True Love: How Do You Know When You Find It?

by Jack Wellman · Print Print · Email Email

How do you know it is true love when you find it?  How can you be sure it is true love or just infatuation?  What are the differences between lust and love?

True Love

It is not a “falling in love” as much as it is a growing in love.

The World’s Definition of Love

Most people use the word love loosely.  They love their team…they love to win…the love the spring, but this is not really the essence of love.  The dictionaries definition of love is a tender affection for someone or something; a romantic or sexual feeling for someone; to like something or someone very much.  None of these definitions will help someone who is looking for true love that would lead to marriage.  Love is not just a noun, it is a verb; it’s what you do that is truly love.  For example, Christ loves the church. Did He just have affection or feelings for them?  No!  He loved the church so much that He took action.  He died for those who would come to Him in trusting faith.  For any that come to Him and place their trust in Him, His blood was spilled so that they could have an eternal relationship with Him and the Father and the Holy Spirit.  Jesus’ love was so powerful that He willingly gave His life for those who belong to Him.

Lust on the other hand is something that is more like coveting or gratifying the flesh. There is no good thing that has ever come out of lust between an unmarried couple.  Premarital sex is forbidden by God and any sexual contact between a man and a woman can quickly lead to sexual immorality.  Jesus said that even lusting after a man or woman in their heart is the same thing as committing adultery (Matt 5:28).  A couple that lives together for the sake of “getting to know them better“ faces higher risks of adultery and the rates of divorce are much higher than those who do not.  Living together is sin according to the Bible.  There are no reasons good enough to cohabitate with another person for the sake of knowing if they would make a good husband or wife.

How do you Know When You Find True Love?

If you are someone who is looking for true love, there are many things to take into consideration.  If you are a believer, the Bible says that we must not be unequally yoked (2 Cor 6:14).  This means that Christians are commanded to not marry someone who is not a believer.  You can not have a mixed marriage.  An believer can not be married to an unbeliever any more than you can mix oil with water.  The two might fit into a jar, but they will not mix and will always tend to separate because of their spiritual nature.  In the case of non-believers and Christians, they  may agree on some things but will disagree on many of the most important issues.

When you find your soul mate or “the one”, you may not recognize them right away.  They will not always be able to finish your sentences or know what you are thinking.  They likely will know how you feel about having children, what you believe about disciplining children, whether you want to live in the city or the country, or whether you like football or ballet.  It is not a “falling in love” as much as it is a growing in love.  It is not impossible but it is truly a rare thing for someone to love a person at first sight.  It is hard to look into the heart and know what they are like.  The only way you can really know what type of person they are is to spend time with them.  This means spending times that are good and times that are bad; times of good health and times of sickness; times of enduring patience and times of outbursts of anger.  One counselor told me that if you want to know how a man or woman will treat you after you are married, look how they treat their parents.

As a father of a daughter, I treat her with unconditional love, I am polite to her, I open doors for her, I love her despite her faults or behaviors and I buy her things that I know that she will like.  I try to never hurt her but I am not perfect of course.  I have made many mistakes and will make more in the future but I am eager to utter perhaps the five most important words anyone can say to their children or their spouse: “I’m sorry” and “I love you.” I want to set the bar at a level where she will not be satisfied with any man treating her in a lesser way than the way that her father did.  In my doing this, I am showing her reasonable expectations that a man should be showing her, in being considerate of her feelings, and in being quick to forgive and ask for forgiveness.  I want her future husband to be able to apologize and to admit mistakes.  That is a human love that I pray and desire for my only daughter.

The Bible’s View of True Love

Nearly everyone at one time or another has sought love.  A desire to love and to be loved.  Humans are born with the need for love and several studies suggest that even babies that are denied love will die without it.  A spouse who loses their long-loved mate will often die within years of the death of their husband or wife.  A biblical definition of love is valued above that of a human definition because the Word of God is true and never varies with the culture and times.  God’s love remains unchanging over eternity and is not conditioned upon a person’s conduct or behavior.

When I was dating my wife before marriage, we became best friends.  I think this is vital.  Friends confide in each other, they share things with each other that they do not share with others; they know that they can trust this person even when they discover the worst things about them.  Your best friend is someone you can share your joys, your sorrows, your victories, and your defeats with.  In my opinion and from my own personal experience, unless a couple becomes best friends first, they can not become a successful husband and wife.  A friend knows your weaknesses, they know your strengths, they know your faults…yet, they still love you.  You can marry someone you are not best friends with or with someone you don’t know well, but you can not expect the marriage to be the best. Surely even godly marriages have problems and in fact every marriage on the face of the earth go through difficulties, but marrying someone you do not know well is asking for trouble. Jesus knows our hearts, He knows us better than we know ourselves, He knows our weaknesses and our strengths, and He is prepared to marry us – collectively – the church, which is called His bride.

Christ’s Love for the Church

Christ loved the church (His Bride) so much that He died for her.  He is engaged to the church and she is called the Bride of Christ.  He gave His life for His bride. There has been no greater love that has ever existed than Jesus has for His church – and some day soon He will marry her at the marriage supper feast, when Christ marries His bride.  The Bride is to prepare herself today and make herself ready.  Jesus said that He is coming again and will forever be with His church and will never divorce her like God was forced to do with Old Testament Israel because of their infidelity.

God commands the wife to love her husband but even more important is for her to respect her husband.  A wife is to be loved by her husband with a life-sacrificing love that is an image of how Christ loves the church.  By no means will it be that type of perfected love, but that is what she needs most.  He needs respect the most.  To her, being loved is of the utmost importance…for him, she shows him love by respecting him (Eph 5).  These are the ways that men and women are wired by God.  God has made them male and female in such a particular way. Even though they have differences, the opposite tendencies make them complete and as one.  Marriage is a miracle in some sense because men and women are so radically different.  This may be what attracts one to the other.  Each have particular abilities and strengths that make a wholeness in a marital unit that a single man or woman alone can never have.

Time Will Tell

The advice that I have heard frequently is that to really know a man or woman well enough to marry they should have a period of engagement:  No longer than 12 months but no shorter than 3 is what most Christian marriage counselors suggest.  Prayer is the most critical step.  It should be obvious that pre-marital counseling is also crucial. You will have a feeling of peace over an extended period of time about someone you are planning to marry or are thinking about marrying. You will have known them long enough to see them at their worst and to see them at their best.  You will have seen how they react to certain situations and to see what type of spouse they would be in a marriage.  You may have seen them around children and can gather what type of parent they would be and perhaps how they would react under pressure.

I can not emphasize enough the fact that you need to talk to a godly marriage counselor or pastor, go through some personal inventory questions over personality issues, establish whether you desire to have children or would rather not and what type of security there is in each others present situations in life.  One article alone is not enough to guide you through such an important and lifelong decision.  After you have went through all the things that I just mentioned, you will begin to have an inner peace, an eager expectation to be with them as much as possible and a feeling of being completely miserable when you are not together.  No one should ever marry someone to complete their life or think that this will solve their problems.  Also, never marry someone who has a substance or alcohol abuse problem and think that they can cure them of it.

I believe you will know the right one by the way he or she treats his or her mother and father, how he or she acts around children, what his or her mannerisms are like in public, what movies he or she likes and doesn’t like. These will show you a lot about them.  Even more important, does he or she pray with you if you go out to dinner in public, does he or she read the Bible frequently, does he or she know the Bible, what is his or her language like, does he or she attend church?  Maybe some or all of these will help you find your true love.

The first marriage ceremony was performed by God.  In my opinion, my wife was sent by God’s sovereignty.  She is like a precious gift from God to me.  Marriage is an institution designed and created by God.  It is not good for man or woman to be alone but be cautious because God hates divorce (Mal 2:16).  I believe it is God who joins the husband and wife together…and when God has joined them together, the two become one flesh (Gen. 2:24, Mark 10:8) .  There is no more special relationship in the human race than that of husband and wife.  This takes time, effort, prayer, counseling and education, but when you find it there is nothing greater on this earth than finding true love and doing so in the way God intended for you to do it.

If you enjoyed this article, you might like reading this one also:

1 Corinthians 13: Bible Summary and Study on Love


New International Bible (NIV)
THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Image: photostock /

Share this post:  |  |  |  | Twitter

{ 97 comments… read them below or add one }

John October 29, 2014 at 12:31 pm

Hi pastor. I’ve been truly troubled by what’s happened lately. I’ve been with my girlfriend for about 3.5 years. It started like how any BGR – really really sweet honey moon phase. (Im crying and missing it now) And we loved each other.

We are both christians and attend the same church/service. I guess God wasn’t happy with our relationship when lust came about, so much so that we almost broke up. We always try to work things out after break up talk but nothing really worked until recently when I tried to just let go and let God take control. I started attending services alone and seek God’s words.

Things got FELT better and we started to get along pretty well, like how we used to until recently, I found out that she’s been cheating on me. with another girl.
I don’t know if i could consider it as cheating but she is in this whole want to be with the girl but can’t cause she’s in a relationship with me and she’s christian.

She is confused if her feelings towards this girl is love/lust. I would think that is lust because i’ve always known that she has an attraction towards girls. I was heart broken when i read her private blog by accident. She would talk about how much she misses her. Every detail, just like a high school coming of age movie. What really killed me was when i read about them hanging out behind my back, got drunk, went to the same toilet cubicle and did things. All that was written was “swollen lips. What happens in the cubicle stays in the cubicle.”

We get along well and I can’t emphasise enough just how much i love her. What i read really broke my heart and I’m planning to speak to her about this. I don’t want us to part and i don’t feel like God wants us to part. (I’ve prayed a lot)
Another reason why i think i shouldn’t leave her is because i don’t think leaving her would do her any good.
1) she’s going to have less faith in relationships/love.
2) she’s going to do more shameful things with the girl.
I feel like i should set this example of God’s love. I feel like God put me with her to guide her and show her what true love feels like and of course, it is unconditional and great. I feel like i should forgive her and continue to love her. However, i am not God and this one sided love affair can’t happen if she doesn’t cut her off.

