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Jona June 8, 2015 at 11:08 am

On one motor cycle ride, I went with my husband, he was asked to follow some people to a room and he took me along. Now I didn’t know what was about to unfold. I thought he would protect me and not let me be involved in bad things. He know I don’t drink or do drugs. Well there he was before I knew it he was snorting a line of coca in. I felt sick and shocked. I couldn’t believe it. I am still up set about that and his drinking and gambling. He doesn’t listen to me when I tell him how it hurts me. I don’t feel safe with my own husband after 34 years. Help me help my self. Jona

Kris June 8, 2015 at 5:46 pm

Dear Jona,

You do not say if you are a believer with a fellowship which might make a lot of difference in that you would have a pastor who might give you counsel.

It doesn’t sound like your husband is a believer or willing to care about what the Lord would have him do.

Submitting to a husband who is abusive is not part of what the scriptures are putting forth. The scriptures are written to believers in this area and marriage is supposed to be among believers. However there are many today who are married to those who have claimed to believe but departed from the faith in practice and whose actions reveal and unwillingness to walk by the wisdom of God.

The use of drugs is indeed troubling , all of what you have shared suggests that your husband is not a believer. You are married to him but you do not have to live with an abusive spouse. If you do not have family where you can be sheltered then there of refuges available. By all means if you are afraid to stay in the same house with him seek refuge.

If you husband is not hearing you then ‘tough love’ is called for to protect you and any children you may have.

If you are not a christian then seek out and learn about the gospel of Jesus Christ and salvation …ask Him to help you understand the scriptures and act upon the wisdom of God with the help and support of a local church which is serious about teaching through the Bible …not just a feel good sort of group.

In all cases the Lord will open a way for you to escape danger if you are willing to act upon this and proceed for your safety sake.

If you husband wants to have you in the home and in relationship it sounds like he is going to have to want to seek some help to change.

May the Lord direct your steps by His counsel found in His Word by His spirit which is IN Jesus Christ our Lord.

Marsha January 3, 2016 at 3:36 pm

Hi. I’m a Christian woman who has been divorced for twelve years now. I have a fourteen-year old girl and a fifteen year old boy. When I got married, it was my dream to be a stay-at-home mom, but, I came from a dysfunctional family and I married someone who was deceiving and who relapsed into alcohol abuse. I divorced him when my children were very young. Since that time, I have lived with my parents on and off and I have worked part-time and homeschooled my children. Right now, we have been living with my parents for the past five years. It has been difficult with so much to juggle, but I try to make the best of it. Also, I have attended a Christian recovery program for more than ten years. Now that my children are dual-enrolled at the college and I am going to wean them off of homeschooling, I was thinking of getting full-time work so that we can move out of my parents home. We are a bit crowded here and I’ll probably have to go on public assistance since I don’t receive any child support.

Reading this article made me ache inside. It took me a long time to stop mourning the fact that I couldn’t fulfill the dream of being a stay-at-home wife and mother. My children are growing up and I just wanted to ask if it is ridiculous for me to still hope that I can do this if God should bring a good Christian man into my life? Would that be unreasonable, especially since my children are older? Would a man be offended if that’s what I desired? Do you believe that after the children are grown, a woman should then be expected to go out into the work world or is it acceptable that she still manage the household while the husband continues to provide? What is Biblical? Right now I’m crying because I realize how much I would love this. Please don’t get me wrong, my life has still been blessed and like I said earlier, I don’t blame my ex-husband, because I myself was dysfunctional with a background of alcohol in the family and sexual abuse. I’ve had a lot of recovery, but I wonder if God just has different plans for me. Reading this just made me hopeful and I know I would be a good wife to someone, but, if it’s just not realistic at this stage of my life please let me know. Thank you for reading this and for your feedback.

Child of JESUS June 18, 2016 at 5:15 am


Jesus is the Lord of Restoration and Miracles..Our Heavenly Father loves us so much that he gave his previous Son to die on the cross for all our sins..
Ask our Father in Heaven whatever u want in Jesus name..While asking u believe that u already received ur wish..Because you donot have a husband you can ask GOD for an understanding husband.GOD is a good GOD.He is a LORD of Restoration..Donot be guilty for you wish because JESUS took all your guilt on the cross..You are already blessed and boldly ask our sweet loving JESUS..

