True Friendship: A Bible Study on Friends

by Jack Wellman · Print Print · Email Email

The Bible says to have friends, we should show ourselves to be friendly. The proverbs contain much wisdom about both being a friend and how to find a friend. There are fewer things in life that are more valuable than a good friend and the Bible is full of stories of some of the greatest friendships in history.

To Find a Friend, Be a Friend

My oldest son once told me that he didn’t have any friends. Of course children are sometimes known to exaggerate but I told him that the Bible shows us how to make friends. As Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man that has friends must show himself friendly, and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” There is a key to having loyal friends or making friends in the first place. You have to show yourself friendly.

The Trust of a Close Friend

A friend keeps a friend’s secrets to himself as Proverbs 17:9 says, “He who covers and forgives an offense seeks love, but he who repeats or harps on a matter separates even close friends.” That is, a friend doesn’t gossip about friends faults and is quick to forgive them. A friend who repeats a matter (or gossips) can separate “even close friends.” That is a key to true friendship. If you repeat something that a friend entrusted you with, that will likely be the end of that friendship or in the least, they will never come to you in confidence again.

True Friendship Bible Study

Your true friends will not be afraid to tell you the truth even at the risk of hurting your feelings.

Friends Tell You the Truth

Your friends will tell you the truth even when it hurts. As Proverbs 27:5-6 says, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful”

It is better to hear it from a friend if you are doing something wrong because they truly care enough about you. A friend doesn’t want to see you hurt. The point is that the truth sometimes hurts, but flattery or patronizing someone in the end, usually does more harm than good.

Choose Your Friends Carefully

A person becomes more like those that they associate with. This is why it is critically important to choose your friends wisely. Proverbs 13:20 warns us that we should “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Just like we are told, “you are what you eat”, so too we are warned to “not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared” (Prov 22:24-25). Bad company corrupts good morals almost every time. You not only become “ensnared” by them but “you may learn their ways.” If you associate with hot-tempered people, you’re going to become hot-tempered yourself. Most often, we become like those we associate with.

Godly Friends Beget Godly Behavior

David understood that Jonathan was a true and loyal friend. He was a worshiper of the true God. In Psalm 119:63 it says, “I am a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts.” Those who fear God (which is a reverence and high respect for God) are good companions and make excellent friends. You will soon discover that their godly values will rub off on you and these types of friends can be accountability partners to each other. “The fear of the Lord – that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding” (Prov. 28:28).

Fair and Foul Weather Friends

Friends are those that stick with you during the hard times. Trials and adversity can usually separate true friends from those who are just fair-weather friends. Why? Because, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity” (Prov 17:17). Jonathan and David had one of the greatest friendships ever known. So much so that, “Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself” (I Sam. 18:3). When I married my wife, I married my best friend. In fact, it is recommend for betrothed or engaged couples to become friends first and foremost, before they get married. This type of friendship is an image of the relationship that Christ has for the church. A relationship where He literally died for His bride. In this same way, a friend loves his or her friend as they love themselves – through thick and thin, sickness and health, poverty and wealth.

A Biblical Model of Friendship

If you want to know what true friendship is, the greatest biblical model that I know of is that of David and Jonathan. Jonathan was the son of David’s enemy, King Saul. Saul was out to kill David because he was insanely jealous of him and knew that he would replace him on the throne of Israel. Saul’s son Jonathan knew this and was such a loyal friend of David that he alerted David of the danger and literally saved his life when he found out that Saul wanted to kill David. Jonathan told David that, “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you” (I Sam 20:4). We can read just how loyal of a friend Jonathan was to David in I Samuel 20:

16 “So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, May the LORD call David’s enemies to account.” 17 And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself.”

Jesus told us to love our neighbor as ourselves and Jonathan loved David “as he loved himself” fulfilling this Royal Edict from Christ (Mark 12:31).

Jonathan was a loyal friend to David and made a plan to warn him whether he could come to King Saul’s table or whether Saul would kill him do he devised a signal for David, “Tomorrow is the New Moon feast. You will be missed, because your seat will be empty. The day after tomorrow, toward evening, go to the place where you hid when this trouble began, and wait by the stone Ezel. I will shoot three arrows to the side of it, as though I were shooting at a target. Then I will send a boy and say, ‘Go, find the arrows.’ If I say to him, ‘Look, the arrows are on this side of you; bring them here,’ then come, because, as surely as the LORD lives, you are safe; there is no danger. But if I say to the boy, ‘Look, the arrows are beyond you,’ then you must go, because the LORD has sent you away” (I Sam 20:18-22).

Jonathan risked his life for David because, “Saul’s anger flared up at Jonathan and he said to him, “You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don’t I know that you have sided with the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of the mother who bore you? As long as the son of Jesse lives on this earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established. Now send someone to bring him to me, for he must die!” “Why should he be put to death? What has he done?” Jonathan asked his father. But Saul hurled his spear at him to kill him. Then Jonathan knew that his father intended to kill David” (I Sam 20:30-33). Jonathan understood that he would be next in line for the throne if David was taken out of the way and could have easily betrayed David and had the throne of Israel for himself, but Jonathan’s love and loyalty for his friend David was evident by his selfless act of saving David’s life. Jonathan was willing to risk his own life for his friend David and with the understanding that Jonathan would sacrifice his chance to rule Israel. David’s friendship was more important that the throne of Israel to Jonathan. Jonathan loved David more than a brother and he proved it by his actions in I Samuel 20.

So Jonathon sent a messenger boy to shoot arrows for the signal that it was not safe for David to return to King Saul’s presence for he would surely be killed. What a touching show of affection that Jonathan showed David because, “After the boy had gone, David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together—but David wept the most. Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the LORD, saying, ‘The LORD is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.’” Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town” (I Sam 20:41-42). David showed such respect to Jonathan that he “bowed down three times before Jonathan“, even though David knew that God had anointed him to be the eventual king. Here is the future King of Israel; the greatest earthly kind that Israel would ever have, bowing to the son of is enemy, King Saul. And “then they kissed each other and wept together – but David wept the most” (v 42).

True Friendship Bible Study: Key Takeaway

The fact is that friends are indispensable in this life. The older a person gets the more valued their friendship becomes. Many friends are closer than brothers or sisters are to each other. There is something special about having a friend that you can confide in, tell your troubles too, and share your life with. It has been said that a sorrow shared is halved, but a joy shared is doubled. Proverbs 27:10a says, “Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family” because you may need that friend in a day of trouble. The value of friends is one of the most important things in a person’s life: Their worth are not diminished by time, not devalued by inflation, not worn out by use, but like a fine wine, they improve with time. So are friends to those who have them; like medicine to the soul or as Proverbs 27:9 says, “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.”

Tell us about a friend that has made a difference in your life in the comments and then share this article with them!

If you enjoyed this article and are looking for more on friendship check out this article:

5 Amazing Bible Stories About Friendship


New International Bible (NIV)
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{ 95 comments… read them below or add one }

Alyse May 3, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Would it be bad to be friends with an Atheist, or someone of different religion? Please contact me by email with my answer. Thank you.


Jack May 7, 2012 at 3:07 pm

No, not at all. Jesus was said to be a friend of sinners, of whom I am also one, only I am forgiven. That is the only difference. God wants us to show no partiality or to show love to all, even those who disagree with us. We should be friends, but being too close of a friend would allow him or her (the atheist) to influence us in a bad way. For example, if the atheists uses swear words with God’s name in it, goes to bars, or R-rated movies, we would not want to go with them there like we would go with Christian friends to different places. Does this make sense? Thank you Alyse for your very good question.


Rana Hamid May 7, 2012 at 1:50 pm

I am very gladful to read it


Jack May 7, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Thank you so much Rana and please come back again soon.


