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Michael July 7, 2016 at 8:33 pm

Thank you sir, I am divorced. My wife suffered brain damage as a result of the birth of our only child, our son. She lives thousands of miles away. The divorce took 5 years and I had tried to save our marriage for 3 years prior. She was a danger to the child and to herself after developing a condition similar to epilepsy. I pray for her and have had to adjust without her. I have lived solo for so many years without ever wanting to remarry or have a woman in my life, until I met this woman who is in a similar situation.

The problem is my heart was so hurt from the past that I don’t know how it will hold up in this matter. I truly love this woman thinking she is the one, yet I also want to run away and not be expose to any prospect of heart pain.

I could deal with this easily if my heart was stronger. I am in good health otherwise.

Jack Wellman July 8, 2016 at 8:00 am

I will pray for your situation sir. Maybe this is God telling you to think about what you are doing…I only pray you live in God’s will, as I must too sir. May God bless you in whatever you choose to do sir. Thank you.

Eimear November 17, 2019 at 3:18 am

Perfect love casts out all fear. I have a deep care for a divorced man who I believe lives in fear of loving again. Don’t allow your future to be governed by fear. Spend time in His Presence and allow Him to draw out the secrets held within Him for your life the gifts He had planned for you long ago

Michael July 8, 2016 at 3:32 pm

Thank you so much and I believe you are right when you suggest that this could be God telling me to think about what I am doing. In fact, when I first started seeing this woman, after parting with her one time, I was outside away from her when I felt a sudden jolt turning me half-way around. I looked about and saw nothing, but I clearly heard or felt the words “Are you sure?”. The message was particularly strong.

I have thought about it quite a lot and knowing full well that God hates divorce, I could not come to grips with what or why this was happening. It dawned on me that this is not just me and her, it’s also about our boys.

In her case, her divorce was caused by a terribly abusive spouse. She lived with it for 19 years. She was young when she married and very naive. She was also unaware of scriptural teachings and wisdom that you have presented so well in this blog. She’s very intelligent and spiritual, very very calm and wise. But when she was young she was seeking to escape a very dysfunctional family and fell into the arms of this very abusive person.

It’s so wonderful to see people married and walking in the light together. My own God-Parents from Church were married more than 70 years and passed away in 2011 within 6 months of each other. To have someone to cherish for such a lifetime is truly a great and wonderful blessing.

For those of us who have stumbled, who have violated Christ’s admonition concerning divorce, I believe God is merciful, not in every case but in some instances he will afford people another chance but only if they can answer convincingly the question “Are you sure?”.

The Honest True Answer October 13, 2016 at 2:42 pm

Today unfortunately is a completely different time we now live in which in the Past it Definitely was so much more Easier finding Real Love the way our family members did. Quite a change since the Good old days.

wayne surls December 1, 2016 at 5:39 am

Love is not a feeling, but rather something you do. Passion is the driving force of love. Love is when you put the needs and wants of another person before your own wants and needs. Love is measured by how much you are willing to sacrifice.

Aryanna February 16, 2017 at 4:56 am

It is less likely in these times to meet godly potential spouses. The world is becoming more and more secular. I’m past 30 and have yet to be interested in any believer of the opposite sex, let alone suitable in spiritual compatability. Any attraction so far turns out to be a dead end (unbeliever). I’ve experienced enough to know its not possible to grow spiritual while dating unbelievers, because they either get offended by the part of you that loves God or you choose to sacrifice your spiritual self in order to get along with unbelievers. In both situation the Christian have the bad deal.

Often times I’d wonder whether I’m called to celibacy or not. Other times, I recall old testament stories that God brings a spouse (& children) even when their situation seem so bleak. If God brings a spouse when we are ready to handle it, then what can we do to make ourselves ready sooner?

Jack Wellman February 17, 2017 at 10:00 am

Great question Aryanna but as we both know, only God knows the answer to this. I believe until we are happy with ourselves we can’t be happy with another person. If they are offended by your love for God, it is better that you don’t end up with them. For what it’s worth, my prayers are for you my friend.

The Honest True Answer Again February 19, 2017 at 7:47 am

Well unfortunately we live in such a very completely different time since this isn’t the 50’s and 60’s anymore since the women have really changed since then that are making it very difficult for many of us good men that are very seriously looking. Since most of the good old fashioned women are now taken that would explain it as well since there are many of us good old fashioned men that are still available.

Christopher July 2, 2017 at 11:05 am

Father I love one girl and she too. Bt my parents are not interested in her at all. She loves me unconditionally. I can’t cheat her and I also don’t want to hurt my parents. All are against about our relationship.

