Are there acceptable reasons for getting a divorce? What are not acceptable reasons for divorce? What does the Bible say about divorce? Are there biblical grounds for divorce?
Are There Acceptable Reasons For Getting a Divorce?
There are reasonable and biblically acceptable reasons for divorce when there is violence in the family. One reason would be when a husband or wife is abusive to their spouse and also to their children. There is no reason that a person should put up with this. The first thing might be to move from that location and separate and hope that the abuser gets some counseling and help. It is not lawful to abuse another person – physically, mentally, or emotionally. Sexual abuse of children is also against the law and should be reason to relocate immediately. No one should endure such abuse – God would not look down or think it sin if a person or a spouse’s children are being abused. They have every right – every legal right – to defend their children from this and to protect themselves and their children from this.
Marital infidelity, drug abuse, and non-support are also serious considerations but since we know that God hates divorce, this should be the last resort (Malachi 2:16). Finding a good Christian counselor is a good first step. As a former Mental Health Case Manager, I have seen the damage done to women and children – and even some men – and it destroys lives and the ability to trust again. Some carry lifelong scars from things that occur in homes that are unspeakable. You can forgive others but you can not ever undo something that leaves its mark for life.
What are the Reasons For Divorce?
What Are Not Acceptable Reasons For Divorce?
I have heard many reasons about people seeking and getting divorces – even among Christians. The reasons are many but none of these are acceptable to God:
“I fell out of love with my wife/husband.”
“I just don’t have anything in common with her/him anymore”
“My husband/wife just doesn’t love me anymore.”
“This just can’t be God’s will for my life anymore.”
“We are incompatible.”
“He/she lied to me before we got married.”
“It wasn’t really genuine in ‘God’s eyes’”.
“They would be happier without me.”
“I would be happier without him/her.”
There are dozens more that are not listed here but none of these that are mentioned are acceptable and only those mentioned in the Bible are acceptable reasons for divorce. This does not counting abuse or unrepentant, ongoing sexual immorality. The Bible says it is sin to divorce unless you have biblical grounds for it, which will be mentioned at the bottom of this article.
What Does the Bible Say About Divorce?
Clearly God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) because “What God has joined together, let man not separate . . . I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:6, 9). Jesus said that, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery” (Mark 10:11-12). Being unequally yoked with unbelievers was mentioned prior to marriage but God is just as clear that divorce is not permissible just because one is not a believer and the other is not.
Paul writes, “If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him” (1 Corinthians 7:12-13). There are many such marriages where a spouse is a believer and married to an unbeliever but this is not grounds for divorce. In fact, the believing spouse may lead such a life as to bring the unbelieving spouse to faith in Christ. First Corinthians chapter 7 is an excellent overview of marriage and sexual relationships for the single believer. Here Paul lays down the command “for all churches” to continue living and being married to the unbeliever. First Corinthians 7:17, 20 says, “Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.”
If a husband or wife dies, then that person can remarry and not commit adultery, which is what Paul was specific about in I Corinthians 7:39, “A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.” So the unbelieving spouse can remarry but it must be to a believer as to not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. If a spouse is married to an unbeliever Paul writes, “If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? ” (I Cor 7:12-14, 16). This is an amazing passage of Scripture. Paul says that it is possible – in fact it has happened many times – that an unbelieving spouse comes to faith in Christ by the believing spouse.
Paul clarifies it by saying, “…if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace” (I Cor 7:15).Are There Biblical Grounds For Divorce?
There are biblical grounds for getting a divorce. Again, if there is ongoing, unrepentant sexual immorality such as adultery. This also includes where there is physical abuse against a spouse and physical or sexual abuse of the spouse’s children that is never resolved. God does permit divorce because of the hardness of the human heart – and for the reasons just mentioned.
