weaknesses or lack ! It was a true testimony to God's ability in the lives of children who are not ensnared by the government programs! ]

The sad thing was that my husband tried to give me a compliment, but belied his own lack of participation and involvement in the lives of our children when he said ‘ The children are all the product of my wife’!

HE meant it as a compliment which I took it to be, but it was sad …it was that he was confessing he had little or no involvement with their upbringing which is pretty much the case since he was AWOL from his family relationships because he worshiped his work and his adulteress.

This lesson is not lost on my children who have had to observe the two roads taken ,…I could not have hoped for a better means of contrast, but I grieve that it is the case for my husband to have this as his “legacy” so far…HE had EVERYTHING to have equipped him for a lifetime of having a beneficial effect upon anyone he had relationship with and he turned from it for the ‘bowl of pottage’ he now regrets.

I have had many things in my life I learned to forgive as scripture says but the pain of the situation is made somewhat more difficult since they had children and so the ongoing opening of the wound makes it more challenging even though forgiveness is ongoing and genuine.

His resistance to making any effort is as you have pointed out going to have to be by way of the Lord’s working it out …indeed ..I …am NOT God !

I have enough to do without trying to do HIS job too! Hahaha….His work IN ME is sufficient day to day .

Thanks again for your continuing to walk after the Lord ..there is NO other worthy to be Lord and so we will continue to follow Him.

Yes we will share in prayer for these ..and the many who are deceived in like manner..
Hugs sis.


Kemi June 17, 2013 at 11:25 pm

Hi again Kris
Your words are so true and well put. It IS hard to forgive when scabs are daily being removed. May Gods Spirit empower us. As I am sure you are aware it is impossible to live a christain live without being connected to the True Vine. Lets strive to stay connected so that He can do a work in us .
My husband has not got to the point where he feels he has wronged me or at least acknowledged it. From your text I feel thst yours is riddled with guilt. Both are being rebellious to repent and turn to Christ for forgiveness and to live for Christ. We both know that Christ does not desire for anyone to perish so we can pray for their souls.
Is there anything you can do to distract yourself from these hurtful things occassionally? Do you have true friends that are true believers of Christ? Not those who just profess Christ and live like they do not know there is a law to obey? If you do take some time out and spend time away from home, say one weekend. Spend the time enjoying yourself in Gods presence. You’ll come home refreshed. It doesnt even have to be far from home.
I look forward to that day when our Lord says ‘well done, my good and faithful servant’. Lets take our crosses and follow Him. No suffering on earth compares to the glory we will inherit. I look beyond this world and snticipate the day when our Lord reignes totally and there will be no more pain or tears.
May God remove these men’s blindness, we are not perfect either so may we learn and grow in character through our trials and may these men


Kemi June 17, 2013 at 11:29 pm

Sorry I pressed submit too soon. ……..and may these men take their places in their marital relationship as God had ordained it to be in our Lord Jesus Christ’s Holy name. Amen


Kris June 18, 2013 at 1:08 am

“We both know that Christ does not desire for anyone to perish so we can pray for their souls.”

Good point!

No connections here ….we moved to this state …then D Day hit….soooo…developing deep acquaintainces is rather difficult when needing to deal with reality and lean upon the Lord.

Good friends and family usually react with plenty of ‘advice’ which is well meant but often not wisdom based upon the truth of the Word. Emotional reactions are not much more use to us in our lives than they are in those who are acting upon feelings to identify “love” when they are struck by sinful urges.

I love your tender concern for those who are lost. So true ….prayer joining toward the saving of souls is also a good ‘remedy’ for our aching hearts. Reading the Hiding Place we see how Corrie Ten Boom lived through and overcame her trials.

In one of her accounts she tells of an encounter with a guard who tended the barracks where Corrie shared the small Bible with her fellow prisoners. At a meeting where Corrie was speaking the woman came up to ask her forgiveness for all the cruelty that she had brought upon Corrie and the others in her barracks.

She became a believer. Corrie asked her why she and the other guards did not come into the barracks at night when they were having their fellowship and the woman told her it was because of the FLEAS….This was pretty amazing …Back when they first arrived and discovered the fleas in the bedding Corries sister told her they should thank God for the fleas!

Things we see and go through are not always what we would choose but even as Joseph and Daniel and other held in situations among the enemy …God will work His work IN us and often the outcome is something so amazing we never could have imagined !

I am presently reading with an eye to observe and learn about these who were recorded in the Word who endured in faith THROUGH …despite the ways that those who mistreated them behaved…I try to take from these …what I may learn and how to do so as well…at least so far I have no fleas !


The “break ” i get is this ….Receiving the Word as I submerge myself in study and then RELEASE since just like the dead sea is dead because it has no outlet we need to share whatever comes up as we interact with those around us .

I have this when I shop for food…or am just out an about.I call my shopping at Costco….the First church of Costco! ….you never know where you will find some ‘fishies’ ….I go a fishing!

Jam 1:21 Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and RECIEVE with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls.

We “inhale” the Word and we ‘exhale ‘ the Word….so those with ears to hear may hear….and rejoice!

Bless your continued efforts to glorify the Lord and be sustained by HIM …who cares for you …HE has provided a table in the presence of our enemies….!

Psalm 23
King James Version (KJV)
23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.


Kemi June 18, 2013 at 2:02 am


Yet again I hear your words of godly wisdom.
I still pray that you meet a good and God fearing friend. It is a great joy when you can share and talk about the goodness of God. I have one friend like that and I enjoy the benefits so I want you to as well. I reslise the joys of fellowshipping with the brethren.
As I said I am in the UK so if we never meet on this side I hope to see you on the other side of God’s glory.
You children are adults or at least one of them. I find mine a great source of godly fellowship. I hope you do yours as well if they are within close proximity.
I must buy the book you mentioned -Hiding place. Sounds great.
God bless you sis.


Kemi June 18, 2013 at 2:05 am

Oh! Please don’t misunderstand me. Nothing replaces the joy we have in quiet fellowship in Christ and His word.


Kris June 18, 2013 at 2:47 am


Near or far we are ‘gathered together’ at the throne in the household of God ….we MAY meet one day . The Lord is full of surprises when we are His .

My daughters live with us …awaiting the provision of the Lord for their own spouses….

Great comfort these children . I pray they will have the blessing of a husband who loves God and who is devoted to being a family man ….and that they may have children …time is going by …they are now 29 and 23….this situation has brought up many things from the word to equip them …wisdom is precious.

I enjoy this fellowship you have extended to me here ..Thank you ..,it is an awesome site to enjoy some fellowship with people who are interested in seeking out truth and instruction from the scriptures in truth.

Hugs to you sis….


Kemi June 18, 2013 at 10:51 am

Bless you. Like you, I am encouraging my two to seek God in the area of choosing a spouse. Both are still at university. Remember its better to be late than sorry. We both know its a lifetime committment.
I married before I knew the Lord but the children know better thank God. I pray for them and im sure you do too. Oh and mine are 22 and 19.
Keep smiling and keep the faith.


nevergetit October 4, 2013 at 8:50 pm

So sad but my husband refuses to love me. He actually will purposely set out to disrespect me more after I tell him what he’s doing is rotten towards me. It’s as if he wants to make sure I see and fully understand how much he hates me. He has to drive the point home. He then says he’s sorry but will turn around and make me pay 3xs more for it by his abuses.
He claimed to be a Christian when I was about to marry him and he made it look good. The moment I said I do and we left the church’s parking lot he already begun the abuse. God has already shown His disgust with my husband but my husband almost enjoys the idea that God will punish him. It’s as if he wants to see if God is real by getting punished. He has ended up in jail for 12 hours! For abusing me and after the police said they believed he was lying to them, he called me saying “how could God do this?” Then right after he informs me he has in fact been cheating on me and was lying about other stuff. When he got out he went right back to his drinking, abusing me and looking up women on craigslist.
I have no family that loves me. Nobody has ever defended me and my parents were so horrible to me with abuse and much worse, I just don’t get it. Even to this day I am the scapegoat in my family. I speak up and it puts an easy target on my back. I will never experience love. Rejection, hatred, abuse, and manipulative controlling people is obviously my lot in life. I just want my husband to love me as Christ loves the church. I know unbelievers who are protective, loving, good listeners, and all around great husbands to their wives. Ugh. I don’t feel any better but at least I vented a bit.


Jack Wellman October 4, 2013 at 8:56 pm

How sad for you and how tragic for your husband. It is certain that this man was never soundly saved for Christians do not act like this (Gal 5, 1 John 3, Rom 12, etc.). Know this that he will face the wrath of God someday (Rev 20:11-15) and that technically you have biblical grounds for divorce, although I know that doesn’t help your suffering. I can say that you will hear these words some day in Matthew 25:23 “‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’” but tragically your husband will hear from Jesus (Matt 7:23-) “then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.”


A Beloved April 1, 2014 at 4:59 am

Good day, Nevergetit.

Greetings and peace to you in the name of The Lord Jesus Christ.

Please permit me to give some counsel regarding what you have said about your husband. This COUNSEL WILL WORK.

You should find some Scriptures that support your case to God for having a husband who loves you fully. We want The Father to answer your prayer, so when we pray, we pray according to HIS Will, and show Him His Word…which is our witness, and our point on which we stand.

There are many of such Scriptures. Then one I like to add in my prayers is Matthew 7:7…ask and you shall receive.

Find these Scriptures, and write them down.

Next, when you are ready to FINALLY take your case for your husband’s change before God, start with some worship and praise. To me, this is a VERY important part. Get on your knees, and worship the LORD. Psalms 22:3:

But thou art holy, O thou that inhabitest the praises of Israel.

So, this means that as you praise and worship The King, HE is IN your praises. He is RIGHT THERE, and you know it. Basically, God ALSO lives IN the praises of His people.

When you have felt the spirit of God, then you pray to the Father. (Remember, we pray to God the Father, and we present our petitions IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST). God cannot change. He has asked us to pray to The Father, in the Name of Jesus Christ. This is the protocol He has asked us to observe for answered prayers. So pray in this manner.

Now, as you go before God, choose your words carefully, and know you are speaking to Him. You do not need to even repeat your problems before Him. Pray literally means ‘ask’…the Bible teaches us that God already knows our problems before we go to Him in prayer. So you want to tell God that according to His Word, you are coming to Him, believing it is His will for you to live in harmony with your husband, according to these Scriptures.

Ask for what you want your husband to become/change to.
DON’T COMPLAIN TO GOD. He already knows your problems.

Now, this is an important passage. Mark 11:

24 Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. 25 And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

Notice the word WHEN ye pray. So, your prayer requests get granted WHEN you pray. AS YOU ARE PRAYING, it is answered. Believe it will manifest.

And when you have carefully, deliberately, with faith, made your requests known to God. Then give Him thanks that He has heard and HAS GRANTED IT TO YOU.


From now, you ONLY GIVE THANKS FOR GOD changing your husband. You don’t ask again, the next time He abuses you. Okay? You must follow this. Even when he abuses you, show your faith in God by still giving the SACRIFICE of Thanksgiving, that He HAS heard your prayer, and your husband is a better, kind, and changed person. From the moment you ask, BELIEVE in your spirit you have received your answer, and then give thanks. Remember, prayer is a purely spiritual activity.

I also think you should not tell your husband the wrong he does any more. HE KNOWS ALREADY. Don’t talk back. Can you make yourself do that? Just meekly accept the abuses(as long as its not life threatening).