Monique July 8, 2017 at 12:12 am

A friend of mine once said “Love is a decision “….its not some force driving you to misbehave. If God is love. ..then love can never be a reason why you would do wrong. I am in my mid thirties and still hoping and waiting. At times I wonder if I haven’t prayed enough or if there’s something I’m not doing right. I want to be happy always and I currently pursue that. I however often wonder why the wrong people (married men and unbelievers) are the ones coming my way. I love God but I’m getting tired of waiting. I have considered having a child out of wedlock….but never acted on it. God answers my other prayers but just leaves out the marriage part….I wonder why…

Jack Wellman July 8, 2017 at 8:44 am

Hello Monique. I can’t answer the reason why but perhaps you can ask for prayer from your church or begin a singles study group there or volunteer for some of your churches activities like visiting nursing homes or volunteering at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. If you seek the kingdom first, God promises to meet every need (Matt 6:33) so please call your pastor and tell him and ask your church to pray for you as we are commanded to do (James 5:14) as we need one another (Heb 10:24-25) and seek to do what Jesus commands us to do (Matt 25:34-39) as we do it to Him (Matt 25:40) or we do nothing for Him (Matt 25:41- and that’s not good (Matt 7:21-23).

s August 12, 2017 at 7:58 am

Women deserve respect just as much as men do. period. If you love a women that means you must also respect her. They cannot be separated.

Jack Wellman August 12, 2017 at 10:36 am

So true and the same thing should be said of men. To love men is to show them respect.

Tom August 30, 2017 at 1:21 pm

Well i will certainly have to say that we live in a completely different time today which makes real love very difficult to find now more than ever since it is the women of today that have really Changed from the past when love really did happen back then. It definitely was a much easier time for any man that was very seriously looking for a woman to settle down with since he really had no trouble at all back then. Women were very much the complete opposite of what they’re today since now they just expect too much and back then they didn’t have much at all. Most women now are very successful and very independent since they really don’t need a man to survive like they really did in the old days. Their personality really stinks today since most women just don’t have any respect for most of us men when we will try to start a normal conversation with a woman that we’re hoping to meet since most of the time unfortunately they will be very nasty to us men and walk away anyway. So now that many women have many advantages today which they really think now they’re all that too which is a real shame how very pathetic they have become over the years. It is very obvious why many of us good single men are still single today since most women now Aren’t like they use to be which certainly has a lot to do with it as well.

Jack Wellman August 30, 2017 at 2:32 pm

Hello Tom. I am sorry you don’t know many godly women, but by all means, they are out there, and women say the same things as you have said sir, so it does seem to go both ways. I found my beloved when I was not looking, after I had stopped looking, and after giving up all hope at middle age, but I finally realized unless I am fully satisfied in Christ, I can never be satisfied with anyone else, or even myself. Does that make sense sir? I would not say “many women” unless you are talking about those in the world because the women in our church, single and married, are just the opposite of what you describe. Thank you for your comment.

kristina kirstin June 21, 2020 at 12:00 pm

Have you ever walked in the shoes of a woman? You have no idea what you are talking about when it comes to women. You are out of touch with reality when it comes to women. Women are not coming from a history of feeling entitled like men. Women work very hard for everything they have. It’s very difficult to be a woman, and it always has been. Get up off your lazy, whining butt and educate yourself about women and their history. We have had to fight for everything in this world. No longer do we accept being taken advantage by men or being oppressed by them. We still have a long way to go.

Tom September 14, 2017 at 10:46 am

Just to add more truth to my comment that i had made about two weeks ago which unfortunately most women just like sleeping around with different men all the time since they just can’t commit to only one man anymore. It is very sad that we live in a very totally different time now when most women weren’t like this at all in the old days since they were raised by very good parents which was a plus back then. Even God today doesn’t have control over the kind of women that are out there now which is a real shame too. A very unfortunate time we live in today compared to the past when real love really did come very easy at that time. I know that i have said this already with my last comment since this society has really went down the toilet, and unfortunately it is only going to get worse too. Peace.

Oliver January 19, 2018 at 4:39 pm

“Christ’s Love for the Church
Christ loved the church (His Bride) so much that He died for her.”

I don’t mean to come off rude, but I believe that the above is a big misunderstanding. Jesus was sent down to die for everybody and their faults, even people who are not inside the church. He said himself “It is the sick who need the doctor, not the healthy.” He died for everybody. The ones in tears who cry out for his name, and even the ungrateful who mocked him.

Jack Wellman January 19, 2018 at 5:25 pm

Hello Oliver. Ephesians 5:25 shows us how deeply we are to love our wives, “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word” (Eph 5:25-26). Yes, Christ died for His Bride, the church. If someone receives a pardon, and all can receive one thru Christ, they must accept that pardon in order to be free. Clearly not all will. He died for everyone, yes, but not everyone accepts Him. Christ did die for His church…the church being those who God brought to repentance and then they put their trust in Christ.