Sexual immorality or adultery that is unrepentant and ongoing is reasonable before God’s eyes for permitting a divorce. Jesus said that, “But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife [and husband of course], except for sexual immorality, makes her [or him] the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matt 5:37. 19:9). Adultery is breaking a serious commandment (Ex 20:14). But if the adultery and sexual immorality committed by the sinning spouse stops and they repent, then there should be every chance given to the person to forgive them (Mark 11:25, Luke 6:27-28). God is all about forgiveness and we are told to forgive our brother or sister when they fall and want to be restored.
Divorce is a last resort but if there is no other choice and adultery, sexual immorality, and physical abuse persist with no signs of remorse, repentance, or change, then divorce is permitted. God hates divorce but He would not expect a married person to remain married to a spouse that remains in adultery or continues to abuse the spouse or their children. It is hoped that there is always room for repentance, counseling, and reconciliation – but if it doesn’t occur, and sexual sins outside of marriage persist, the victim of such a marriage is not bound by the law and God would not call that sin.
Do you have something you want to add on this topic? Please share it in the comments.
Sources
The Holy Bible, New International Version
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{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
how would you handle a situation where in a marriage we have 6 children & the wife is the only person payung bills buying food & basically the only one contributing to the marriage? I put about 90% into my marriage while mt husband only puts in about 10%. Would divorce be wrong? I am physically & emotionally tired. We been through counseling more then once & he doesnt apply anything we learned.
Thank you for your question Candy and for visiting us here. Is your husband a Christian? Whether he is not or is a Christian, you are bound to him by the marriage covenant and you really don’t have any other option but to remain married. I know you didn’t want to hear that. If your husband is a Christian and attends church, has he spoken with the pastor about this. He is breaking the biblical teaching that if a believer doesn’t provide for his own household, he is worse than an infidel (which means an unbeliever or unsaved person).
Sometimes, it seems inadequate, but prayer is all you can do. God says, that “the kings heart are like channels of living water in His hands and directs it wherever He wishes” (Prov 21:1). The point here is that God the Holy Spirit is the only Person that can change your husband. We will join you in prayer and ask God to move mightily in your husbands life and to convict him of his sin. He is sinning basically and God will chastise him one way or another, as God does correct those whom He loves as any father would. I am so sorry you are having to carry this heavy burden on your own shoulders. Pray to Jesus for help and cast all your cares upon Him because He can handle the heavy laden loads when we can not. God is actually pleased when we are utterly and desperately dependent upon Him and Him alone when human strength fails.
I have been in an abusive marriage for nine years. My husband (ex-husband) never consistantly supported me financially, mentally, spiritually, or emotionally. He is addicted to crack cocaine…he goes to church as a crutch when he is sober but as soon as he gets the urge he is back in the streets doing his drugs again and leaving me to feel ashamed, disappointed, broke, and depressed.
I prayed day and night for a change and that God would change him and make him into the man he should be for me…then one day it dawned on me that God is not the author of confusion…Jesus stated that he did not condone divorce but he also stated that he wants us to live in peace. Judge for yourself using the Word of God…not all marriages are Godly unions….many Christian men and women stay in a marriage because they feel it is their Christian duty to stay. Listen if your soul is lacking the joy that God intended for you and your spouse is not living up to his/her obligations seek the face of God and don’t let your unhappy marriage separate you from all God has for you.
I finally….after 9 years of living with a man that has no intentions of changing got a divorce. I am a born again Christian….filled with the Holy Ghost and living a life of Godliness and I feel that God’s grace has sustained me through a divorce and in rebuilding my life as a single Christian lady. I am not ashamed that I am divorced!!! I am glad that God allowed me to go through what I have been through living with a drug-addict. This experience has taught me many valuable lessons in which I will gladly share with any one out there. I have no intentions of ever getting married again. I just want people to know that it is not just Divorce that God hates it is the lifestyle that a person lives that wants his/her spouse to seek a divorce that God hates.
As for me….I am going on with my life with my head held high knowing that I may be divorced now, but I am no longer under the bondage of fear, confusion, frustration, and turmoil brought about by someone else’s behaviour…
To God be the glory!!!!
