How do you know it is true love when you find it? How can you be sure it is true love or just infatuation? What are the differences between lust and love?
It is not a “falling in love” as much as it is a growing in love.
The World’s Definition of Love
Most people use the word love loosely. They love their team…they love to win…the love the spring, but this is not really the essence of love. The dictionaries definition of love is a tender affection for someone or something; a romantic or sexual feeling for someone; to like something or someone very much. None of these definitions will help someone who is looking for true love that would lead to marriage. Love is not just a noun, it is a verb; it’s what you do that is truly love. For example, Christ loves the church. Did He just have affection or feelings for them? No! He loved the church so much that He took action. He died for those who would come to Him in trusting faith. For any that come to Him and place their trust in Him, His blood was spilled so that they could have an eternal relationship with Him and the Father and the Holy Spirit. Jesus’ love was so powerful that He willingly gave His life for those who belong to Him.
Lust on the other hand is something that is more like coveting or gratifying the flesh. There is no good thing that has ever come out of lust between an unmarried couple. Premarital sex is forbidden by God and any sexual contact between a man and a woman can quickly lead to sexual immorality. Jesus said that even lusting after a man or woman in their heart is the same thing as committing adultery (Matt 5:28). A couple that lives together for the sake of “getting to know them better“ faces higher risks of adultery and the rates of divorce are much higher than those who do not. Living together is sin according to the Bible. There are no reasons good enough to cohabitate with another person for the sake of knowing if they would make a good husband or wife.
How do you Know When You Find True Love?
If you are someone who is looking for true love, there are many things to take into consideration. If you are a believer, the Bible says that we must not be unequally yoked (2 Cor 6:14). This means that Christians are commanded to not marry someone who is not a believer. You can not have a mixed marriage. An believer can not be married to an unbeliever any more than you can mix oil with water. The two might fit into a jar, but they will not mix and will always tend to separate because of their spiritual nature. In the case of non-believers and Christians, they may agree on some things but will disagree on many of the most important issues.
When you find your soul mate or “the one”, you may not recognize them right away. They will not always be able to finish your sentences or know what you are thinking. They likely will know how you feel about having children, what you believe about disciplining children, whether you want to live in the city or the country, or whether you like football or ballet. It is not a “falling in love” as much as it is a growing in love. It is not impossible but it is truly a rare thing for someone to love a person at first sight. It is hard to look into the heart and know what they are like. The only way you can really know what type of person they are is to spend time with them. This means spending times that are good and times that are bad; times of good health and times of sickness; times of enduring patience and times of outbursts of anger. One counselor told me that if you want to know how a man or woman will treat you after you are married, look how they treat their parents.
As a father of a daughter, I treat her with unconditional love, I am polite to her, I open doors for her, I love her despite her faults or behaviors and I buy her things that I know that she will like. I try to never hurt her but I am not perfect of course. I have made many mistakes and will make more in the future but I am eager to utter perhaps the five most important words anyone can say to their children or their spouse: “I’m sorry” and “I love you.” I want to set the bar at a level where she will not be satisfied with any man treating her in a lesser way than the way that her father did. In my doing this, I am showing her reasonable expectations that a man should be showing her, in being considerate of her feelings, and in being quick to forgive and ask for forgiveness. I want her future husband to be able to apologize and to admit mistakes. That is a human love that I pray and desire for my only daughter.
The Bible’s View of True Love
Nearly everyone at one time or another has sought love. A desire to love and to be loved. Humans are born with the need for love and several studies suggest that even babies that are denied love will die without it. A spouse who loses their long-loved mate will often die within years of the death of their husband or wife. A biblical definition of love is valued above that of a human definition because the Word of God is true and never varies with the culture and times. God’s love remains unchanging over eternity and is not conditioned upon a person’s conduct or behavior.
When I was dating my wife before marriage, we became best friends. I think this is vital. Friends confide in each other, they share things with each other that they do not share with others; they know that they can trust this person even when they discover the worst things about them. Your best friend is someone you can share your joys, your sorrows, your victories, and your defeats with. In my opinion and from my own personal experience, unless a couple becomes best friends first, they can not become a successful husband and wife. A friend knows your weaknesses, they know your strengths, they know your faults…yet, they still love you. You can marry someone you are not best friends with or with someone you don’t know well, but you can not expect the marriage to be the best. Surely even godly marriages have problems and in fact every marriage on the face of the earth go through difficulties, but marrying someone you do not know well is asking for trouble. Jesus knows our hearts, He knows us better than we know ourselves, He knows our weaknesses and our strengths, and He is prepared to marry us – collectively – the church, which is called His bride.