Do not do this any more! :”after I tell him what he’s doing is rotten towards me.”

Okay? The Bible says that Godly wives can win over their husbands when their husbands observe their CHASTE conversation and godly behaviour.

You have voiced your concern that your husband treats you badly. Do you do the same in return? Do you also shout back? This must stop. When he mistreats you, he knows it. People often only fight with those who fight back. Stop fighting. Instead, force yourself to see the good God has done in your life. You probably have 2 working eyes, two hands, food to eat.

AND….STOP THAT NEGATIVE CONFESSION of not having anybody who loves you. Remember, what you say, you will have.

Jesus even said that we “should not resist evil”. Don’t try to fight evil yourself. Commit yourself to God, and ask for help from God. Basically, be meek enough to let people do wrong to you. I know it is hard hard hard. But in this case, you have put your case before God, so stop fighting for yourself!

Either the battle is in Gods hands or it is in your hands.

If you have committed it into Gods hands, then WAIT, for the Lords salvation for you. Okay?

And remember, don’t ask God again on another day to change your husband, because it will show that you don’t think HE heard you the first time, which is what a LACK OF FAITH is. Instead, give thanks, that He has done it. Even when you feel, I need to ask God for this again, please resist the temptation. God does not need to be reminded of things.

Also, don’t be complaining to others about your husband, now that you have gotten this advice. Make sure you dont take the issue into your hands and disrespect him right back. MAKE YOUR REQUESTS KNOWN TO GOD. As long as your husband is not trying to injure, maim you or kill you, try to be meek. BECAUSE GOD IS HAS HANDLED YOUR BATTLE, and CHANGED YOUR HUSBAND!

Give thanks, Sister. In all things, give thanks.

Stick with this counsel here, and you will return with the greatest testimony to the glory of the Lord.

If you want GOOD ADVICE on answered prayers, as well as the power of our WORDS, buy this book by Charles Capps called “Releasing the Ability of God through Prayer”. He also narrates a very similar story of a woman who had a similar problem with her husband. That is why I have tried to outline the advice he have that woman!

I highly highly highly recommend this book. Having answered prayers is one of the best things a human can have on earth. Get this book.

Follow this advice, and God will give you your solution.
In Jesus Name, Amen!

SISTER, REMEMBER, YOU CAN ONLY WIN THIS BATTLE BY FAITH. Even if you shed many tears, but remain unbelieving, you will not have the answer from God you want. But if you believe God…then you’ll see His salvation.

Let me summarise this with quoting:

“For we walk by faith, not by sight” 2 Cor. 5:7
“But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.” – Hebrews 11:6

I hope the administrator of this Blog might try to send this advice to ‘nevergetit’…in case she doesnt come back here to read it.

Praise the Lord!


nevergetit April 4, 2014 at 5:02 pm


There are so many things I need to address in your reply. First of all I am very concerned for you.Also,I ask that you please do not “give this advice” especially when it isn’t actually Biblically accurate. Sadly it is this perception “to meekly accept the abuse” that perpetuates abuse, especially within our church.

Jesus said,”Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you. The one who walks in the darkness does not know where he is going.” (John 12:35)

The apostle Paul says by nature we exchange the truth of God for a lie & in doing so, our minds become desecrated. (Romans 1:25-28)

Living with a man who chooses to live in darkness,who lies, twists & manipulates the truth & is to be the head of the household… it is stressful, confusing, crazy,& damaging to the children & wife God blessed this man with. It damages the children’s emotions, cognition, and even their physical health. I can attest to all of this, for myself as well. All this is not of God but of the devil. You are telling me to sit back and allow the devil to work destruction into the lives God sent His Son to die for. You are telling me to disobey God!

I honestly couldn’t get over how you come across condescending and belittling. “Okay?” You really believe the things you said & this concerns me deeply. You are to be Christ like, this reply does not reflect Christ Jesus.

You said:

→”And remember, don’t ask God again on another day to change your husband, because it will show that you don’t think HE heard you the first time, which is what a LACK OF FAITH is. Instead, give thanks, that He has done it. Even when you feel, I need to ask God for this again, please resist the temptation. God does not need to be reminded of things.”←

(Philippians 4:6)
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Contrary to your teaching, the Bible states we are more than OKAY to repeat our requests, okay?

(Psalm 5:3)
In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice;in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.

(Luke 18:1-7), Jesus tells a parable to show the importance of persevering in prayer. He tells the story of a widow who came to an unjust judge seeking justice against her adversary. Due to her persistence in prayer, the judge relented. Jesus’ point is that if an unjust judge will grant the petition of someone who perseveres in a request for justice, how much more will the God who loves us—“his chosen ones” Luke 18:7—answer our prayer when WE KEEP PRAYING? The parable DOES NOT teach, as is mistakenly thought, that if we pray for something over and over, God is obligated to give it to us.

The Lord promises to avenge His own, to vindicate them, right their wrongs, do them justice, & deliver them from their adversaries. He does this because of His justice, His holiness, and His hatred of sin; in answering prayer, He keeps His promises and displays His power.

Jesus gives another illustration of prayer in (Luke 11:5-12). Similar to the parable of the unjust judge, Jesus’ message in this passage is that if a man will go out of his way to provide for a needy friend, God will provide for our needs far more, since no request is an inconvenience to Him. Again the promise is NOT that we will receive whatever we ask if we just keep asking. God’s PROMISE to His children is a promise to MEET OUR NEEDS, NOT OUR WANTS. And He knows our needs better than we do. (Matthew 7:7-11 & Luke 11:9-13)

Both of these passages encourage us to PRAY and to KEEP PRAYING. There is NOTHING WRONG WITH REPEATEDLY ASKING FOR THE SAME THING. As long as what you are praying for is within the will of God (1 John 5:14-15), keep asking until God grants your request or removes the desire from your heart. Sometimes God forces us to wait for an answer to our prayers in order to teach us patience and perseverance. (Think of James 1) Sometimes we ask for something when it is not yet in God’s timing for our lives to give it to us. Sometimes we ask for something that is not God’s will for us, and He says “no.” Prayer is not only our presenting requests to God; it is God’s presenting His will to our hearts. Keep on asking, keep on knocking, and keep on seeking until God grants your request or convinces you that your request is not His will for you. Again, (Matthew 7:7 & Luke 11:9-13).

Here’s what you wrote;

→”Now, as you go before God, choose your words carefully, and know you are speaking to Him. You do not need to even repeat your problems before Him. Pray literally means ‘ask’…the Bible teaches us that God already knows our problems before we go to Him in prayer. So you want to tell God that according to His Word, you are coming to Him, believing it is His will for you to live in harmony with your husband, according to these Scriptures.”←

*I gave you scriptures above rebuking you here*
Adding some more tidbits; God wants us to be honest, He hates liars! Why should I choose what I will say instead of laying out all my heart on the feet of Jesus as He desires us to do? Nothing is hidden from Him so why would I pretend and say something not true to my pain, joy, etc?Prayers are a conversation with our Heavenly Father. If I “choose carefully my words” I wouldn’t be open, honest, or obedient. Yes, I said obedient. Prayer is a means by God supplying our needs and preventing us from taking God for granted. Think about the Israelites, while they were in the wilderness, God could have sent them enough manna at one time to last them for a month, but He chose to make them to gather the manna each day. This kept them CONSTANTLY PRAYING and believing and, yes, even needing. This brought a certain amount of growing love as each day they enjoyed the blessing of gathering the manna rather than just having that blessing monthly.

→”Ask for what you want your husband to become/change to.
DON’T COMPLAIN TO GOD. He already knows your problems.”←

Have you read Jeremiah, Lamentations, the Bible? Ever heard of Job? You seriously just said don’t complain to God, He already knows my problems?! I truly laughed but then realized you aren’t joking. Do you know King David? I’m certain he’d have a few words with you on your views here.In fact, many would.
Everybody has to vent and get things off his or her chest every once in a while. Psalm 13 is a lamenting Psalm, actually over 40% of the Psalms are lamenting! It draws us closer to God. In the end of every psalm they all end with trusting in and praising of the Lord. We are honoring God by taking our relationship with Him seriously.We are told to cry out to Him as our “Abba” Father which literally translated, means “Daddy.” (Romans 8:15, Galatians 4:6). This is so amazing and just a warm picture of how our daddy loves us! We don’t pray to give God “BREAKING NEWS” as we can’t tell God anything He doesn’t already know.We pray to invite God into our lives when we pray. Just like I invite a neighbor over for dinner to get to know them, I am inviting God into my life with my prayers.We experience deep fellowship when we pray,becoming “workers together with Him” (2 Corinthians 6:1). When we pray to God, He gives us the joy and privilege of working together with Him! He could do it without us. BUT WE CANNOT DO IT WITHOUT HIM!! What an amazing and wonderful blessing that God allows us the privilege of doing it with Him!!!! If we don’t get what we pray for,we pray more but also search our hearts to see what could be hindering it.It causes us to grow in the Lord.When we pray,it makes us dependant on Him. God never wants us to live lives independent of Him. If God just did everything for us and we never had to pray, soon we would begin to take things for granted. We would cease to depend upon God. It connects us to Him in agreement. That’s why we tell God what He already knows. He knows what we need or want before we ask, but we’re definitely told to pray and to ask and not to impress or inform God, but to invite God. So that we might have fellowship with Him, so we would grow & learn to depend upon Him.

If my husband is sinning and is causing the family to sin, it affects God. Sin damages relationships. Cain/Abel, Joseph/brothers, Rebecca manipulated Isaac and Jacob in stealing Esau’s birthright and Esau held a grudge against Jacob. Laban lied about his daughters as if they were mere objects. God shows us how damaging sin is. Let’s run down this path of the relationship between God and Israel. Oh how they angered Him. He longed for them, loved them, and begged for her to stop sinning and return to Him. Over & over & over again. Throughout the OT God uses marriage to describe His covenant/relationship with the Jews. In (Malachi 2:13-16) God rebukes Judah’s unfaithfulness & His call for her repentance. In this passage God hates when a husband has been treacherous & unfaithful to his wife. He also hates when her husband overwhelms her with cruelty due to his hard heart. God hates when her husband treats her disdainfully by throwing her away like a piece of trash. Do you remember Abigail? David married her after her husband dies of an apparent heart attack. He was abusive & cruel. God wants heartfelt repentance not just words. Change must occur. God TOLD them but they refused to listen, He repeatedly told them but they refused to become humble, repent, confess, & change. He divorced the Jewish people after much anguish & pleading. These men didn’t just know that they have done wrong, some have been given over to depraved minds, they were told numerous times by God! They needed their sin exposed and still they refused! Moses and Jesus both said they allowed divorce due to men hardening their hearts.

You contradict yourself here too. I’m not to rebuke my husband yet you do to me even though by your own words I should already know I am wrong so don’t need to be told. Also what about the verse (Matthew 18:15-17) for guidance in handling disputes?“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”

Oh-I should just meekly accept the abuse? What IS wrong with that statement? ummm… EVERYTHING!
Marriage is the first institution that God established between people. Both men and women were created in His image, as equal partners with different different roles (Genesis 1:27). A man is to be the head of his house (Ephesians 5:23;1 Peter 3:1). He needs to EARN the respect of his family and community.Women are the weaker heirs. (Colossians 3:19) commands husbands to love their wives and NEVER TREAT them harshly. Speaking harsh is ABUSE in the eyes of our Lord!
Never ever ever does it ever once say wives are commanded to love their husbands BUT husbands ARE commanded to LOVE their wives
“In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat her with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. If you don’t treat her as you should, your prayers will not be heard” (1 Peter 3:7).