I believe she still has feelings for me but i wouldnt know until we talk. I don’t know what i am here for, perhaps i need people to pray for me. Perhaps i am seeking wisdom for this coming weekend where i’ll finally bring this up after service. I’m helpless.

p/s i think its all my fault for allowing this to happen because if we didn’t engage in sexual activities her perception of love/relationship wouldn’t be as screwed as it is now.


Jack Wellman October 29, 2014 at 6:57 pm

I think you shouldn’t blame yourself for her sin because we are all caught up by our own lusts, as James wrote in his book in the Bible. Are you having sex with her now? Have you had sex with her before? I might offend you but your reasons for not leaving her are not godly as you said: “she’s going to have less faith in relationships/love.
and she’s going to do more shameful things with the girl.” She doesn’t sound trustworthy for now. If you are having sexual immorality issues with her, please, please stop now. Talk to your pastor about this right away. You are not helpless. Follow what your conscience says, not what you think will keep her from stumbling because that’s not a good reason my friend.


Carolyn December 22, 2014 at 10:50 pm

Hello Jack,

I am a little embarrassed even writing this email as I ‘know’ better, but I am hopeful for some encouragement. Some background on me: virgin, 49, black woman. I have been a Christian since I was 9 years old. As I grew up and matured in the faith, I received a call to ministry. I am in the second year of a four year seminary program to pursue a theological education as I believe this is part of God’s plan for my life. I am also called to minister to woman to recapture the beauty of God’s standards for women in a world where feminism ideologies have misguided us. I have counseled countless women to find God’s will for their lives, to live holy and to pray for a godly mate.

I personally do these things as well. And I thought I would be married with children by now. But, I am not and during this time I developed cancer and lost the ability to have children. However, God in his graciousness has given me peace on the children matter.

So what is my issue? I sometimes feel like God has forgotten me (although I know He has never left me), but my heart just feels like it is breaking into pieces. I’m getting older and I want to be married to the man God has for me. Why would God give me this desire to experience human marital love and yet not fulfil it? I do not want to be a desperate silly woman, but I am fighting desperation everyday as I see wedding after wedding invitations of my 25 to 30 year old classmates.

Please offer some encouragement in ways other than ‘single and satisfied’ commentaries that are normally said to women.

Thank you


Jack Wellman December 23, 2014 at 5:07 pm

No need to be embarrassed my dear sister in Christ. It appears that God has placed you in such a position to minister to these women in a powerful way. God has equipped you with your seminary training, as a counselor to women already and now the enemy wants to discourage you and take away your witness and your laboring in love for Him. Don’t let the enemy win. While I believe all churches should prize marriage and family, I also believe we have to be careful about the unintentional messages potentially conveyed about marriage and family. Both are gifts for this life alone. The one relationship that survives eternally is the one we have as the Bride of Christ to our beloved Savior. The relationships that we all have as brothers and sisters in Christ are the ones that will not end—and these need to be cultivated as much as family life is cultivated. Additionally, single adults need to be reminded that God has not withheld his very best from them if they remain unmarried.

1st Cor 7:33-35 says ” An unmarried man (or woman) is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man (or woman) is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”

Ladies do have a special place of ministry in the New Testament. Paul, in speaking to the Philippians, referred to those “women which labored with me in the gospel” (Philippians 4:3). These women labored. They labored with Paul. And, they labored in the gospel. That is, they worked to get the gospel out to the lost. They probably reach certain groups better than men; namely, women and children. As last I recall, women make up about half of all people in the world—actually more, because they live longer. When you add male children to those who can be reached by ladies, they can directly minister to about 60% or 70% of any population. And in a more personal and intimate way than a man can. This means that they can teach them, win them to the Lord, disciple them and counsel them.

Ladies can reach out to all in helping ministries just as Martha did in Luke 10:40 as Lydia did when she offered her house as a place of worship (Acts 16:14-15). We all have limitations. They are not barriers to service given by a vindictive God. They are rather funnels to direct us to more profitable service for Him.

Does this help you Grace? God has placed in the Body each member as it pleased Him and its all for His glory. Now go out there and make disciples of others….for God has equipped you and placed you as best for His divine plan and within His sovereign will.


missy December 30, 2014 at 3:54 pm

hi there is it possible to ask a few questions on here that i have with relationships and love as a new christian, if not where do i do so? thanks


Jack Wellman December 30, 2014 at 3:59 pm

By all means Missy, please feel free to ask questions here. I will try to respond as time allows. Thank you.


Swati Singh January 2, 2015 at 9:30 am

Respected sir
I m so thankful for all the help from you . Its God’s grace that i am completely free from all bonds that i told you about. This year i m going to make God the source of all my love-needs as he loves me more than anyone else.He is also the complete source of all my strength for my studies. Instead of expecting love from friends and relations i want to love others in Jesus unconditionally.I will meditate on all the verses you suggested.Thank you for being such a blessing sir!!!! 🙂 May God use you more. Wishing you and your dear family a very fruitful New year!


Jack Wellman January 2, 2015 at 4:40 pm

Hello Swati…I remember you name sir. May God richly bless you for this very great encouraging comment. I pray this gives others hope and thank you so much for your kind blessing my brother in Christ.


osato January 9, 2015 at 12:43 am

hello sir,
i have a question that has been bugging me for a while now. i have had some very responsible christian brothers come up to me to ask for us to be in serious relationships but i have not been able to get in to one because frankly i dont seem to have “feelings” for any of them.. i dont know why but i dont feel the same way they do. i have considered just going into a relationship with one of them but i am afraid that i would only be miserable and in turn make them miserable. So my question is, are feelings important in a christian relationship? or should you just pick someone and hope to love them as christ wants you to over time? and is there something wrong with me by any chance?


Jack Wellman January 9, 2015 at 9:17 am

Hello my friend and thank you for your comment and question. In the first place, please don’t ever get into a relationship unless you have feelings with someone. If you have no feelings for them, that is a sign that you are not going to be happy going forward in this relationship. Yes, beauty is more inside but we have to have some kind of attraction and feelings must be present. In the cases of those who had a relationship, I remember when Jacob saw Rachel, he loved her when he first saw her. Feelings are important. There is nothing wrong with you. Not having any feelings yet for someone is a sign that you haven’t met the right person yet that God may have planned for you. There should be no hurry.


osato January 13, 2015 at 10:29 am

thank you so much for your reply. i really appreciate it. Thank you


jane March 15, 2015 at 10:50 pm

Good day sir,
First of all I’m very glad that I found your website. It truly gives me a lot of understand about christian relationship and what things to considered in looking for the right one. I was became a christian when I was 15 years old and I admit that I did some sexual sins from the past and also, I was a backslide christian. I know its a shameful thing I ever did. Now that I turning back to Christ I regret everything I have done with my life.
When I was in my 4th year in college I become attracted to a guy, he’s a foreigner (he is from the middle east) and also he was my boss during that time. To make it short, I fight my attraction for him because I know that he might be a non believer (Muslim). And I really wanted to be in a christian relationship. So, I fight my attraction towards him. Two years past, I searched him in Facebook(and now we are fb friends) just out of curiosity weather he’s married now and has children. And honestly, I’m very shocked when I found out he is a christian and leader to their church and still single (as far as I know he is not dating anyone too). Now, my question here is how can I handle my attraction towards him, I mean I always having struggle of forgetting him because everything that I’m looking for a man was I found in him. He’s a leader and has a relationship with Christ, he loves his parents and siblings, He has a good job which I think he will be a good provider. I don’t know what to do sir, every night I’m praying to God that if my admiration towards this guy doesn’t glorifying Him help me to forget him. I also surrendered my heart to God and I stopped dating after my first relationship was ended. Please sir, help me how to deal with this kind of admiration. Thank you and God bless


Jack Wellman March 17, 2015 at 2:17 pm

Hello Jane and thank you for your question. Have you spoken with this man about what you just wrote to me? Have you spoken with your own pastor over this? Maybe God has placed a love for him in your heart for a very good reason. Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Ask him what he feels about a relationship? Why would you not want to date this man as he sounds very godly and doing the Lord’s work…isn’t that someone you’d like to become friends with now and see what happens later?


jane March 17, 2015 at 6:42 pm

Good day sir,
Thank you for your reply. I havent talked to this guy personally because he was a boss in the company where I’ve been trained and I’m never been under his supervision at work. I messaged him yesterday through fb and glad that he response quickly. But it is just a short professional conversation. I’m afraid to approach him first because he’s 10 years older than me, successful to his work, leader to their church. And everytime I read books about finding the right guy, it always said that let the man notice you first. Also I haven’t talked about this to my pastor.
Thank you sir and God Bless.


Jack Wellman March 17, 2015 at 7:10 pm

Thank you again Jane. Maybe you can sit with him at church someday. If you are in your 20’s, say 25 and he’s 35, I don’t see that as a real issue because he sounds like a great man of God but pray for God’s will, see what your pastor says (for I respect his opinion) and put it in God’s sovereign hands. We can always trust Him to work things out for our best (Rom 8:28).


joanne March 20, 2015 at 7:30 pm

Dear Jack

I am in my early 30s and currently dating a nice young man. We are both Christians. The problem is the relationship is somewhat sexual… I say somewhat because we have trouble dealing with our lustful desires. Even though it seems I am more disturbed about this than he is and this has me a bit worried. I don’t want to lose him but I am really struggling to stay clean of sexual immorality. Please advice.