Christ’s Love for the Church
Christ loved the church (His Bride) so much that He died for her. He is engaged to the church and she is called the Bride of Christ. He gave His life for His bride. There has been no greater love that has ever existed than Jesus has for His church – and some day soon He will marry her at the marriage supper feast, when Christ marries His bride. The Bride is to prepare herself today and make herself ready. Jesus said that He is coming again and will forever be with His church and will never divorce her like God was forced to do with Old Testament Israel because of their infidelity.
God commands the wife to love her husband but even more important is for her to respect her husband. A wife is to be loved by her husband with a life-sacrificing love that is an image of how Christ loves the church. By no means will it be that type of perfected love, but that is what she needs most. He needs respect the most. To her, being loved is of the utmost importance…for him, she shows him love by respecting him (Eph 5). These are the ways that men and women are wired by God. God has made them male and female in such a particular way. Even though they have differences, the opposite tendencies make them complete and as one. Marriage is a miracle in some sense because men and women are so radically different. This may be what attracts one to the other. Each have particular abilities and strengths that make a wholeness in a marital unit that a single man or woman alone can never have.
Time Will Tell
The advice that I have heard frequently is that to really know a man or woman well enough to marry they should have a period of engagement: No longer than 12 months but no shorter than 3 is what most Christian marriage counselors suggest. Prayer is the most critical step. It should be obvious that pre-marital counseling is also crucial. You will have a feeling of peace over an extended period of time about someone you are planning to marry or are thinking about marrying. You will have known them long enough to see them at their worst and to see them at their best. You will have seen how they react to certain situations and to see what type of spouse they would be in a marriage. You may have seen them around children and can gather what type of parent they would be and perhaps how they would react under pressure.
I can not emphasize enough the fact that you need to talk to a godly marriage counselor or pastor, go through some personal inventory questions over personality issues, establish whether you desire to have children or would rather not and what type of security there is in each others present situations in life. One article alone is not enough to guide you through such an important and lifelong decision. After you have went through all the things that I just mentioned, you will begin to have an inner peace, an eager expectation to be with them as much as possible and a feeling of being completely miserable when you are not together. No one should ever marry someone to complete their life or think that this will solve their problems. Also, never marry someone who has a substance or alcohol abuse problem and think that they can cure them of it.
The first marriage ceremony was performed by God. In my opinion, my wife was sent by God’s sovereignty. She is like a precious gift from God to me. Marriage is an institution designed and created by God. It is not good for man or woman to be alone but be cautious because God hates divorce (Mal 2:16). I believe it is God who joins the husband and wife together…and when God has joined them together, the two become one flesh (Gen. 2:24, Mark 10:8) . There is no more special relationship in the human race than that of husband and wife. This takes time, effort, prayer, counseling and education, but when you find it there is nothing greater on this earth than finding true love and doing so in the way God intended for you to do it.
If you enjoyed this article, you might like reading this one also:
1 Corinthians 13: Bible Summary and Study on Love
Resources:
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Hi dear my sir really i’m very appreciate for your respond to ous
actually i was fall in love of my sister but i dosen’t know how to told her. my heart would be very annoyed to her i’m very re-iterered to her when ever i start thinking her i’m not sleep i’m not doing anything so i need your suggestion
Let me see if I understand this. You fell in love with your sister or someone your sister knows? I would suggest you make Jesus your first love and seek His kingdom first (Mat 6:33). We are not to put anything or anyone before God. I am worried that you are putting your own love for someone over your love for God. It should be loving God first, then loving others next. In any event, have you talked with this lady? I hope it is not your own sister you are talking about. Please let me know so I can help you more. The more I know the more I can help you my friend. Thank you for visiting us.
Hi Jack.
How can tell this man that i love him because i really feel that he could be my future husband and yet we are just friends.
Should I think that he has the same feeling that I have for him or I should just look at him like because whenever I get closer to him I feel like not leaving him alone. and this is not lust. (We are both born again Christians but he a student and me am a working lady and single mum)
What should I do, should i stop talking to him or I stop getting closer to him.
thank you
God bless you.
Emmily, try this. Invite him over for a dinner for some evening and see what he says. You will say that you like him so much more than just by waiting and hoping. See what he says. You have nothing to lose but doing nothing or stop talking to him will not help for then you will always wonder….”What if?” Why not invite him over after church services or ask if you could sit with him at church. Just try these two things first and pray to God for God controls the human heart (Prov 21:1) and if it is God’s will…we know then that it is best for you. Let me know what happens. I will pray right now for you.