Husbands are to love their wives as they do their own bodies. “No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church” (Ephesians 5:29).

Men are to be servant leaders, not demanding authority or submission, but treating their wives in such a way that submission becomes her natural response. “For even I, the Son of Man, came here not to be served but to serve others, and to give my life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:28).

Child abuse is strongly condemned by God. Discipline is important but its purpose should be to correct & lead the child to righteousness, not as a way of taking out anger out because you had a bad day. “And now a word to you fathers. Don’t make your children angry by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction approved by the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).

(Colossians 3:21)says, “Fathers, don’t aggravate your children. If you do, they will become discouraged and quit trying.” We should do nothing to destroy the spirit of our children, or destroy their innocence. Jesus strongly warns those who might cause children to stumble, or lose faith in Him (Matthew 18:6).

Guess what? In (Matthew 18:6) it says if you cause a little one to sin, you better go get a millstone, tie it around your neck & throw yourself into the sea. If you’re abusing your wife with YOUR WORDS your kids are watching & learning, you just caused them to sin! Not to mention little ones are any of God’s children, including the wife you’re provoking.
Not to mention the scriptures that address staying away from a hot tempered man or you too shall learn his ways.

(Proverbs 22:24-25)
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person,do not associate with one easily angered,or you may learn their ways & get yourself ensnared.

(Proverbs 15:18) A hot tempered person stirs up conflict, but an even tempered person calms a quarrel.

→★”Also, don’t be complaining to others about your husband, now that you have gotten this advice. Make sure you dont take the issue into your hands and disrespect him right back. MAKE YOUR REQUESTS KNOWN TO GOD. As long as your husband is not trying to injure, maim you or kill you, try to be meek. BECAUSE GOD IS HAS HANDLED YOUR BATTLE, and CHANGED YOUR HUSBAND!”★←

I already mentioned earlier about scriptures stating we are to bring the sinner to the church if they won’t listen but I will also mention that we are to bear one another’s burdens.

(Galatians 6:1-2)
Brothers,if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
This also touches on your “stop telling your husband he’s wrong” but you are directly telling me to disobey God!
(Proverbs 27:17) Iron sharpens iron and one man sharpens another.

→”AND….STOP THAT NEGATIVE CONFESSION of not having anybody who loves you. Remember, what you say, you will have.”←

I’m not speaking words to life here-I am stating the truth. No different than if you went to a doctor & they tell you that you have cancer. You wouldn’t keep it to yourself, you’d tell those you love & you definitely wouldn’t pretend it DIDN’T exist! You don’t just live in a fantasy world, you go and get help to heal that cancer. You speak about it to have others pray for you & possibly find a cure.

Jesus even said that we “should not resist evil”. Don’t try to fight evil yourself. Commit yourself to God, and ask for help from God. Basically, be meek enough to let people do wrong to you. I know it is hard hard hard. But in this case, you have put your case before God, so stop fighting for yourself!”←

First of all,in spite of God instructing to submit to the laws of the land, to be submissive, David feared for his life because King Saul went off on jealous rages. God didn’t tell David to submit to the king & trust God to take care of him. No, David fled. He respected Sauls authority but didn’t subject himself to abuse. (1 Samuel 18-31)
Jesus was born & king Herod wanted to kill all kids 2yrs old & younger. God told Joseph in a dream to flee to Egypt until it was safe to come back. (Matthew 2:13-15)
Rahab hid the Jewish spies, lied to the soldiers in order to keep the spies safe, God commended her. (Hebrews 11:31)
Jesus even fled for His own safety. (John 7:1) Jesus even challenged the Pharisees’ legalistic rules on the Sabbath. (Luke 14:5)
I’m leaving so much out but you realize now you are very wrong in your advice.

Verbal abuse can be extremely painful and damaging and its effects long lasting. It could be termed a “SILENT KILLER.” As with physical violence, verbal abuse can take many forms, but the goal is to change your self point of view. Verbal abuse is designed to make you feel powerless. Again, this is the work of satan.

It’s also against what the Word of God says about encouraging and lifting each other up. (1 Thessalonians 5:11 & 14),(Hebrews 10:23-25),(1 Peter 4:8-10),(Ephesians 4:29),(Ecclesiastes 4:9-12),(Act 15:32),and many many more.

(Proverbs 27:17) Iron sharpens iron & one man sharpens another.

→”Either the battle is in Gods hands or it is in your hands.If you have committed it into Gods hands, then WAIT, for the Lords salvation for you. Okay?”←

Wonder how the people in the Bible ever made it? Jesus was obedient unto death. Did He wait for God to take Him off the cross or did He obey & stay, doing what was His part? I absolutely trust in the Lord! I also know He puts people in place to do work for His purposes. Daniel, Queen Esther.How about Moses? Joseph, Israel, Isaac, Jacob, Jeremiah, Elijah, Elisha, Rahab,the woman at the well, David? You kinda see yet?
If people just sit around waiting for God to do everything, how then do you live out your faith with inaction? I don’t allow my children to play out in a freeway & say I have faith God will protect them. No, God gave me wisdom to know better. I had to protect my children from someone who abused them and I will answer to Jesus one day if I didn’t do my job in protecting them. If I lived by your advice I would go straight to hell allowing someone to harm them. Even before meeting the Lord I could face losing my children or going to jail for allowing abuse. It does not have to be physical to be abuse.

Many of my replies address many of your statements separately but collectively as well. I felt it would be redundant to repeat what I’ve said. I am very hopefull you will understand where you are wrong in your beliefs. That you would humbly accept a rebuke and become wiser still.

Please look into your heart, examine it.

♥{Psalm 9:7-12}♥

Whoever corrects a mocker invites insults;
    whoever rebukes the wicked incurs abuse.
Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you;
    rebuke the wise and they will love you.
Instruct the wise and they will be wiser still;
    teach the righteous and they will add to their learning.

 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,
    and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
 For through wisdom your days will be many,
    and years will be added to your life.
 If you are wise, your wisdom will reward you;
    if you are a mocker, you alone will suffer.


Kris April 4, 2014 at 8:02 pm

Good points Nevergitit


nevergetit April 5, 2014 at 10:21 pm

Thanks for your encouragement Kris. You have been a huge blessing to all who have read your posts!

Kris October 5, 2013 at 1:16 am


How sorrowful this is for you . Though you have not felt loving kindness from those who you would have expected to have cared the most for you. I find this most heartbreaking . I too have had many disappointing relationships in my journey ….but those who truly love the Lord will be brought across your life ….petition Jesus Christ to continue to shield you and to deliver you from harm.

You may have women’s shelters available in your location if things get too difficult or dangerous for you ..please do not hesitate to get help of this kind. The Lord works through people … as you follow what He teaches you in His word.

This following article was in my inbox today from Grace Gems and perhaps it will encourage you .

Broken, trampled, torn!

(J.R. Miller, “Help for the Day”)

“Life may seem a failure here, crushed like a lily under the heel of wrong or sin–broken, trampled, torn! But it may yet become a glorious success. Many of the truest and best of God’s children, know only defeat in this world. They are ever beaten back and thrust down. The burdens are too heavy for them. They are overmastered by sorrows. The world’s enmity treads them in the dust. They are not worldly wise, and, while others march by to great earthly success–they live obscurely oppressed, cheated, wronged, and lie buried away in the darkness of failure.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal!” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 ”

Your husband and those who are abusive will give account for their treatment of you …they need salvation which is one reason our Lord tells us to pray for them.

Mat 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

I believe He is just and perfect so He knows what to do with those who are lost and in need of repentance…and He knows how to protect you too!

I was once kidnapped and helpless and I asked Him to send me deliverance and He worked it out quite amazingly.

Hope in Him and act upon HIs wisdom.

Psa 18:3 I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies.

Sometimes that means to flee sometimes to hide in Him …..Ask Him and do what He directs you to do.

Faith acts.

Hugs and prayers for you, dear one !Shelter IN Christ.


nevergetit October 5, 2013 at 11:04 am

I didn’t even realize anyone would comment on what I had said. I need tonsay it brought great joy to my heart to see comments in the spam folder! Thank you for being an encouragement to me when I am down trodden. You have no idea how your timing worked out on my end. God is so wonderful!

I know what the Word says about husbands love and how it plays a role in the bigger picture. I just become frustrated that as clear as it is, my husband is blind to it and won’t even try to let it in. He will act the part with people who talk to him from church, he really likes to play this part. What he doesn’t understand is it is a big deal to our Lord. The lies, sneaky behavior, and hatred he bellows out will most definitely hurt him. His pebble has made a huge ripple in the pond, going on for generations even.
Last night he was absolutely horrible to me. He will repeat this cycle every time. Now he’s at the I’m sorry stage- I didn’t mean it-I don’t know what’s wrong with me stage. He never behaves this way to others. In fact he will throw me to the wolves protecting his mom, dad, sibling and even siblings wife! He only apologizes when I can give him something, or he needs something from me. It is always the same word for word apology. Every word he says is just a repeat.
Last night he yelled at me to shut up, shut up, shut up. He says with an evil look in his eyes that it’s my fault he’s this way. Yes, as he calls me boss. He always does this. Always tries to say things hoping to hurt me. I responded if I were your boss you wouldn’t get away with behaving like this. Seriously he treats his biss better than me.
It is the same game my family plays. If guilt won’t work than control, manipulation, and threats. Yet it isn’t their fault, it is mine for stepping up and defending myself.
I know he’s in trouble and it truly makes me sad. Both for now and for later.
The way I understand the marriage is that it’s in direct correlation to the Lord and His bride the church. If we can’t understand the importance of marriage, how on earth would we ever understand the importance of God’s love towards us? It’s the mirror image. I truly desire to submit to a Godly man. I cannot tell you how tiring it is to be the leader of the household. I wasn’t made for the job, it drains everything out of me because I am not equipped for the daily tasks required of a man. I can’t show my children the love only a mommy can give because I’m so tired, bitter and worn out. I know I’m cheating them out of so much. It breaks my heart. The whole system depends on the head of household, it’s amazing how much so.
Thanks for listening and responding!
Bless you all!


Kris October 5, 2013 at 7:24 pm


I think I want to have you change your name here to “Thelordlovesme”…or something like that .

I am empathetic to your situation because I have had similar treatment here in our marriage of now 33 years. I have come to realize that it is because the same spirit influences those who reject the Lord …or who know not HOW they are to live according to the way GOD has instructed us through the totality of His Word.

There is no reasonable excuse for a man to CHOOSE a woman and then ask GOD if he can have the jurisdiction of being a husband and then reject all of the commands to man for his own good for how to live in marriage and what the worth of the wife is in terms of that jurisdiction which is FOR HIS OWN GOOD!

The only explanation that I found was in the Word where it seems with the Fall man exercised the way sinfulness expresses itself through him being self centered and concerned and casting the blame for his sinful choices upon others…in Adam’s case it was Eve and ultimately GOD ! “The woman that YOU gave me ‘ …was the cause of all his misery and choices.