Angie W. July 3, 2012 at 6:52 am

I enjoyed this article. As me and my best friend of 26 yrs embark on a new chapter in our lives, i remain in prayer through this process to keep us strong and following God. We have committed to each other and our friendship. We have overcome that word “friendship” and see and reference ourselves as sisters. She was one who waived me down the path of reconnecting back to church some years ago when I walked away… over the years we see ourselves on different parts of the path and waiving each other foward and sometimes being fortunate enough to walk together. In this friendship, we both have married and those two guys became apart of the committement also and it has been a joy and i am always so grateful to have been blessed with several people to call my friends.


Jack Wellman July 3, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Thank you so very much Angie. I love the relationship you two have…that is truly a rich person who have godly friends.


Jill July 7, 2012 at 1:30 pm

I was doing a bible study on friendship and then I went to the internet searched for one. I read yours. I enjoyed reading this so much. You are a blessing and have blessed me this day! I have a friend that reacts and can say hurtful words before thinking things through before saying them and my feelings were slightly hurt,,,, but this is her nature and I asked God to bless her. In fact, I sent her a text that she was an angel to me sent from our Lord. I do believe that God brings people together. Maybe, I was one to be an encourgager for her.. because she has self esteem issues. After my feelings were slightly hurt, I asked God to bless her. After reading your bible study on friendship, I knew no matter what, I am still here for her. Things are okay, but she does need our prayers. Thank you again for this bible study!


Jack Wellman July 7, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Jill, I am so blessed by your comment. Surely there is the Holy Spirit that is living and active in you and you are truly abiding in Christ. I do believe that you are going that extra mile that Christ desires that we should go. Your friend is blessed by you most certainly and praying for those who treat us badly and unfairly is a godly attribute. I thank God for women of faith such as you Jill. I will pray for your friend and for God to richly bless you for your unconditional love of your friend…an unconditional love that reflects that of the Heavenly Father. Please do come back and visit our site again soon to bless us all again Jill.


Sharon August 18, 2012 at 5:55 am

I’m in a relationship with an Elder/Minister in my church. Over a period of time he would say he would call me back but doesn’t. We meet over 3 years ago and dated for a brief period then he didn’t want to see anymore. We starting dating again last year and everything was fine until a few months ago he started being distance. When we go out, I’m one that makes the plans. He never offer to take me out. He rarely picks the phone us to call me. I resently comforted him about not calling me back and he stated that it usually too late when he gets off the phone with his grow sons. I told him that I had lost sleep due to this. I feel so rejected.
I also must confess that we had sex and I ask God to forgive me. We stop having sex because he said he had to ask God forgives each time and he had to stop.
I want to tell this person how much he has hurt me and end the relationship God’s way.


Jack Wellman August 18, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Hello Sharon. Thank you for your open honesty in commenting. From what you have told me this minister is disqualified from the pastorate position in his church. Pastors/ministers/elders are all held to a much stricter standard than members of the Body of Christ, the church. I would quickly find another church for as I might say, if the head is sick then the whole body is ill. The church with a practicing, sexually immoral pastor is a church that needs a new one. God will forgive you of course for you have repented and when we seek forgiveness, God will grant it (1 John 1:9) but this minister must confess to his congregation and see if they still have confidence in him to lead the church. If not, he should step down according to the standard for pastors/elders/ministers/deacon. Another thing…was and is this minister married? It is far worse if he is but even if he’s single, there are no excuses for him for he is much more responsible for his actions for he is teaching the Bible yet not living up to it which is the height of hypocrisy.


Sharon August 19, 2012 at 8:28 am

I am very grateful for your counsel. The Elder/Minister at my church is not married, he is a widower. He is also a twice cancer survivor. I admit that I am sensitive to his situations, which I know should not be an excuse for anything. I have planned to leave my church but haven’t found the right time to do so. You confirmed what I already knew about leaving my church. It has not been easy, I haven’t spoken to no one about my inappropriate relationship with the Elder/Minister. We have two Bishops at my church which are husband & wife. I would not be able to speak to them because there are obvious problems in their relationship. I had planned to get spiritual counsel thru my employee benefits but my work schedule will not permit. I don’t know what to say to him or if I should say anything. It has been a blessing to discuss my problems with you. I want to renew my relationship with God.
I believe that you are God sent.


Elsie March 23, 2014 at 11:35 am

Sharon; Is it possible this minister does not contact
you more often because he is aware of his actions
with you and is trying to get right with God? Your
calling him and making the first moves is making it
harder on him. You should leave that church for
several reasons. First, having had a sexual encounter
with a minister of the gospel you are not married to
is wrong and it would be best to not have any further
contact with him. He is struggling because he feels
like you are a temptation to him. Remember,
the bible says that
we are not to tempt each other to sin. Get out of there
quickly, find another church (God will show you),and
get back on the right track. Second, you say two of the
people in ministry are having problems in their marriage.
No marriage is perfect, but this may be a sign of unhealthy
leadership altogether. Quit hanging on to something
God has not put together. It is so obvious this is not God.
Don’t appear so desperate. If you will leave this relationship alone you can trust God to give you a better
one when the time is right. Lose this mans phone number
and don’t even let him know you are leaving.
JUST LEAVE. You are playing with fire. The enemy of
our souls loves that you are so torn by this. Don’t play
into his hands. Pray for the man and forgive him for any
thing he did to hurt you, but you are accountable to God
and the sooner you get out the better. I will pray for you
that God will give you strength. You know in your heart
what I have said is true; more importantly, this advice
is biblical and you can’t go wrong with that.


Daniel September 7, 2012 at 10:00 pm

I am a teenager in high school and as sad as it is, I don’t think I have friends. It’s a burden because I just don’t know what to do. For some unknown reason I’m incapable of socializing with others and making lasting relationships of any kind. I’d gladly take any advice 🙂


Jack Wellman September 7, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Daniel, I too was shunned by many in my school. I had few friends and felt isolated. But think of this, the proverbs say that to have a friend, you must be a friend. Prov 18:24 says, “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.”

Remember that if you place your trust in Jesus Christ, he says to you in John 15:15 “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” Find fellow Christians in school and ask them to come over on the weekend, or ask them to teach you about the Bible or start your own Christian fellowship, or what about your church. Do they have young men who attend that are near your same age? Above all, do as the Proverbs says…to find a friend, you must show yourself friendly. That does work.


Tj rayhill September 23, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Hey daniel , afte i gave my life to christ i saw that i c
Became less popular( for seceral reasons) but for the latter part of two years i was friendless… Then a football team mate invited me to his church and i got connected there and found three great goddly guys that are great friends. I consider them brothers and their family as my own. But the thing wa during those two years i was in constant prayer asking god to provide. An He did.


sparkle February 15, 2016 at 5:22 pm

Sometimes, Daniel, having too many friends
can breed jealousy, division, gossip, etc…
Having one or two really good and true
friends is the best way to go. I will pray for
you to have good friends rather than many
friends. I’d prefer to have one genuine friend
than ten fake ones. I’ve been betrayed so
much already by friends I thought would
never do such a thing. When you pray ask
God to send someone that loves Him and
will be a true friend to you. My son also
has some trouble making friends. It’s not
part of his nature to be outgoing.
He has friends but learned most of them would
rather party than study (they all attend college
together). He is more cautious now. When his
friends were at their worst my son’s grades
started going down, until he woke up and saw
what was happening. I thank God he did. Now
he sees them on campus but avoids them when
possible. Be friendly to everyone, but use
wisdom and pray about every relationship.
I remember once hearing a famous evangelist say
she asked God why her kids didn’t seem very
popular in school and felt left out. She said God
told her He was keeping them from trouble and
that later on she would appreciate it. And now
she does!God knows the hearts of people much
better than we do.