Mohit April 5, 2016 at 12:07 pm

Marriage is the beautiful thing in which both couples contribute and have fun. Being a good wife is not easy, even if you have a near-perfect husband. To be a good wife, you have to be able to communicate effectively, to keep your romance alive, and to be your husband’s best friend while maintaining your own identity.


gene pool July 27, 2016 at 1:19 pm

what about those that have husbands who don’t want an active life, but entertain themselves with ‘good’ things like physical activity, entertain themselves with sports, ignore anything else. Waiting for the wife to ‘lead, , and make all the choices in spiritual matters, sitting back and repeating daily same old same old. Has to have his own way in the house, but not ‘dangerous’ -just enough to cause strife. What about this, this causes stress, stress stress and forgiveness happens, but it is not JOY and it is horrible for the kids to witness unhappiness and split views, both believers.

rahel August 5, 2016 at 9:13 am

I believe you can! And also believe you will be a very well-shaped and matured enough wife!! God is a God of second chance and there is no need for God to make you stay alone. God stands with your decision and will pour His grace you to be the better wife ever and have a healthier empathy with who you are going to meet afterwards. Be blessed!!

sam September 18, 2016 at 9:44 am

I am pastor, but my wife seems not to be interested in me doing ministry, shouts at me, insults me even in the public. I am always afraid because she always wants to fight. Just play religion and don’t display the character of a Christian wife talkless of being a pastors wife. Our different counselors don’t know what else to do because their counsel is not working. Right now, I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to stop what I know the lord is calling me to do because of my marriage. Since the marriage, my life and ministry has been stagnant, one fight or another, accusation etc. I have prayed about this for the past five years but nothing seems to be changing. To be honest, the lord warned me before the marriage, just that I didn’t fully understood what the lord was saying then, everything the lord said to me that time I happening now. she always wants to control me, the more I seek peace, the more things get worse. The worst of it all is when I sleep with her, I always get an attack spiritually, when she becomes angry, those demons come to fight me on her behalf. I don’t know what to do again. What can you advise me to do. I hope you can send me reply through my email address
Thanks so much

Jack Wellman September 18, 2016 at 6:47 pm

Hello Pastor. Your wife does not sound like she is saved…this is not godly at all. read 1 John chapter 3. She is showing fruits of the flesh, which the unsaved show, and not the fruits of the Holy Spirit (Gal 5:16-22). But, even with this ungodly wife, you must put the ministry over her. Jesus said if we do not hate our brothers, sisters, mothers, and family compared to our love for God, we are more worried about our life than doing God’s work. Keep doing your ministry. Please don’t stop. This woman has no fruit to show she’s ever repented and believed in Christ, even though that’s what Jesus demands (Mark 1:15).

LaQuita M Green November 22, 2016 at 8:46 am

Iam married to a wonderful man, but right now we are going through a hard time and are really close to getting a divorce.We got the paper work.The thing is we are both worker in the church and we are still in love with each other deeply. I have kids he does not, and I have not trained them all that well.My husband said that he has no fight left. He says that it is to late for them to change,i say it’s not. Please help me with this ,I don’t want to lose my husband I believe God has a work for us to do

Jack Wellman November 22, 2016 at 9:34 am

Please reach out to your pastor or someone you know that you can speak with who is a Christian in your church. I cannot help you but only tell you to pray and perhaps fast. How can this man work in a church and seek a divorce with no biblical grounds. What has your pastor said of this or does he know?

Shanice January 23, 2017 at 7:11 pm

Wow. This is a great article. Thank you. God bless you.

John February 6, 2017 at 9:40 pm

The first thing a man require from his wife is respect, if a wife respect her husband, he will love her and adore her……..