Dear jack,
Thank you for prompt answer,
But my question was, When I am looking for my husband, Is that right to have some criteria for kind of a person I am looking for? Example, his appearance, education level, job, tribe, and his character. What do you think in biblical way, in true love their is a criteria of loving someone or not? Hope now you understand my question right.
Hello Kisura. I believe it is wrong to have criteria that looks at the outside. Not that we should not be attracted to a man or woman who is beautiful or handsome but God looks at the heart as the most important. Many who have a good education, have a great job, a good appearance are great sinners or they are full of pride which makes them a bad choice for a mate. Now character is what a person does when no one is looking. The criteria for whether you should love someone or not that you gave is not good. You should look for someone who is passionate to know God, has repented from their sin, is a born-again Christian, and is humble.
Thank you Jack for quite and clear answer, I am blessed for your advice.
Have a nice work,.
Actually i was told you that she is my cloth sister i feell in her love sin when i was finished my graduation in our schooll which is very furtheless to ous but i dont know the porsibble way which she would be awared of that
hence when ever i visited her she looked me very glanced she turn all her attention and attraction to me if she start looking like television she will never wink her eyes with out looking me but i’m not talk to much to her the only thing which i’m doing to her is to request something out from her but i was head over heels in her affection
i aware that love of allmight god is the first way you should got modesty kiddnees and respect but i thing you have forgot that i’m true muslim
i thank you once again for your respond to me
Hello again Idrees. I am sorry. I missed the fact that you are a true Muslim. If you “feel her love” then I wonder why she doesn’t pay any attention to you. If she is more interested in television then she might not be the best wife to have for what happens when you get married? Won’t she spend all her time watching television and pay no attention to you? It sounds like she may not be a good wife. Please pray to God to have Him help you but even Muslim’s, from what I know, put God first ahead of people. I pray it works out for you my friend. Thank you for visiting us.
I hope I don’t make you made. I am sorry if I do. Please read this link:
http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/who-is-jesus/
and this one just to know more about Christians:
http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/is-jesus-the-only-way-a-biblical-analysis/
Hi there sir,I am a Christian n just got married last year feb..the day I got married is the day..I had a heart brake.you may ask y,my husband. Played up with me.all he does is assaulting ,rape.and try to take my life away.know m stuck in this marriage for iam a strong believe of the bible.but the thing that hurts me the most is m still young my husband is50 that m half his age.but never loves me never protect me.never surport me but does that to the gal who he has an affair wid…I wanna. Move on n start a new life but the marriage part has held me n its killing me for m still young
Hello Mere and thank you for your comment and concerns. This husband of yours sounds like he is not a Christian at all (1 John 3) and so we can pray that God will grant him repentance and covert his heart (Prov 21:1, Psalm 19:7).
One thing that worries me is that he is assualting you and abusing you. Have you called the police. This is a crime and it needs to be reported. Have you spoken with your pastor about this. He knows you better than I do as he can sit down with you face to face and advise you better in person.
Having said that, Perhaps Jesus or Paul never said that physical abuse was grounds for divorce because everyone (even the unsaved) knew it was clearly wrong! Why would we need a direct command from Paul or Jesus that abusing children sexually or physically is wrong when it is so obvious that it is wrong? Abuse and neglect break the marriage covenant. The Lord described the man’s companion as his wife by covenant and warned him not to deal treacherously with her (Malachi 2:14-15) and God even divorced Israel (Jer 3:8). The Hebrew word bagad, translated as treacherously, denotes unfaithfulness to the covenant.
In Deuteronomy 22:10, the husband was fined for publicly defaming his wife. This verse established the husband’s obligation not to ruin his wife’s reputation. Exodus 21 established penalties for personal injuries. For example, a master is not to strike a slave’s eye or knock out a slave’s tooth (Exodus 21:26). Using the same a fortiori argument as above, it is argued that a man must never beat his wife. Furthermore, it does not make sense that God would care about the wife’s reputation and then care nothing about her body. It is also persuasive to consider that if the penalty for striking parents was death (Exodus 21:15), it seems incongruous to consider that there would be absolutely no consequence for striking a wife.
God abhors and denounces violent behavior, which is an evidence of sin that brings God’s judgment. Because of violence, God destroyed the earth (Genesis 6:11-13). The Lord’s soul hates “the one who loves violence” (Psalm 11:5). Wickedness stirred up God’ anger (Ezekiel 7:3); in His pronouncement of punishment for wickedness, He declared that “violence has grown into a rod of wickedness” (Ezekiel 7:11). Proverbs characterized the violent as wicked (Proverbs 4:14-17) and treacherous (the Hebrew word bagad, meaning unfaithful, as noted above) (Proverbs 13:2). Does the promise before God to stay together until “death do us part” mean even by abuse? This is not what it meant at all.