Ben September 25, 2012 at 8:11 am

I am very blessed to have a friendship like that between Jonathan and David. Me and my best friend Matt have the closest relationship I have ever had in my life; I truly feel loved for the first time in my life. Not only are we both Christians, but we both desire and seek the best for each other. I have never felt as happy and blessed in my life as I have since we have become best friends. I would do absolutely anything for him and I am fully devoted to our friendship. I pray to God everyday, thanking him for blessing me with such a amazing best friend. I can’t even fully express my gratitude to God and my best friend, because I feel blessed beyond what can be expressed.

Since I have become best friends with Matt, my life has taken a 180 degree turn. Before I was quite miserable and was seeking worldly avenues for happiness and success. After God brought Matt into my life, I recognize true happiness and success in God.

We both have every intention of remaining best friends forever; worshiping God together in Heaven for all of eternity. We have both agreed to hold each other accountable for everything we do. We maintain the highest level of trust and respect for each other.


Jing September 27, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Dear Jack,

Really enjoyed reading every part of it… There are some questions in my life about my relationship with my friend has answered…

Thank you so much for sharing!!




Ama Owusuaa Bansah October 7, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Am really touch by this. Thanks very much.
i am giving a sermon on frindship at curch and this site has helped me a lot…..
God bless you very much


Angela October 13, 2012 at 1:21 pm

For most of my life, I have always had very good friends the only issue is that I found that they often became dependent on me. Even after I became Christian, I would meet someone who would call every day or at work even though I would tactfully explain how busy I am.

Actually, I would love to spend more time with friends but with studies and work, time is limited. Then I need to spend alone time with God. No matter how hard I try, my Christian friends don’t get my blatant hints.

The only thing left for me to say is..”I really enjoy our friendship but I can’t talk every day.” And I believe this will hurt. It reminds me of Provers 25:17 Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour’s house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee. I don’t hate…but I am getting very agitated, I have asked God and he seems silent on the issue which is odd since he normally gives me an answer in these cases.


edwardevansmaina October 21, 2012 at 9:25 am

please am going through alot and am 16years please if ican have iwould appreciate as


edwardevansmaina October 21, 2012 at 9:27 am

iwould apreciate having aclose friend


Jack Wellman October 21, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Hello Edward. As I have said before the proverbs say that to have a friend, you must be a friend. Prov 18:24 says, “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.”

Remember that if you place your trust in Jesus Christ, he says to you in John 15:15 “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”

Now, find fellow Christians in school and ask them to come over on the weekend, or ask them to teach you about the Bible or start your own Christian fellowship, or what about your church. Do they have young men who attend that are near your same age? Above all, do as the Proverbs says…to find a friend, you must show yourself friendly. That does work.


Hope November 13, 2012 at 10:23 pm

I really loved your article! I have this friend an w have been friends since the fourth grade but this year is our freshman year and she’s a cheerleader. I’m a Pentecostal pastors daughter. My friend use to come to church with me and we use to do everything together but lately we seem to hardly even see each other. It’s very hard because she was the one person I told everything to and now I don’t have anyone. I am friends with just about everyone in school and I try to always be nice but I don’t really have another friend that I can just trust with my deepest secrets. I really miss her and wish we weren’t growing apart. How can I help that?


Jack Wellman November 14, 2012 at 11:25 am

Hello Hope. I am so glad you came here today. I believe all you can do is be friendly to her. It may be that she is more concerned with appearing “cool” and religion in schools is usually seen as not so much, so it could be peer pressure. You said you are friends with “just about everyone in school” so find one person you can draw closer to by inviting to church, asking them over for a homework buddy-study, or something similar. You do miss your close friend I can tell, but only God can change a person’s heart and desire (Prov 21:1) so pray for that. Is this cheerleader friend a Christian? If not, pray for her salvation and that way you can be closer again.


Kathy Farrell November 17, 2012 at 2:05 pm

I am writing to provide an example of why you must choose your friends wisely. I am a single mother of two children whom I support without help from their father who deserted the family after he depleted all the financial assets that had been saved in our twenty year marriage. I met a man this summer whom I enjoyed spending time with on multiple levels. Specifically, he made me laugh and smile and gave me refreshed hope about the future. In addition, he taught me how to read the bible, encouraged me, complemented me and held me tight when I was sad. All those accolades sounds great; except this man was a con artist who used a false identity, told multiple lies and took advantage of my financial generosity even when it meant that I did not have enough money for food or gas for the week. I was able to figure out his schemes before he was able to financially ruin me, but my feelings have been hurt by this man. People can be so cruel and like Jesus; I was lied to, mistreated, betrayed and abused. In spite of these facts that I put forth; I miss him. I immunized and desensitized from most offenses that I am faced with; however, I am really hurt by the deception of this man who pretended to be a friend. So be careful; choose your friends wisely.


Jack Wellman November 17, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Mrs. Farell, you make an outstanding point. I am sorry you had to experience such this. You and Jesus certainly had this in common. Thank you for forewarning us to choose our friends carefully. Great advice.


Cheryl December 4, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Loved this, thank you so much! Very inspiring, thought provoking, and needed to be shared with one of my very dear friends who is like my sister. Thank you Jack for such blessings!


Jack Wellman December 4, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Thank you Cheryl. I agree that we should share things with our friends and many of my friends are closer than a brother to me.


Lynne February 11, 2013 at 10:40 am

I really enjoyed reading this article. Right now I am very hurt by what I thought was a dear friend. My husband and I and her and her husband and many of her friends and our friends all went on a cruise vacation together. Our friends were treated terribly and so were we all because they didn’t like a couple we invited. We were ignored, lied to and mistreated. We’ve been friends for over 8 years and enjoyed holidays together. She has mistreated me in the past and my husband can’t take what she does anymore. Now she is putting me down on the social media site Facebook. I told her to please stop. As a Christian I know I am supposed to forgive but the mistreatment and the betrayal of what I thought was a good friend really hurts. It’s not the first time she has done this. She also keeps blaming her friend for all of this but she took part in it. I am a forgiver and my husband said no, enough already. That isn’t a true friend – I’m confused. She keeps asking to sit down with us and he has no interest. Do I forgive and keep taking more of this behavior?


Jack Wellman February 11, 2013 at 2:09 pm

Lynne, to me it doesn’t sound like these friends are Christian for no Christian acts like that (read Romans 12, 1 Cor 13 and the Book of 1 John). I am somewhat troubled by your husbands response thought. Yes, you SHOULD forgive them and we are told to pray for even our enemies and those who hate us and persecute us, how much more so than friends who have hurt us.

Wounds can fester into infections if left untreated. That’s exactly how unforgiveness works. Whatever was done to us pierced our skin, but if we keep prying it open and looking at the wound, it won’t be able to heal… instead, because it is continually exposed to the dirty air, it becomes infected. That infection in the spiritual realm is welcoming to unclean spirits, which fester the wound even more. If something isn’t done, the person ends up facing demonic harassment and torture, and becomes a very bitter and unhappy person.