Karen
Hello Mrs. Williams. Wow, what you have been through and no one here, nor even I, will ever judge you for what you have gone thru and yes, you needed to get out of that marriage for your safety’s sake for your life. I stand amazed at your faithfulness to God and this story of yours should be read as a testimony to the power of God in a Christian’s life. God be praise there are courageous women like you. No one has any right to condemn nor judge you, nor will I. But to God be the glory and your strong faith has set you free. May God be with you in your walk with the Lord for the rest of your life. I believe you would make a great spokesperson for leaving such an abusive marriage as this. Thank you for this powerful testimony to the grace of God. Please come back and grace us again soon with your words.
I have a friend, a fellow deacon, who has just discovered his wife of 20+ years is seeing another man, a co-worker at her place of employment. This here-to-fore clandestine relationship has also been sexual, as revealed in several emails he discovered. His wife denies any wrong doing, not realizing he has the proof. He wants to file for divorce immediately, and cannot at this point entertain any thoughts of reconciliation, stating he could never trust her again. My question: Is he obligated, as a Christian, to take her back if she repents after she realizes she’s caught? She claims to be a Christian, but honestly, I have my doubts.
Dan, thank you sir for your question. How sad that someone who claims to be a Christian is not bearing the fruit of one. My concern is that she is still in denial and she is not taking the first step. Confession of her sin, and asking for forgiveness, and there is no sign of repentance. I believe that whether he is obligated or not is not up to me. I turn to the Scriptures. If a person is seeking forgiveness, then Jesus told Peter that we should be ready to forgive 70 times 7, which really means an indefinite number of times. However, I believe that if she is not confessing to her infidelity, then she doesn’t seem to want to repent and change, and by her continuing in her unfaithfulness, this seems to be biblical grounds for a divorce. Therefore, it does not appear that the deacon would be bound to receive her back.
I would pray over this and seek no quick decision or divorce, but seek counseling from a Christian marriage counselor or a pastor. I would ask that the deacon bring these emails to the meeting. This wife must acknowledge her sin, her sexual immorality, and her lack of repentance and her not asking for forgiveness. I know that this will likely not satisfy the deacon, but that is what I would recommend.
After saying this, in the end, I can not blame the deacon for wanting a divorce, and with her continually denying it, it seems that she will not likely change her behavior so the deacon may have no choice but to file for a divorce. Perhaps filing for a separation though might be a wake up call to this deacon’s wife. Praying for him over this. Thank you for your question. I know God hates divorce, but continual infidelity may make the deacon have no real choice in the matter.
my wife will not have any physical contact with me it has been years and I feel abandoned can I divorce her biblically?
I do not believe, based upon what you have said, it is enough to have a divorce according to the Bible’s teaching. I know this is not what you wanted to hear. I will pray for you “J” and that is not the least thing you can do but the most effective means of helping her. Love her unconditionally. I wonder if she is a Christian? This might explain her behavior for the Bible teaches the wife, and the husband, to not deny one another for it can lead to temptation. Please read this and try these biblical ways to love her. http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/how-to-love-your-wife-7-helpful-tips/
I Cor 7:16 says, “how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” Please read 1 Cor 7 and see if this might help you. I am so sorry for your difficulties J.
My wife and I have been married a little over 4 years now. This is our second marriage. We both had biblical reasons for divorce in our first marriages. My wife was unfaithful, she filed for divorce. My wife was in an abusive relationship where drugs was involved as well. She divorced him after trying reconciliation to no avian. Nor she and I are currently seperated over parenting issues with my step son. I do not want a divorce I am in firm belief under these circumstances it is WRONG Gods eyes. She has been gone for over a month now and says she.doesn’t want a divorce but can’t come back cause her son does not want to. So now she is blaming me for this situation. We have individuallybone to counseling but not as a couple yet. It has gotten to the point she does not want any contact from me. I have been mhin.constant prayer for all of us that God would soften hearts and reconciliation would occur. I am asking that u just lift our family up in prayer.it
Hello JD. You can count on my prayers my friend. I will most certainly pray for you. I admire you for knowing that divorce is wrong and that you have a strong desire to obey God no matter what. You show very strong faith in God and your obedience to Him is admirable. You are a rare man of God in my eyes. May God richly reward you on that Great Day of the Lord’s visitation. He comes with your crown of life for you who have been obedient. I thank God for men of faith and conviction like you sir.