The truth is that the scriptures tell us that Adam was ‘with’ Eve even as she started to heed the serpent…oddly enough the ‘serpent ‘ representing the Devil is imaged as one of the beasts which Adam had previously been told to ‘take dominion’ over as he ‘kept the garden’ …he was not an obedient grounds keeper was he?

Also while he was ‘with ‘ Eve as she began this slide downward into disobedience he did not interrupt or remind her of the command as GOD had left this up to him in the jurisdiction of being the husband …the head or example of the Lord who was to be HIS lord …to ‘lead’ by knowledge of what the Lord who was HIS head told him and then to teach and example it to his wife and all others.

I cannot help but wonder what Adam was thinking as he stood by and allowed his wife to have a ‘discussion’ with a creature that Adam was supposed to deal with himself in the dominion of the garden.

I wonder if Adam did not also really WANT to take of the tree and eat of it but reasoned that if he was not the first one to disobey then maybe if the woman did ..since she was not present when God instructed Adam about the tree of knowledge of good and evil ..not being as yet taken out from Adam …then maybe God would ‘go easy’ on her….who knows…we DO know that when she was beguiled and took of the fruit of the forbidden tree of knowledge of Good and Evil that she turned and gave some to Adam and he ‘did eat’ …I do not see any hesitation on Adam’s part here.

So Adam did not obey the first orders from GOD to take dominion over all of whatever was in the garden ….and he did not stop Eve from disobeying GOD or even attempt to remind her of the commandment …so he ends up being the one accountable for this in his jurisdiction.

So too any man who is married as a responsibility for the provision and protection of the woman GOD allows him to have as a wife. HE will be accountable for this is his responsibility to GOD …to love His wife ..and to learn how to live with her by way of study of her …because GOD has told husband’s to be especially knowledgeable of their own wife…Because she is ‘the weaker vessel’ …this reference is not just to her frame physically we have seen many women who are larger and maybe stronger than men physically than a man …but this reference is to the way God designed women to be more sensitive emotionally …usually …than the way GOD designed man.

This sensitivity is useful in raising young children …and it was not intended for the man to take advantage of this attribute in women as some men do who are weak in character and ignorant of what true godly manliness is .

God intended the woman to be a reflection to the man of how he was doing in his growing up in the knowledge and admonition of the Lord …to measure his obedient learning of how to live and apply the first and second commandment.

However if a man or woman will not seek to learn how to love GOD as GOD intends us to learn ‘ if you love me KEEP my words..” “This is love …keep my commandments’ then they will not become adept or equipped to love anyone else.

Sadly humanism and sinful man has leaned to his own understanding and finds ‘loving others’ as he ‘loves himself ‘ more appealing and less difficult …because that is mostly by convenience and feelings rather than obedient self sacrifice.

God’s command to love comes into practice when we follow Jesus Christ as HE told us we need to do ” IF any man comes to me , let him DENY HIMSELF , take up his cross and follow me” …to ‘take up our cross’ implies we are to crucify the flesh …to die to self.

Marriage wherein people do not know this and only love by way of doing what pleases themselves or gets them the ‘biggest bang for the buck’ are not going to be satisfied very long as marriage does require selflessness , giving , and sacrifice.

I think women are not told to do this specifically because since a woman in Christ is willing and almost naturally will love sacrificially …since she is maternal …at least when not hardened by sin and a sinful world gone mad with the ‘freedom ‘ to sin.

Jesus came to make us free FROM Sin …and the law of sin and death .IF we are willing to heed His words and do them…”continue in my words and you will be MY disciples INDEED”

When one comes to Christ one should desire to walk in truth and to be hungry to be taught by the Lord through His words…to learn how to live rightly and thus not hurting others or oneself by wrong thinking and thus wrong behaviors.

So it is …when we married our husbands we may have thought we were marrying men who loved the Lord but it seems the enemy of the God we love and serve also loves to assault God’s kids….it is true of all of us …what hurts a parent most is when someone hurts his kids.

God is merciful and long-suffering not wanting any to perish there is a length of time for people to experience consequences of sin and to seek to turn from them and turn to the Savior IF they know about Him

IF they do know about Him and still choose to sin willfully …then consequences will not always be harsh enough to turn them toward the Lord but to become hardened and even more resolute against going to Him…it is the odd truth of sorrow unto death …worldly sorrow.

I remember as a child I ate some honey comb one night at dinner. It was said to be special since it was still in the comb. It has been said that honey is the most pure food and very healing …However that night unbeknownst to me I had the flu…I was so sick…it was the virus but I associated it for a long time after that with the honey I had eaten…For a very long time I could not even stand the smell of honey.

IT was not the honey that was the cause of my being sick but the association of being sick to my stomach still hung in my mind…

Later on I tried honey and loved it …so I outgrew this erroneous attitude I associated with the delicious food.

I think Satan wants people to have this same experience with the Word of GOD …they take ‘viruses’ of wrong thinking into their time where they may be exposed to the Bible ..or they listen to false teachers or apply false teachings and get ‘burned’ and then they blame GOD .

When we continue in pursuit of the Lord and study the scriptures He will soon correct all of those things IF we are willing to consider that the problems we have with GOD are not in Him at all but are a product of something we have had going on in us before we have ‘tried’ God.

The Lord Jesus Christ will be so patient with those who do not allow themselves to be deterred in their pursuit of corrections of both our own hearts ..and the things we took in from outside that were taught in His name.

The truth and Jesus never change…it is man that is in need of allowing the Word to cleanse us from wrong thinking ..wrong teaching …and all kinds of sinful perspectives that seek to cloud our sight of the truth and the Lord who loves us and gave Himself for us .

Expecting others to be what we had thought they should be will bring much sorrow if we count on what we see over the wisdom of GOD

The Word does tell us to judge …but “not by appearance …but to judge righteous judgement …’ …

Where do we go to find out how to do that? 2 Tim 3:16 tells us that ALL scripture is GOD BREATHED…or as Jesus said “Man does not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of GOD ‘

….2 Tim 3:16 goes on to tell us that ALL scripture does come “out of the mouth of GOD ” and that it is GOOD for DOCTRINE ..that is HOW to think and know GOD …it is good for ‘reproof’ and ‘correction’ …why ?

Because we all need this !

It is often what we do not know that leads us to want to learn and become teachable!

AND at last it says ..” which is instruction in RIGHTEOUSNESS” …so there we see we where we can go to learn how to ‘judge righteous judgment ‘ as the word says ..and lo and behold …it is so true ..that Judgment ‘begins at the house of the Lord’ even as we ARE that ‘house’ …and
“Know ye not that ye are the temple of the Holy Spirit’ …’your body is the temple’ so then …this kind of ‘judgment ‘ where the word works IN US …addresses our ‘beam ‘ first in ourselves.

Having seen the ‘beam ‘ that we have going on in our own we then become able to see whatever is common to all who have been born into the world ‘dead and in ‘trespasses and sin’ …it works in many ways for the benefit of our own lives and that of others.

And too we can appreciate the struggles people have and have compassion as we are in our own walk learning to submit to GOD and what he tells his kids.

All of this to say that our husbands have been given a HUGE jurisdiction and responsibility ….it is the Devils aim to get to the CHILDREN as GOD told fathers to teach and train their children up in the way that they should go!~

God has invested in men …MALE s ….I make the distinction because in our culture the attack upon gender has been enormous …and it is for this reason I note that GOD intended man to be representative and governor upon the earth of his own family .

Also if a man does not know how to govern his own life by Jesus Christ then how will he lead a wife or train up children.

The powerful influence of a MAN as he is in the image of GOD that even an unbelieving man WILL have the most influence upon his own children …in all that he does.

If he defaults and surrenders the jurisdiction of his own children to others..he is then going to be accountable to GOD ALMIGHTY for WHO and WHAT he has allowed to train his children!

This is a huge and horrible thing to learn for those who have abdicated their responsibility in this area.

The godly pattern of a father for daughters was to provide until she married …and to protect not only her life and condition physically but to protect her from young men of weak character who would take advantage of her emotions and thus awaken her emotions …thus potentially breaking her heart!

This as we can see is a HUGE responsibility and ignorance of it has caused MUCH devastation in children and marriage . Men do not know about this ..and have been led to think of their purpose in life is to be happy, comfortable and entertained.

God’s purposes for making ..and then for genders specifically designed with certain jurisdictions in all venues of culture is only made clear in His word.

Apart from Biblical truth we are left to drift upon cultural norms which serve the flesh and ultimately the god of this world.

The man who does not realize his place in the order of GOD and family is missing out and is ultimately leading his kids away from GOD to think they do not need GOD to get a life that is free of responsibilities ….and thus lose the benefits that responsibilities work into a life.

Life that is ‘free’ of responsibilities soon lacks a sense of purpose and value ..and in today’s world it is the ungodly that seek to take advantage of those who do not see the value of learning how GOD would have us learn to live life with purpose and responsibility.

OUR jurisdiction in Christ is to do all things AS UNTO HIM …that takes our willingness to learn and then carry out what HE has told us

Marriage to an unbeliever is very difficult ..many married thinking they were marrying men or women who were true believers because many of us lacked understanding of what that looks like.

SO them many young people have grown up without seeing what a godly marriage looks like …overcoming and growing in knowledge and righteous living they dispair of marriage or mock it …they do not know what it takes …and many marry with false expectations of a fantasy which breaks their heart and causes them to abandon their vows…and marriage all together in some cases.

This is the Devils aim …to steal , kill and destroy the heart and soul of man …woman and family …to bring us to nothing ..

Jesus Christ came that we might have LIFE and have it more abundantly …many have taken this to mean monetary gain …but godliness with contentment is GREAT gain is the truth because a life lived godly will flourish and satisfy when all other things fail.

I pray you will be encouraged to trust in the Lord despite the losses your husband is experiencing even as he THINKS he is gaining .

I wish he could meet my husband who has seen ALL of what he once gloried in disappear and now is dealing with the sorrow that I pray will result in his going to GOD to repent…but pride dies hard…yet GOD is still on His throne and Christ will never leave us …so we have HOPE as we turn to obey HIM and do as he tells us to do.

Hugs for your present healing my sister…keep on looking unto the author AND THE FINISHER of our salvation ..JESUS CHRIST the righteous!


Dan October 5, 2013 at 8:05 pm


I am sorry for your situation. I agree with Jack – you do have Biblical grounds for divorce if that is your choice.

But sister, God loves you. You are an important child to him. You are not less than your husband, you are his equal and equally loved by God. Christ died for you to set you free. You have been given full authority from the beginning to rule and subdue the earth and all it’s creatures. Your husband IS NOT to rule you. Don’t let him. Your authority comes from Jesus Christ to follow Him and no one else. Yes, you need to be kind, gentle, respectable, and charitable towards others BUT you are not to allow them to drag you down, nor cause you to sin. There comes a point when we simply have to “shake the dust from our feet” and let that person go their own way. You are accountable ONLY for YOUR own sin, and no one else’s. God created man and woman equal. Do not let someone else weaker your faith. Be strong in Christ, He will give you strength, He is your Help, He is your Savior.