Jack Wellman March 20, 2015 at 8:02 pm

Hello Joanne and thank you for your question. If your boyfriend is having trouble controlling himself now, what happens if you two ever get married? Will he be able to control himself then? This really troubles me. Are you both having sex outside of marriage? Even lustful thoughts with someone who is not your spouse is considered by Jesus as being adultery of the heart (Matt 5). If you are worried about losing him by not having sex, then this man is not right for you and if he is a Christian, he should know better than most of the world does. If a person says they are Christian yet lives in a state of doing sinful things, then they may be deceived or flat out lying about their faith. Read 1st John chapter 3 to see why I say that. I have very, very high concerns about you both and this man’s profession of faith is questionable to me Joanne.


joanne March 20, 2015 at 9:19 pm

Thank you for your reply Jack. I guess I have a lot of re-assessing of my life in Christ to do. I want to please be advised of the possible steps that we can both find our way back to Christ and still maintain our relationship. We both go to church and are committed but we struggle with the sin of fornication. We have tried time and time again to stop but we keep reverting back to old ways.


Jack Wellman March 20, 2015 at 9:53 pm

I would say that you both need to schedule a talk with your pastor. If I could sit down with you as your own pastor, I would. There is just so much to cover that can’t be discussed on a public forum or without privacy. I know talking with your pastor about this might seem embarrassing or even humiliating but remember that it is so very important because what you two are doing is a very, very serious issue. Sit down with your boyfriend and read 1 John chapter 3 together and even Revelation 21:8 and I know that’s hard but Jesus often spoke hard words to soften hearts because soft words harden hearts and I must speak plainly and clearly. You may have to both go into a time of fasting and prayer. If you live together, move. If you struggle while alone, be together in a public park. If a person has truly repented that means that they have forsaken such things as fornication and became new creatures in Christ and have new desires and love and strive for obedience to God but I truly worry that I don’t see this in you both and have grave concerns for your souls. Talk to your pastor, get in 1 John 3, fast and pray, and do everything you need to stop this fornication; date in public or not at all, move out if living together, both find accountability partners and communicate each day or every other day and tell them how it went. I will pray you find a solution…and one quickly.


Sarah March 22, 2015 at 2:49 pm

Hello! I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. We are both Christians, although we have slightly different “beliefs” (I am non-denominational and he is Methodist) We are in our early early 20’s. Like I said, we are both Christians, but we struggle with sexual sin. We’ve tried to stop many times but always revert back to old ways. I know its time for me to surrender to God and let him take control, but I’m afraid that what God wants is for me to break up with my boyfriend. I know God knows best, it’s just scary. Also, I am going to meet with my pastor. If you have any advice please share with me… and it would be very nice if you could please pray for me. Thank you!


Jack Wellman March 22, 2015 at 3:17 pm

Hello Sarah. For sure I will be glad to pray for you. Yes, talk to your pastor about this. This continual pre-marital sex is bad news my friend, as you already know, because God is not pleased and will surely not bless those who refuse to repent and stop such things. Sexual immorality is perhaps the worst sin of all. Yes, surrender, maybe even fast and pray, you both read 1 John chapter 3 to feel God’s word on sin, and maybe see each other only in public. Your boyfriend needs to go with you to the pastor. If he doesn’t think it serious enough, I am not sure if he is right for you. Better to be single and celibate than have premarital sex.


Ifeanyi May 13, 2015 at 1:52 pm

You both believe in the doctrine of God, but yet to receive his salvation, for with the salvation of God in you, thou shall hate and rebuke sin’. And not forsake each other but rather’ let the one with the salvation of God help the other. If you have love and passion for Christ, run and run away from sin. For sin is present only to hurt your love. (Christ) let’s not be heartless to Jesus.


Molly March 26, 2015 at 8:52 am

Thank you for the article, could you help me with my own situation?
I recently met a man whom I am equally yoked with in the faith, which I think is the most important thing. We are also great friends and talk on the phone everyday. But there are a few obstacles. He lives in another state about 900 miles away, and he is 22 years older than me. He also has a few children from a previous marriages and he can’t leave where he is so for us to be together I would need to go to him. We visit each other now but that gets expensive. I am 25 and about to move out of my house for a temporary job in my state, but when im done I want to move to where he is. My parents do not like him just because of his age. Does he have to meet my parents first? My parents are not grounded in the Word and dont care if my other sisters sleep around so if they disapprove of a godly man does it matter? I know Im an adult but my parents still help me out financially and they are discouraging me to go through with this. Thanks for your help


Jack Wellman March 26, 2015 at 9:14 am

Hello Molly, I see a problem here. Imagine when you are just reaching your prime at about age 33, your husband, if you choose to marry him, will be 55 years old. Do you like the same music, movies, interest, do you want your own children? Does he want any more children? It is very hard to get to know someone well at all when they live over 900 miles away so I would be cautious. How well do you know this man? How many hours have you spent with him? Has most of your time getting to know him been over the Internet or the phone? I am not trying to tell you “No, don’t marry him” but I would have premarital counseling that you both need to go through. The divorce rate is lower when the couple have pre-marital counseling than when they don’t and once you are married, and after living with him in marriage, you will be joined with him for better or worse with no way out. I hope I have not discouraged you because we have to think about a lot of things and I have always strongly recommended marriage counseling before a couple marries.


Guidance Please April 2, 2015 at 9:43 am

i just read your article on True Love: How Do You Know When You Find It? I thought it was a great article and found it to a blessing and very encouraging.
At age 30 I’m in the process of trying to heal from past hurts and find my Purpose and GOD’s will for my life. I just got engaged to my bestfriend. He is an amazing Man of GOD, however, I struggle with discomfort from time to time because my fiance is shorter than me. He isn’t who I expected to me marrying but I love him.

I often struggle because the way I’ve felt about guys I’ve dating in the past is different from how I feel about my Fiance. I was madly in love with some of my exes but they weren’t good for me, the relationships were unhealthy and their was always drama. Maybe it was lust and they weren’t healthy relationships. GOD looks at a Man’s heart and I believe I should too. However, sometimes I’m not always as attracted as I would like to be to my fiance because of his short stature. These feelings make me feel really shallow and I would like to move past it but it’s a struggle. Everyone in my family is tall and I’ve always dated tall Men.

I often have negative thoughts and anxiety about being in public placing when I may have to wear high heels. We’re taking a pre-marital class at my church and I’m not unsure about getting married.

My fiance would make a wonderful husband, he’s my bestfriend, he treats me how I deserve to be treated, he prays for and with me, we attend church together, he’s patient, my family and friends love him and he’s a Man of GOD. However, I still struggle with doubt and fear. I’m trying to do what is right and ensure marrying my fiance is what GOD wants me to do.

I was wondering if there was any advice, bible scriptures or worlds of encouragement you could provide.

I just want to make the right choice and live in GOD’s will for my life.

Thank you in advance and have a blessed day.


Jack Wellman April 2, 2015 at 10:30 am

Thank you for your comment. I would say we have something special for you to read called “How to Find God’s Will in my Life” at I suggest you read this. I think you should focus, not on your feelings, but on this man’s heart. You might be being unfair to this man based upon the past for which he had nothing to do. God looks at the heart, not the size. Your doubt is from the enemy I would imagine. I would suggest you go to and enter the word “trust” and read each verse that comes up. You must learn to trust God and I believe you can trust this man from what you’ve told me but you cannot trust your own feelings. They are too subjective but God’s Word is objective truth.


Conquering Distance April 3, 2015 at 3:44 am

Hi Jack, your article is very enlightening. My ex-girlfriend from four years ago was not Christian. We didn’t had sex but had physical contacts which I believe is considered sexual immorality nonetheless. I regret and repent to God that I will never commit sexual immorality again. I was afraid that I would not be able to control myself when the time I enter a new relationship so I decided to use dating app to connect with a woman living in another country. I found a woman living in China who is a Christian. We talked a lot since then and have video calls and exchanged biblical notes and articles about love and marriage. We are very well aware of the fact that we live in different countries and all the challenges that go with it. I noted your earlier comment about the woman who has a relationship with a man living 900 miles away. In contrast to that woman, I intentionally entered into a long distance relationship to control myself from committing sexual immorality. Also, I know personally a pastor who proposed to his wife back then over the phone without personally meeting her. This was in the 90s when video calls are inexistent. My point is long distance relationships are possible.

It has been three months now since. I’ll be flying to China to meet her. But yesterday, she said she wants us to go back to the first stage of relationship which is to become friends. It didn’t matter to me at all because she’s a Christian. She wants to protect her heart. And she also said that she will continue waiting for me until the day of my flight to China which is about two months away. She further added that if this is God’s plan, then we will be together. True love is patient and I acknowledge that as truth so I did not make any obejections. I am 27 years old and she’s 23. I am now ready to start a family but my only concern is that we will have known each other only for about six months by the time we meet. Although I don’t have Chinese roots, I speak Chinese quite well as I learned it for years. I consider this a miracle finding a Christian Chinese woman because the ratio of Christians in China is extremely low. I had the desire to marry a Chinese woman after I found the beauty of their culture and language. Do you think it is the right time for me to propose when we meet?


Jack Wellman April 3, 2015 at 10:18 am

Dear “Conquering Distance” it sounds like to me you have the maturity and great desire to live in obedience to God that, yes, you seem ready to me. I sense you are more mature now than that time of a brief sexual immorality and God forgave you and you seem to be very ready now. Please let me know what you decide to do and then update us because you can give others hope that a long distance relationship can indeed work, as you said. May God richly bless you my friend and thank you sir for your comment.


Advice needed April 20, 2015 at 11:48 pm

Is it infatuation if as an 18 year old who is passionately in love with God, you have feelings for a strong Christian guy who is 2 years older? And what advice do you give in dealing with suh emotions?


Jack Wellman April 21, 2015 at 10:15 am

Thank you for a great question my friend. I don’t believe 2 years older is any issue at all. As long as this man is a Christian and you apparently are too, I see no problem. I would talk to your pastor about this and also, why not speak with the guy who is older than you about this? Maybe he doesn’t know how you feel. If you can’t do that, just try to trust God, contain your emotions and allow time to take its course in your life.