Thanks for your response. It is remarkable in the past month she has been gone how much closer I have came to God. Not because she is gone but cause my faith in Him has became increasingly stronger. My prayers are not only for reconciliation between she and I but also I would become the man God has intended for me to be. I pray that yes we do come together and through this we can become witnesses for other to couples going through what we have faced. I am praying for His direction in this area of my life. Divorce has became so common and easy in todays society, Satan has mounted an all out attack on families throughout the world. We as Christians must stand in the gap and take hard stands in prayer for our nations families. Regardless of how my situation turns out I know my God is in control and I refuse to let Satan win the battle. My happiness and peace comes from the Holy Spirit and I praise God even now for the comfort He has given me! !
Amen JD. Outstanding comment. Truly Satan takes aim at the cement and foundation of society…the family and takes delight in their dissapation. You truly are a rare man of God these days for it is so easy to get a divorce and an easy out. I will pray for this reconciliation for I have no doubt that God would be well pleased as He already is with your attitude about the sanctity of marriage. May God continue to strengthen and uphold you my friend. Your words give us all hope in our marriages for it is surely a miracle that some stay together. It takes much effort and even more prayer JD.
Ive been married 6yrs. my husband and I have cheated on eachother and also have tried counseling but the trust is gone and he has a badd temper and not to long ago he purposely threw me into a brick wall and dang near busted my head and grabbed our son with one hand abd sqeezed both his wrist together and looked as if he was going to hurt our son he always throw things at him punch him, kick him ect. I dont know what to do because everytime he says hes sorry and he is going to change he will for a couple of months and then he is back to it……can I divorce and is it a time limit before you can divorce
Thank you Lacreasha for your question. I would immediately get out of that house and situation. I do not think there is a time limit involved in the Bible about divorce but if this physical abuse has been going on for a while now, it could get even worse and be dangerous for you and your son to be there. God would not condemn you for getting out of that situation. I have heard that some will file for a separation and this sometimes prompts the husband to get serious about his abuse problems and get some counseling or anger management. His behavior is criminal and I would not stay another second. He could be turned in to the police for domestic violence for one thing. Saying he is sorry over and over again is not making the violence stop. Please seek safety somewhere. There are “Safehouses” in some areas and some churches can assist you with temporary shelters. Praying for you Lacreasha.
Thank you for the promt response….i have one more qeustion….what if there has been cheating does matter how long ago it was, even if we have tried counseling and have been praying with my husband there isnt any trust from both of us will I get in trouble with God If I divorced ….this is along with the physical and that was the first time he has ever threw me into a wall but he has been physical with our son on more than one occasion…and with the cheating he has given me stds on more than one occasion, and everytime I say I cant do it anymore he says he is sorry and he wants to work it out and I feel guilty so I stay because I have cheated on him before as revenge and we both repented but he keeps on so I want to divorce he tells me I havent forgiven him
A divorce is always a last resort but if your husband is not willing to seek counseling, to stop being unfaithful, and still has such aggressive behavior, you may have no choice in the matter and will just have to move on with your life. God hates divorce, but He also has infidelity, abuse, and unrepentant attitudes such as your spouse has right now. Truly, we are all sinners but there is no sin that God will not forgive.
Is there anway I can call
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Everything I read is about a man abusing his wife. What about physical abuse the other way. My wife hits me and pushes me and threaten to comment suicide if I leave her. Do I have Biblical ground for divorce?