Susan February 8, 2017 at 2:45 am

Hi my name is Susan and I will be married for 2 years in June . I feel so under apreciated in my marriage I am at a lost for what to do anymore. I don’t want to break my oth to my husband and God but my marriage is on the borderline of abusive. Ever since he lost his father last year our marriage toke a nose dive. With today’s economy we both work. Any time he helped out around the house I would praise him for it. However when he was out of work it was up to me to be the bread winner. The one time I got some days off to recover he allowed his mom to repremend me for not doing enough as a wife around the house. I can’t even talk to him about anything cause he goes on a rant that he is the man of the house and what he says goes.by the midway point of the discussion he starts yelling at me saying my opinion doesn’t matter. He can’t even keep things between us as sacred. I can’t trust him with anything for fear of his mom finding out and judging me. The worst part is that he is a preachers son yet when I remind him about nightly prayer he doesn’t want to step up and be spiritual leader of this house. I am at a lost of what to do.I don’t feel comfortable sleeping with him. Please just give me some advice I fear the flame is diming between us.

Brandy Myers February 20, 2017 at 12:28 pm

Thank you for this. All the scriptures are helping me. I’ve always been the strong one. I’ve held my own all my life but I married a man who was beyond wonderful but have driven him away due to my headstrong and independent ways. How can I be a good wife when I can’t stop trying to run the show. We are both truck drivers and previously were team drivers but he left our truck and went into another.

luis July 25, 2017 at 12:40 pm

nice read, thank you

Dr. Ramón deTorres July 26, 2017 at 12:29 pm

For all who love the L0rd and deeply desire to walk in his ways I very highly recommend the “Love and Respect” marriage conference. I’ve been to the conference twice, my wife went with me the second time, and it has made a wonderful difference in our lives.

Christina Loyer August 16, 2017 at 1:00 pm

My husband and I are Christians. More than I would like he misses church, too busy doing things in the garage, in his truck. He has in his head that he has to get all this stuff done when it is not a priority. He’s never happy with the things he has. Always spending money to better his truck or himself. Always had to have the best of the best. Our bills are behind. We have children. I haven’t had money to tithe. My husband is a recovering drug addict who relapsed bad a few months ago. Drained or bank accounts. For this reason among other I constantly feel as though I’m on guard. That he isn’t and can’t be the spiritual leader. I pray and pray. I continue to go to church. But I must admit it’s wearing down on me. My husband always seems to turn it on me that it’s my fault somehow. I just feel defeated

S. Cortez September 4, 2017 at 9:33 pm

I am a wife whom is losing love for her husband. I am a Christian and my husband says he believes in GOD, but doesn’t choose to follow HIM. It’s hard for me to submit to my husband because after times he treats me poorly and his decisions aren’t not biblical. He constantly yells at me and belittles me. I close up my feelings to him and feel numb. I don’t know what to do.

Jack Wellman September 5, 2017 at 8:46 am

Hello S. Cortez. One Bible verse says that “The Lord opened Lydia’s heart” so it must be God Who opens this man’s heart. We cannot save anyone. It doesn’t sound like the actions of a saved man, so let’s pray for his conversion, but please call your pastor and tell him and ask your church to pray for you as we are commanded to do (James 5:14) as we need one another (Heb 10:24-25) and seek to do what Jesus commands us to do (Matt 25:34-39) as we do it to Him (Matt 25:40) or we do nothing for Him (Matt 25:41- and that’s not good (Matt 7:21-23).

Pamela Rose Williams September 5, 2017 at 4:35 pm

Hello Mrs. S

I echo what my brother Pastor Jack has given to you as advice. Speak to your pastor and ask you church to pray for the conversion of your husband. Also that you may realize that you do love your husband, for the Bible tells us that we must love everyone. Be sincere and “cleave to that which is good” (Romans 12:9). I hold you and your husband up in prayer.