Best Dating Apps February 27, 2018 at 6:11 pm

Absolutely you are right whatever you discussed over there. But according to me, the love can not do intentionally, It’s become automatically done when someone meets your criteria. Isn’t, right? And more thing and if you want to find love intentionally and you set some conditions and criteria that belongs to you then you go for it actually

Jack Wellman February 27, 2018 at 6:58 pm

Hello friend. The criteria is not as important as what the heart feels. I don’t believe I’ve ranked this as “criteria” to meet someone’s needs. You have totally missed the point. Isn’t it important to you how that person treats their parents, children, animals, wants to live in the city or country matter at all? Is it truly loving to have sex before marriage (No, it isn’t!). These are not criteria but someone who would make a good and loving mate according to biblical principles.

Susan April 25, 2018 at 9:37 am

Dear Uncle,
Such a wonderful article. I am a believer, going to be 41 in the next week & I am still unmarried. Met a very godly person in 2016. We met once & spoke over a month to each other. After we met, he said he was not at peace with the relationship. Since then we sometimes message each other to pray for some issues. He often travels to preach and I do pray at that point for him. I really liked him as a person and still wonder why the relationship did not work out. He is coming to my city to preach to a small gathering. Should I go or not? Do advice.

Jack Wellman April 25, 2018 at 9:51 am

I would go my friend. I suggest there is nothing wrong with this. God and time will determine if this relationship is good or not. My prayers for you Susan.

Susan April 25, 2018 at 11:04 am

Wonderful article.


Rahul June 18, 2018 at 11:32 pm

My initial reaction to your #1 statement that there is no true love is a big screaming “Whaaaat?” But I was rational enough to continue reading. I agree to what you say here. Honestly, I never believed in falling in love and forgetting reason – such as when you fall for an abusive person.

Love is not just a feeling. It is something you also fight and sacrifice for. You make the effort to love. Hence, it is not good to break a relationship for the reason that you have lost the feeling. There is something else beyond that!

Jack Wellman June 19, 2018 at 8:40 am

Amen. Love is a verb. It is what you do more than what you feel. I also never saw anywhere that I wrote, ” there is no true love.” I looked for this in my article and it is not there, so where did you come up with this? Thank you for your comment.

Mitch October 5, 2018 at 5:39 pm

Im realy inspired on what u wrote in the article..
The thing is i have a very big love problem that has been bothering me. So i met a man before he was born again and we fell inlove with eachothr. Not so long he become born again and left me out of the picture, he never spoke to me again. I always have to text him just when i have had enough of his everyday silence. He never texts me though he says he stull loves me in his situation.

He has told me that being together wont be possible unless i become born again and im trying my level best to change. I love him whole heartedly and it realy hurts me everyday that i cant receive any love from him. Im lost i realy need an opinion and direction

Jack Wellman October 6, 2018 at 11:39 am

The Bible teaches that we are not to marry unbelievers, so if he doesn’t want to get married, then he is only obeying the Bible. A non-believer and a believer have different agendas in this life. One is devoted to the world while the other is devoted to Christ. It is best to not marry an unbeliever in you are a believer and a believer is commanded to not marry an unbeliever. This will cause a marriag full of tension and friction and may end up in divorce. What did your pastor say about this? Have you talked to him?

Laura October 6, 2018 at 9:03 am


Forgive me if my comment is hard to follow. I am a 23 year old living abroad in a culture that is entirely different to my own. I met someone in this new country and I think he likes me. This came as a surprise as it never crossed my mind that I will end up with a foreigner. I do not have any problem with that, he is a very nice person and is showing his willingness to learn about my culture. My problem is that I do not feel any crazy or extreme emotions, and I do not know if this is something I should have? I highly respect and admire him, but I fear that I may not love him enough if I am not experiencing these emotions?
Please advise me, and thank you

Jack Wellman October 6, 2018 at 11:45 am

If you have no feelings for this person, then do not have a personal relationship with them. To respect someone and to have feelings for someone is not the same. Please wait until you are sure and you will be sure when that man God sends your way.

Connie November 28, 2018 at 9:22 pm

I like this article a lot but I am totally thrown by what you say here “Jesus said that He is coming again and will forever be with His church and will never divorce her like God was forced to do with Old Testament Israel because of their infidelity.” Where do you get the idea that God has divorced Israel? How could the very Holy nature of God ever do something that God Himself hates? (divorce). I don’t think scripture supports the idea that His Church will not include the remnant of Israel who will indeed recognize Jesus as Messiah when He returns.
Please explain your viewpoint.
I do have another question- you describe how you taught your daughter to know what love should look like. Can you describe for daughters what respect looks like? I know men need respect- what this often devolves into in the hands of manipulative women, is false praise. That in itself is not respectful. So what do you mean by respect?