Emma April 27, 2015 at 9:05 am

Hello Jack,
Thank you for this teaching so inspiring for me. I just read this as I am going through something I never experienced before.
I am a 25 years old woman.I ended last year a 5-years relationship that I believed was not God’s will ( not a believer, sexual intercourse). I grew up spiritually in God’s faith during those years, which led me to take actions.
I am single now, My relationship with God is stronger. I took the decision not to start any relationship with anyone unless I know that this man is God’s Will. I have been praying God to prepare myself for when this day will come and been asking Him to send me this man. And currently, I think I found this man in my friend, I have issues recognizing if it is God’s answer as the man is in a relationship. So now I am asking God why? I am so sad..I know there might be a teaching for me in all of this, but I just can’t find it. And I am sad.. Just looking for some encouraging or fortifying words.


Jack Wellman April 27, 2015 at 10:28 am

Hello Emma. I am so sorry for such heartache. May I suggest you pray these three things:

To Draw Closer to God

When children are young, they typically come to their parents crying, telling them how they feel when something breaks their heart. For some reason, we as humans like to draw closer to one another when we are hurting. We need hugs, a touch and closeness. When our hearts are broken, the Lord says He draws closer to us as Psalm 34:18 says “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” When we are crushed by something in life, God draws nearer to us but we also tend to seek to draw nearer to Him. When we are anxious over something that’s broken our hearts Paul writes “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God” (Phil 4:6), even if that request is to be closer to a God Who loves you and cares for you.

Giving it over to God

When our load gets too heavy in life, when life’s events just weigh us down to the ground, it’s time to unload these cares and give them over to the Lord. Peter writes that we are to be “casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you” (1 Pet 5:7) so “Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved” (Psalm 55:22) and don’t try to carry this load all by yourself. You were never intended to carry such loads. Ask God to take it from off of your shoulders and put it into hands that can handle it. Jesus said “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matt 11:28-30). A yoke is where the weight was spread out and shared among the other animals pulling a load and the yoke made it easier to bear. That is what God wants us to pray…let Him take the load you cannot carry on your own.

Tears in a Bottle

God promises to wipe away every tear someday as John writes “God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away” (Rev 21:4) but until that time, ask God to help you cope with the tears today. I want you to pray for God to heal your broken heart and to realize that God notices your tears. How can I say that? The Psalmist says of God “You number my wanderings; Put my tears into Your bottle; Are they not in Your book? When I cry out to You” (Psalm 56:8-9a). What a tender picture of a caring God. Imagine God literally taking every tear of yours and storing them in a bottle and then putting them in His book. No tear is ever wasted. Think of the future when there’ll be no more sorrow, no more pain, no more suffering, and no more death. Pray for God to give you perspective on a glorious future to endure the hardships of today and when none of this will compare with the glory that’s coming (Rom 8:18).

What a tender heart God has and when our hearts are broken it keeps us humble and dependent on Him for consolation. A broken heart is a tender heart and that’s what God desires in each of His children so give it all over to God, draw close to Him, and think about the indescribable future we all have as His children in eternal glory.


Emma April 27, 2015 at 11:44 am

Thank you very much Jack. I will follow those advises, Hoping for strength and consolation. May God bless you! He only knows how much I needed that..


Jack Wellman April 27, 2015 at 11:49 am

Thank you Emma…I will also pray for you my friend.


varshini June 4, 2015 at 3:46 am

Respected Sir

I’m married and i have 1 child. during my college days i loved a person and i expressed to him but he din’t accepted. After 4 years now he is calling me and telling that he love me very much he wants me to his life partner till the end of his life. Now What to do with this sir. Please give me some suggestion.


Jack Wellman June 4, 2015 at 8:56 am

Thank you for your comment. If you are married, you cannot divorce and then remarry someone else. If this man is now calling you, doesn’t he know you’re married? If he is calling a married woman to show interest, what makes you think he won’t do it with you if you two got back together? Please talk to your pastor about this and I think he’ll agree, you cannot divorce to remarry an old lover as this is a great sin.


Unknown June 4, 2015 at 4:46 pm

Hi Good Day I need your advise.I have had my boyfriend for four years and he is everything anyone could ask for in a boyfriend, but things are not going so well I mean we are faithful to each other but lately I have been feeling miserable and like I need someone else.I know it is wrong but all I always wanted was to be married and live in Christ and do things that God wanted me too but things are not that way.I feel pressured by my parents my life.Is it wrong to want someone to be romantic and treat with like with grace and love.I do not feel a connection anymore.I chat with guys online and they make me happy and I smile and I enjoy their company more than my boyfriend.I do not want to make any rash decisions what should I do?I do not want God be made at me.


Jack Wellman June 4, 2015 at 4:50 pm

No, God would not be mad at you by breaking off the relationship with your boyfriend because it would be a horrible mistake to marry someone just because your parents pressured you but even worse, someone you don’t have romantic feelings over. The most important thing is whoever you decide to date, makes sure they are Christian because we’re not to date or marry non-Christians. Are there any Christians in your church? Talk to your pastor? Don’t do anything rash. Listen to your heart and not your parents or your boyfriend. It may hurt his feelings but its better than marrying someone and being miserable for the rest of your life and not having biblical grounds for divorce, then you’d be stuck for life!


Unknown June 4, 2015 at 5:13 pm

I have been thinking about it a lot. My boyfriend is such a nice person but the connection got lost and it not my fault.I chatting with two guys who are just friends.Both guys go to church often one being Catholic and the other being Pentecostal.The one that is Catholic he is successful and in love with me and says he is in love with me but we not not actually met,but he is romantic,very bold which can be intimidating.I like him he wants to meet my parents all the time.He is 31 years old stable workaholic and I am 26 will be 27 this year finishing up my degree.The other guy that is Pentecostal he is younger than me two to three years he is charming,spends alot of time doing things for God like me alot.I do not want to reach 30 and not be married and not have any kids.I need to know what God wants me to do.


Jack Wellman June 4, 2015 at 5:30 pm

The one older man who is 31 you say is a workaholic. This doesn’t sound good my friend. Do you want to be put last in your marriage and have work come before you? Are you Catholic or Pentecostal or a non-denominational church? I would talk with your pastor, be sure to get counsel and never marry anyone without premarital counseling or counsel before you get married. Do you want to work after you finish your degree? Would these men say that’s okay? Do you want children and they don’t? There are many reasons for counsel. Go slow because you only get one chance at marrying someone.


Unknown June 4, 2015 at 5:57 pm

Such an eye opener.No I would not like work to come before me.I am a Pentecostal and yes I want to go on to do my Masters in Clinical Psychology. Yes I want children and both of them want children.I think counselling would be great.Thank you Pastor.I believe I am a bit confused that this moment but God I trust that God will show me.


Euella June 16, 2015 at 1:55 pm

Hello, Pastor Jack!

I am 29, single and a Christian, still trying to figure out the Lord’s plan for my love life. I’ve been praying for my future husband who should be a man of God and suddenly there’s a guy who happens to be one of my childhood playmates, we haven’t seen each other for 19 years we just met recently when he visited the country where he was born. We started talking until he finally told me that he likes me but I don’t feel the same thing. He got back home but we are still talking up until now. He attends church and hangs out with his Christian friends but it seems he is not serious about being a Christian yet, not baptized yet coz he said he is not ready yet. He’s telling me he loves me now and is willing to wait for me. Am I doing the right thing to still entertain him even though I still don’t have feelings for him that’s because he is not a Christian? Or does God want to use me for this man to push him to have a serious relationship with Him? Should I stop entertaining him? I just want to get some advice from you, Pastor. I don’t want to make a wrong decision with this matter. Thank you! May God bless you and your family abundantly!


Jack Wellman June 16, 2015 at 2:12 pm

Thank you Euella for your comment. I am very concerned that for one thing, this man is not a Christian and we should not date or even consider dating an unbeliever (2 Cor 6:14). Also, you said you don’t feel the same about him as he does you. he is not ready to be “baptized” doesn’t mean anything but it does tell me is has not been saved. Baptism doesn’t save anyone anyway. You cannot “push” anyone to know Christ because salvation is fully done by God (Acts 2:47) and God adds to the church, we don’t. I would talk to your pastor about this. He needs to know. Keep your distance for now. An unbeliever is not one to date and getting into a relationship with one will do much harm. I say use caution or even danger.


Beckie July 2, 2015 at 9:36 am

Hi pastor, i am a believer about to web my fiance in 3months.he is also a believe but he is struggling with alcohol and worldly friends and that is the only issue with have in our relationship.Other than that he is God fearing, respectful , hardworking man.i Really want him to fully surrender to the Lord.How can i use wisdom and exercise patience with him in his struggles?


Jack Wellman July 2, 2015 at 9:43 am

Hello Beckie, as a longtime marriage counselor and pastor, I have seen these types of red flags turn out badly and people get stuck in bad marriages for which there was no grounds for divorce. I would put this marriage on halt because for one thing the Bible teaches that pastors are to be above reproach, not given to much wine and not a friend of the world….these disqualify him to even be a pastor. Don’t do this. Something tells me that this is going to turn out in a terrible way and you will regret it for the rest of your life. Read 1st John chapter 3 and tell me if you still think this man is truly saved and even qualifies to be a pastor. I do not. The very fact you are contacting me and have searched for this type of artice tells me that you don’t feel right about this. Don’t do this.