That’s why Paul said not to go to bed angry (Don’t let the sun go down on your anger) because it gives the Devil a foothold! I have an idea of what you may be saying right now, “This person has NO clue what they’ve done to me! They don’t deserve anything at all! Much less MY forgiveness!!” They certainly don’t deserve your forgiveness, much less God’s… but none of us deserve what Jesus did for us either. Those who killed Jesus didn’t deserve anything at all, but look at what He said just before He died, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do!” Look at the deep and rich mercy and love that Jesus has towards us… none of us deserve it! But He loves us for who we are, not because of what we’ve done. He wanted a relationship with us so much that He gave His life for it! When we grasp what Jesus has done for us, it makes it a lot easier to pass that grace along to others. We aren’t letting them off God’s hook, we are merely releasing our souls from bondage that un-forgiveness brings us under. You aren’t forgiving them for their benefit, but for your own good! Your soul, not theirs, is what is being held in bondage because of the feelings you’ve allowed yourself to harbor inside. Why should you or your husband allow what they’ve done to continue to bring you under bondage? I wouldn’t! I would let that poison out of my heart… give it to the Lord and seek Him to heal the wounds they have caused.

Forgiving others is sometimes very hard, but it is essential if you want to break out of the bondage that it’s brought you under. Read this to your husband and see what he says.


Doris Quesada March 19, 2013 at 4:00 pm



nicole April 2, 2013 at 10:03 pm

Hi. i seek advice. please if anyone can help me. i have one friend. i do my best to be her friend, yet i feel she doesnt do much to be my friend. she makes me sad. i am her only friend too. i have cried to her 2 times how i felt of her. i did feel she made effort to be a better friend but that didnt last long. i talk to her lots, tell her things, why does she not do the same to me. i often think maybe we are not right for eachother. idk. but i would hate to lose her. she has told me she would be devastated as well to lose me. i have been holding back crying to her a 3rd time though. as i think she just doesnt know how to be a friend. she says im her bff but i dont feel the same. sometimes i feel like maybe we are just not meant for eachother. maybe our friendship will just quietly die. but it makes me sad to think or know that. if that were to happen. should i tell her how i feel again? or just ignore it and let it fester into hate of her? because lately ive been feeling more and more hate for her. am i bottling feelings up? she told me once that i do that. but i am not sure. please help. thank you and god bless.


Jack Wellman April 3, 2013 at 6:43 pm

Hello Nicole. Friends that are truly friends or best friends overlook each others faults. I would try telling her just what you told me in this comment. If she is truly a good friend, she can take it. If not, then you are destined for more heartaches. I don’t think you’re destined to have more hate for her are you really? Don’t bottle these feelings up. Be honest with her and tell her the truth. Truth is always the best policy and what do you have to lose? You have everything to gain.


JC April 11, 2013 at 2:23 pm

This was a wonderful article. I am going through a really terrible rough patch with a friend, who I truly care about and love. We became friends when she was going through some trouble, and I was there to share similar experiences. We instantly became close friends and were always there for one another. She thinks I am trying to hurt her now, but she doesn’t understand that I am going through other troubles. I know I did hurt her, but it was not my intent. I tried to explain from a Christian perspective what I meant and how I feel. I know that I have more feelings for her (even though she’s in a relationship). I’d never interfere with that but that was the start of our problems. I don’t want to loose her as a friend because she means so much to me. I’ve been praying for guidance and came across this article. Any more insight would be much appreciated.


Jack Wellman April 11, 2013 at 4:54 pm

Hello JC. I am sorry for your heartache. You have already done all you can to be reconciled or restored to a relationship with your friend. Any more than this would feel like pressure and most people put up more resistance to pressure. Are you a male? I believe that if she is involved in a relationship with another, this might even make it harder to mend this friendship. Other than praying for God’s will to be done,you must give her space and let time take care of the circumstances. You could send her one more thing….a nice card with flowers but don’t follow it up with a phone call or email. Wait. Trust in God. See what happens.


MsM. April 17, 2013 at 12:07 pm

All my life I’ve struggled with friendships – they never seem to last. Now with a daughter of my own who I want to have lasting friendships, I feel at a loss how to teach her. I’ve also got ‘churn’ in my current friendships – I sense a change coming – we don’t talk as much anymore and recently on a group outing there was a tremendous fight between a few. My heart is heavy and I feel an awful dread that this group of friends is about to disband.

Thank you for the article, it seems a great start to a bigger Bible study I’m searching for – for myself and my daughter.

Thank you.


Jack Wellman April 17, 2013 at 1:18 pm

Thank you for your comment my friend. I am sorry you are struggling with friendships for we all need good and godly friends to grow in grace and knowledge. I am glad you are in a Bible study group. To have a friend, the Proverbs say, we must be a friend. Send for no occasion, a card of thanks. Thank God for them. Just love them unconditionally. Tell them just what you told me. You seek to be a better friend in Christ. Be transparent. Tell them your faults as we are commanded to confess to others our faults and this transparency is a wonderful way to have others confess their own. If this group disbands, start another one. Invite them over for coffee or tea at your home. Invite them to lunch after Sunday services. There are givers and takers in this life. Be a giver. Just love them as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her.


Margaret April 24, 2013 at 11:43 am

I really enjoyed this article which reminded me of my friend Victor who affected my life very well.


Nina Fernandes April 25, 2013 at 4:09 pm

Shalom. I take care of my family and I dont have many chances to leave home and make friends. Many people depend on me and I feel weak and empty inside. God knows my life and circunstances. But I feel very, very lonely and I need a Good Friend. Please, could you pray so I can find a good female friend? I’m a girl and my best and good friend died months ago. I dont have anyone to help me now and to talk to. I am not asking you to reply, I dont want to take your time, I just wanted you to pray for me please. I wish God could hear my prayers for a Friend. Thank you, Nina.


Jack Wellman April 26, 2013 at 12:05 pm

Hello Nina. I will be glad to pray for you. You don’t have to wish that God will hear your prayer. He does! The reason we know God hears our prayers and uses them to accomplish His purposes is because He has promised it — and God cannot lie. The Bible says, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And … we know that we have what we asked of him” (1 John 5:14–15). You must believe God and His Word. God can not lie. Trust Him.


Nina Fernandes April 26, 2013 at 12:35 pm

Thank you, brother Jack.


lisa October 20, 2013 at 8:52 am

Hello Jack
This was great! I have a high school youth group who asked me to go over what it meant to be a good friend. This article was so helpful to me. Thank you. I also want to say thank you for the encouragement you have provided to all the comments before me. Praise the Lord for both His faithfulness and the faithfulness of the ones he loves. Sincerely,


Jack Wellman October 20, 2013 at 6:23 pm

What an encouraging remark Lisa. You sure make a body feel good but we do know that the bottom line is what do we have that we did not first receive? So all glory is truly deserved and rightfully belongs to our Awesome God, true? Nonetheless, I thank you and thank God for you Lisa. This high school group must be surely blessed to have you as their leader.


Keith December 1, 2013 at 3:00 am

Hi Jack, Friends are priceless. im 38 years old and feel that I finally found my best friend after 37 years. Yes my wife is my best friend but having a brother is also something to thank God for. My best friend came about in the oddest way but with Gods lead I have managed to lead him to recovery of alcoholism. Its been a blessing and a curse at times but man I realize I would not have it any other way. My pals history is rough, but as I told him the past is that, leave it behind and trust God and move forward. We do everything together now and I have learned things from him and I feel he has learned from me. He attends church with my wife and I. Its almost unreal how awesome it is to have a True devoted friend. 37 years of fair weather, but God knows best and has revealed my brother. I pray that we continue to grow in Gods word and grow closer with every day. Thanks for your biblical perspective on friends. God may not give us what we want, but he always gives us what we need!!


Jack Wellman December 1, 2013 at 9:36 pm

Amen Keith….friends are the most valuable relationship next to Christ and our spouses and children. I need my godly friends so much but the thing is, they need us too. You are such a treasure and what a precious post this was my friend. I thank God for godly men like you that make the church stronger by your living out your faith…like in Romans 12 and 1 Cor 13. Thank you. You made my day brother.