Jack Wellman November 28, 2018 at 9:58 pm

A remant of Israel will not even be saved if they do not trust in Christ as their Savior and to Him have their sins atoned for. It is not about the nation Israel that they will be saved, but only through Christ can anyone be saved…Jew or Gentile. As for what respect looks like, respect simply means having a feelin of a deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements. Respect is a positive feeling or action shown towards someone or something considered important, or held in high esteem or regard; it conveys a sense of admiration for good or valuable qualities; and it is also the process of honoring someone by exhibiting care, concern, or consideration for their needs or feelings.

As for God divorcing Israel, read Jeremiah 3:8 (really, the whole chapter). Why? Read Ezekiel 16:51 and read the other Prophets to see this common theme that Israel played the harlot (after other, pagan gods) and so God divorced her, but it is not permanent, as we know, Israel will again come to God and be a people of His, but so will Gentiles be a people who were once not a people, but now are, but only thru Christ and HIm alone, not by race or birth, even Abraham’s children are no exception, for all must repent and believe the gospel to be saved (Mark 1:14-15).

Ky April 30, 2019 at 12:26 pm

Hello, thank you for your time put into this article! I am only 14, but there is this girl that I do not know if I love her our not. She my closest friends for about 2 months now (I’ve known her for 5 but actually became friend in my February), and she does have a boyfriend, But almost every night we’ve been talking via video call. I have had her open up, and I’ve done the same. She is very emotional about her reputation I am not. I’ve seen her at (or close to) her worst, she has not yet seen me at my worst. But according to the Bible I have no idea what to do. I’ve finally actually fully accepted Christ into my life. It has been a big deal this year spiritually, And I’m wanting some help. also I’m Lutheran and she is a non dominational. Could you please at least give me some advice on what to do or act like. I know I’m to Young to date I know this but untill I’m 17 I want to know what to do? May God bless you and your family and have a wonderful day.

Jack Wellman April 30, 2019 at 12:29 pm

Hello KY. Such wisdom you have at such a young age, so my compliments on knowing you must wait to date. If this girl has a boyfriend and she is being friendly to you and is messagaging you, then what makes you think that if she would be your girlfriend somedcay, she wouldn’t chat or message other men while being your boyfriend. I am troubled that she has a boyfriend and yet messages you often. I would just wait to let time sort this out and time will tell if this girl is what God’s desire is. Whether you are a Lutheran and she is not should not matter as long as both of you have put your trust in Christ. I pray this helps you my friend. Thank you for contacting us.

Ky April 30, 2019 at 12:28 pm

Hello, thank you for your time put into this article! I am only 14, but there is this girl that I do not know if I love her our not. She my closest friends for about 2 months now (I’ve known her for 5 but actually became friend in my February), and she does have a boyfriend, But almost every night we’ve been talking via video call. I have had her open up, and I’ve done the same. She is very emotional about her reputation I am not. I’ve seen her at (or close to) her worst, she has not yet seen me at my worst. But according to the Bible I have no idea what to do. I’ve finally actually fully accepted Christ into my life. It has been a big deal this year spiritually, And I’m wanting some help. also I’m Lutheran and she is a non dominational. Could you please at least give me some advice on what to do or act like. I know I’m to Young to date I know this but untill I’m 17 I want to know what to do?
Thank you and, may God bless you and your family and have a wonderful day.

Ky April 30, 2019 at 12:44 pm

Thank you, I don’t think she loves me, but we talk ALOT nothing romantic our anything, but what you said is true. I mistakenly worded what I said, she has a crush on a guy and vice versa. should I just act as if she is another friend and just wait it out to see what happens ,or if someone else comes along? Or should I do something else? So far I’ve just been waiting. And thank you for the quick response.

JUSTIN November 28, 2019 at 2:24 am

Hi! I need some advice Mr. Wellman. I’m 15 years old but I think i’ve found true love. I have been praying about this for a while, and I’m very confident she is the one for me. i’ve known her for about a year, and when we first met, we basically instantly liked each other. She also believes I’m the one for her, and we both pray for each other constantly. We aren’t afraid to open up to each other and confide in each other, and we aren’t to afraid to ask for prayer from each other. So, I’m wondering if you could pray for our relationship? We both love each other and we are like best friends. THANks for taking the time to read this. GOd bless.

Jack Wellman November 28, 2019 at 10:11 am

Hello Justin. I will pray for your relationship Justin and please my brother, keep yourself and your girlfriend free from sexual immorality and continue to pray for one another. God bless you friend for your comment and prayer request.

justin November 29, 2019 at 2:51 am

Thank you so much. We will stay away from sexual immorality and we will constantly pray each other. Thank you so much!

James January 12, 2020 at 7:07 am

Unfortunately it is most women today that just have too many very high standards when looking for love.

Jack Wellman January 12, 2020 at 9:26 am

Hello James…and many men do the very same thing, expecting to find a nearly perfect wife.

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