JordanLove July 9, 2015 at 9:48 am

Hi Sir,

I feel like I am faced with a dilemma. I met a guy about 6 months ago on a dating site. We chatted and I disappeared because my interest began to be somewhere else. We reconnected about 2 months ago and initially, I wasn’t interested in him (I was at the end of the “getting over” phase of another person, so I didn’t want to be bothered). We chatted here and there every so often until one day, he wanted to meet in person. During our chats, we found that we had a lot of commonalities: both Christians, worked for the same company, both introverts, both have good hearts and just want to please God. The day we were supposed to meet, I found out he was married and tried to cut it off. He begged me not to, but was dealing with his own guilt b/c again, he’s married and wants to do right in his marriage. We’ve had MANY discussions about how wrong this is and if we feel we are truly soulmates, to allow God to bring us together. During our back and forth, we had sex twice and I became pregnant. I had an abortion, which we’ve both asked for forgiveness for. We wanted to keep it, but he didn’t want to do things this way. We weren’t married, we were out of the Will of God, and we were sinning. So, after my abortion, we’ve decided to just let things be and allow God to bring us back together the right way. We still communicate, but we don’t cross boundaries such as kissing, sex, etc. We’ve prayed together, we talk about everything, we connect on a level that I’ve never experienced with anyone. However, I’m sold on waiting for God. I was initially afraid that if I let him go, I’d never get him back. But God’s spoken to me and told me true love is not fear. If we truly love each other, allow Him to bring us back together and trust that He will. So that’s where I am. Just want to know your thoughts on this. Our sins are great, but I pray that God will show mercy on us and give us a chance to do things His way and not our own.


Jack Wellman July 9, 2015 at 10:33 am

Thank you Jordan for your comment and question. Have you ever spoken with your own pastor about this? If so, what did he say and if not, why not? I have grave concerns for your soul my friend. This man is still married, right? Your relationship with him is not pleasing to God, of that you can be sure. You have already sinned and yes, God will forgive that but to continue this relationship with his still being married is a grievous sin. You already found out that he lied to you once about not being married. What makes you think he won’t do the same to you? You said “God’s spoken to me and told me true love is not fear” but what Bible verse is that. Don’t you know what happens to adulterers (REv 21:8, etc.)? His wanting you to have an abortion is another deadly sign of his sinful behavior. I see too many things in this man’s life that are not trustworthy. He was unfaithful to his wife, he was soliciting women online (apparently), he committed adultery, he continued the affair, he asked you to have an abortion (clearly taking an innocent human life) and so this pattern could well continue in your relationship. If he is still married, stay away. If not, seek godly counsel through your pastor. I see far too many red flags in this relationship. I fear God will never bless a relationship born of adultery and sexual immorality. I know this might upset you but I must stand by what the Bible teaches. If you truly want to live for Christ and not for self, I believe you should end this relationship right now or both of you possibly face God’s wrath someday.


Catherine July 10, 2015 at 2:45 am

Dear Jordan,
I read your question and comment and I am also going to be as open as possible. First, you said he is a Christian but he committed adultery with you and that behavior can never be Christian, second, he is married and it can never be the will of God for you to be with a married man, you can’t be the second wife ’cause Adam had one wife see Genesis2:18-25. You can’t be soul mate with a married man, in fact, someone who has no concern for your soul is not fit for you. Even if he was single, I wouldn’t say he is your soul mate by the fact that he made you do an abortion. Someone to be fit for you must be concerned about your soul, by talking of an abortion, he didn’t want his wife to know and that is a complete disqualification. Stop even believing God to bring you together with a man unfaithful to his wife more so married. Know that you are worth it, wait for your own husband and I am sure God will bring him in the right time. I am personally still single but I cannot date a man who is immoral or married. In my opinion, cut of the communication and seek counsel from your pastor ’cause I know it must be heart breaking. Continue in prayer and the word of God to find comfort for your soul. I pray that God helps you find your right man but stop there with that relationship, cut it off completely.


ken July 24, 2015 at 5:29 pm

Dear Sir

I would like your take on my situation , i have been a christian since 1984 , shortly after my conversion i prayed earnestly for a wife , and i recieved a confirmation of ”what i had asked for i shall recieve” , a few months later i met a girl through mutual christian friends , and it was mutual love at first sight , i even asked her do you know what i know she said yes. any way i asked her to marry me within 2 weeks and she said yes and we were so happy, then her parents who were methodist came against the marriage and also against my beliefs which my wife shared at the time by the end of 85 we had broken up through the stress and also i lost my temper and didnt want to see her again , which i have always regretted , she would not respond to my letters in 1990 i heard she got married and it just broke me i found out were they lived and wanted to kill him , by gods grace i didnt and had to repent, through this i had to ask god again for a wife , done in my closet, god confirmed my prayer cause when i prayed i said i want a wife lord and corrected myself and said need a wife , at fellowship the next day the Pastor repeated my prayer while preaching so a few months later i met my wife and got married , my problem is i could never forget my first love , and i have never felt the same about her as i did the first , even asked god to take it away from me but nothing has changed , i ended up asking god if i was going to marry my first girl , saying thing like this just doesnt happen , if it is so give me something to read about it , then i saw in a newspaper that a couple almost the same circumstance as us had been reunited after 28 years and got married , the women had got on with her life but the although married could not forget her , it was titled You never forget your first love , when i saw this i stopped praying it just ceased , then it seemed people in random converstaion would start telling me about couples separated after lengths of time being reunited , there is one snag there is no way that we can reunite unless both are partners are dead.i have not seen or heard my ex now in 30 years I hope this makes sense because it sure doesnt to me half the time , i would just like your take on it thanks



Jack Wellman July 24, 2015 at 5:53 pm

Thank you sir for your comment. You have been on an amazing journey, haven’t you. Wow. I am so sorry for all this heartache for you. This does make sense. You are right that it would take the death of both of your spouses to be able to remarry your first love. Does your first love (is she also your first wife?) feel the same about you? Or do you know? Either way, there is not much you can do but try to put Christ first and seek Him above all other people and things (Matt 6:33) which is what we’re supposed to do anyway. I wish I could’ve been more help sir and for that, I am sorry.


Kay September 2, 2015 at 6:48 am

Dear Sir. God bless you for the great work you are doing here. I do have a question I’ve been battling with. Firstly, I am a believer, Nigerian, 26 and trusting God for a spouse. Two guys in my church have asked my hand but I just couldn’t accept because I was not attracted to them in any way. They possess most of the qualities I want but there’s still no attraction nor interest in them.One of them has a character flaw that I know I can’t live with, he talks too much, is prone to gossips and acts ladylike which I think is because of his profession but I just can’t stand it, otherwise, he’s God-fearing,hardworking,caring and vision-driven. Most of my friends seem to think something is wrong with me, and I even started believing them. They said I’m too selective. My Pastor said attraction should not be a basis for making the choice of a partner but I think attraction is important as I find it even hard relating with them conversationally. I tried for 8months to be friends with one of them but it just wasn’t working as we weren’t ‘flowing’, and most times I feel irritated when I see their calls like they are bothering me, no excitement whatsoever. Is something wrong? Secondly there’s a guy in my church I’m really attracted to but he doesn’t seem to be ‘looking my way’. we relate well in church but it has never gone beyond the church walls, only when we see in church. Initially, I thought the feelings would die a natural death but it just won’t go. I’ve prayed about it and almost everyday, I ask God to help me deal with it and cause it to dry up if there’s nothing in it for me or if we were not meant to be. He’s a young and upcoming believer unlike the others who are matured and grounded and are leaders too. Sir please what should I do?


Jack Wellman September 2, 2015 at 8:46 am

I believe there is nothing wrong with you. If you are not attracted to them, then God has not put that desire in your heart. If we marry someone we’re not attracted too, we can end up miserable and then bound till death since marriage is for life. I would ignore your friends and the advice your pastor gave is not right. I would keep in prayer over this younger man you are attracted to. Ask God to make it obvious whether he is the one that is best for you. Those feelings may be an indicator that he might be the man but stay on your knees and ignore what others say. Trust God. Love sometimes takes time to develop and may take time for this young man to start having feelings for you.


Shodiya Olajide September 8, 2015 at 7:59 am

i am 35 years old and i have not marry yet.
in the course of searching for love with my own understanding without involving the most high God to help me, i got carried away and impregnated a lady that is not equally yoke with my new spiritual life. i accepted the baby though the baby is still with the mother but i never accept to marry the mother. right now want a life partner and i dont want to be mislead. how should i go about searching for God fearing woman that will accept me with my error.?
may God bless u as u reply to my comment by sending me mail.


Jack Wellman September 8, 2015 at 10:21 am

Hello Shodiya. I believe that you will find godly women in the local churches. Where else can you find women of faith? Not in the world. If they are not worshiping God with the local Body of Christ, then that woman would not be a good match for you anyway. Talk to your pastor about this and see what he says. That is my suggestion.


ashley September 26, 2015 at 10:28 am

HI, it’s been about 4-5 months now that I have left my abusive 5 year relationship with the father of my child/ex boyfriend . I am 22 year old Christian and I have a 2 year old daughter. Ever since I broke off the relationship I have committed myself to become celibate until marriage and seek God’s righteousness over again since I messed up and fornicatEd the first time. Thus, there is this guy that I knew as a mutual friend of my nephew and cousin and we were also friends for about 2 years now but we didn’t stay in contact because he live 400 miles away. However, he has always liked me and always tried to ask my nephew what type of girl I am, what do I like in a man and etc. I knew he liked me but I didn’t think anything of it before because I was in a relationship back then and he made sure not to cross those boundaries and over step his place. Thus, when I went back home one month ago, I saw him unexpectedly at a soccer game and he expressed his interest in me. I asked him if he was a Christian and he said yes. I told him that I am not having sex until marriage and if he doesn’t except that then we can’t be together. He stated that was no problem. Now we are currently dating. My question is do you think that it is weird that recently for two days straight something inside of me keeps repeating to me that this guy is the “one” my soulmate. I prayed about this and asked God for answers and to take him out of my life if he is not the one that is intended for me but God let him remain. This is scary because we just started dating and I don’t know him that well. Can this be God talking to me? How do I know where this voice is coming from telling me that he is the one?


Jack Wellman September 26, 2015 at 11:30 am

Hello Ashley. Thank you for your comment and question. Jesus said that we will know “them by their fruits” meaning a genuine Christian will produce godly fruit. It seems this man is a believer and that’s great. One thing you said or asked was how do you know if he’s the “one?” I already like this man and your commitment to holiness and refrain from premarital sex. That is an indication of the Spirit working in you. It is scary, yes. I think if you think he might be the one, then keep seeking God’s will in prayer (as you’ve done) and living in holiness (which you’ve done) and pray for God to move in this man’s heart if he is one that He would approve of as a husband. Praying for this but committing it to God’s will is all you can do. Yes, it could be God talking to your heart and if you would talk to your heart, would you agree with God? Praying it is God’s will which is always best!