I pray this helps. Perhaps you could encourage her with this. For more on biblical grounds for divorce, please read this article below.
http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/reasons-for-divorce-what-does-the-bible-say/
Good afternoon,
I met a gentleman at a church I attend when he played the piano for me at a funeral I sung at. I thought he was a very nice young Man and something about him stood out. I would see him time to time at church but at a far. I wouldn’t speak but something about him was very special. I’ve been seeking GOD as I’ve rededicated my life to Christ and seeking to change and be more like Christ because I’ve found that my true joy and peace is in serving Christ. I’ve recently joined the praise team and the young Man I would like to build a friendship with plays piano for the praise team. I’m initially shy, until I get to know a person then I’m a social butterfly with a big personality.I feel and believe maybe I should continue to just seek GOD and if it is meant for us to become friends then it will be. I’ve only attended two praise team rehersals thus far. When I see him I smile but I haven’t held a conversation with him. I know he is not married but I’m not sure if he is dating or courting anyone. I am a beautiful person on the inside and out and I’m not sure if he would think I would be interested in him, or if he is interested in me. I think about him often and feel guilty about it because I’m not sure if this behavior is wrong. These are not lustful thoughts but sweet thoughts. Please advise what I should do. I would like to meet my husband but I want to do everything the right way and wait on the Lord.
Hello “Seeker.” I find no sin in what you are doing and I find it quite natural. God made us to be attracted to the opposite sex and there is no reason to feel guilt about this. I would say to ask this gentleman out for a cup of coffee or ask him just a general question about how he learned to play the piano. Just try to be friendly and see what happens. The asking him out for a cup of coffee might be too hard for you to do since I believe you are a shy person but at least strike up a conversation with him by asking him what he likes (obviously the piano and music) and see what happens. Pray for God’s will.
Hello Mr. Wellman,
I really don’t know where to begin but here it goes. I have been married for 6 years which at the time when I met my husband I knew he had an issue with alcohol but ignored it because I thought well he had other “good” qualities(so wrong of me to believe this). Then when we got engage, in my mind, thought he would be willing to change or stop the habit for me but I was so naive to think this. Might I add, after 1 year of dating, we were married. However, as our relationship started, I begin to discover more of who God is, who I was to God, and His love for me. My husband has never been physically abusive but as a result of his alcohol usage it lead him inti repeatedly adultery and lying. As I grew in my relationship with God, the more I realize the mistake I made in marrying my husband. We been married for 6 years, but its been filled with nothing but misery, hurt, betrayal from him, and which 85% has been unhappy SERIOUSLY! This doesn’t include the neglect of all of my needs, he can’t communicate nor respond to communication, told me he loves his family more than me, and that he didn’t know if he could choose between alcohol or me as his wife ( I know its sad). We have been seperated more than actually being together as husband and wife but I STILL would take him back because I desired for my marriage to work. He is totally delusional in regards to his alcoholism and plus he comes from a generation of alcoholics such as both his parents and siblings. We now have been seperated for 11 months however this time things are different for me. Let me include I am unemployed with 2 kids however I am filled witg God’s peace, my home is peaceful, chldren are happy, and God is supplying my EVERY need! God has shown me my worth and shown me He wants nothing but the best for my kids and me. I have NO intentions of going back to my husband unless he receives God and be filled with His Holy Spirit. Since this seperation, God has revealed my calling which is to lead and encourage other young women which has now been going strong at my church and I LOVE THE MINISTRY! I am praying to God for His will to be done regarding divorce but had concerns regarding children visitation which husband is very irresponsible, is an alcoholic, hangs in an alcoholic environment which is a NO NO for my kids! Just wanted your view concerning my situation and any godly advice regarding marriage, etc. Thankyou so much for your time!
I also wanted to add, though my husband has done all the things he done towards our marriage, I finally realize that I can’t change him nor get him to receive God. These are all desires my husband has to want for himself. I as a wife to him have done all I can to try to make our marriage work but I couldn’t do it alone. I feel in my heart that I now have to him go and continue to pray for him. I still from time to time struggle with the hurt fron the marriage and why I put up with so much mess from him but I can truly say it has taught me a lesson that I am to wait for the mate that Gid has for me and a wordly relationship is no longer good enough for me. I love this journey that God has me on and its all about God first includibg in my relationships! Peace and blessings!