David September 11, 2014 at 10:30 pm

Thank you so much for what you’ve written in this website, it really does make me see again what sort of friends I have to search for, learn example from and need to be. “Friends that are base on emotions are shallow indeed”. I have 2 really good Christian friends and after leaving school, I began to remember how they would act in different situations and they really do give me hope and good examples to follow. It’s amazing how I never thought of their examples much when I’m with them, but after we parted, that’s when their lives really start to impact me. I see that I REALLY need to find the right sort of Christian friends again… and become an even better one by following some of the principles you have given me. Thank you so much for principles of having a true friend 😀


Jack Wellman September 12, 2014 at 8:13 am

Thank you David for your encouraging comments my friend. I know that friends are so important in the unsaved world of the lost and we need one another.


Sonjeh December 1, 2014 at 12:58 am

Thank you, Ptr Jack for this great article on “godly frienship”. I searched google today for an article on friendship to post on my Fb page to show gratitude to a dear Christian friend who is donating one of her kidneys to my husband. George, who has been on hemodualysis for 7 years, is in need of a kidney transplant soon. Diane called after we posted a request on Fb for living donors. This is what we call a “living sacrifice unto the Lord” – giving a vital organ to a friend in need. Both of them have submitted their blood samples for a blood type and tissue matching. We request that you and your church congregation pray for us as this from now on is in the hands and sovereignty of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Thank you for your ministry and may the Lord continue to touch you and your loved ones as you all serve our living God. All praise and glory to Him and Him alone forever and ever. Amen! \o/


Jack Wellman December 1, 2014 at 9:28 am

Wow Sonjeh…that is a living sacrifice and strong evidence of your friend having the love of God abiding in them. I will do as you request. Please let us know what the outcome is.


Paul December 22, 2014 at 12:21 pm

I read this post because something happened recently. My roommate/friend/someone I mentor decided to not move in with me in my new apartment. The school disapproved him to be off campus and his parents kinda said no.

But upon enrolling online, my friend notice that in online registration he can choose to be off campus (we’ve tried it before but it was disable) so I told him about that but he still decided to not move in with me.

I guess my question would be I’m reflecting if he really values our friendship. If I was in his position I would still take the risk and move in the new apartment. What do you think about this?


Jack Wellman December 22, 2014 at 9:23 pm

My first question Paul is whether this person is a believer or not? Why did the school disapprove him? Is it a Christian school or secular school? What do you mean sir that you would be reflecting? I would not take the risk of the school said no…he could get kicked out of school, right? Is that worth the risk? I don’t think so. Why did the school disapprove him being off campus I wonder?


Paul January 2, 2015 at 6:56 pm

Hi Jack,

I just read your response. He is a believer and yes it is a bible school in Texas. The school disapproved him because of insufficient required documents for him to be off-campus.

I checked the handbook and there’s no violations regarding that. And that’s his main concern that he might get kick out. I guess the only thing that bothers me is that he can now apply off campus through online enrollment but he opted not to do that.


Jack Wellman January 2, 2015 at 7:52 pm

I see why they disapproved him for living off campus now. That makes sense. The school probably has good reason and they have to have some sort of standards that they follow for the good of the student and the college. I see why you have concerns on this. The Bible school must follow state laws too so it might be that reason. As a longtime college and master’s student in seminary, not everything in the student handbook has every requirement of federal, state, local and the Bible college in it. Sorry I couldn’t be of more help.


Alan February 1, 2015 at 4:34 pm

I am the only intern at a ministry I’m submitted to. I am submitted under my pastor and his wife. I have 7 students under my charge. At this ministry it isn’t okay for students and interns to be friends, close, or have any connection that would open the door up for the spirit of familiarity. I get this and I understand why: to maintain a healthy dynamic between leadership and the ones submitted to a training program. Yet, I have grown close to one of the students, Robert, because I believe we are supposed to be connected. Here’s why: Robert has been having dreams about me and the ministry the Lord is birthing through me and he was always apart of the work the Lord commissioned to me in these dreams. Then all of the sudden the Lord started showing me dreams and visions as well and Robert was apart of them. Since then we have been friends and have an awesome connection. For the first time in my life, I have a friend that is saved, loves the Lord as much as I do, and is there for me. The only thing is, our dynamic in the ministry we are both submitted to contradicts our friendship. Literally it isn’t okay for us to be connected outside of the Student/Intern dynamic. If I continue to be friends with him it’s considered rebellion but if we aren’t connected, I loose the only friend I have and the only person that I believe at this time is connected to my life for the purpose of ministry. I don’t know what to do or how to pray because I’m stuck. I didn’t make Robert start having dreams and I didn’t mentally come up with all of this out of the loneliness of being the only intern at the ministry I’m at. Truth is, I didn’t even like Robert when he first became a student but then the Lord started working on his heart and when He did, Robert starting complying as a student and then started dreaming. I haven’t even told my pastor because I’m essentially breaking his rule… I don’t excuse my connection with Robert but I don’t know how to interpret it all, all things considered. I need council in this area. Am I deceived by the enemy?


Jack Wellman February 1, 2015 at 5:24 pm

What is your age? can you wait? Why worry about waiting and losing someone since God is sovereign over all things in our life? Are you college age? Are you legally an adult? I would still talk to your pastor about this and tell him what you feel. As for your dreams and visions, there are no gifts of the Spirit for dreams and visions so these can also be from the Enemy so how do you know for sure it’s from God? You must be sure of the source. We have all the revelation we need in the Scriptures. Just continue to be friends and also, have you told Robert? Did you tell him about your feelings? What does he think? Does he know about this? Does he feel the same way?


Kathleen February 24, 2015 at 2:13 pm

Having been through many horrific experiences with a bi-polar mother, my sister and I have been blessed with some degree of wisdom as we approach old age. Our current experiences are a constant source of amazement to me, and more than make up for the real hatred I knew from most of my classmates years ago. We are happy to help people, but we each have callers who are overly demanding and inconsiderate (thankfully, just one for each of us!) I feel guilty when I don’t answer the phone, but I rarely feel able to spare the 90-odd minutes the one-sided conversation would take. For 20 years, this lady has been calling me and I am aware that she can go into scary depression at times, so cannot take a chance on hurting her. When she promises to hang up, it can take as much as 15 or 20 more minutes. She often leaves 3 or 4 messages because of including many unnecessary details. Have you any thoughts???


Kathleen February 24, 2015 at 2:19 pm

What does “awaiting moderation” mean?


Jack Wellman February 24, 2015 at 2:43 pm

Sorry Kathleen…awaiting moderation means that the comment must be checked to unsure that there are no profanities on it. Sorry about that. I wonder if this woman has ever sought medical attention or is off her medications if so. Have they been saved? I would first of all talk to your pastor. You are not responsible for what they might do just because you can’t handle talking to them. If it is often one-sided, she may be too focused on herself, obviously, and maybe another indication she’s not saved but I would really talk to your pastor about this and see what he recommends too. You are not obligated to be their counselor for so very long conversations. You might ask them to mail you a letter or email you instead and I would also share the gospel with them if they are not saved and make them think about the coming judgment of God on all who have never repented and trusted in Christ (Rev 20:12-15).