Ashley September 26, 2015 at 1:51 pm

Thank you soo much for responding. Yes, my heart does agree and I will take your advice to keep seeking God’s word and to continue praying for God to reveal/confirm this to me. Thank You.


John October 27, 2015 at 1:08 pm

Hi Pastor…

I am in a relationship with my gf whom i known her about 2 years now… but in a relationship for 4 months. We really love each other and care for each other…. but there are many problems we faced… like:-
1. My family doesn’t approved of our relationship because she is older then me by 2 years. But even before our relationship,we have discuss and agreed that age difference doesn’t matter as long as we love each other ..(Does The bible Say something about age difference…? Or …)
2.I am a christian(Protestan) and She is catholic… Does this counts as a non-christian? ( Because the BIBLE says,christian should not marry non-christian) . But she is really a good and obedient girl going to church regularly
3. But the saddest part is that, she isn’t Virgin anymore… when she told me,she said “i am ready to do anything or even break up if u want.. but i told u because i really love you and wanna share everything with u, including my deepiest secret” and then i was so sad at the same time confused… and pray to God to give me strength to Forgive and forget her” and i forgive her…. and till now i cant forget it totally so i keep on praying to God to forget about it…

So, pastor… is what i did is right or what do u want me to do…. i was so confused and worried … but dont wanna let her know…

Is she the right one for me ……?
Should i continue to date her…?


Jack Wellman October 27, 2015 at 1:33 pm

Thank you John. Is she the right one? Should you continue to date her? For one thing, I greatly admire this woman’s honesty. She could have kept that secret so I respect her for that. Also, do you both think about if you get married, where the children will attend? At the Catholic Church or your church? Will this be a potential conflict. If your Catholic wife believes that Jesus was sinless, was born of a virgin, died for our sins, was raised on the 3rd day, and is coming back to bring us into the kingdom and also, if she has repented (turned away, forsaken her sins, which it sounds like she had) and trusted in Christ, she is saved. Whatever you call someone, Catholic or Protestant, if they have faith in Christ and not in themselves (Eph 2:8-9) then they are God’s child.

Also, age does not matter, certainly not two years! That is totally insignificant to me. No problem.

Date her, talk about church matters, where the children will go, if the relationship moves that far. This will help you to hopefully avoid marital conflict. Pray, date, stay pure, and trust God and He will make it clear to you both!

May God richly bless you John.


Waterlily October 30, 2015 at 3:22 pm

i enjoyed the article very much. i am drawn to the comment by conquering distance, as i am in a very similar situation.
i am a christian and i have tried to seek God’s will. last year i began contact with a guy online from another country. i admired him because he seemed so grounded in Christ and we became friends. then i started liking him. i wanted to stop because i thought the situation was impossible.being so far apart. however, after some online drama(lol) he reciprocated my feelings. i had almost broken off contact because i didnt want to entertain feelings for one whom i thought isnt meant for me.
we have so many differences though. his culture and mine. and my profession. i am a doctor and he is a farmer. i have never heard of such a match.we are planning to meet also very soon. i dont know if it is impolite or out of propriety but i sooo would like to know the outcome of Conquering Distance’s story. i know it will not necessarily reflect mine but perhaps his testimony will encourage me.
also, is it possible to have physical attraction to one you have never met?
we are ever in prayer. i will not do anything out of God’s plan and purpose. i am 26 years, been single all my life and i had always asked God to let my first boyfriend be my husband. and to encourage others i will say that this happened for my mother and my sister who asked for this. i know God knows our desires. and God has good plans for us. and i believe that my God is not this whole relationship, although we are not labelled as bf/gf is important to me.
God bless you pastor!:)


Jack Wellman October 30, 2015 at 5:14 pm

Thank you for your comment and question Waterlily. I believe physical attraction is good and yes, you can be attracted to someone you’ve never met. Yes, God has plans for you, and it might include this man “so grounded in Christ” (love that!). Please remember to abstain from any premarital sex as God will never bless any relationship that has fornication but saves themselves for marriage. May God richly bless you Waterlily.


Ann November 21, 2015 at 4:21 pm

Dear sir,

Im a 27 year old single lady…im confused, lonely a nd tired of being single….

..the beginning of this year i promised God and myself i would stay away from fornication and focus on God. In the past i had given my body to men i was dating and i always felt hurt..more alone than i felt when single….the relationships never worked out

So this year i met a guy (guy A)who was not my type..he was hAndsome flashy shallow but very caring and nice to me…a lot of boxes ticked like he had a good job…he liked children…my parents adored him…so did my friends..but.he wasnt the praying type although we would go to church together..he wasnt spiritual.i told him i was not a virgin but i wanted to wait till mar riage…he said 3months i feell madly in love with him and after one drunken night we fell into sin..he didnt even .try to stop us..the relationship dwindled therafter…..he wasnt into me anymore.after 5months……i felt so hurt

Now another boyfriend (boy b)from my past…who all of a sudden wants me….he prayerful..older than me he is 37.. He is an engineer so his job takes him away for months…so we dont see often and he doesnt communicate properly….he is weird …but i dont know if i love him

I want the guy A back …praying for him to love me and God to change him

Im like guy b Yet cant be the one….though we have chemistry we talk but yet something is not right..
Im confusef and lonely


TheHonestTruth November 24, 2015 at 10:06 am

Well these days it is very extremely hard to really find love which years ago it was certainly much easier.


Petunia December 15, 2015 at 7:59 am

Good day Sir,I have reading your articles and they’re motivating and inspiring.I’m 26 single mom of 2,have a good job.I am born gain Christian, I love God,i believe that Jesus is my Christ Messiah.My problem when coming to relationship im struggling,i tend to find a man with caring and good heart,a believer but along the way nothing will work out,I fast and pray,I love my kids with all my heart,sometimes i would give-up on relationships and sometimes i would feel that i need to be married like any other ladies. Please advice.Have a blessed day


Jack Wellman December 15, 2015 at 9:08 am

I am so sorry this is so painful. Have you spoken with your own pastor about this? If so, what did he say and if not, why not talk to him? You can also submit prayer requests to the many saints in your church too. Just trust God, obey Him and perhaps God will send a godly man to your church because church is likely the best possible source for God directing a man your way.


Jamie December 17, 2015 at 1:33 pm

Pastor Wellman,
I am 28 years old and have been in a relationship for one and a half years. I knew I loved him about 6 months into our relationship. Two years ago I was in a very bad place and God delivered me from it and brought my now boyfriend to me once I returned to His will. I am struggling now though as he hasn’t told me he loves me yet. I feel like he does with the way he acts toward me and all of the things he does for me like putting me first but I am not sure. I have been waiting patiently but so much time has passed and he hasn’t said it yet. When I told him I loved him he told me that in his past relationship he tossed that word around so carelessly and he wanted to make sure this time before he said it. I understand and respect that but it has been so long now and still nothing. Time is ticking away and I don’t understand why it’s so hard for him to say it. What should I do? He never really talks much about marriage and says he hopes we are together in a couple of years but isn’t sure about the finer details. I am confused. He shows me he loves me but won’t say it.


Jack Wellman December 17, 2015 at 3:23 pm

Talk to him about it today but let me ask you. Are you a Christian I take it? I would think you are by visiting this site and seeking advice on how to do the right thing. Is your new boyfriend a Christian? What are your ages? I suppose you are both adults? Have you ever spoken with your parents or your pastor about this? Does he go to your church or not at all? It is easier to say you love someone than to show it and you say he shows it but you have doubts. Talk to him directly about what you just wrote me. Be honest with him. This is the thing you can do at this time. You don’t want to force him to say “I love you” but he should want to say it.


Unknown January 6, 2016 at 8:28 am

Hello Sir

I am a 25 year old Christian. Although i have had some sexual past sins, my walk with Christ has been stronger than ever over the years since i repented. A young single Man of God, 27yrs, became an associate pastor at our church a year ago. He has a personal relationship with God and is also very cautious when it comes to ladies, relating to the fact that he is single. I was attracted to him the first time i saw him but i thought it was something normal so didn’t pay any attention to my feelings. Being someone who stays near him at the mission house, I’ve had the opportunity to study him greatly for a year and its too surprising to knw that he has most of the qualities i want in my future husband. I am the only lady who has ever been close to him but i keep thinking its because we stay close. He treats me very well as a friend. And i also made sure to supress whatever feelings i have for him and see him as a friend and pastor. However, I remember a time, a church member( a friend) of mine got sick and couldn’t make it to church on Sunday. The pastor asked me if i knew her house so we visit her, which i did…but from there he drove both of us to a place to have lunch. That really got me confused and wanted to believe he did that because he might have been hungry. There was a time he also asked me to accompany him to a wedding with a friend.He still treats me as a friend and that’s making me more anxious.
There is this other Christian guy who is 10yrs older than me. I can see his interest in me even though he hasn’t said it. And knw that if i give him little chance, he will ask for my hand. I will have no problem marrying him. I can also easily love him as a husband. but it seem my heart aches for the first one. Now my concern is, What if the first one doesn’t have any interest in me. Shd i accept if the second one asks for my hand?. How do i knw the one God has planned for me?


Jack Wellman January 6, 2016 at 9:18 am

I cannot tell you who is right for you of these two men. Trust God, live a life pleasing to God and then leave the results up to him. I would not be quick to marry the one who’s ten years older because you said your heart aches for the associate pastor. Why not talk to him about this? What have you got to lose? read this about how to know when it’s true love at:


Steph January 28, 2016 at 7:44 pm

Good day! Is there a word “forever”? Can you define it, thanks in advance


bryan February 4, 2016 at 6:30 am

Hi, Pastor, I am born again christian .Now i am more than 40 years old still single. i would like to know does God have prepared someone for me as life partner and will I get marry. I guess its very hard to tell because of my age and time …Right ?