Dena October 30, 2017 at 6:04 am

My husband is newly saved and comes from a Catholic background. I have been saved and going to Bible preaching churches for 15 years. My husband’s perspective of God and scripture is unfolding slowly. However, he sees God as a God of wrath for sin. He also believes in works and perfection to receive love and salvation from God. He applies these beliefs to others as well, including our wayward young adult children. They have done some pretty awful things and some of them to our family. For that we have distanced ourselves from them for the past two to three years. I have submitted to his constant requests to leave them alone and allow God to work on them without our interference. My daughter (his step daughter) has recently shown signs of a repentant heart and even said she would like to meet with my husband and ask for his forgiveness after she has already asked and received it of me. My husband purposefully sabotaged their meeting together (claiming a misunderstanding) because he refused to allow me to see her until the two of them met together so he could decide if she was sincere or not. I had already set my time to see her for after the two of them were suppose to meet. I prayed about it and I feel God said to me, “It is a beautiful thing, go.” So I insisted on keeping my appointment with her at the time originally set. After all, it was only a quick get together, not me giving any money or inviting her to live in our home. We argued and fought about it for the three days leading up to our scheduled time. He even threated, like many times before, to leave me over it. This was the only time I insisted on going against his desires. Honestly, I did not trust his motives or his desire to be the judge. So I went, he went with me to “supervise” and all went well. It was a normal, pleasant get together. Now every time we argue (even about unrelated things) he throws this in my face saying that I put her over our marriage and I am not a Godly wife, etc…. Did I do the right thing? I don’t know anymore. Should I trust him to lead even with his warped view of God as a judging, condemning God who requires perfection for salvation and forgiveness and love? Thank you for a reply.

Jack Wellman October 30, 2017 at 9:25 am

Hello Dena. I would say that the Bible teaches only God can change the heart (Prov 21:1) so all you can do is love him and pray for him and leave the rest up to God. This man’s idea of salvation and works is absolutely backward. A person cannot be saved by works but a saved person will natural do works…but not to save themselves but because they are saved. I think you did the right thing. Your husband’s dominating you worries me. He is taking the wife submitting too far because he expects you to submit as the church does to Christ but he is not keeping his end of the deal…to love you like Christ loved the church and Christ is not this harsh on the church. I will pray for you and talk with your pastor about this. See if he would go to marriage counseling.

Susan December 20, 2017 at 8:58 am

I am an English woman in a relationship with an American Christian and I truly love him with all my heart.

I have not been religious for decades but I am a believer and I know he will help me.

Do you have any advice to help me as my worry as I have poor concentration from a head injury and I know I will need to study the Bible and I am concerned that nothing will be absorbed as I would like.

I know I will have to talk to him at sometime and I truly respect him in every way.

Thank you so much in advance.

Ab December 26, 2017 at 8:06 am

Helpful article, thank you. Please pray God places in my heart a respect for my future husband, if God grants me a godly husband. I don’t know how to respect a man.

Sonia B April 4, 2018 at 4:02 pm

I have been married for 18 years now and during those 18 years I was not the best wife. We were married at a very young age of 21. My husband complained that I was not giving him the love and attention he needed, I was not communicative, I would shut down and withdrawal for 2-3 days, and I showed little respect for his opinions and dreams. Now he wants to leave me and our 3 children even though I have gone to a marriage therapist and have made many changes he said it’s to late. He has completely shut me out and there is no communication. He said he wants to be on his own. What should I do?

Jack Wellman April 6, 2018 at 6:01 pm

If he leaves, there is nothing you can do Sonia. I am so sorry for this terrible pain you and your children are going through. I cannot imagine what that must be like for you. I will pray with you about this, but really, when all we can do is pray, that is the most we can do, and what we cannot change, we must trust God with the rest. Only He can change the human heart (Prov 21:1).

rohit December 14, 2018 at 6:42 am

Great post, liked the way it is explained!

Melany Raborn February 12, 2019 at 12:06 pm

Good afternoon. I just finished your article! How wise and timely your words are. I found it while doing some research for a group of ladies at church who are reading through the Elisabeth Elliot book, The shaping of a Christian Family. When I came to the end of your article, I immediately forwarded it to my married daughter and to all of the ladies in my class, as well as many others as well! I am sure that much Kingdom good will continue to flow from your wise admonitions! Thank you thank you!

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