Maureen May 19, 2015 at 4:23 pm

Jack, thanks for the wonderful article. I have always found it difficult to find friends, but it was because I was not really friendly at all. I recently joined the Great Banquet 3 day retreat that not only changed my life but blessed me with a lot of friends who love and serve God. Not only that I am more friendly to people afterward. However, I have a Christian friend at work who seems to always complain about her issues at work and at her marriage. I used to just listen and said nothing since I figured that she just needed to vent. But after the banquet I felt like I wanted to be a good friend and I felt like I needed to show her some things in the Bible that can help her, encourage her to spend more time with Jesus, and read books or articles that will help her work on communicating and resolving issues in her marriage or even at work. But she always says that she’s too busy and she can’t change her husband or anyone else so she should just pray for him and everything else. I know that we need to pray but don’t we also need to do our part to learn and work on conflicts and issues to grow and get better in relaionships then just let things the way they are? It just seems to me that she does not feel the need to grow and learn and I’m a bit worried that her complacency and negativity will affect me in the long run. I understand what you said about “you are who you’re friends with”, so does it mean I need to find other friends who have the traits and characteristics which I want to have as well? I just think desire for growth should be part of true friendship, is it not?


Jack Wellman May 19, 2015 at 4:39 pm

Maureen…you tried but if this woman is too busy then she wouldn’t make a good friend anyway. We are told to esteem others better than ourselves and that means making time for others…I like that you want to grow. Not all Christians, sadly, are like you. I would just keep looking and praying for someone else and I know to find a friend you must be a friend but like your other friend, it doesn’t always work. Maybe there’s a ladies Bible study in your church? Join a Sunday school class. Visit the local nursing home as we do and we had a LOT of friends there. They are our prayer warriors. Yes, a desire for growth should be a part of friendship but don’t let a lack of that limit who your friends are.


Maureen May 19, 2015 at 5:18 pm

Thanks a lot for your insight Jack. I have volunteered in the nursing home before and yes they are quite a ball of fun 🙂 I’ll take your suggestions to heart and continue praying for my friend. God bless you 🙂


Jack Wellman May 19, 2015 at 8:05 pm

Thank you Maureen…I do pray you find a friend because of what you wrote, I think you’d make a great friend indeed!


Kay June 17, 2015 at 5:19 pm

Good afternoon. I am obviously stumbling on this late, but better late than never. My boyfriend recently told me that what he always wanted in the woman he’d marry is a friend because true friendships last longer than 2 people just being boyfriend and girlfriend. I actually agree with him. But i don’t know how to be a true friend. In my previous relationship, my ex told me he valued our friendship the most, but he was able to leave and never again check on me as a friend. My parents were not friends to each other, and they divorced when i was young, so i never had a real example of what it is to be a true friend. My boyfriend is a great friend, because he still accepts me even when i unwillingly have been pushing him away. My mind knows what i was taught or what i’ve seen (my “teachers” were my parents and it was not the best example). I have judged them to where i am now like them. I don’t know where to begin or let go. I don’t know how not to mess up our friendship.


Jack Wellman June 17, 2015 at 5:26 pm

Thank you Kay. Then you are uncertain about what to do with this young man or where the future will lead with him? Have you spoken with your pastor about this? Do you have a trusted older mentor Christian woman in your church you can speak with? Older women have so much wisdom to pass onto the younger women. I don’t know what to say unless you ask a question or is this just you wanting to comment to make your experience be shared with others?


Kay June 17, 2015 at 7:45 pm

I’m sorry, i didn’t put it in the form of a question, but my question is how do I not mess it up? How do I not stand in my own way of being a great friend in return?


Jack Wellman June 17, 2015 at 7:51 pm

Thank you Kay. I see what you are asking. Just be yourself because no one is perfect. If you can’t be accepted as you are, then they would not be the best person to be your friend anyway. Friends accept other friends faults because they know they have them also. I think you’ll do fine because you care enough to want to be a good friend.


Lin July 4, 2015 at 10:02 pm

I have friends like Job.
I have had many hardships in life;
abandoned by my husband, lost my home to fire, abandoned by my church, was displaced by water damage, then by storm damage, then by arson, and again by water; through it all, I have been a friend to many that no one would friend
One Christian friend tells me I am a Christian doormat and chastises me for befriending the unlovely, another tells me people think I am peculiar (which I know and do not consider to be vderogatory , although I suspect he does); some have told me I must have hidden sin or lack of faith or have a spiritual and shortcoming. I am on the verge of dusting off my feet and leaving but I feel God has a purpose or at least can use this to His glory. I feel I am staying the course but my “friends” think othwise tho they support their opinions with no evidence. Is this simply the cross I must bear?
Thanks for listening


Lin July 5, 2015 at 11:22 am

Jesus has been my friend as long, as I can remember, and has sustained me thru it all. God has on occasion sent an encouraging stranger.
It saddens me that I have been abandoned by friends when I was in crisis and I have been taken advantage of by those I have sacrificed to help, but, the truth is, it says as much or more about them than it says about me.
I will continue putting one foot in front of the other, as long as God’s grace sustains me; those that have been used by satan to attack me and persecute me, and those that have failed to follow the word of God regarding my overburdens may justify it in their own minds but will answer to God. His grace is sufficient for me;
my earthy vessel may be destroyed, but my spirit is protected.


Jack Wellman July 5, 2015 at 5:18 pm

What a precious comment my friend. Yes, we all have a cross to bear and Jesus said the way would be hard, the road narrow, and the gate the same and “few there be that find it” and like the Parable of the Sower, the cares of this world apparently are not going to choke out His Word in you which tells me Lin that you are seeking the kingdom first, no matter what!


Bill July 16, 2015 at 8:47 am


Thanks for writing the article. I have a friend who I’ve known since high school who recently came back into my life. Since high school ended, he’s been on a path of destruction via drugs, alcohol and various other things in between. Everyone has abandoned him…and there’s only a few people left that will even talk to him. I deeply struggle what my role is, but when I talk with him…he doesn’t take responsibility for his situation, blames others for his problems and goes off on me even though I have gone out of my way to try to help him and love him in Christ.

He even goes far enough to say it’s wrong for me to put my family, children and even those in my church I’ve committed to before him because we’ve known each other for many years. I’ve been very honest with him about what I can provide in friendship with his situation and where my boundaries are, but he doesn’t respect or understand them.

There’s many examples of Jesus loving the lost, but the ones that responded…Jesus knew the condition of their heart and how they would change their lives. Similarly, those that didn’t have a willing and soft heart towards Jesus…he walked away from. IE the rich man he called to sell his possessions. It would be one thing if after all these things my friend changed his ways and actually did something different with his life…but he expects people to be right by his side regardless of his actions, unwise choices and flagrant anger towards everyone. His heart is hard and doesn’t show any signs of softening. Makes it really hard when from his eyes it’s not his doing.

So…I guess my questions are:

a) How does one deal with this sort of friendship?
b) When is it time to cut off the relationship?
c) How do you go about cutting it off without massive hurt (maybe not possible) or the other person going into a destructive mode against themselves or others?


Jack Wellman July 16, 2015 at 4:41 pm

Thank you Bill for at least trying to be his friend but friendship is a two-way street and he is not able to make good choices without the Holy Spirit so the best think you can do is to tell him that friendship works both ways or it isn’t a friendship at all. Here is what the Bible says of those who do the things your friend is doing (2nd Tim 3:1-5:

But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, 4 treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.

Your friend must hit rock bottom because unless a person is humble and broken before God He cannot help him since God resists the proud but only gives grace to the humble (James 4:6). I would cut it off now. Sometimes God works on a person using problems to humble them and we cannot get between the rock (their problems) and the hammer (God) so you will have to hurt him because God cannot fix a man until He breaks a man. This is not my advice but what the Bible teaches. Let him hit bottom and only then might he look up (to God). I know this is hard but you must think of him and pray for him but as the Bible says . Avoid such people.


Savannah August 21, 2015 at 7:34 am

Hi Jack,

I’m struggle with friendship problem and really need you advice. I’ve been friends with a christian woman since we were in college. It has been 10 years. We are both writers and we always write book together. We served in the same campus as youth counselors. We had published nine books but not really succeed.