Hello Jacqueline. Thank you for your comments above. What a hard road this must be for you and your children to travel. I agree with you that this type of alcoholic environment is not for children. I believe that God may powerfully use you, if He has not already done so, to help other women whose husbands are living in alcoholism. You are so right…you can not change him but you have tried your best in praying for him and trying to reason with him. God is capable and He alone of changing the human heart (Prov 21:1). What does your husband think about his life without you? I see he made his choice to love alcohol over a godly wife and mother. That is so sad. I love your encouraging comment at the end where you love this journey that God has you on. Wow. This shows your faith in Him is so strong. May God richly bless your ministry to help others for you yourself know what its like. Thank you. Your an encouragement to me and I am sure to many others. I will pray for you and your husband to repent, confess his sin and see the need for a Savior.
Thankyou so much Mr. Wellman for you response!:) Since our separation, he has gotten worse with his behavior. He is drinking even more heavily now, he sees other women according to a family source,and even more delusional about his addiction because he is living with his parents whom are alcoholics. Yet with all this being said, he still feels as if I want him back with nothing changing! NO WAY NO HOW! Its as if he wants me to be delusional with him and just accept him the way he is but not this lady! God wants the best forme and settling for anyone or anything less just want do including my husband! We as women have to know our worth and who we belong too which is our Heavenly Father! My husband has a many strongholds in his life and sadly he doesn’t realize how he is allowing the devil to use him. This is no longer my battle to fight. I have put him in God’s hands. My kids and I are at peace and happy. I will continue to pray for him and I thank you Mr. Wellman for your prayers and comments
! May God continue to bless you greatly!!
Thank you Jacqueline. God may yet reach this mans heart. He must first reach the rock bottom and have all else lost before he can only look up. I am glad you care enough still for his soul after all he has done to you. Currently, he is like most lost people. They equate what the “believe” is more important than God’s truth. Only God alone can change this man’s heart (Prov 21:1) and that is what we can pray for. As you know, it takes repentance, godly sorrow for our sins, confession of our sins and then putting our trust in Jesus Christ to save us. He must first reach the end of his rope before God can be found there waiting for him.
We have a couple of articles that you can read and copy and paste to print off for him to read and see what he thinks. Thus you can sow the seed of God’s Word. Maybe mail them to him anonymously. One is “Is Jesus the Only Way?” at:
http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/is-jesus-the-only-way-a-biblical-analysis/
Another is “Who Goes to Heaven? Do Good People Go to Heaven?” at:
http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/who-goes-to-heaven-do-good-people-go-to-heaven/
There is real power in the Word of God and then leave it up to God to convict him for only God the Father can draw people to Christ (John 6:44) but He does use people to do this.
With the Word of God, and a Woman of God (you), with the Spirit of God…God can make children of God. Don’t despair. Even Saul (later Paul) was a murdering enemy of the church yet God changed his heart completely. I’ll pray for that with you.
Thankyou soo much Pastor Wellman!! I so appreciate your time and the actual opportunity to share my story with someone with my same beliefs. I MOST Definitely will read the articles you provided and share them with my husband. Though my husband has hurt me, I knew in my heart as a child of God that I had to let go of ALL the ill feelings and allow God to totally heal me. I now realize that it is not him but the spirits within my husband that is leading him down a path of destruction. For this reason, I know I have to continue to pray for his deliverance. You have been a blessing to me and I so humbly again thankyou!!
Sir,thanks for your write up, may God give u strength to write more.sir,i am a student, but somethings is worry about this love. My teaher told me that love at teenage is lost is it true? I am 18 years old now,i pray 4 my marriage in future and also my partner in future.but i have a female friend that is very close to me,she is nearly my best friend.we do things together like praying togeher,go to school and encourage yourself with word of God.i can see that she help me in my life.should i have a relationship with her or not.
Thank you Neyour for your comment and question. Your teacher can not possibly know the future. I know many who met as children and teens and became a wonderful couple who are still to this day happily married. I don’t see why you should not have a close relationship with your female friend. As long as it doesn’t get sexual and you have rules for not crossing this line I see nothing wrong with it, especially since she is a follower of Christ.
Hello Pastor Wellman,
I would like to ask if Good people who are non-believers, do the same good as Christians, do they still deserve to be with a Christian partner? The reason why I asked this is because, I’m currently with this non believer and he’s really a good guy just that he doesn’t believe that in Christ. I tried asking him to go with me and he went. But the thing is that I feel that he is just going to listen for the sake of listening. However, he doesn’t mind me attending church. When I got together with him, it was before re-delicating my life back to Christ. And now, I decided to re-delicate my life to God again. So, right now, I’m really confused as I don’t know whether will this relationship goes far or should I put at end to it since we have dated for about a year plus. I’m really in a dilemma. I hope you can help me with this issue. Thanks!