You are so right Gab. It does go both ways sometimes. We had a spousal abuse just recently of a woman abusing her husband. He is a Christian and did not respond in kind and his daughter called the police. Anyway, I take it that this woman is not a believer in Christ for surely no woman who is born again does this. Let me say that you might want to have a trial separation for this might be a wake up call for this lady. If she is threatening to commit suicide, she has some serious problems with chronic depression or even some more serious mental disorder. I would tell her that you are not responsible for what she might do and tell her that you are seeking a temporary separation if she does not changer her ways, seek medical, professional help, professional counseling, or enter an anger management program. I am so sorry for this must really be hard on you sir. I would hope that divorce is an absolute last resort, but you may have no other choice in this matter. Please keep in touch with us about this sir and for more confidentiality, you can click the “Contact” link at the top of this webpage for more help in a private,discreet manor Gab.
I have separated from my wife after she acted me. After I left she called the police and told them I was hitting her. No charger have be charged on me, likely because I didn’t touch her. She will not tell the police she lied. She will not seek counseling either. I meet my wife at church. It was my understanding she was saved, so I don’t understand why she is acting me. I’m so tired physically and emotionally. I do want to be right with God, I just can’t keep going back for more.
Gab, sounds like you are in a hard place and spiritually, wandering in the desert land. I think that just because someone says that they are a Christian and goes to church does not mean that they are truly born again. Many in today’s churches seem to be living a carnal life but for this woman, think about what she will have to say to give an account for every idle word, every deed, and every act of disobedience that she has ever did in her entire lifetime. Life is not fair but justice will prevail someday soon (Rev 20) and all we and you can do is pray to God for the Holy Spirit to convict her of this (and these) sin(s) for truly, no believer is not being submissive to what Ephesians 5 teaches, but she will have to face the judgment seat of Christ. Pray for her and I will to and for you too sir. I am truly sorry for this severe trial.
My wife just got a job in DC/Virginia, but I told her that I don’t have a good feeling about going there and that I believe we need to stay here a longer. She refuses and says she will leave without me making me feel less than a man unable to make decisions as the head of my household. I know this is the right decision but she refuses to listen. i don’t know what to do. I had a dream that told me not to go. But she doesn’t care about what God is saying. I’m unemployed right but was getting ready to land a job to get everything the way it needs to be financailly. But she is making a poor decision thats moving us backwards instead of forward. What do I do?
Thank you for your question and comment sir. I can see what a bind this puts you into. My intuition is that your wife is not a believer in Christ. That is she must not be a Christian or if she is, it is in name only because in Ephesians 5:22-23 it says ” Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.” A key word here is that wives are to submit as they do unto the Lord but if she is not a believer, then she is not being submissive to her husband as husbands are to be in the Lord. I see that she doesn’t care what God says in the Bible or to you being her husband. I can only tell you that if she is not a believer, then there is little you can do to make her stay. If you feel that you want to save this marriage, you could go and find a job where she has one already. Only God can change the heart of an unbelieving spouse. Nothing Christians can do of ourselves can changer her heart but we can pray for you and you can also pray. Since God hates divorce we know that we should do everything within our power to keep a marriage together. I know this may not make you happy in regards to being the head of the household (from God’s perspective, you are) but she will have to give an account someday to God at the Judgement Seat of Christ. If you go, God most certainly understands that you want to keep this marriage going but if you stay and find a job, your relationship will suffer. Whatever you do, I see that it will trouble you. Saving a marriage is more important than what we want in all cases, save for that of infidelity or unfaithfulness (like adultery). Even if you stay, pray for this woman’s heart to be changed and for God to open her eyes that what she is doing is not really rebelling against you but against God but only the Holy Spirit can do that and we will pray for you and for her in this regard. Proverbs 21:1 says that “In the Lord’s hand the king’s heart is a stream of water that he channels toward all who please him.” If the king’s heart goes where God wants it too, you will have to trust Him in this that He can changer her heart and if not, you can not change her and so if you want to save the marriage, either go with her or stay where you are and find a job and perhaps time away will make her see the error of her way. I wish I could help you more, but you are in a hard place but the hard places are where the Lord abides. I would go with her for the higher moral principle is to preserve the marriage, even if she is being disobedient to biblical commands.