Fast forward years, she is facing difficult times. Her mom passed away because of cancer. She had been fired three times. Then she became bitter and hate God. I tried to always being there for her but it’s really difficult. She lashed out her anger to everyone. Every time we write the book she always said if this one didn’t work she would kill herself. She tried to suicide at my place and I ended up taking her to hospital.

Then,one month ago, the doctor found out she had a tumor. I stayed with her during her surgery and spent most of my saving to pay her medical fees. None of her family member is care. But not long after that, she sent me harsh emails, saying that she feel like she doesn’t have any real friends. I’m exhausted, jack. It had been years. I always be the one who try to understand her. I couldn’t take her to the professional help because it’s very costly and both of us don’t have any money. If only she didn”t hate God, I could take her to the church counselors. They are usually free. I don’t know what to do. Once time, I couldn’t take it anymore. I said I need my own space because the last time she sent me those harsh emails I cried for weeks. She really upset. She said that true friend is someone who are willing to sell her kidney when her friend need it. Someone who are willing to put her life in line to help a friend. Then, she cut off our friendship. My heart is torn. I’m worry about her. I’m worry she will end up suicide. But I also want to walk away. I can’t take it anymore. I read bible about friendship. How a friend will always being there no matter what happen. She is my best friend after all. She was a very sweet and nice person when I met her at the first time. It just life treating her so badly she end up like this. What should I do?


Jack Wellman August 21, 2015 at 9:46 am

Thank you Savannah for your comment and question sir. Sometimes we help people too much in the sense that God is trying to use problems to humble them and we rush in to try and solve people’s problems but what we do is get between the hammer (God’s work) and the rock (the problems). I would keep away from her for a time at least and give her time alone and just pray for her. Life treats us all harshly but God is sovereign and allows even bad things to work for our good (Rom 8:28) so let God humble her with these problems and trust Him to work this out. Stay away for a time at least a month or two. God humbles us often with trials so that we will repent and trust in Him and that’s all I can think of my friend.


Savannah August 21, 2015 at 12:23 pm

Thank you, Jack for reminding me to trust God. I’m so worry she will end up suicide, so i always stayed with her even though I was exhausted. Now I learn to put my faith in Christ and trust Him.


Jack Wellman August 21, 2015 at 1:14 pm

Amen…I appreciate the encouragement.


gina September 16, 2015 at 9:59 pm

Beautiful article. Truth explained with such simplicity and especially richly wrapped with the Word of God. Really blessed. Thank you Jack. 🙂


Richard November 14, 2015 at 12:17 am

A pleasant day Sir. I am a person who values friends so much and longed to have lasting friendships especially the “closest” ones. I believe I have had this type of friendship as the late King David and Jonathan had according to the Old Testament. I have this friend of mine of whom I can call as someone “who sticks closer than a brother” for we have shared “stuffs” to each other confidently and have a great love and respect for each other that we even committed of having this lasting friendship under God’s guidance. Our friendship had deepened as time went by… we have had arguments several times but those were able to strengthen our friendship/brotherhood. But the last time that we had a misunderstanding (which happened during those times that he had a family problem and our head pastor died) due to my being “immature” had led to a long months of no reconciliation. I’ve tried my best to ask for his forgiveness (I asked for that, and I am even willing for just the forgiveness to be given on me not regarding if I would win our friendship back or not — but of course, I want the friendship to be restored) but I was rejected several times…

During those times of “brokenness” due to my distorted fellowship with my best friend, a lot of things have been revealed by the Lord especially about my fellowship with others and learned not to depend too much on my best friend.

Things were all fine now except for that me and my best friend had not yet reconciled the issue and we weren’t able to have a conversation about our fellowship as friends. We were both active members of our church and it feels awkward whenever we see each other at our church activities without talking — and most of the time, we avoid each other.

I am a minister at the church (in various ministries such as music and worship leading) and I feel the hurt in every time that I remember that I haven’t reconciled with him and was concerned of my friend’s faith for I may be a stumbling block to him due to our issue.

What can you recommend me to do Sir? Thanks and I hope for an answer. God bless. 🙂


Jack Wellman November 14, 2015 at 9:14 am

Hello Richard and thank you sir for such a good question. I feel sad for this friend who won’t forgive you. That is not like a Christian because they have been forgive SO much MORE than we have to forgive others. I would say that do you really want a friend who won’t forgive you? I would say you did everything you can so just move on and find a new friend who won’t be so easily offended. Psalm 199:165 says “Perfect peace have they who love your law and NOTHING shall offend them!” so apparently your friend doesn’t love God’s law, he has no peace, and he is easily offended. I would pray for this man.

Pride is the problem with this man and God is resisting anyone who has pride. This often creates in us a higher standard of forgiving others than God Himself holds too. How can they claim God’s promise that He forgave them and then not forgive others? That is hypocritical in a sense.


Grace January 16, 2016 at 8:14 pm

Thank you for the article. I am struggling with a friend from church. We are in a community group together and our sons are both 5 years old. She is very involved in the church – children’s ministry on sunday morning – youth ministry on Wednesday night – volunteers for everything – she leads our community group. She looks great on paper. But as I get to know her better I am seeing her true heart. I started noticing how much she yells at her little boy for everything and uses swear words at him. She gossips about other church members. When another member of our group didn’t listen to her advice she actually told me she wanted to stop talking to her. I had to tell her that we needed to extend grace. And now that our sons have become friends it hurts my heart so much because her son acts just like her. He yells at my little boy all the time and is hateful. He hit my son in the face one time. My friend uses the excuse of “he is getting really tired” for his bad behavior and most of the time doesn’t correct him when he yells at my son. Also, she has a boyfriend and her divorce is not finalized yet. She is hiding her bf from the church by not allowing him to attend with her until after it is finalized. And he spends the night at her house on the weekends. I pray for my friend and her son daily. I love them and want Jesus to help them. My question is, should I stay friends with her? Should I stay in the community group? And should I allow my son to be friends with a little boy who is mean and hateful- even though he is a church friend? I feel like if I allow him to be friends with this boy I am teaching him that it is okay to be in an abusive relationship. I am so torn. She was one of my first friends I made at this church. Thank you for taking the time to read this.


Jack Wellman January 16, 2016 at 9:56 pm

Hello Grace. Thank you for your comment and questions. As I pastor, I would strongly suggest you take this to the church. 3 years ago we had to disfellowship someone in our church because their gossip was assassinating other’s reputations. Talk to your pastor right away. Tell him just what you wrote here. I would not associate with that boy again. It will make your sons even worse. You are the one responsible to God so you must separate yourself from that children’s ministry and you replace it yourself by using that time at home and teaching them. You are right in your conclusion “I feel like if I allow him to be friends with this boy I am teaching him that it is okay to be in an abusive relationship.”