Faith, thank you so much my friend for your question. As a longtime pastor, marriage counselor, I beg you to not even think about dating a non-believer, not to mention every marrying him. The Bible is clear that a believer — a Christ-follower should not marry a non-believer. In fact, they should not even be dating a non-Christian. Why? For one thing, the Bible teaches that Christians are not to marry, not to mention even date, non-believers. Paul said “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness” (2 Cor 6:14). It’s like mixing water and oil. They will never mix properly and one will always tend to separate from the other.
Like Paul said, “what fellowship can light have with darkness?” We are commanded to “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them” (Eph 5:11). If you are a Christian and dating or engaged to a non-Christian, John gives a clear warning; “If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth” (1 John 1:6).
Paul also said, “Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals” (1 Cor 15:33). If you are a Christian and marry a non-Christian, then you will tend to be less effective in your walk with Christ because you will be heavily influenced by the unbelieving spouse. Besides that, God commands believers not to marry unbelievers. That should be reason enough.
For more on this subject, I beg you to immediately read this article below:
http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/christian-advice-before-marriage/
God bless u sir, for taking out time to respond to peoples heartfelt. Iam a 28 years young female evangelist. I have lived a decent life since my childhood,but one thing that is bordering my heart right now is not funny at all. I hav keepon wondering why godly men find it so difficult to ask a responsible christian lady hand in marriage,compare to those that are worldly guys. Worldly guys have b pursuing me since my teenage year, but i choose to keep my body for the man of God,that God has destned for me. Right now i have a pastor friend, whom iam attracted to, i love him very much & i dnt know how to know if he luvs me too, but anytime he sees me, he will b shaking like someone that is scared. We have b friend for almost 7 month now, he has b the most humble and nice man i have ever seen& i have show him only goodness, He is still not saying anything. He is still yet to propose. What do you suggest i do? Why are godly men not sharp in wooing a godly lady?.
Hello my friend. I know what you mean. The worldly men will offer many temptations but I am glad you want to remain pure for the Lord’s glory. I would just go up to the pastor and ask him if he would like to have dinner after Sunday services. Just be friendly and openly honest about your desire to be “friends.” Let the rest up to the Lord. Trust Him and wait on Him, rely on His timing, and read Psalm 37 for more about God’s timing always being better than ours. Seek God’s kingdom first over marriage (Matt 6:33) and God will add all other things for you.
Godly men may be just as shy as the pastor is. You must try to first become friends. Then let the rest up to God. You must trust Him in all things.
Pastor. please am having this problem of been afraid of speaking in a public even in the house of God and at home whever i asked to speak to to people or pray my heart will start biting loud i will start feeling like jumping out of my self and at this process what i would say will just vanished on air. i felt so bad and it become disappointment and disgrace to me. please help me
I am so sorry Buchi. Remember when God asked Moses to speak to Pharoah and ask him to let God’s people go and Moses said that “I can not speak.” He may have had a speech or stuttering problem but God said, “Am I not the One Who made your mouth?” Just pray to God and speak only in small sentences. Pray before you speak. Ask Him for the courage and remember that these church members are your friends and speak to them as you would your brother or sister. Try practicing in front of a mirror. Memorize what you want to say. Don’t lose hope or heart, God has plans to use you…perhaps even to those who haven’t heard about Christ. You can pass out Bible tracts to the lost without saying a word! Let God’s Word speak thru you and ask God to speak words thru you.
Thank God for u. Pastor i must say that am very grateful for mail back may Almight God continue strengthing u and power u with more abilities and wisdom and give u more anointing of service and also bless u and ur family in all aspect of life in might name of jesus christ Amen
Hi Pastor Wellman,
I have this close guy friend of more than 6 years. We met at church (youth ministry and all) and until now, we’ve graduated college and recently started working, we’re still really close friends (it wasn’t as smooth as this but obviously, quality of friendship grows within time). He’s already admitted to me that he likes me, even way back in high school and I have always rejected or brushed off his confession of feelings for me.
Now that we’re already adults, he unfortunately confessed that he still likes me. I couldn’t shake him off despite brushing him off more than twice just this year. I kept telling him let’s just be friends. Honestly, I think I might have been just denying myself that I do have feelings for him but I’m not sure of it yet. I don’t want to say it’s really love because of the feelings I have.
I hope you understand my little dilemma because he’s really a best friend and he views me the same except that he says he loves me. I don’t want to jump into a supposed relationship because I just feel all the butterflies, I want to be sure that it is God telling me so. I’ve had relationships before and I’ve never once asked God for guidance in them, and I think they were all based on infatuation that I thought was love. I want to do right this time because I love God and I want to please Him and most of all I want the relationship that God wants for me.
I know the standards God wants for us, not to yoke with an unbeliever that a man should be a leader, especially a spiritual leader and of course plus all the other characteristics of him being able to support a family and all. What do you think I should do? I think I should tell him how I feel and that we should really really devote time in prayer about how we feel for each other and ask for God’s will. Then what? Should we continue our friendship as it is or should we placing in a bit of distance? Not that we’re dancing in the flames of temptation but I’m just confused on what to do, I’ve never experienced this before hence the confusion or I maybe over thinking things, so I want to get somebody else’s say on this. Thank you so much for reading and taking the time!
Hello MFS. I believe that couples must first become best friend and only then should they take it to the next level. What have you got to lose by telling him how you feel? If you wait and don’t, perhaps he’ll move on to someone else not knowing how you feel.
You mentioned you know that God commands us to not date or marry someone we are not unequally yoked with but this means a non-believer marrying or dating a believer, not someone who is at a different spiritual level. Is this what you meant? I do hope others will add something to this discussion. I also believe you should speak with your pastor and see what he says.
Dear Pastor Wellman
Can I ask your advise…? I have this female friend that I met while I was working in some supermarket 2 years back and at that time I was 19 years just finished my high school. We were not close per say but we got along very well and I had her on facebook until recently( I ended up deleting her but now I am regretting it). I am super in love with her, not a single day goes by without thinking about her literally. Every time when I see her photo or think about her the only think I see is”my future wife”, I see a family! I am a born again Christian so is her. She loves Lord Jesus so much, humble, respectful and grounded. She behaves in a respectful manner that a woman should in terms of what she says and wear. Her strong faith in Christ just makes me to fall in love with more. I want to love her like Christ love the church, I want to love her like God loves her. I am university student(22yrs now) studying a six year course and she(21) is studying teaching while working as a teacher assisted. The question I have is will she wait for me until I graduate and marry her thats if she gives me a chance to love and treat her the she deserves to be treated… I didn’t want to just tell her how I was and still feeling about her so while I was friends with on faceebook I sent her a inbox so that we can become close first and tell her how HOW MUCH I LOVE HER. she never replied so every time I would go to her profile just to check up on her but then I realise that I shouldn’t be doing that so I decided to delete.
I currently studying in a different province but we live in the same time and province so I might see her this June holidays.
She has those qualities I want in a future wife( not physical appearance). My question how do I tell her my plans for us or how much I LOVE HER and I really believe we can grow in Christ together by praying for each other and praying together.
I have been praying about this and the funny thing is that every time after praying about this I would feel more close to her or should I say I would that its a right to fall in love with her.
Thank you in advance.
Hello Mr. Hade. I would tell her what you are feeling or if she would like to go out for dinner. You have nothing to lose but please know that we must first love the Lord our God above all other things, including people (Matt 6:33). You have nothing to lose by telling her but I am concerned that she never replied to your message. Trust God, God knows who is the best mate for you. The time may not be right but ask for God’s will in your life above your own desires and will and trust Him.
Thank you so much Pastor Wellman
I also believe that one must seek God first before anything and that one must find their identity through Christ first and become a whole individual. I don’t believe that people should complete each other, I do believe though that people must come together as two full complete individual whose paths are directed by Lord-Jesus.
I will continue to pray about it and have the faith of Abraham. I just wanted to get an opinion from someone who is spiritually matured and who matured and experienced as well. But is it wrong though to fall in love with her, I mean to think about her and the future I will have with her at this point in time.(while studying a demanding course).
Thank Pastor.
Hello Pastor Jack Wellman,
I’m 22 and she is 20.i have known this lady(C) for 3 years now and we want to be in a relationship that will lead to marriage.
But,Since i got to know her,i had an acquaintance(B) who became so close to me because he wanted her(C).
I tried everything i could to get the lady(C) love my friend(B).the mistake i think my friend did was that,he never had any friendship ties with the lady but wants to go out with her all at once.
Now,my friendship with the lady has grown so much so that we now have now fallen in love with each other.
We now want to go out but my other friend’s actions are inhibiting us.he has made lots of people think he was going out with the lady in the first place.i have this slight fear people may think i have “snatched” my friend’s girl which only GOD in heaven knows i did not.she can also attest to this best.also,my friend(B) puts up some self-pity attitude as though he is going to die if he doesnt go out with the lady.all these bother me a lot,but we now love each other so dearly and are very best friends now.should i still go ahead?,is there a more biblical way to talk to my friend(B)?.
(During the 3 yrs of friendship and also of making her(C) love my friend(B), i went into a relationship with a different girl with (C)’s consent but it didnt work out.she(C) later told me she was not slightly bothered by that decision i had taken because she believed in the fact that “if something is meant to be,it will be”)
Hello Cherubim. You must make your decision on whom you want to be with not on what others think, including your friends, but based upon your heart. Do not let others influence who you should or should not be with. True friends will always wish us to be happy with whom we will be with and not based upon jealousy or envy. Decide for yourself if this person is right for you…don’t let others influence you because whom we will be with, perhaps as a mate for life, must be from the heart and not affected by what others think. Does this help Cherubim? I pray it does.
Yes!!. I think it really helped.technically it confirmed some thoughts i had up in mind.God bless you soo much.i had just read my bible then and my mind was wandering,so i decided to google up any help forum or something.this is timely,this is Godsent.thanks a million!!!!.
Wow….such an encourager you are. You can never, ever go wrong reading the Bible for it in are the Words of life. Please come back again for we have hundreds of articles that you can find in the search box at the top, right hand corner for whatever you want to know.
Sir what should i do to the man of God in my life? I was sick, he never called me to ask me to show concern about my health. He informed him,but he never call or even send a text. Sir, should i confront him or just let him be? Or Should i ask him if he is in a relationshipwith another lady?. Pls sir i need ur urgent counsel.
I would not try any more. If this man is meant to be your mate for life, then God will not allow him to be lost. You must trust God. To keep on contacting him when he isn’t contacting you back shows that he may not truly care and you don’t want a mate for life like that. Trust God, wait upon His timing. Put Christ first and foremost and then He will add all other things to your life (Matt 6:33). Jesus should be our first love over all things, including others.
Hello Sir,
What is your advise on a long distance relationship? And how can one make it works?
Hello Shola. I would first talk with your own pastor. Do you have one? Do you attend a Bible-believing church? If not, you are being disobedient to Hebrews 10 (I believe it is).
Long distance relationships are very, very difficult for there is no way to grow closer in friendships getting to know each other, no way in getting to know about each other, and the long distance and time makes for a lonely friend. I don’t know if this can work unless you know that you will eventually be together or at least can see each other every few months at minimum.
Hello Sir, first of all, I want to thank you for your respond and also let you know that I appreciated your efforts and services you are rendering via this medium. May the Lord continue to bless you and use you for his glory.
Yes, I have a church that I worshipped at, but am not really close to the church pastor. The reason is because am not a full member of the church, I only worship there. I am a member of another church, but because I relocated to another state, that’s why I just choose this church to worship with and not become a member with the hope that when I moved back to where I was before, I still plan to continue as a member there.
I agree with what you said about the long distance relationship, however it has been a challenge for me finding the right woman for me here, and that’s why I decided to give long distance relationship a chance and see if I can make it works. It is in my plan to go and visit her and meet her family. But how do I know if she is God’s wil for me?
My friend, I don’t think that a pastor has to be close to you in order to speak with you. I would invite anyone inside or outside of the church, which is why I am trying to help you.
There are two wills of God….one is the revealed will of God which can be known…to glorify God and enjoy Him forever and here is one of His wills we know for us to do…and it is revealed in Romans 12:1-3 “Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
The other will of God is the hidden or secret will or counsel of God. I can not tell you what God’s will is for your life…that is for God to do. How will you know if it is God’s will to pursue this woman? If you do the revealed will of God (like in Romans 12:1-13) then and only then will He reveal His secret will to you. I would say try this relationship and pray to God for it to flourish and prosper or come to an end and that way you can clearly know for sure. God will not prosper this relationship if it doesn’t turn out well and then you will know whether its God’s will or not but first….do Romans 12:1-3.
For more on “How to Find God’s Will in Your Life” please check out this article my friend at:
http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/how-to-find-gods-will-in-your-life/
I’m hvin a little problem in my relationship. We agreed nt to defile ourselves until marriage but somtimes he has d urge to do it probably wen he’s lonely nd den 4gets wat we agreed bt i don’t giv in. Now he feels i’m hurtin him bt d truth is dat i’m nt goin to compromise. Pls wat wil i do
Hello Pleasure…shame on this man. If he is truly a Christian then he knows that sex outside of marriage is sin. He said that he is hurting you! That’s outrageous. Tell this man to read this article and if he is like this, I would be careful in marrying this man because if he wants sex outside of marriage, what makes you think that he’ll be faithful once you are married. That is, he may commit adultery once you are married. I personally would tell him that maybe he is not right for you. He is lusting in his heart and trying to make you commit fornication. This many may not be a true Christian. Read 1 John chapter 3 and see why I say this.
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