Jeanette December 14, 2013 at 4:13 pm

I grew up in a very dysfunctional and abusive home.
My mother became a christian early in their marriage. Aside from the fact that she is a christian, she has always displayed a gentle, meek spirit Not to discredit her character or the work of the Holy Spirit in her life, I believe she also had a timid, broken, beaten down spirit that contributed to her nature. She grew up extremely poor, with a father that had a girlfriend and her mother seemed okay with it. She was sexually assaulted once by her older brother and spent the rest of her years at home trying to just avoid him. No one in her family believed her claim. Then she married my father. Ironically in church. who was very abusive.(he later said” he went to church to find a good woman, he didn’t want a bar-fly”). He drank and became an alcoholic early in their marriage. He later dabbled in drugs. He was very violent, and abused her in every way including physically. There were bouts of abandonment, where he would leave for a time. The longest being a couple of
months. He was verbally and emotionally abusive toward my sister and I. My twin sister and I were born at the beginning of their second year of marriage. He went to the bar while we were being born. He was disappointed that we were not boys. He later many times in front of us said (yelled) that he doubted that we were really his. I think he said this only to hurt my mother. He accused her all the time of having affairs. When the truth was it was he himself having the affairs.
My mom put up with this behavior because of her low self-worth, raised with the notion that “men will be men” a wife just has to deal with it. He also threatened, that if she ever left he would either kill her or take us away from her and that she would never see us again. She also believed that as a Christian it was her duty to submit to her husband no matter what. To win him by her godliness. She worried that if she left and did not continue to be the loving, praying wife, and he died not knowing Christ, she would be held responsible in part for his soul going to hell.

I’m in my second marriage. (it’s not good). The first ended in divorce after 8 years of abuse including physical.

I have been married to my second husband for 24 years. We have 4 children (23,21,18 and 16) I had a mis-carriage during my third month before my third child.
We have had a very tumultuous marriage from the beginning. I am married to a man with a very strong, high-strung type A personality that can easily over-ride mine.
My husbands parents were still together, raising their 4 children in church and with biblical standards. He seemed sound. in so many ways more so than myself. He came from an in-tact, christian family, which seemed healthy and stable. He was and is very honest in his dealings with his family of origin people and life in general. Generous with helping his mother, siblings and extended family with his time and money. Very knowledgable about God’s Word. (Many scriptures committed to memory). He is very aggressive, driven and dedicated to his work ethics. Unlike my first husband he stays employed. His work performance and dependability seems of upmost importance.

We, his immediate family have experienced angry outburst. Too many to be numbered. Hard, harsh standards. That frustrate us and him. He seems to be a perfectionist and judges even himself by a higher standard than he can keep. He lives frustrated and angry at himself and us. He is fairly intolerant at something or someone(especially me) slowing him down; getting in his way; not being accommodating enough to his needs; having a different perspective or opinion; not being compliant, or submissive enough with things he has said needs to be done in the way he expects or has instructed. He says I am insubordinate and dis-respectful to him. Hyper-sensitive, and impossible to please. That he can never get it right. That we fight because I have to make my point. That I just can’t ever let it die. I have explained that a lot of the time my opinion isn’t entirely different than his, but his delivery is often the problem. He reminds me of this often. “I know I can’t say anything right”
He has told me since the beginning of our marriage that I disagree with him because I enjoy taking a opposing view or playing the devils advocate. I just want to be different for the mere sake of being different and that there is no way I could really think that way. He constantly tells me He honestly thinks that I like to start fights. He has told me hundreds of times that he doesn’t believe I could really think or feel a certain way, and has said more than a few times that he will never “buy it” not now, tomorrow, or ever! That I am crazy if I think he’s going to believe it. If these things were said once or twice I could rise above it, but its been our way for 24 years.
He gets angry or frustrated very easily, sometimes out of the blue over something the rest of us thought nothing of, or traffic or…
When he is “communicating” angry or instructionally, he is pacing, waving his arms around, raising his voice or yelling, pointing his finger. I feel like I am his step-child. No where near in an equal relationship with him as his wife. I feel this way in general even if he is not mad.
Hi is pretty critical and judge-mental of people, (of himself as well), and has an overall pessimistic attitude.
He has told me so many times that it’s never going to change, that we are hopeless to ever get along. That I don’t understand him and he still doesn’t understand me. I guess I have accepted this. I’m believing that he is right.


Jack Wellman December 14, 2013 at 5:13 pm

Hello Jeanette. How sad for you and how tragic for your husband. It is certain that this man was never soundly saved for Christians do not act like this (Gal 5, 1 John 3, Rom 12, etc.). Know this that he will face the wrath of God someday (Rev 20:11-15) although I know that doesn’t help your suffering. Have you spoken with your pastor about this. I believe this man is not saved at all. My hope is that you will hear these words some day in Matthew 25:23 “‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’” but tragically your husband will hear from Jesus (Matt 7:23-) “then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.”


Kris December 14, 2013 at 8:56 pm


What hell people who learn their ‘theology’ from examples of those who may be in a church like the leodicians ….lording over others and thinking it is their necessity as well has holding a fleshly standard of holiness above that which GOD has set but it is to be done by way of the HOLY SPIRIT working in us .

Condemnation …by self or others is not according to the truth of the way GOD tells us ….the Work of GOD is that we believe… is HIS work IN us as we put on HIS WORD.

Submission is to HIM ….to HIS WORD ….and those who read or hear the word ‘submit’ and then take off on their own idea of how that works do ERR.

Jesus answered his followers who asked about how to lead among believers…..His answer…

Mat 20:25 But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them.

Mat 20:26 But it shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister;

Mat 20:27 And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant:

Mat 20:28 Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister, and to give his life a ransom for many.

Same witness of scriptural truth in Mark 10 and Luke 22.

15 So hast thou also them that hold the doctrine of the Nicolaitanes, which thing I hate.

16 Repent; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will fight against them with the sword of my mouth.

The Nicolaitanes basically developed a system where some men were ‘over’ others…exercising control and dominance….It would appear that GOD HATES anyone taking HIS place of lordship over others.

The more we submit to the Lord’s WORDS we will become more and more aware of our own necessity to submit to GOD even to the expense or loss of relationship with those who oppose GOD and even themselves!

We must obey GOD rather than men at the last.

We submit to GOD for His namesake and for His honor.

In marriage we may honor our husband and obey but not in terms of opposing the Lord and what He directs in His Word .

Some who teach or HEAR with selective hearing …will not notice this verse…..that is recorded and addressing BELIEVERS ….JUST PRIOR to the instruction to wives..

21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

This is TO ALL believers ….it is how we are enabled to walk…because the flesh is just not sufficient to carry out what GOD works IN those who love HIM and ‘eat’ His Word and then walk IN it .

Jhn 6:63 It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.

The carnal minded man or the natural man is ill equipped to walk by the spirit of GOD.

Rom 8:7 Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be.

1Cr 2:14 But the natural man receiveth not the things of the Spirit of God: for they are foolishness unto him: neither can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.

Spiritual weakness and inability is due to lack of knowledge and obedience to the Word ….and / or …wrong teaching or wrong understanding.

Some people who believe they believe GOD are simply not obeying His command to learn OF HIM …to ‘eat the bread of life daily’ ….”to put on the whole armour of GOD….” that is the WHOLE ….of the content of the Word of GOD .

Deception of those who think they are following Jesus Christ of the Bible is due to their not KNOWING HIM through His WORD .

Hsa 4:6 My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children.

NOTHING empowers a Christian but Jesus Christ….so going TO church instead of being OF the Body of Christ has hindered many who have not been taught the difference.

The scripture where Jesus tells those who approach Him saying ” Lord, Lord ….

21 Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.

22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?

23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

The word ‘know’ here is significant. The word ‘to know’ is used to convey the meaning of ‘impregnating ‘ ….such as Adam ‘knew’ Eve and she conceived ‘ …it is to know to the end of a birth.

The word of God is referred to as seed….”incorruptible seed’ …which never dies.

It is the Word OF GOD heard and believed on that brings for that new birth ..or to be born ‘again’…

The first birth is flesh …to be ‘born again’ is to be born of the spirit of GOD through HIS ‘seed’ …who is Jesus Christ who is the WORD .

To hear the Word and believe on that Word is to receive that word of GOD with meekness …it will bring forth according to his kind….SPIRIT.

Jhn 3:6 That which is born of the flesh is flesh; and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.

Jhn 4:24 God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.

To “worship’ is referring to HOW one lives …there is NO life or spirit of GOD in one who has not received and believed that Word …./ Spirit .

1 Cor 15:39 All flesh is not the same flesh: but there is one kind of flesh of men, another flesh of beasts, another of fishes, and another of birds.

40 There are also celestial bodies, and bodies terrestrial: but the glory of the celestial is one, and the glory of the terrestrial is another.

41 There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars: for one star differeth from another star in glory.

42 So also is the resurrection of the dead. It is sown in corruption; it is raised in incorruption:

43 It is sown in dishonour; it is raised in glory: it is sown in weakness; it is raised in power:

44 It is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body. There is a natural body, and there is a spiritual body.

45 And so it is written, The first man Adam was made a living soul; the last Adam was made a quickening spirit.

46 Howbeit that was not first which is spiritual, but that which is natural; and afterward that which is spiritual.

47 The first man is of the earth, earthy; the second man is the Lord from heaven.

48 As is the earthy, such are they also that are earthy: and as is the heavenly, such are they also that are heavenly.

49 And as we have borne the image of the earthy, we shall also bear the image of the heavenly.

50 Now this I say, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; neither doth corruption inherit incorruption.

Rom 8:13 For if ye live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live.

The WAY to ‘mortify the DEEDS OF the body ..” the flesh is to submit to GOD ….resist the devil …and he will flee …’ and that is FOR A TIME,..even with his efforts to tempt Jesus Christ after the 40 days in the wilderness …He would proceed to test Him…JESUS always spoke the Word of GOD …”IT IS WRITTEN”

Without the WORD being our daily bread and our life we become weak in the face of our flesh …the world and the devil and all that means as revealed to us through the knowledge of the WORD.

If your husband believes IN God …the devils also believe IN God.

But there is a difference in those who are believers OF GOD

They do not just believe there is a GOD but they believe GOD.

They have searched and pursued the Lord to understand through His spirit what they read…They have done as Hebrews says ..”Hbr 11:6 But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.

It is the prompting of the Holy Spirit…through the Word of God hear and heeded that draws us to Jesus Christ and to seek out what He says in His Word .

Many religions deceive men into believing they “KNOW” God.

The Lord turns the tables…it is not enough for US to think we know HIM but does HE know US …in the way that that word indicates …that we are BORN OF His spirit ..through the incorruptible seed of His WORD ,received and believed …and leaned upon as we go through our lives.

Many THINK they KNOW who GOD is …but this verse should cause them to reexamine what they think they know.

Mat 11:27 All things are delivered unto me of my Father: and no man knoweth the Son, but the Father; neither knoweth any man the Father, save the Son, and he to whomsoever the Son will reveal him.

And the second ‘witness’ of the Word …

Luk 10:22 All things are delivered to me of my Father: and no man knoweth who the Son is, but the Father; and who the Father is, but the Son, and he to whom the Son will reveal him.

The Son ‘reveals ‘ the Father THROUGH THE KNOWLEDGE of the WORD of GOD which GOD ‘breathed’ upon holy men of God who spake as they were moved by the Holy Spirit.

It came NOT by the will of man .

We need to learn FROM HIM as we obey the command to ‘keep ‘ His Word …aka His commandments…..for ALL scripture is God breathed according to 3 Tim 3 :16

We do not have to be pounded by error of the deceit of fleshly doctrines of men and traditions…we may be equipped to KNOW what is truth by way of the ‘sword of the spirit’ which is the WORD Of GOD.

1Jo 4:8 He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.

1Cr 13:4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,

Saying all this , be aware ….

Pro 9:8 Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee.

Gal 6:1 Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.

I remember learning as I was homeschooling something practical …without relationship …correction will not be received…It is another version of the idea that “people don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care’

Having said that …I have experienced through sharing the word for many years…the those who are not submitted to GOD and know how HE is trustworthy and loving …are not going to receive from a human anything which does not massage their ego .

The ‘itching ears’ syndrome has prevailed over many …inside and outside the church …For someone to desire correction that GOD has to offer they have to realize they NEED it .

Until we have recognized the desperate state of our flesh …as it will never ‘achieve’ the holiness required of GOD …a person may become a harsh taskmaster …believing he might ‘improve ‘ himself enough to be counted as righteous.

It is the lie.

The Law of GOD is to bring us to the point of seeing this .

It is the schoolmaster which brings us to Christ.

Gal 3:24 Wherefore the law was our schoolmaster to bring us unto Christ, that we might be justified by faith.

That faith WITHIN ….the WORD then works it’s work and enables us with GOD’S guiding wisdom and instruction….in right living.

2Ti 3:16 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:

Those who love GOD …love this Word …

The ‘offense’ is Jesus Christ….not people who walk in Him

It is the spirit of Christ which offends those OF the world.

1Jo 4:6 We are of God: he that knoweth God heareth us; he that is not of God heareth not us. Hereby know we the spirit of truth, and the spirit of error.

The spirit of Christ agrees with what the Word says …it is not offended by it .

1Pe 2:7 Unto you therefore which believe he is precious: but unto them which be disobedient, the stone which the builders disallowed, the same is made the head of the corner,

1Pe 2:8 And a stone of stumbling, and a rock of offence, even to them which stumble at the word, being disobedient: whereunto also they were appointed.

As for you, keep following the Lord …stay IN the Word daily …for in the long run who knows how your faithfulness to the Lord may be YOUR testimony …that is what you are accountable to THE LORD…..and no other.

1Pe 2:12 Having your conversation honest among the Gentiles: that, whereas they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works, which they shall behold, glorify God in the day of visitation.

1Pe 2:15 For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men:

16 As free, and not using your liberty for a cloke of maliciousness, but as the servants of God.

17 Honour all men. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honour the king.

18 Servants, be subject to your masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward.

19 For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.

20 For what glory is it, if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God.

May I say how I understand how difficult it is to live with people who mistreat you …but we have victory with following after Jesus Christ …NONE of their accusations STICK if we have taken to submit to the things we have learned from the Lord as we have studied His Word and done all heartily as unto Him

Sooner or later …here or in eternity we will be appropriately dealt with my our Lord and Savior who paid for all our sin and has continued to walk with us through this world through all eventualities for HIS glory and OUR good …our maturity …and we can TRUST HIM …when all others betray or disappoint us .

Hard now maybe …but we are to endure and stand our post….for He is faithful who has called us to His kingdom.

Bless and keep you dear sister.


nevergetit December 15, 2013 at 3:24 am

Sometimes my email never shows an email and then all of a sudden I have them all there as if they were just waiting for me all along.
So I apologize for not responding!

I have been in a rollercoaster of sorts with every emotion and physical actions. I have now myself become a part of the problem. Kris your email made a lot of sense, opened some things up for me. I now need prayers and I need to claw my way back to where I once stood with the Lord.
I’ve fallen so far due to this abuse. It is my own doing, do hear that I’m not laying the whole blame on him, but it is his actions that have caused a great deal of depression for me. I so often wonder how the prophet Jeremiah handled his daily life. I feel so angry and sad at myself for allowing myself to get where I am today. I promised my heavenly Father to raise, care, and train His children in the way they should go and not turn from it as they become old. I hardly pick up the Bible these days, even worse is when they beg for me to read the Word and pray I just can’t do it. I don’t even understand my own actions! I do see these things as major attacks on not just myself, but truthfully I believe in my heart of hearts it’s attacks destined directly for my children. Satan knows he has to hurry and by the looks of just our country, he knew where to make a direct hit…the family. Just knock out the head of house and every single thing falls.
I need, no, I MUST change my ways for my children’s sake. I see so much but yet don’t do. God gives me dreams, He has blessed me so many times with amazing gifts of visions. Yet I do the dumbest things, I don’t obey Him!
It is my husband’s job but since he refuses it I must take the reigns and move forward towards the Lord with a sound resolve. I just need to stop being so sad and caught up in kyself as well. The way I see it is I too am living selfishly, even if it is justified reactions from abuse I am making a sound decision to ignore my duties to the Lord and my children. Please pray for me on these things. I don’t want to watch my life ebb away just because I became lazy.
I truly love you Pastor Jack for your help and providing this blog and all your time. You give sound advice with amazing teachings. I must admit it is not my first time getting an uplifting and encouraging response from you on different issues. You are the one my brother who will hear verily clearly “well done my good and faithful servant” and rightly so! Now if we can just give out some sort of medals ;-)
I’m very serious about you being there for many people in need and being that much needed light of guidance in this deeply dark time.
Bless you and all of you for your wisdom and kind helpful insights! Dan too!
Please be in prayer for me and my kids. Even my husband-I too hate the idea of he perishing, no matter his crimes, I am part of him and will always love him.


Jack Wellman December 15, 2013 at 3:06 pm

My friend…your very last few sentences reveal to me plainly that God lives within you, like it does Kris too. I am moved to tears by your loving devotion to a many who is not and that shows my you have the heart of Christ and He lives within you. I will continue to pray that God convicts your husband of his sins and trust in Christ to repent and is spared God’s judgment. What a faithful woman of God you are!


Kris December 15, 2013 at 4:05 am


Don’t be too hard on yourself . Our walk IN Christ is also being orchestrated BY HIM AS we walk according to what we know and then offer up to Him

“HELP , LORD!” is a common and good thing to ‘cast all our care upon Him’ …THINK …How would you feel if your children needed help and they refused to allow you to give it to them …especially for a task that they took upon themselves that was MORE than you asked of them or that you had prepared them for as yet.

It is hard for us in this society where we are pushed to expect so much MORE of ourselves than we may even be equipped to accomplished.

So many rewards seem to be lavished upon those who perform as the world would have us believe….just try to remember …what is displayed on media or even put forth in print is often HYPE.

It has been said that if the devil cannot hinder your progress he will get behind you and PUSH!

How many women who are stay at home mom’s, homeschool mom’s or just any woman challenged with today’s various ‘images and icon’s of ‘success’ feel inadequate!

How many men also have to deal with the in your face ways that the world insists a ‘real man’ should be …

ONLY God gives us the proper guidance and information …and equipping .

Saying “no’ often is experienced in us as being untalented, uncoordinated, unorganized and just not able to ‘compete’ with the world’s view of ‘success’ !

OK then …I have admitted to the Lord …I believe that my place in the body of Christ is to make OTHER women feel like really great homemakers, housekeepers, mom’s , YOU name it …I am ‘just here for contrast”! …To that the still small voice came back ” NOW you’ve GOT it ….’ …Jesus Christ WAS here to CONTRAST what HIS truth and view is of ‘success’ ….It was to empty Himself and DIE in service to His Father!


So then …’deny yourself , take up your cross , and follow ME” takes on a whole new set of perspective.

No wonder the Lord told us that we are not to compare ourselves among ourselves because it is ‘unwise’

The whole world and media works to have us feel inadequate …unless we have won a gold medal …[something a close friend of mind in grade school became the first to do and the youngest' ....consequently her youngest brother had a LOT to overcome in terms of how he was going to 'make ' his mark on society.....still awaiting his decision about Christ...could be the first in his family to actually NEED the Lord enough to respond! ]

I divert….the thing is that the world , the flesh and the devil wants us to look in our mirror and see flesh that is less than …and may be …by the world’s standards [ I use the term loosely ] we do not compare well to the world ..and for that …as we come to know the Lord and what HIS standards are we should be THANKFUL .

God did not make us all like cookie cutters! We are diverse! The government school curriculum is DESIGNED to empty uniqueness out of us and to form us all in the image of the ‘worker bee’ ….

I digress again.

The thing is that if GOD is working IN us as we put on His Word then we are not to be anxious about ANYTHING !! Hark that is tough but it is a must for us to constantly adjust our mental compass to think about ourselves as HE sees us….and HE is our SAVIOR who gave HIS OWN LIFE in order for us to RECEIVE His love!

Wow….I know I am constantly getting back out of the ditch of the various things I have fallen for in terms of all that the world has fed us through false teaching…media …advertising and various interactions that had nor have anything to do with the truth.

I always thought my family of origin was ‘normal’ …but it seems as I learn more from the word that the fallen world has made all families dysfunctional to some degree.

I did not grow up knowing ANY ‘true christian ‘ families…I am catching up ..and that is something I have found hard to be patient about …I wanted and thought I could be “Paul’ …instantaneously…..Patience has to have it’s perfect work…I just wanted it YESTERDAY LORD!

Hahahah,…keep on trucking and tracking your thoughts to the Word…us ladies are designed to be sensitive emotionally and we get worked overtime in the fallen world if we forget about this exhortation….

2Cr 10:5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

Practice , practice, practice…and we have to HAVE the Word in us to do this ….just keep on ..

Jhn 8:31 Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed;

We must continue to continue….and that is how the race is run…

I wish I could say that this was ‘transferable’ to our hubbies….they must come to their own decision to follow the Lord.

And one thing I came to have to realize a while back …I am not God …and even as I would love to think my ‘example ‘ of my walk would inspire someone to come to Christ….the truth is that SOME who SAW Him …walked with Him …and observed Christ…did not believe!

Shocking …! but we are still to follow Him as He has instructed us to do for our own good ….it is protective to trust in Him ..and trust is built upon our obedient investing our time , energy and affection in hearing Him through His Word.

Stay the course my sister …you are precious in His sight.

Psa 84:11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield: the LORD will give grace and glory: no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.

1Pe 5:5 Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.



Kris December 15, 2013 at 4:53 am

PS…I think you can change your name here from ‘nevergitit’ to ‘carecaster’ because we are daily beginning….every day a new beginning …casting your care upon HIM because HE cares for YOU!

When you came to confess Jesus Christ as Lord ..believing GOD raised Him from the Dead..and that HE is your Savior ….from the wrath of GOD due our fallen condition …YOU became CLOTHED in HIS righteousness.

We do not need to be measured by the puny ‘measure ‘ of this world’s opinions….but we are given the full measure of what Christ gives to all who have come to HIM

I know what you mean when you said ‘claw your way back’ but we already are “There’ when we are IN Christ….our walk is here and with a learning curve…but IN Christ we have all that HE IS….and thus we are called to follow after Him but we are presently spiritually SEATED in the heavenlies…

So …just some food for thought….

1Jo 3:2 Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.

We do not compete with anyone …but we allow GOD to shape us as we listen and take heed to His words which are supplied to us for exhortation…strength …correction …for our good and His glory

Smiling with you in the One who is THE WAY, THE truth and the life…eternally!

1Cr 15:57 But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

1Jo 5:4 For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith.

2Cr 4:7 But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.

Our spouse is not our savior …but our fellow and companion through this world …whom we are companions toward the eternal kingdom as we trust and grow in Christ.

As Jimmy Evans stated in “Marriage on the Rock ” …we become disappointed when we try to squeeze Jesus out of our spouse…’ “I make a sorry “Jesus ‘ but I am a good ‘Jimmy’ ….

Only Jesus can deal with all that we need…spouses need to recognize they are not on opposing teams! Sadly in today’s culture ..the ‘self’ centered and ‘self esteem’ doctrines have set people up to differ the responsibility for their own choices they make and to manipulate others to take upon themselves the blame that should be acknowledged so that those who are sinning will gain learning from accountability to be responsible for their own choices!

We have our Savior who loves us and will confront us through HIS WORD as we are willing and eager to learn the truth of what we need to know so we can be corrected and equipped further to magnify HIM!

Hugs again …


Amy December 24, 2013 at 3:37 pm

I wish my husband would have loved me. Married 46 years and my husband hasn’t really loved me in all these years. It has also been sexless. He lives in his basement apartment and I up stairs. He never cared weather I was happy, sad, angry he just never cared about me. I wanted kids he refused and shortly after we were married he went and had himself fixed.


Jack Wellman December 24, 2013 at 4:00 pm

Hello Amy. This just breaks my heart. I am so sorry. If not for God, I would imagine that you could not even go on.


nevergetit December 26, 2013 at 2:48 pm

I am so sorry for your pain. It is a deep hurt when the one person who is supposed to be our best friend, our protector, our lover, just abandons us. Worse, they help with destroying us. I can’t imagine being a man and having to stand before our Lord on that great and dreadful day. The way I see it is the marriage is a complete mirror image of Christ and the church. If the husband abuses, abandons, or even is just rude to us, that’s what the Lord will do to them. I can see this playing out-we’re all standing in judgment, God is at the judgment table and Jesus is being the “attorney” for all of us. Cue the abusive, unloving, and harsh husband. “But Jesus! I professed you in my life! I know you and have told others of you!” Jesus will simply say “away from me I never knew you!” Before Jesus turns His back, His eyes meet the husbands and within that instant the husband feels scared to death,crying and weak in the knees with this unnerving feeling of abandonment. Feeling completely and utterly out of control, the husband pleads and begs Jesus. Then at the very moment Jesus looks away and completely turns His back on the husband, the husband gets the full picture. The husband is getting a 3 fold return on his investment,in his wife, paid back in full. The Bible says husbands do not be harsh with your wife or the Lord won’t even hear your prayers. 1 Peter 3:7
We will answer for what we do or don’t do. Husbands truly have a lot to be accountable for. If they aren’t taking tbeir job seriously, everything falls in line. No wonder why satan attacks the marriage. Wives become depressed, so do the kids. Things go out of control when the husband doesn’t love bis wife. God commands this of husbands but never once tells a wife to love her husband. This is profound to me. We automatically love-I feel this to be true anyhow and I believe we are made this way. Husbands need to love us so we can in return respect them which is commanded of us. It is just something if you think deeply on it.
I am praying for your husband to fall broken and call out for the Lord to convict his heart. I do pray for restoration.
Do not be hard on yourself and don’t be upset if it doesn’t work out as you plan. Sometimes we just cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, the good news is God does! We have to have faith in God.
Isaiah 55:8-9
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”declares the Lord.“As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
He has you in the palm of His hand and He will guide you as to where you should go. Seek advice of many (whom you trust and who have Godly wisdom), be in prayer and seearch the scriptures for God’s guidance, hopefully you will find the answers!
Bless you!


Kris December 24, 2013 at 4:14 pm


My heart goes out to you. My husband pretty much the same …REAL marriage develops people more and more to be unselfish if lived IN as one would learn when and if they live IN Jesus Christ.

Without understanding the fallen tendency to live selfishly and without knowledge of the benefits of living in marriage according to the Word of GOD …people LOSE OUT.

My husband was walking in fellowship but did not want to do what it takes to LEARN what his responsibilities were in the jurisdiction of marriage.

This goes back in generations of families who ignore or reject the Biblical view of marriage . I figured that if GOD IS and HE made marriage then it is wise to learn from Him

My husband and it would seem your husband did not learn this nor have any desire to learn it . They seem to want the comfort of marriage and someone who is THERE for THEM , but they do not want to reciprocate.

Sadly they MISS the point and benefit of marriage and on top of it they will answer for neglecting their ‘post” as not just provider for their wives but protector.

As I read the Bible I see that most of what GOD tells us is to become aware of our flesh and to govern it ..and He empowers us to be able to obey HIM.

Men take on protecting their wives as well from their own fleshly lust to control and dominate …to protect wives and children from their idea of independence as their ‘right’

NONE of which is from the godly worldview.

Thus even if they live in the same house they abandon their vows ….even if they do not commit physical adultery they commit idolatry serving their own flesh rather than to submit to GOD .

I am so sorry for you and I feel your pain . May you overcome evil with good as you take up the encouragment from our Lord who will never leave us nor forsake us and we want to stay close to HIM as well .

May your day find you IN Christ as you go to the WOrd and seek His comfort.

I am sad today too but I must persevere for those who reject and rebel against the Lord will suffer loss and more than they may presently realize.

I think we need to pray that they are not comfortable in their sin but become more and more aware of their need for a Savior and a Lord wherein they seek to allow God to CHANGE them by His Son and a relationship with Him.
People are destroyed and harm others because they do not know God’s Word and how their own influence of how they live effects others…Sooner or later their sinful perspective and self centered living causes them to not just not care but not SEE it as THEIR OWN responsibility

I don’t know why a man would marry and then not want children ….But then unbeliever’s behavior is ‘without sense ‘ anyway.

I am sorry for your life having been this way . I wonder if anyone has ever approached your husband to confront him in this way ..I know my husband had people confront his choices but he has never respected anyone enough to hear them. His parents raised him to think he was above any input from anyone …including and especially GOD .

Even though he walked for a time …I soon realized how deep seated his parents godless perspective was in his life.

He continues to do whatever he things is ‘good enough’ ..and continues to live a covert life thinking as long as people do not know about it ….then he is willing to live this way.

Mine finally left ….and comes to see our grown daughters who he has off loaded his place in terms of caring for his wife …as he has done over the years …excusing himself from being a true husband to make love with other women and actually having two children with one woman …who hates marriage and Christ .

This is an exposition of the way Satan has dug deeply into this day and time in those who reject and rebel against the Lord.

Hope in Jesus …not all men and women are this willing to steal, kill and destroy …but woe to those who do !

Matt 18:3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.

4 Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

5 And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.

6 But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

7 Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!

“These little ones THAT BELIEVE IN ME” —-This is often taught that the “little ones’ are children …but the CONTEXT is referring to ‘little ones ‘ as THOSE who BELIEVE in Jesus Christ and follow after Him.

This concerns how believers are treated ….it is warning …but it also DOES include children …why not! But the focus is upon warning those who abuse believers….and hinder them….Quite a huge detriment if people realize what this means …a MILLSTONE weighs TONS….the people Jesus was speaking to were in an area that quarried Millstones…so they were seeing the actual horror of such a dealing with those who deter the children of GOD who are HIS .

Our rebellious husbands are in HUGE trouble…The offense is NO YOU ….it is that they do not fear God and have not learned the value of the wife they have made a vow to LOVE and to treat as GOD has instructed them to do.

I will thank our Lord for comforting you as you go to Him to learn under the Lord’s guidance into His Word by the Holy Spirit.


Kris December 24, 2013 at 4:28 pm

A few Typos …sorry …”NOT YOU” is one and a few others….you can still make sense of this I hope.


Kevin J. Timothy March 11, 2014 at 2:54 pm

Very good insight with your comment, “Marriage has been described as a miracle in itself because it takes two opposites with great difference and these two polar opposites must live together, co-exist together, and cooperate as one.”

Since you put it that way, I’ll have to learn to be more patient in waiting for growth and development. Because considering our backgrounds, views, principles, interests, and ambitions, WE are CERTAINLY a miracle. Often times I wonder how in the world we’re still married.


Jack Wellman March 12, 2014 at 9:36 am

Amen Mr. Timothy. I too have a wife that is better than I deserve and it is a miracle that she puts up with me and unless God were in this, it would be nearly impossible to have a happy marriage and so ultimately it is thanks be to God and I thank God for you too sir that you came here and see how God is working in both of our marriages.


Kevin J. Timothy March 12, 2014 at 9:41 pm

Jack, I have to say that this post was SO emotional and inspiring that not only did I persuade my wife to read it today, but I will be re-visiting this website for more.

I met my wife in 2001 and we married in ’07. It has been a LONG and rough road, but only God knows her patient heart. I just wish that I can reciprocate the same level of unconditional care and love that she has shown. I’m going to use this site as a resource (along w/ the Word) to assist me in my transformation. I appreciate what you’re doing here, sir.


Jack Wellman March 12, 2014 at 9:46 pm

Mr. Timothy, I am overjoyed that you can use this and my own struggles in marriage are that I married up while I think my wife married down! LOL Seriously, marriage is such a miracle for sure and it is one personally because I was a disaster of a husband and still am a train wreck in ways but I believe this gives me a good idea on how much Christ loves His church and died for her and so you and I would certainly take a bullet for our brides. I thank God for you sir that godly men of faith are still working on themselves and I am still under, and always will be till glorified, “under construction” and at times it looks like it! :-)


Kris March 17, 2014 at 2:51 am

Jack and Kevin,

The rarity of men who really believe and act upon this is one of the things that make you two great men and believers and indicates a true love for the Lord.

None of us are ‘easy’ to live with but two who make it their life’s work to learn to walk in love are precious and few.

I am blessed to read of your humble attitude toward the truth that we ALL are in need of being thankful for the spouse that we have . You who are faithfully working to protect that love for your spouse are particularly special to me …would that my own husband cared enough to be so.

continuing to pray for him …it is a hard thing to struggle through life with the ‘needs’ on creates for themselves through rejecting the provision of our loving Father….including the spouse we have been provided.

Practicing contentment in all things is indeed a skill that pays off in the long run …at the end of one’s life it is a prize worth coveting to be able to say I was faithful to my spouse. And to have had a faithful spouse is indeed a gift and a prize not many have had.


Jack Wellman March 17, 2014 at 9:36 am

Thank you Kris. As I told Kevin, I married “up” and have most certainly the better end of the deal but I know that it takes humility or you face humiliation. Either way, being humbled will be the result. I have nothing to brag or be proud of except in the grace and mercy extended to me by God. I think it is okay to brag…as long as it is about the glory of God. Me? Not so much!


Kris March 17, 2014 at 10:10 am

How true . there is a great big difference between bragging and testifying to the way God has given us all that we have and are and what He has done in our lives since we have lived before and after…..the REAL life that He acknowledges is what we are IN Christ ….Praise God for the way He has worked all things unto His glory both before we came to Christ and after.

All that is worthy of praise is HIS. All that is not still causes us to wonder at His great love to endure all and await patiently while men who do not know him and are deceived revile and reject all of what He has made the ultimate sacrifice to offer.

I am thankful that He caused me to awaken to His glorious offer. I often have asked Him ‘why me? Lord…why did you allow ME of all there are to realize YOU????” The answer is still baffling yet it is true….He opens the heart of those who are hungering and thirst ing after truth . He IS the Truth.

So we are His …now and forever more as it is HE who keeps us in His way and will complete that which we have entrusted to Him since we have believed. He knows the end from the beginning and no one shall take us out of His hand!

What a glorious truth!