South Louisiana February 15, 2016 at 4:51 pm

Grace….I am not an expert on friendships but I do
know what the word of God says. The best thing you
can do for yourself and your children is to end the
friendship you have with this woman. No one is perfect
but this woman is having a relationship with a man
she’s not married to while still being married to someone
else. She knows it’s wrong since she’s bending over
backwards to hide it from the church. If the divorce is
not something she wanted, it is still wrong to be
dating this other man. If she was ever to have another
relationship after divorce she would have needed to go
to counseling and allowed God to heal her before she
even thought of such a thing. You should continue to
pray for her but you don’t need to be around her to
pray. Pray also for her son as it seems it’s bordering on
abuse. If you need to tell her why you are keeping
your distance do so! Your son is more important than you
continuing to hang out with this woman. And please don’t
take this the wrong way……why does she feel so
comfortable telling you about her indiscretions and yet
hiding it from the church at the same time? Making her
think that you think it’s okay is wrong. Tell her you
think it’s wrong and since you would have already confronted
her in private once you do that, if she does not listen, take
someone else with you. If she still does not listen, then
you must tell the church (I think that means the pastor
and/or board of directors). She does not sound like
someone I would want leading my children’s youth group
or ministry. It sounds like
enough time has been wasted. Find a friend that will help
you grow in Christ and not continue to hinder you.
Do it for the sake of your children if not for yourself. The
fact that you are asking whether you should stay in
friendship with her or not means you are seeing red flags;
I believe the Holy Spirit is giving you discernment. If
the church refuses to move her out, then I would find
another church. Any church that would use a person
in outright rebellion to the word of God is not a church
I would trust. Counseling her is one thing, but using her
in a key position is wrong!


BELLO, AFETAMEH REUBEN February 13, 2016 at 7:47 pm

God bless pastor, i am in did bless by your teaching and thought. God bless you


BELLO, AFETAMEH REUBEN February 13, 2016 at 7:50 pm

God bless pastor


Jack Wellman February 13, 2016 at 8:54 pm

Thank you so very kindly. May God bless your teaching my friend in Christ.


South Louisiana February 15, 2016 at 4:30 pm

I have a question for anyone on here that may have
gone through this type of situation: Over the years
I’ve had many friends, most of them from having
attended a certain church for many years. Like all
friendships some were closer than others. For 3 yrs
I had a friend from another city who ended up
moving away to another city for work. We were
very close. She wasn’t the type to be overly generous
but at least she always paid her own way. We went
on vacations together, ate lunch together regularly,
etc..and I never felt she was using me in any way.
It was a genuine friendship. She was a popular deejay
in a nearby city and a great friend, but it only lasted
3 years because she moved so far away. Another
friend who was more generous and ALWAYS paid her
own way, and sometimes mine, died 3 yrs ago. She
paid my way at times and I paid hers other times.
I love giving and blessing others. The only friends I
have left are takers and not givers. I end up buying
their lunch, paying their way, taking them on
vacations, etc…and when they get blessed they
forget about me. God is my source…I don’t look
to any person as my source. God supplies all my
needs and I truly know that. I’ve seen those same
women bless each other when they can but they
pass me up and think I don’t need it anyway.
I don’t know what it is…I may be more financially
stable than they are but if only they would see
that they could be hindering themselves because
they go by need rather than seed. Has anyone else
experienced this? It seems in this area that’s how
most of them are. I’ve distanced myself from a few
of them and feel I must break away. But I can’t
move just yet and would love to find friends that
know friendship is a two way street!


sierraf-i February 15, 2016 at 7:44 pm

Hi Jack,

I am grateful for this article and very grateful for the comments of the people and your responses. I am 26 and I have been married for 6 years, and have a 3 year old son. In which over the years, I have seen the importance of friendships and battled of where I fit in given my life and my family situation.I have had many family issues that stunted my growth in developing relationships as a small child.Now that I have freedom in my life, I am breaking out of the habit of being quiet and isolated at my new church for the first time in my life.. I am very afraid to develop friendship with women, I have always had unhealthy relationships or been the pity-case in a sense…I want prayer to make sure I go about my relationships in a healthy way… when I get feelings of interest to make friends I get scared because I think I’m creepy, and desperate, but in actuality I would love to have a group of close women friends in Christ that I can totally be myself…idk if this makes sense..but thinking on david and jonathan’s relationship.. I felt like maybe its time to trust God and love unconditionally…just give and share my life with other women outside of the typical fellowships…


sierra February 15, 2016 at 8:17 pm

Hi Pastor Jack,

I am so touched by this article, the comments, and your responses; God bless you.

I am 26, I have been married for 6 years, and I have a 3 year old son. I have always been slightly isolated from a small child due to family situation and I went from being isolated, into pity-based relationship, into now….I have had many Jonathan’s in my life, my husband is a jonathan but at this point in my life, I don’t want to be saved and solely be the person runs to for problems but nothing else. I am getting to know myself and enjoying my freedom as an adult for the first time, and I am starting to initiate friendships..very free adult who is learning how to form friendships. I want to be me and not be put in a category…I want to be all-purpose in a sense. So please pray that I go about this in a healthy way…I have a good heart but this does not come natural for me ;im so nervous, its like asking out someone on a date, but its only friendship..


Victor S. Udoh February 29, 2016 at 11:17 am

Am really blessed by your teachings…. God bless u jack.


Alvin Xiong April 25, 2016 at 12:56 pm

I’m really glad things like this is actually posted because I do agree with as you age you really do find true friends really important in life. I can testify this because when I was a teenager I saw friends as people just to have fun and hang out with and that’s awesome but when I hit my adult life I started to realize how important and precious true friends are you life and it’s such a blessing to because to always have time to be with them. Also I believe that once you start to get older you realize that there’s a difference between friends and true friends and that makes you cherish your relationships with your true friends. For me a good example I can throw out there is my youth pastor and I. My youth pastor and I came a long way but I see our relationship as true friends to be amazing because our friendship started when i was still a youth. It out as both of us got called out during the congregation about by the youth and the senior pastor about video games. With that I could see it in my youth pastor’s eyes that he was hurt and discouraged because of what the congregation did to him, yet he could see it in my eyes that I was hurt the same way as well. So later that night my youth pastor went over at my nephews house to talk one on one with one of my friends about what happened today. I could see that he was actually crying and hurt inside. Long story short my youth pastor invited me to go eat with him and on the way we talked about the situation that happened to us and told each other how we felt about and ever since then our friendship has flourished into an amazing adventure that I can’t even describe in words.


Roby May 28, 2016 at 12:40 am

Is being close friend to a girl is sin I’m asking this because sometimes beings close to her feels like I’m in luv with her I herd a lot that being close friends to girls always led to love


Luna June 8, 2016 at 10:21 am

My best friend and I recently agreed to end our relationship because it was causing harm to both of us. Our families have been fighting for many years and it’s putting unnecessary stress on the two of us. She’s 18 now, but I’m only 17. We can’t see each other and we have to talk secretly. It hurts to bad to continue like this. We’ve been best friends for 11 years and she was always there for me when no one else was. I found this article doing research. I wanna make sure we made the right choice 🙁


Nallamothu Ratna Ratna Babu August 4, 2016 at 6:58 am

I am very happy to visit this sight I trust our Lourd will help me through you.


Ranae August 28, 2016 at 9:04 am

Dear Jack,
I have a friend who told me about a person who was stalking her leaving loads of texts, yelling and swearing at her if she did not respond. Her next step would be to take it to the police if the church could not deal with it. Everything was dealt with in order. But my problem is I wish she had never told me because know I know this about a person.
As her friend do I listen or do I ask her not to repeat matters. it is talking about someone’s sins. I am confused and afraid that God will chastise me for listening to her. I don’t even know why she told me really. Am I being selfish or self righteous?


Jack Wellman August 28, 2016 at 4:07 pm

I am sorry and you were put in an awkward position. I think it would have been better to not have told you, but just think of this; Jesus told us to pray for our enemies and do good to them that hate us…so we can only pray this person repents and gets right with God and God’s children. God will not chastise you for that. You have confessed it, you have asked God for forgiveness, and now it’s buried in the sea of forgetfulness and God put up a “No Fishing” sign. Don’t trip over what’s behind you. You are being neither selfish or self-righteous. You did nothing wrong…next time, just walk away. God forgive you and now, you must forgive yourself. You don’t want to hold a higher standard of forgiveness than God does and Jesus’ death is the most that can be done!


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