Jack Wellman February 4, 2016 at 12:51 pm

only God knows this my friend, Bryan. I would see if there is a singles Bible study available at your church. If not, why not start one?


Brittany February 7, 2016 at 7:16 pm

Dear pastor, I have a friend of sorts that I have known for almost 20 years. Early on in this friendship, he said he loved me. Naturally i didn’t believe it because I know how modern men are these days about women. I had a father that claimed to be a Christian, but didn’t live accordingly. I have had a hard time on Earth because of my father and his son, not to mention all kinds of lower life forms that were supposed to be men. It seems that all the trashy ones came my way. I have had very conflicting feelings about religion and religious people, especially the ones that claim to be Christians but don’t live by example. But now I’m 43 and I want to do the right thing and know more about Christianity. The big problem here is that my ‘friend’ has been after me for years, and he definitely is not an angel. He has done drugs in the past, he has drank since his father gave him alcohol when he was a child, he smokes like a smoke stack, and he says he has read the old testament and claims that it says that it’s o.k. to do the sex thing any time you want to. That’s not what I got from that part of the Bible. I know that it said that people did those things, but the Bible doesn’t condone that kind of bad behavior, among many other kinds as well. He claims he respects me, but then why does he get all touchy feely then? I know it’s because he regards me as a woman first, a person second, and a toy to play with. I saw that ad on t.v. for Christians Mingle, and it said find God’s match for you. A really big question: Is he God’s match for me? We get along and have conversations and have fun driving around Texas, and we do have a lot in common. But several years ago, I told him to be completely honest with me about what he wanted from and with me. So he blatantly said, “I want to have sex with you.” But I’m not a whore, and I don’t want to be one or be treated as one. I was raised by a very decent, moral mother. She’s truly a great lady. And a huge part is: I am not the least bit attracted to this guy. But he is to me. I assume he is like so many other guys that I’ve encountered: if he professes his love for me, I’m just supposed to fein love and give myself to him. But I just can’t bring myself to be with someone I’m not attracted to. Why can’t I find a decent guy to have a great relationship and marriage with? Those guys out there think I’m being unreasonable because I don’t let them jump me. I haven’t been an angel in the past, but it’s time to just have the best life I can possibly have with God. Do you know the answers to these questions? Info would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading.


Jack Wellman February 7, 2016 at 9:26 pm

If you are not attracted to them, don’t even think about a relationship because a relationship, just like a marriage, to someone you’re not totally devoted to would be worse than being alone. Many are in marriages, not trapped, and are miserable. I would see if the church has a singles group for a Bible study. If not, start one. I wish I could help you more. I am sorry for such loneliness.


Johnson February 26, 2016 at 9:06 am

Good Afternoon sir, I had read majority of post and solutions you had proffer sir. In my own case, I believe so much in God that he his the alpha and the omega, he knew what we know. Am at my early 30,i met a your girl who I aged about 12years,she is a nurse and a lady of my age I am fortunate to aged her by a month, I have feelings for her than the young girl who Is a nurse and currently now our dialogue is well matured and serious as if we had been waiting for so long to met each other. The young girl now hope as well am there for her but my inner man wisper to me always that what if this young girl later reject me by laying me off with excuse of the age difference… in between the two pastor, what should I do to salvage a fake promises..Thank you sir.


Jack Wellman February 26, 2016 at 10:10 am

Thank you Johnson for your comment sir and I would say if you do not love this woman, don’t marry her. You cannot deny your feelings and if you marry someone you are not 100% sure about, wait, counsel with your own pastor, and date for a time. If you are only worried about her leaving you, then you don’t have enough trust yet to marry. How long have you dated? Have you talked with your own pastor about this? If so, what did he say? If not, why not?


micheal February 27, 2016 at 12:41 pm

Great work pastor, I will be glad if u can give me your advise on this issue I am. There is a christian sister which Is 4 years older than me, we find out that there is this feeling between us then we try to seek God’s face and we saw a sign of good future but my question is , the age difference how will I cope with it. She is a devoted christian


Jack Wellman February 27, 2016 at 12:43 pm

This is no problem sir. Sarah was 10 years younger than Abraham and they were blessed greatly by god. No problem God bless you my beloved brother in Christ, Michael.


Shay March 2, 2016 at 4:31 am

Dear Pastor,
I have recently starting talking to a old boyfriend again. We had originally met 6 years ago at a church event. We were both in high school. Our relationship was good. We both mutually ended the relationship, because we were too young and college pulled us apart. He recently got back into contact with me, and says he misses me. We have not met in person yet, but have been talking every day on the phone. I have been praying for my future husband for the past year, and praying for God to bring him into my life. I have a strong feeling this man might be him. However, he told me is in a relationship right now. He says he is planning on ending it with her because she has stated she loves his money more than him. This worries me very much. He has said he would like to pursue a relationship with me. I do feel guilt about talking to him when he has a girlfriend even if he isn’t cheating because I have made it clear I only want to talk as friends until he is single. I have very strong feelings for him, and feel that he is the answer to my prayers. But How can I be sure? How do I know he is being honest about ending the relationship he is in?


Jack Wellman March 2, 2016 at 8:16 am

I would not trust your feelings because feelings are so unreliable. I have great concern about this old boyfriend. If he were really serious about you he would end his relationship immediately. You need to meet him in person again because he could be married or living in sin with his girlfriend now or worse, be secretly married. You cannot be sure of any relationship if you haven’t seen him in person lately.


jill May 16, 2016 at 3:16 pm

Hello sir, i have been in love with this man for 4 years now. I knew him through a friend. Ihave done my best to forget about him but i cant do it after all this years. He is not commited in his faith he loves sex and wordly things. When i knew him, he was living in a different part of town but when i begun to fall inlove with him i decided to stay away from him because of his lifestyle.I am a born again christian and i feel that being in a relationship with him will make me go down the wrong path. However, when i decided to move on, i started seeing him in my neighbourhood only to realise that he had moved close to where we live. his parents were staying there.I feel like there are too many coincidences bringing us together. Should i pray that God changes him while i stay away and hope that we will be together in the future? I also have this guy we met on an online dating website but it feels like am doing all the chasing and its becoming very frustrating for me. Iam very attracted to him and he is a born again christian who is committed to his faith but we live very far from each other and we hardly communicate. we do try from time to time but i mostly initiate it. but he always calls back when he gets my missed call alerts. please tell me what should i do? should i stop contacting him as he doesnt seem to put much effort into it?


Jack Wellman May 16, 2016 at 3:40 pm

Yes, do just as you said, “pray that God changes him while i stay away and hope that we will be together in the future.” God says come out of her my people and partake not in her sins. All sexually immoral people God will judge and trust God pray about it and don’t go against your conscience.


Nana May 17, 2016 at 6:01 am

Please pray for me. I met this guy and he told me I am his wife as he prophetically told me a lot of things about me that I had never told anyone. He was on 21days fasting. We met later and started this relationship on a footing of marriage. He told me to pray and seek God concernin g this. I took a fast and did not get conformation but we ontinued dating anyway. He works in another town and comes on weekends but he hardly has time for me and his communication is also poor. When we talk he is still on his promise but I do not see progress as he does not have time to court me and allow me to know him better. He promises me a lot of good things on the phone. I find myself calling him most of the time. He told me he was in a separation for four years and marriage irreparable. Said he believed we met at the =right time as he needed someone by his side as he goes through the period. I am worried if he told me the truth as his unavailability makes me concerned. I love him so much and believe he does too we are so compatible but i feel the timing is not right and I want him as a husband and not boyfriend, same as he said. I tried to take him out of my mind but I cannot. He has all that I prayed and asked for from God for a husband. We started well in March, April has been difficult and May even more as I have not seen him for a full month now apart from just talking on the phone and listening to his affirmations, even though he comes to my town every weekend. Have not met any of his friends or relatives yet and he had promised to take me to his church when the time is right.. I desperately need to know the heart of God concerning this and also what is the purpose of meeting this guy. HELPPPP


Jack Wellman May 17, 2016 at 8:11 am

Hello Nana. I am very concerned when someone calls themselves a prophet or prophecies and this man has already been married so marrying someone that’s been married is seen as adultery so I would talk to your pastor about this. Much about this man doesn’t seem right. There are no more prophets today and the Bible never says that there will be latter day prophets so for now, stay away and talk to your pastor. Marrying someone like this is adultery and God will judge all that do such things (1 Cor 6; Rev 21:8).


Patrisia Padilla June 16, 2016 at 2:55 pm

Good morning pastor, before i continue the reason i come to you is because i can’t approach my pastor with this issue due to him not being a great example (im seeking for another church) any how here is my question, when i was in Jr high i met this guy who always liked me and asked me out but i never gave him a chance even though i did like him but we were young. Anyhow this was 20 years ago. During my life we lost touch and saw each other here and there bumping into each other in the streets. A few years ago i had a feeling with in me to look for him but since i knew he was running with a gang i stopped myself with the fear of finding out he was dead. Like 2 years ago that same feeling came back, something in me told me to look for him. So i did, i prayed that if i found him it was not to find out something i couldn’t handle. Well i went on a search in social media and nothing, google and nothing. i thought wow he can’t have not disappear so i kept looking. Somehow i searched the jail and found several guys with the same name and last name, keep in mind thats all i knew and that he was close to my age. I found 3 so i decided just to write 1 letter to 1 of them with 2 questions, ” Do you remember Whaley? and Does Lechuga ring a bell?” To my surprise a few days later i got a response back. He said yes!!!, Patty the girl i always had feelings for but never gave me the chance, Btw Lechuga was the name my mom gave him. We kept writting, and i learned that he is finishing a 6 year sentence, anyhow this guy met the Lord in jail now in prison, i struggle with my walk due to a lot of personal problems i was having in which i lost my smile, my happiness, my hope i was slowly giving up. This guy began to send me scriptures and i go and read them all, he gives me homework or so he says, in which he ask me to study certain stories in the bible and he ask me questions. I began to seek God, I started going back to church we write each other focusing on the Lord, i have send him books that would help his walk with the Lord and he tells me about books i buy for myself that have been a huge blessing to my life. Yes he made many mistakes in his past which i have too, we are getting to know each other one more time but i can honestly say i feel real happy specially because he is trying to build a friendship with my kids through letters, things that not even my kids father have tried. I have 3 kids ages 17, 14 and 12. We have suffered our entire lives but this time everyone is noticing the positive change in me. I believe God is working on him and I. We both have the same goals in life which is continue to grow our relationship with God and if God allows build a relationship and possible marriage. He has never brought up sex because he wants to build a strong foundation and be my back bone. We both have agreed that God would put everything in its place. My question to you is, do you think this can be possible? I haven’t felt what i am feeling for him never. Can his change be real. I have left it real clear to him that i would support him as long as he is in the road to a new life and change. But if i ever see him falling back to his old ways i will walk away. His focus has always been his mom and grandmothers in which he lost 1 while being in prison which hurts him alot. I know God works miracles and has his perfect timing for everything and i believe this is whats happening to us.