ILoveJesus April 4, 2014 at 10:49 am


Your comments have helped me SO much, more than you know! Thank you.

I am going through a terrible time with my husband. Would you be willing to communicate privately? I don’t know if there is a way to do so on this website?

May God continue to bless you through His Holy Spirit!


Kris April 4, 2014 at 12:36 pm

Dear IloveJesus,
Thank you for your encouraging post. I am so sorry that you are having such a struggle with you spouse. It is such a challenging time we live in . As I have been studying how we got ‘here’ in our day and time and then comparing in the Word it appears to me that the lack of mankind is to think the way God has told us to think …..obeying from the heart the way He has clued us to think and thus to choose.

Our world has been hostile to God ever since Adam chose to go his own way …still Jesus gave us all the way to live and more….salvation HE Himself provided.

It seems the more a person turns away from hearing the wisdom of GOD and does not take time or care to know and be known of Him they are hardened against the wisdom of GOD.

How any of us today turn to Him is still a demonstration of His working out all things to His glory . He is the Good Shepherd who has seen us from before came into this world and has known all things we would encounter. He has known our choices even as He provided the best alternative.

I think for me , I so underestimated the enemy of our soul. I did not grow up in a family that was godly but it was , what I thought , ‘normal’ …it is almost MORE of a shock to learn how dysfunctional it was ! Yet Christ’s arm is not ‘shortened’ He is able to save to the uttermost.

What has been baffling me is how my husband has known all of this but has chosen to walk away from all of the BEST God has given him to enjoy and to learn how to protect and nurture it. All of our family is hurting yet I am blessed to observe the strength of my children in the face of their father’s failure to care how what he does effects not only us but everyone !

He was too smart , handsome and talented to listen to anyone.
There seems to be part of his difficulty. We both entered into this marriage with eyes wide open and a good learning curve in the walk in Christ. He had a shallow relationship with CHrist and I did not realize it. I was too intent upon marriage to him but I also tried to ‘vet ‘ him by way of the WOrd and did try to expose all of what he might find unacceptable or difficult in marriage and in particular with me.

I never wanted him to say he was ‘tricked’ into marriage.

Many things I did not count on and might have come to realize over time or maybe not. He was raised to function in the way that he has lived and I did not realize how deeply our families of origin effected the way we functioned in our relationship.

I was raised to be polite, considerate of other people’s privacy and was taught that the wife was pretty much responsible to make her husband happy and to support his every wish.

He was taught to hide information and to make choices without any regard for anyone else . His decisions were about making himself happy and doing anything it took to get others to go along with his plans.

All of his good qualities were great compared to some who I had known in ministry in places of responsiblity …SO by comparison my husband has been ‘perfect’ …except for my having to wonder all the time about what was going to be the next ‘surprise’ , yet I trusted him for he was very convincing and at first anyway he seemed to be doing what he did and keeping it a secret for ‘my own good’ ! In that ‘what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her’ and ‘ she is happy and has all she needs so the rest of the income and time is MINE to do whatever I want to with it.”

In the mean time I was at risk time and again as he made his plans autonomously . Over the years this has caused much unrest and insecurity in our children . I tried to put a good ‘face’ upon our frequent moves , regarding the new locations as a sort of ‘mission field’ which indeed they were …yet we stayed disconnected more and more as wth only a two year stay …most of the places and our lack of connections with either family grew more and more distant….we have ended up being pretty isolated.

Every new place I continued to reach out to neighbors and those I met but with my busy schedule I did not ‘entertain’ much and always wanted to make sure I was ‘available ‘ to my husband should he ever ‘have time ‘ for me and our family.

He took full advantage of this . I never wanted him to be able to blame me for not being ‘available ‘ to him for anything.

As I have been studying and considering where I went ‘wrong’ to cause his decent into darkness I can acknnowledge my own part in this but I also see that I did not deserve this kind of life , I was open and willing to acknowledge my sin and short fall and thought this would be our lives in terms of growing together and learning to live as a couple. He did not want any part of opening up to me but he had no trouble giving himself away to anyone else.

I am willing to connect with you if you place your email here , perhaps one that you create for this purpose and not your main one. I am not technically swift but this may be the way to go.

Today’s society fosters selfishness and autonomy it is as Jesus told us the opposite of what GOD planned for us …especially for a man and woman who marry.

The world has always been a foriegn land since the Fall and the enemy of CHrist has taken over Adam’s jurisdiction. The wisdom of our Heavenly Father demonstrates His love for His creation and man by way of informing us of how to avoid the snares….Humanism appealed to carnal man and it has worked evil into our perception in the form of mental programming.

Small wonder that since the various media forms have become more and more a part of our lives and man has ignored seeking God and His knowledge more and more , knowledge has increased but not of GOD .

The Book of Daniel speaks of this time…as we draw near to the end of the age …knowledge will increase and people will run to and fro…..

Exposure to sinful images and messages wears away our interest in godly things….and in knowing GOD . People presume they know GOD but even among our own ranks we often find that we know more ABOUT GOd than knowing HIM in our daily lives.

The onward exhortation is for us NOT to be “destroyed for lack of knowledge ‘ of His Word by the which we will come to know Him….but knowledge alone is not to be our only goal.

Many scholars who are full of intellectual pride may run rings around some believers in facts and quotes but without Jesus Christ as guide the Word is ‘dead” and their carnal minds become puffed up. The heart is the thing that is to be turned toward Christ…no amount of bodily or even mental ‘discipline’ will profit a person without a humble and hungry heart toward Him.

I think as I recall that the more of the opportunity to hear while rejecting the truth that we need a Savior leaves the person dull of hearing.

My husband has ‘heard’ plenty of the truths but has rejected all of it in favor of the “god’ he serves. He has stated that he does believe but ‘just not the way YOU do’ …the exact opposite of how he stated on our first date after I had testified to him ….’I believe the same way you do’

Actions following that SEEMED to agree that he did love the Lord …at least I believed him …but now I see many ways I should have taken a pause.

Despite all of this I await the Lord’s working this out. The heart of my husband is deceived and he still acts from his emotions and natural mind that is filled with the way the world has convinced him he is ‘ok’ even as he confesses he is ‘messed up’

If someone REALLY does believe they are ‘messed up’ they seek help and change…They do not reject seeking how to make their life line up with what is right. He does not need to be taught or told what is right and moral he simply does not want to be told or to change at this point.

So it is that WHENEVER the change in his heart may occur it will be GOD and not me that does the job….because after all the years of being exposed to whatever I shared GOD had corrected in my own walk and thinking and how the Lord has taught and blessed us as I took on homeschooling in obedience to how my eyes were opened ….my husband has rejected all …in favor of others ….and now he is ‘happy’ with his independent life.

He knows it hurts us all but does not care enough about those his choices hurt to make any changes.

Meanwhile we area learning what our responsibilties under Christ are and asking for strength to carry out those things.

Forgiveness has been given …and over and over as new offenses are going on . These are not unintended offenses but are done with FULL knowledge of how they are just that.

He does apologize for them when he is told of them …and he KNOWS how they will effect everyone but continues to do whatever he has an impulse to do as he beieves if he thinks it and wants it then it is ‘right’

This reminds me of the scripture of the OT that everyone did what was right in his own eyes. This is evident everywhere…and sadly it is from anything but the God who created us and loves us to the extent of giving up His own Son and the Son paid for all of what is being presumed !

I am writing too long now so I will end and I pray your life will continue to be hidden in Christ…the end for those who continue in sin is frightful so we do pray for them as we are taught and called upon to do so . The enemy of our soul HATES the prayers of the saints…so keep on dear sister .
Leave your email if you want to …but make it a new one so your usual one is protected.



ILoveJesus April 4, 2014 at 2:09 pm


Thank you for your quick reply!

It sounds like you have suffered much. I am so sorry, and I think I can say that I do understand. So much of what you write are my thoughts & experiences, both with my husband and with the Lord.

It is pretty shocking and horrifying to watch their “descent into darkness.” The enemy indeed attacks marriages viciously, I think particularly when a true Christian is involved.

If you would, you can drop me a line at mycats87 @ yahoo dot com. (I wrote it out in case direct links are not allowed to be posted) Thank you so much.

I pray for your continued strength and edification by the Holy Spirit. Hugs to you too : )


Kris April 6, 2014 at 12:14 am

OK ….I will …I have to get some help with my computer but I have not forgotten your invitation…..Hang ON! Help is on the way!


Kris April 7, 2014 at 5:30 pm

I have sent you an email ILoveJesus…..I got a “P.S” but did not receive the original email….maybe try again.


Amy June 25, 2014 at 7:19 pm

You could give my husband millions of tips and not a one will help him out. Married 46 years had sex once and nothing since then. He hate sex with me said it was disgusting, messy and smelly plus can’t understand why any human would para take
in something so vile. He has never slept with me always sleeps in the basement and works the midnight shift, all weekends and holidays. There hasn’t been any interest in me never talks to me I’m just ignored.


Kris June 25, 2014 at 8:36 pm

Dear Amy,

I am so sorry that your lengthy marriage has been so dry of love and affection. Since your husband has seemed to take his leave he has made a lifetime of hurting and rejecting you while missing out on what is so great about marriage.

It is possible he never had any instruction about how to be a married man or enjoy your company and sexual relations.

It might take a more lengthy counselling with him for him to understand why he feels this way which doesn’t really make you feel much better about it.

His attitude may have some deeply rooted ideas from the past that he either does not realize or remember or WANT to think about.

I know women tend to be most vigilant about their hygiene and this sounds like he simply was never given enough information to understand the benefit and beauty of sexual activity within the marriage.

That he has sequestered himself away from you for the most part is simply heartbreaking. Have you ever been to counselling with your pastor about this ,either by your self or with him?

I am guessing that his retreat is an indication that he is not in a frame of mind that he even wants to learn what is going on. I do not know your history of your relationship but if you want to learn something more I suggest you go face to face with someone who is more knowledgable of you and your husband who also has a solid biblical background in biblical marriage counselling.

So sorry to hear of your losses but God is still our provider for all our lifelong needs for love …giving him thanks and involving yourself among those who love Him to serve is one way to help soothe your need to experience the usefulness that your being His child brings to your life.

Many men have no idea what it means to be a man in the way GOD has intended for them to enjoy and function. This is partly the fault of those who teach the word not addressing it and of the many generations now that have only been getting their ideas of masculinity from media while even father’s in the home have not taken up a godly fulfillment of fatherhood to learn and then demonstrate and teach godly manhood.

No offense guys I have been studying this for some time now I have come to see that this goes back QUITE a ways into our culture and the ravaging of our genders has been intentional and very effectively done , filling the void that neglect of God’s word has wrought.

Recently men are being more intentional to learn what God has to teach them and this is a great blessing . In any gender’s life it is going to start with loving GOD and caring to learn what HE says rather than anyone else .

A man who loves God will be taught by him. Unfortunately many men have grown up with the wrong view of what it means to be a believer …along around the Industrial Revolution …church became ‘feminine territory’ in many men’s minds.

But that changes when a man really comes to Christ and begins to have a personal relationship and time in the Word with Him.

In the mean time as a woman you will find much encouragment and help from scripture time yourself. Ask the Lord to be your strength and to guide you to learn by appetite what HE would teach you for His glory and your good.

Many blessings as you humble yourself to HIM and allow Him to work things in your heart , no matter what your husband does . God’s GOT this!


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