Jack Wellman June 16, 2016 at 4:29 pm

Hello Patrisia. Yes, give him a chance. God says in his word that love believes all things (1 Cor 13) and that means love gives people the benefit of the doubt. God is the God of 2nd, 3rd, (& etc) chances. You will know in time. I agree, if he falls back into his old ways, drop him You seem already prepared to me to receive this blessing if that’s what ends up happening. I will pray for you both. Great risks can lead to great rewards.


Patrisia Padilla June 16, 2016 at 4:45 pm

Thank you very much Pastor, i am tearing up because you are right. Great risks can lead to great rewards and we both feel and believe that its our time to be happy for once in this life. We know that with God being first in our relationship great things will come to us. He as well had given up and began his walk going on 3 years and struggles because of his situation but also shares how he is a totally different person who just wants a chance to show people he can do right because he is also tired of suffering. He wants to do things right. Even though i am 33 years old, he wants to be accepted by my kids but my parents as well. He already has plans to take off some tattoos that really need to go and get a job. He tells me 1st thing is 1st, we both agree to attend the house of the Lord to give him thanks for giving us an opportunity and for his mercy upon both of us when he gets out. He does bible studies in prison and shares with me what he learns. We both feel like God brought us back together in the time when both needed to be picked up and guided back.


Shannon Hohndorf June 16, 2016 at 11:07 pm

Hi pastor. I was trying to find some good biblical advice online and I came across this article. I just need some advice. So I’m a 16 year old girl, and s few years ago we left a bad situation at or old church and stayed attending a new one. We live the church so much; I especially love it, because I love the youth group, as I was bullied by the one at poor old church. Well, there was one guy in the group (it’s not a huge church) but I didn’t pay much attention to him. LOL, we kind of drove each other nuts with football rivalries. (but not in a mean way) Anyways, as I got to know the youth group better, I found myself liking him more and more. I didn’t want to get too attached to him or anything, especially if it I was just crushing on him out of lust. But as I got to know him, I couldn’t help myself from liking him even more. As I watched him some, I started to think that he liked me too. I kept seeing more and more evidence that he liked me. Now, the whole time I was and I still am praying and asking God, that if I need to forget about him, that He would show me that and I’ll stop. Well, time has gone on, and I’m 99.9% sure that he likes me too. Then recently, in my devotional book, there was a devotion about praying for your future spouse. Following that, I seem to be thinking about the guy I like more than ever. I’m not saying that I’m in love with him, cause I’m only sixteen and I’ve never even been on a date. He’s a very nice guy, and he loves the Lord. Although he kinda tries to act tough on the outside, he’s very tenderhearted. He’s super sweet, and it’s adorable watching him play with his little sister; he loves his younger sister to death. I’d just appreciate some advice. It’s it bad that I like him so much, even if I’ve never dated him? Like I said, I’m not saying I’m in love with him. I’m just am average teenage girl seeing some godly advice.


Jack Wellman June 17, 2016 at 8:50 am

Hello Shannon and thank you for your comment and question. I am so sorry for such uncertainty right now. Just trust God and stay sexually pure and leave the results up to God. God will honor your purity. Just keep doing what you are doing…just be his friend and control your thoughts of him and make them only godly thoughts. Trust God, obey God, pray to God, and then leave the results up to Him.


Taylor June 17, 2016 at 2:44 am

Hi Jack,

I’m dealing with a really big struggle here. I’m 18 and my boyfriend is 22. Recently, he told me he wants to find himself and get closer to God and that he still wants me to be there but no physical affection except for hugs. It’s like we’re best friends. I don’t see any problem in finding himself or getting closer to the Lord because being the closets possible to God is amazing. We used to spend everyday together and I know that is not a good balance. I’m struggling with the thoughts of him being with someone else while I am waiting for him to get through this process. How does one have the strength and faith to go on without knowing? How do i not become a shell in this process while trying to protect my feelings. I know we’re young but I prayed the Lord would bring me someone who is a Christian and faithful and everything a man of God is. Someone who is my best friend. And that’s him. I feel so blessed that he is in my life. I feel so much for him and I can’t just believe that this is the end for us. I need some guidance here on how to act during this time of unknown. Should there be a time limit I wait? How do I know what to say and where’s the line of what I can ask him and what I can’t?


Jack Wellman June 17, 2016 at 8:41 am

Hello Taylor. I am so sorry for your struggle right now. I do like your boyfriends commitment to no physical affection rather than hugs. That shows me that this boyfriend may be right for you. Time will tell if he’s right for you. Just trust God, pray for him and obey God. There should be no time limit thought because that will put pressure on him and may make him run away. You are blessed to have a boyfriend that wants to live a life of being closer to God and to stay away from sexual immorality. That is rare my friend. Thank God for him and just be patient.


Taylor June 17, 2016 at 8:49 pm

But even in times when he’s not talking to me? I feel like I want to talk to him so much and he is just trying so hard to do this that he doesn’t realize how much I’m hurting.


Josh June 17, 2016 at 4:56 am

Hello jack
I don’t what this is, I’m not a deep Christian myself, but since I met this girl I’ve been going to church, changed a lot of bad habits then I finally fell for her. I’ve asked God to tell me if she’s the one but the response is slow.
I’ve been unto her for a year now, then I finally told her how I felt and she turned it down (she doesn’t feel the same way) I tried being friends the deeper into fell… I’ve tried giving her space to get over it still is can’t, I’ve tried praying about it still is can’t still get my mind off her… I don’t know what to do. I love her we still talk but it’s hurtful know she doesn’t feel the same way.


Jack Wellman June 17, 2016 at 8:19 am

Hello Josh, I am so sorry for such heartache my friend. I would say that you wouldn’t want to be married to someone who didn’t really love you, would you? I know that must hurt but God cannot put love in another person’s heart. Just tray to treat this woman like a lady and pray about it and leave the results up to God. When all you can do about something is pray, pray is all you must do. I will too sir.


Natalee Peter June 19, 2016 at 11:16 pm

Good day Mr. Wellman

I had a brief encounter with an officer, in which he had reprimanded me and sent me on my way. I’m not normally attracted to anyone in the field also I have a fear of guns. Several days later I found myself thinking about this cop who I can’t even remember what he looks like.

I have prayed for him and his family; if he has one. I’ve been questioning the Holy Spirit why… Why am I thinking about him all the time, why am I developing feelings for an unknown person? All this is new and strange to me. I have been out of a relationship for six years and had been asking God to heal my heart. This is just a strange scenario.

I’m trying to shut up and allow the Holy Spirit to answer/speak, if he decides to. It’s just that my head is filled with roaring questions.



Ellie June 24, 2016 at 12:06 pm

Hi Pastor Wellman, I’ve observed that you are taking time to reply the comments made by others. May God bless you for this! I’ve read your article and I am extremely torn.

I am a christian young woman (20s)who has grown up in church&involved in ministry. I’m torn between two men who I love.One is kind,ambitious, loving and treats me very well.I have grown to know him very well.My Christian parents have come to know him and love him.the thing is, he is not a Christian& he says that if we are married, he will never stop me from attending church but he says that he’ll not attend church regularly with me.

The other guy I love is in the military. Him and I live in different states (pretty far way from each other) He has been an awesome friend and he is a Christian.We have similar values but I am terrified to pursue things with him.He wants to eventually marry me but I don’t know what to do. I have known him for years and we have maintained our friendship by skyping and telephone conversations and his occasional visits to my state. We have not spent long amounts of time physically in each other’s company,just countless hours on the phone everyday. My parents have met him many times and know him as my friend.

Marrying him will require me moving and leaving my parents. I’m their only child and I care about them so much.I’m super terrified to tell them that I have deep feelings for the military guy.I fear their disapproval and disappointment because they might not want me to move and they have not gotten the chance to get to know him.

I have been diligent in praying and reading God’s word Everyday. Any advice?I have no one else to talk to. I’ll truly appreciate your response


Jack Wellman June 24, 2016 at 1:29 pm

You likely know that you are not to marry an unbeliever and be unequally yoked. The man may not stop you from going to church but a house divided will not end well. Will he want his children to be in church? How long will he tolerate your Christianity, your Bible reading and so on? As for the Christian man in the military, in the very first wedding ceremony God said that man shall leave his father and mother (of course, the same is true for women) so this is what you must do. You cannot live with or near your parents all your life. You will need your own life. I would speak with your own pastor over this too. He should be able to help you. Keep praying, obey God, cut off the relationship with the non-believer (yes, it will hurt) and then trust God and leave the results up to Him for HE controls the heart, even of a pagan king (Prov 21:1). I will pray you choose wisely.


Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Previous post:

Next post: