How to Overcome an Addiction to Pornography? Help For Struggling Christians

by Jack Wellman on May 26, 2012 · Print Print · Email Email

Believe it or not, even Christians are struggling with pornography.  Pastors are not immune either.  Women are increasingly becoming addicted to pornography at an alarming rate.  What can be done to overcome such a stronghold? What weapons can we employ to fight this mind-numbing addiction?

The Internet and Pornography

With the coming of the Internet, its popularity has been soaring, but so too has been a scourge of the worst kind; pornography.  Everyday, there are new porn websites that go up.  Just how systemic is the problem of Internet pornography?  According to the very reliable statistics of Family Safe Media (familysafemedia.com/pornography):

Every second – 28,258 Internet users are viewing pornography
Every second – 372 Internet users are typing adult search terms into search engines
Every 39 minutes – a new pornographic video is being created in the United States

Another alarming fact is that over 42% of all Internet users are connecting to pornography on over 4.2 million pornographic websites.  Governments are helpless in shutting these down because for every one that is shut down there are 20 more that take its place.  If there was a disease with such an alarming growth rate and the problem was so widespread among the world’s population, this would be on every network television station in every nation of the world. In reality, it is worse than any disease epidemic because we are powerless to stop it and there is no inoculation against it.

The High Cost of Pornography

Not only is pornography wrecking marriages and single men and women’s lives, it is also ruining them financially.  How?  Every second – $3,075.64 is being spent on pornography. That is over $180,000 every hour.  This adds up to well over four million dollars every single day.   Worldwide, the total cost is over $97 billion dollars annually.   These are dollars that feed the sin of pornography and enables it to churn out more garbage of the mind.  It’s like feeding a dragon that is devouring millions of people through their minds. This is truly one of the biggest revenue makers in the world; bigger than Amazon, Microsoft, Google, eBay, Yahoo!, Apple, EarthLink, and Netflix combined!  This is money taken out of the mouth of family’s bank accounts, money taken out of business revenues, out of world revenues, and literally, money out of the mouth’s of children.

Christian Help For Overcoming Pornography Addiction

A web filter is a great way to screen out potential Internet websites that contain pornography.

Christians Are Not Immune

Sadly, 47% of all Christians say that they have major problems with pornography.  Even among the discipleship group of the Promise Keepers, 53% of these men viewed pornography in the last week!  An April 6th, 2007 CNN poll revealed that over 70% of Christian men and over 20% of Christian women are already addicted to some sort of Internet pornography.  In the year 2000, Christianity Today completed a shocking survey that revealed 33% of the clergy (pastors and priests) admitted that they had visited a sexually explicit Internet website in the past week.   Fifty-three percent of the clergy had visited pornographic websites several times in the past year.   In a survey of pastors by the National Coalition in Seattle, a full 98% had been exposed to porn while 43% intentionally accessed a sexually explicit website.

We can see from all of the above statistics that this is a true epidemic and it is growing at an alarming rate and it is not just a problem for those outside of the church.  Given the fact that Jesus said that “that anyone who looks at a woman [or a man if a woman is looking] lustfully has already committed adultery with her [or him] in his [or her] heart. (Matt 5:28).  Pornography is still sexual sin, even if the physical act is not involved.

Overcoming Pornography Addiction

Now that the problem of pornography has been identified and that it’s not just a problem with the guy next door, we can turn to solutions for those who know someone or who are themselves addicted to this sin of the mind.  One of the pastors that I know of and who is a close friend of mine has had a lifetime battle with pornography.  Not only that, this godly man has had problems with looking at women with lust in his heart.  Mind you that he is happily married and has a wonderful family.  He has confided in me privately and asked me to pray for him so one way to help is to ask someone that you know well and trust completely to pray for you or to pray for someone that you know has a pornography addiction.  Out of the 6 close pastor friends that I have, 3 of them have regular problems with pornography.  All of these men need accountability partners and all but one of them has one.   One of these men confides in me and contacts me when he is struggling with this.  We often hold each other up in prayer for different things but there are more solutions available besides prayer for the person battling the addiction of pornography.

Strategies for Overcoming Pornography Addiction

A web filter is a great way to screen out potential Internet websites that contain pornography.  And one of my friends has let me set the password and I have promised him that I would not reveal it to him no matter what he tells me.  I have to customarily add some websites to his “safe” list so that he can browse certain sites that are non-pornographic because the web filter is highly word sensitive to websites and sometimes blocks even harmless websites due to unknown images.  This is a small price to pay though for having the protection that he so desperately needs.  In some extreme cases, I have recommended that the Internet be accessible only in the living room where his family is.  My daughter has a computer but it’s in the living room so that we can easily monitor it when she is on it. Her primary use of it is for homework but of course she is allowed to spend some free time browsing for things that she enjoys reading about.

Jesus once said that if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell (Matt 5:30).  Jesus did not mean this literally as He was speaking in hyperbole.  The principle is that if a person has tried everything and just can not stop browsing the Internet for pornography websites, they should just take out the Internet.  This sounds drastic but when problems are so devastating, the measures should be severe if necessary.  Another solution would be to have a password protected computer and the pornography addict can only access the computer in the living room when family is present.  There are also so highly effective Internet Filters available on the market.  One of the best and least expensive is from the website and non-profit organization, Family Fellowship (familyfellowship.com).

Confess Your Sins

The Bible tells us that we are to confess our sins to one another.  James 5:16 has two things that are very important for all Christians…who by the way are also all sinners!  It says, “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.“ James says two things here:  Confess your sins to one another and then pray for each other so that “you may be healed.“   It seems that confessing to other believers and then praying for one another is conditional for us to ”be healed.“  Even though I am a pastor, I continue to confess to my church when and where I fall short and before I became their pastor, I told them every single thing that I did before I was ordained.  I thought, surely they would not want me after I confessed my past history.   I told them and I am telling you that I was a drug addict, a drug dealer, a thief, and I ended up in prison.  After I told the church that this is what I did several years ago, they actually felt better about me becoming their pastor, much to my surprise.  And for me, it was like the weight of the world was lifted off of my shoulders.   I felt free…I felt joyful and indeed, there is something joyous about being completely transparent in front of others.  They also let their guards down and everyone feels all the better after we confess to one another our faults and sins.  Ironically, God often uses the disqualified so that He may be glorified.

The pornography addict needs to take the first step that the drug addicts or alcoholic must take.  Admit that they are addicted.  Friends and family must realize that the addict will often lie just to be able to access the Internet just as drug addict or alcoholic lies to drink or take drugs.  They will make all kinds of excuses but there must be a zero-tolerance policy established if the addict is to recover.  They first have to tell someone or there will be no hope of ever overcoming this stronghold of the mind.  You can surround your self with friends who will pray for you, even if it’s an “unspoken need” but until you admit this addiction to someone, you will have precious little chance to overcome it.  That is the first thing that they will tell you at an AA meeting.  Step one:  Admit it.   Prayer and support from others is vital if the porn addict ever hopes to recover.  We can not overcome by ourselves but by prayer and the Bible teaches that we can do all things through Christ Who will strengthen us (Philippians 4:13).

Other ways are to spend less time alone, change your routines, and identify triggers that make you want to go to the Internet to browse pornography.  Also realize what was said earlier…that pornography is a sexual sin, even if the physical act is not involved, and if you are married, it is the same thing as committing adultery to God (Matt 5:28) and we all know how God feels about that.  How would your spouse feel about it?

There are also Christian or faith-based pornography support groups in many cities.  Even those that are not faith-based can be very helpful.  There is actually some comfort taken in the fact that there are a lot of others who are battling this same addiction.  Will power and avoidance can sometimes make it worse.  You need people to surround you who have a similar addiction and prayer warriors from a faith-based group or your church.  And there is something that is freeing when you tell others about this addiction.  You might be surprised about how good it feels to actually confess this to someone and they might surprise you too by telling you that they also struggle with this addiction.  Don’t keep it a secret.  Get it out and let others know.  Who cares if you are embarrassed…isn’t it worth it to try to escape from this deadly disease of the mind?

Don’t spend a lot of time alone on the Internet and resist the urge to get up in the middle of the night when everyone’s asleep. When you get this urge, call your accountability partner, wake your spouse, call a friend, read your Bible, look at yourself in the mirror or just fall on your knees and ask God for help.  Other strategies are just go outside and go for a walk, ride your bike, go to the gym, do some gardening, look at family photos, take a shower…anything!   Pray and then pray some more.  Above all, make sure that you get a password protected Internet Filter and give it to a friend that you know will not betray you and give you the password.  There is hope for those who want to overcome their addiction to pornography.

Please, if you are a porn addict, get help, tell others, pray, confess your sin, get a filter, and ask Jesus for His power.  He will not forsake you and not leave you alone.  Have faith in God for Him to deliver you.  He is a Strong Tower for those who are weak and He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ” (I Cor 1:8).  This is so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ (Phil 1:8).  Then you, “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Phil 1:6).

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{ 188 comments… read them below or add one }

Shane May 8, 2013 at 12:50 am

Oh man, I live alone and have been struggling with this forever. I am a 22 year old male. I feel part of the problem is that sex is natural created by God for marriage, and its meant to be pleasurable.

I know married guys struggle with this too, but I mean single guys don’t even have a wife. God never really talks about masturbation, Obviously porn is wrong, but I bet Abraham or something masturbated in his free time.

Perhaps not though, and usually masturbation comes with thinking about another girl.

Also as a side note, even though I am okay with monogamy, God never says polygamy is a sin for the normal Christ follower. He spoke about it directly only once in the New Testament. For a bishop they should practice monogamy.

Its found all over the old testament and God never said it was a sin, during the age of the law instead of grace.

That right there should tell you a bunch. Still it is illegal to have 2 wives, and Christian culture is imbedded in monogamy, this is okay.

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Nathaniel February 14, 2014 at 10:46 am

Shane,

Being just a few years older than you, I can completely understand your feelings and struggles. I read your post and my heart goes out to you because I see the conflict between your spirit and your flesh, but I felt lead to share a couple points upon which you wrote.

Currently I am mentoring a young man who struggles with pornography which led to me to this website to gain insight into how to help him overcome his addiction. I personally have never had an addiction to pornography but as I shared with this young man I do not know of any man (including myself) who does not struggle with the temptation of pornography or masturbation for that matter.

I married a few years ago, so I know what it’s like on both sides of the fence. Let me share that getting married doesn’t remove the sinful sexual desires within one’s heart; the reason is simply that it is demonic, so Satan’s temptation will follow you into marriage. With that understanding, now in your single years is as good a time as any to overcome the wicked one (and preferable to during the marriage).

When it comes to masturbation I firmly believe that this act is sin, and as you mentioned usually involves fantasizing about another woman which Jesus would call adultery. I am sure that many of the Old (and New) Testament “heroes” practiced this sin, but do not deceive yourself into thinking that because they did it, it must be okay! By the same logic we could say that we can commit adultry, murder, lie, cheat, steal, destroy, etc. because the Old Testament people did it. The point of their lives in the Bible is to show us that ALL men (apart from Jesus Christ) are sinful and in need of a Savior. We cannot compare ourselves to them. Masturbation is not mentioned directly in the Scripture, and the closest passage I can think of offhand that may relate is Romans 6:12-13,

“Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, that ye should obey it in the lusts thereof. Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God.”

All I can really say on the topic beyond that passage is that God has given you a conscience to tell you that it is wrong. You know this which is why you are looking to justify it (been there, done that). Fortunately we serve a gracious God who will either help you overcome if you seek Him, or use your weakness to keep you coming back to Him time and time again. I would counsel you that even if you can’t overcome the sin at this present time, that you never become numb to your sin. Never allow yourself to just accept it; you are in a war against sin and must prevail through Christ.

Finally I want to mention that you err in your conclusion on polygamy; there is actually a law against it in Deuteronomy 17:17, “Neither shall he multiply wives to himself, that his heart turn not away”. This passage is specifically referring to kings as the example, and tells us so much as we see the examples throughout the Bible. David did not obey this law of God and took many wives to himself, leading to a growth of lust and eventual adultery with Bathsheba. Solomon likewise took 700 wives and 300 concubines. What we should learn from this is that if one wife isn’t good enough for your lusting flesh, 1000 won’t be either. Furthermore we see that this multiplication of the wives turned these men’s hearts from God as it did with many men before and after. Anytime you see an account of a man in Scripture taking more than one wife you see problems arise because this wasn’t God’s will from the beginning. He made Adam and Eve, one man for one wife.

More importantly marriage is a representation of our relationship to God. The idea of polygamy is like that of idolotry, that many is better than one. The Lord always intended a one on one relationship with us, so we need to follow His will in marriage as well.

I’ve written enough already, but let me end by telling you that all through my life I have found that when I am consistently in God’s Word, Prayer, and worship I am further from sin, but when I am distant from God in those areas I fall into sin. So the best you can do to guard yourself against your sinful flesh is to cling daily and consistently to your Savior.

Blessings,
Nathaniel

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colin davis May 8, 2013 at 11:20 am

not at all helpful, shamefully I find that I also fall into this
bracket of persons although I will add that after an accident
which nearly cost me my life,resulting in the loss of the use of my left side—sort of stroke— when I was mid teenage, just before I started my carrer which I held for 43 years building
25 ton diesel engines for the Royal Navy as mechanical engineer in Devonport Naval base ; accident has left me with-out physical dexterity to consumate physically.What do you suggest should be an acceptable alternative

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Jack Wellman May 8, 2013 at 11:45 am

Mr. Davis, thank you sir for your comment. I am sorry this article was not helpful to you. I don’t know how to help advise you in this situation. Have you spoken with your pastor about this? He knows you better than I do. I am sure he will keep it confidential. If I could speak with you in person perhaps I could help you more. For your special situation, I am at a loss to know what to tell you and for that, I am sorry. This is a case where only God can help you but with the counsel of your own pastor, maybe he could at least give you some advice.

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Patricia Schneider May 8, 2013 at 5:34 pm

Hello, Pastor Jack! This is for Colin Davis (May 8, 2013.) OK?

Hello, Colin!
My heart felt for you reading about your accident and how it has hurt you terribly. Pastor Jack’s advice about “only God can help you BUT WITH THE COUNSEL OF YOUR OWN PASTOR.” Or find someone who’s a Christian who can help you with reading God’s Word. As I’ve told many visitors to this site, “all problems that life throws at you, the solutions are in God’s Word, the Bible!”
And PRAY, Colin. I’ve added your name to my “Prayer Board.” (A list of folks I daily pray for.) Have already prayed for you, Colin, asking Sweet Jesus to give you PEACE, COMFORT, ACCEPTANCE (to God’s Plan for you,) and to Jesus’ Holy Spirit to break all binds of any kind of addictions. This, Colin, I will pray every day. Pastor Jack and many others on this site will be praying for you, too, Colin! Please, don’t ever feel you are alone, ’cause you’re NOT. Jesus is forever with you, Colin and will never forsake you. Turn to Him with a loving, contrite heart and simply trust Him. OK?
Your sister in Christ, Jesus….Patty

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Patricia Schneider May 8, 2013 at 6:13 pm

Hello, Pastor Jack!
Well, the day is approaching…our son, Chris, is moving back home this coming Saturday, April 11. Whew~! Were Gary, Chris, his friend Joe, and I BUSY clearing Chris’ 2 rooms of the Grandmas’ things! Spent almost a month doing so! A lot went to our Church, the rest to the Veterans.

Also will be putting on those “filters” for TV’s & computer. We just subscribed to a new cable company, which will be installed this Friday. Hopefully then, they can do it.
Chris was vehemently upset when I first told him about the filters, Pastor. Even threatened to live out on the streets rather than come home if he was denied this “past-time!”
I told Chris, “go ahead. My rule stands. Pornography is a sin and I won’t allow it in my home!”
He calmed down, ’cause he realized it would just lead to us arguing pointlessly. I know he thinks he can get around this somehow, but oh, Pastor…Chris doesn’t know the POWER OF GOD THROUGH PRAYERS. And I’m taking your advice from before re:not to harp on the subject of God, to continue praying for Chris, that it’s really up to God’s Holy Spirit to convict Chris. Did I get that right, Pastor?

I was quite upset after this mini-argument with my son. So, I turned to one of WCWTK’s writers, Crystal McDowell. Have enjoyed many articles from her…they’re insightful and instructional blended with truly Christian love. Crystal was such a sweetheart, Pastor Jack. Because she’s also a mother (of 5 kids, whew~!) I felt she might have some pertinent advice for this situation. And boy, did she ever!
We had exchanged email addresses, one suggestion was a book called “Boundaries” by Cloud & Townsend, which I’ve added to library list. (Now to get myself to the library~! Hee-Hee! World’s Greatest Procrastinator, that’s me! LOL!)
I know you and Crystal will continue in your prayers for Chris, as of course, will I. And thank you both sooo much from the bottom of my heart! I’m so blessed to have such a wonderful brother & sister in Christ!
Love, in Christ, Jesus….Patty

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Jack Wellman May 8, 2013 at 8:52 pm

Patty, yes indeed, Crystal is just an amazing woman of faith and godly mother and I am sure a prayer warrior. I will be with you on my knees for this situation at home my good friend.

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Jerry May 17, 2013 at 8:34 am

help with porn

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Jack Wellman May 17, 2013 at 12:03 pm

Hello Jerry. I suggest you follow the steps in this article my friend for there is hope and help here and also your greatest resources is God Himself.

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Everett June 8, 2013 at 2:39 pm

I’m married, soon to be 47 and still struggling with this addiction. I went almost a whole year once without any serious slip-ups. But it’s back again. I find it hard to be around any reasonably attractive woman and not think sexually about her. I feel like I find the female form more alluring than the average male. Several of my friends are aware of my struggles but none really know the seriousness of my problem. I am very discreet with my problem and how and when I view pornography. I don’t gawk at women I see, I just kind of “steal glances”. I pray that my son doesn’t have to deal with this at the level I do in his own life and marriage.

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Jack Wellman June 8, 2013 at 4:12 pm

Hello Everett. I am sorry for your struggles in this area and you are certainly not alone as you know. This is such a strong tower and you acknowledge that you can not overcome this in your own strength at least. Go over the steps in this article and again and read Romans 7 to see how even Paul struggled yet her persevered too as we read in Romans 8.

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Everett June 17, 2013 at 11:47 pm

Thanks Jack. I hoped it was something that would just “go away” as I got older. Very foolish, I know. One thing that gives me hope is that my concscince is actually getting more sensitive to my problem and not the other way around. I see this as a good thing. I am more aware, than when I was a younger man, of lying to myself when I try to excuse my behavior. I think God hasn’t given up on me, even though I often feel like giving up on myself.

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Jack Wellman June 18, 2013 at 3:31 pm

Everett…I know it sounds strange but the fact that there is a battle is great news for it reveals evidence of the Holy Spirit working in you. Just think of a baby learning to walk. He or she falls again and again. Do the parents give up on them because they keep falling? NEVER! Just as God never ever gives up on us. Believe it. He loves us that much.

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Naomi July 5, 2013 at 5:19 pm

Hello, i was wondering if you can help my situation any. I’ve been married 7 years now and my husband has been dealing with this for years, off and on. I’m not sure how much he’s actually visiting these sites but I’ve personally only caught him a handful of times within the last few years. I have tried to get us help with our pastor which did help but with his work schedule and 2 kids, it seems nearly impossible to get to marriage counseling. He doesn’t have any strong christian friends. So my question is, how do i get him help? Do i stay with him even though i threatened to leave him if he did it again? and he did, and i caught him. He doesn’t think he has a problem, I’ve told him how i feel, I’ve told him how God feels about it. I’ve offered to put up a filter but he always looks at me like im crazy. Do i take the internet off his phone like a mother would? Do i suffer and take the internet away completely? He always feels bad when i find out because he know what it does to me yet he still does it, and doesn’t EVER get help?? Do i really always have to be the bigger person and get him help? he doesn’t even say, you know what hunny, i think im going to put a filter on my phone just so i don’t get tempted anymore. He is a christian, not very strong in prayer or anything but he knows what’s expected so when i find this, i am beyond angry. I’m at a loss and need help on what to do next. Ive been praying and reading my bible to get answers too but they aren’t coming fast, i feel at a loss.

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Jack Wellman July 6, 2013 at 5:20 pm

Naomi. I would tell your husband that pornography viewing is the same as adultery in the heart and God will not overlook but punish your husband, sooner or later. You can not take fire to the bosom and not get burned, say the proverbs.

I would also question this man’s faith. I would ask him to read 1 John chapter 3. This reveals whether we are truly born again or not. He is in mortal danger of hell fire I believe if he doesn’t repent (which means to stop!…and it doesn’t mean he feels guilty when getting caught).

Read this serious warning to him or ask him to read it in 1 John 3:

7 Dear children, do not let anyone lead you astray. The one who does what is right is righteous, just as he is righteous. 8 The one who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work. 9 NO ONE who is born of God will CONTINUE to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they CANNOT GO ON SINNING, because they have been born of God. 10 This is how we KNOW who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: ANYONE who does NOT do what is right is NOT God’s child.”

Warn him.

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Carmen August 17, 2013 at 1:08 pm

Hello,
I am a single 19 year old woman who has a porn addiction. And even worse, it’s a gay porn addiction! I know it is a sin, but satan gets the best of me. I feel so guilty before, during, and after watching and masturbating. I confess this sin, but I can’t stop. I’ve become worried for my salvation, and now am scared of death. Because I don’t know if I am going to Heaven or hell.. How can I help myself? I seriously think I’m going to hell, and cry about it all the time.

Thank you.

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Jack Wellman August 17, 2013 at 1:13 pm

Hello Carmen. I am so sorry you are battling this stronghold of the Devil. Hello Jessica. The good news is that you want to break this cycle of sin, confession and repentance, and the truth is what you said….you can not. You must rely on God’s power to overcome this. Have you spoken with your pastor? What did he say? That would be a strong suggestion to begin with. There are also great Christian based programs. You can also find an accountability partner.

Also, have you followed the steps in this article? That is to cut off the Internet, get rid of the DVD player if necessary for what is the cost of that compared with your soul. On more about how to overcome this addiction, I suggest you check out this Scripture-filled article again and begin to follow the step by step process on how to do it contained in this article and also talk to your pastor about it, embarrassing as that might be…it is worth everything for you to humble yourself and do these things. You can know you will not go to hell for certain. Please read this and maybe this will make you feel better at this link:

http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/come-to-jesus/

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Sarah October 1, 2013 at 1:14 am

Hi thanks for this article. It really did clear things up for me. I’m a. 21 year old woman and I have been struggling with this addiction since I was about 8 or 9 years old. I honestly don’t know why, I don’t remember looking at any pornographic videos or magazines when I was little all I can remember is it started one night in my bed when I was 8 I just felt myself and it felt good. I didn’t start watching pornography until I was in high school though when a boy I met showed me a video. Since then I know a lot of porn websites. My problem is I have been saved since I was 17 and I am a leader in my church and even part of the worship ministry. Why haven’t I told anyone? Because I always thought I was strong enough to get over it and said to myself “if I confess I will lose everything I have” so I don’t know what to do. I need help. I need to tell someone but I don’t know who and how. It’s really hard, I hate this sin, after I watch pornography I feel disgusted, I hate it but I still fall into doing it. Should I just talk to my leaders and tell them I need to stop serving at my church and then talk to my pastors, or talk to them first and then let make the decision if I should keep serving in the ministry? Please help. I don’t want to stops serving God in my church, I don’t want to let anyone down, there’s so many people that look up to me and come to me for advice and I don’t want to be a stumbling rock for them if they find out. I just need advice. Thanks so much.

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Jack Wellman October 1, 2013 at 11:05 am

Thank you Sarah for your comment and visiting us with this terrible stronghold. You most certainly are not alone. It is going to be very hard to serve in any ministry while having this sin unconfessed. I would speak with the pastor about this in private. I know that you can not go on as it is right now. I would be less worried about losing your leadership position and more concerned about losing your fellowship with God. Not that you will lose your salvation or relationship, being a child of God, but you can lose your fellowship and the joy of your salvation (which apparently is already gone). Unless you get help, confess to at least one person, find an accountability partner, you will always struggle. Is the main culprit the Internet for you? Is that the source of your pornography or is it your DVD player? If it is either or both, then ask someone to put in a password protected filter. Many of these are very inexpensive. You may have to get rid of the Internet altogether. Jesus spoke in hyperbole or extreme exaggeration to make a point…”if your eye is offending you, pluck it out for it is better to enter eternal life with one eye missing that be plunged into hell with both eyes.” What He was saying was that it will require taking drastic measures to overcome this to show Him you are serious in wanting to overcome and end this sin. Make sense Sarah?

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Sarah October 1, 2013 at 11:54 pm

Yes makes a lot if sense. So does the person I confess to have to be a person of higher spiritual level than me (like a pastor) or can it be a friend? Yes, my only access to porn is the internet, and I have determined to put the protected filter you have told me. I hope this really works. Today I just prayed in my room for a good while and felt the love of God so I feel more at peace because I know He is with me, I just really ask myself you know out of all the things one has to struggle with in their spiritual life…(because everyone does) why did it have to be this? If you would meet me no one would ever guess I had this struggle. I’ve never been boy crazy or promiscuous or anything in that nature. I’m just a fun, loving, family oriented, studious musician and I just hope that the devil doesn’t take that away from me. In other words I don’t want to end up with this for the rest of my life. I’m also scared to even have a boyfriend because of this.. It’s really hard but please answer my first question because I’m ready to make it happen. I want my freedom.

Thank you again.

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Jack Wellman October 2, 2013 at 11:09 am

Sarah…we all have our particular weakenesses but perhaps God is going to use you to help other women battle this demon from hell. I suppose you don’t have to tell your pastor about this but you must tell someone. Every believer needs a mentor (older, more experienced Christian) and to be a mentor to someone (who is younger in the faith). I would share this only with another woman however and don’t share this with a man as it can become a temptation to him and to you. As for the boyfriend, you must live out your life the best way you can and ask God to renew your mind (Rom 12:1-2) and depend upon His strength and the Holy Spirit convicting you of this sin is really a very good sign. God will never give up on you so don’t lose heart. God’s love never fails and as long as you have breath, He is still working in you. Why this particular weakness? God must have some special reason. Find a Internet filter, an accountability partner (female) and fast too and keep in prayer over this. We will never, ever be sinless in this life (Rom 7) but we will sin less!

john August 21, 2013 at 8:55 pm

This struggles are very embarrassing and very real. if GOd would permit us to see the people that have this addictions we maybe surprised who has them, they are a big stronghold like some say her it come so natural and the desire is so great and some say it also releases stress afterwards. the masturbation or after sex feeling. but thank God for people who are aware of their problem and are now seeking help.
keep up good work

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Jack Wellman August 21, 2013 at 9:06 pm

Thank you John for your very encouraging words. The good news is that even for those who are struggling with this addiction, at least they are struggling, meaning they are remorseful and want to overcome this. Please do come back to see us sir.

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clifford August 28, 2013 at 3:04 pm

please email me about your work and questions and answers.
I need help.

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Jack Wellman August 28, 2013 at 7:27 pm

I am so glad you came here for help Clifford. I wish I could do more than what is in the article but I will contact you to see in what way I can help you sir.

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Jordan September 1, 2013 at 3:12 am

Hey Jack,
Good article. I’m one of those young persons, and like every other teen in this secular world was introduce to pornography at a young age. I have watched it over 5 years and now in my late teens, it has made me feel disgusted about myself. I’m going through my ‘detox’ right now and I was tempted to browse the Internet but instead searched “Christian porn” and found your article.

It’s vey hard but every time I feel tempted I pray and ask the Lord to see me through. I read the bible also. My advise to people around my age group is to aim to live a godly life and respect your body. Jesus was tempted but he rebuked the devil. We can do the same through Him.

Cheers for your words of encouragement.

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Jack Wellman September 1, 2013 at 6:38 am

Thank you so much for the encouragement Jordan. I am glad it can help many. This is even a problem among pastors as it is a stronghold for about 1 in 4 and increasingly, women are being impacted too. May God richly bless you desire to please God and please do come back my friend.

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Karen Rose September 2, 2013 at 12:18 am

Please pray for me. I feel like no matter how much I pray to God, I still end up watching porn. Please help me. I am so depressed.

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Jack Wellman September 2, 2013 at 2:55 pm

Thank you Mrs. Rose for your comment. I will pray for you and know that you are not alone in this struggle. The good news is that you know it is sin and that you want to overcome this is actually a strong indication that the Holy Spirit is in you and working with you to overcome. God never gives up on us so keep fighting from your knees. Fasting is a great tool in overcoming addictions too.

Also, please follow these steps…if need be get rid of the Internet or your DVD or whatever source you are getting into porn or if you need the Internet for work, find an accountability partner to set a password protected filter on it. I have a G-rated filter on mine even though I don’t battle with this but I don’t want to even let a crack of the door open into my mind. So please re-read this and follow the applications and steps given, by all means.

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Jim September 19, 2013 at 3:20 pm

Excellent article. I was addicted until Pastor Chuck Smith dealt with this in a sermon and pointed out that we are ‘worshipping’ other gods when we do that as did the pagan societies in the Old Testament. That was a serious wake-up call to me. Now I still desire the sin, but desire more to worship Jesus Christ with my actions. It has been months, and still feel the desire at times, but the closer I walk with the LORD the easier it is to say ‘no’ to myself and ‘yes’ to Him. Last night, my 12 year old son told me he was ‘addicted’ to pornography, as he was exposed to it at his mother’s house. He asked for an internet filter and accountability, and I told him I was proud of him for his desire to serve the LORD instead of himself. He and I will walk with the LORD together through this, and knowing the trigger points myself should help. Thank you for the article and prayers as we go forward. God bless.

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ademola September 27, 2013 at 8:50 pm

Thank you for this article. I have been struggling with this for some time now, and everytime I pray to God to stop this habit, I find myself going back..Please put me in your prayers pastor, this has to stop, it’s dragging too long..Thank you again

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Jack Wellman September 27, 2013 at 9:58 pm

Hello Ademola. Please know that I will pray for you. As I have said before, you are not alone in this struggle. The good news is that you know it is sin and that you want to overcome this is actually a strong indication that the Holy Spirit is in you and working with you to overcome. God never gives up on us so keep fighting from your knees. Fasting is a great tool in overcoming addictions too.

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Brianna September 29, 2013 at 10:38 pm

Hello Pastor,

I am an 18 year old girl, born again since the age of four and have dealt with this problem myself since I was very young. I would go as far as to say 8 years old.
No matter how much I desire to avoid this problem, and have reached out to loved ones, pastors, and even my boyfriend of 2 years I cannot seem to shake its hold on my life.
I love the Lord with all of my heart and the fact that I am never strong enough to break this problem cuts me deep to the core.
I have confided in my mother twice, and my boyfriend and bestfriend once each, but now that I have shared and started this terrible cycle again I feel like it would make a huge mess of my relationships.
I feel as though I need to sort it out on my own, but I know that’s inevitably going to fail.
I need the support and prayers of other Christians.
But unfortunately I do not want to hurt my loved ones anymore.
I have struggled for a very long time with this, cried over my inability to stop, changed my ways, and fallen right back down again.
Enough is enough.
I am tired of lying, tired of sinning, and tired of feeling like their is no one to confide in but myself, and the shame that has consistantly come with the fact that I am a girl with this issue.
I need support through prayer and I know that I can do this is I have someone to hold me accountable, but who won’t be heart broken in I have to confide in.

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Jack Wellman September 30, 2013 at 8:47 am

Brianna, thank you for your open honesty. I see that you are grieved by this sin but there is hope for all of us. You acknowledging the fact that you can’t overcome this on your own is really what God wants to hear. We can do nothing of ourselves Jesus said but we are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus. I would suggest fasting for a 24 period but doing so with water, if you have no medical complications. Sometimes fasting is a great way to have a deeper sense of our own sinfulness and dependence upon God and to have a greater hunger for Him than for food. He satisfies forever….food is only temporary satisfaction. I would however find an accountability partner. Put a password protected filter on your Internet if that is a source of the pornography. Sometimes it may even take getting rid of the Internet if need be, Don’t give up. God never does on us and His love never fails even thou we do.

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Matthew October 8, 2013 at 8:38 pm

Hey Pastor, I’m not sure if you remember me but I posted on here a while ago asking for help and you’r response truly inspired me. But sadly son has over taken my life again. School has been a nightmare when it comes to temptation because of all of the un-modest girls and the over all stress of homework has distracted me from God, I’m even typing this while doing homework haha. But these stresses and temptations have lead to not porn but masturbation. I realize it is a sin to lust for a person besides a spouse, but it seems to be the only way to relieve the pressures of my hectic daily life. And the longer I try to fight the temptation the more it gnaws at me until I literally can not think straight, which effects my schoolwork and time with family. In a way it seems like a good thing because it relieves stress and lets me think clearly. But deep down I feel like I am still sinning. I would just like to hear your thoughts on the subject. Because I don’t want to sin, even if I don’t know it. But if it is a sin, I have no idea how to stop because of the reasons I mentioned above. Please respond,
Matthew (:

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Jack Wellman October 8, 2013 at 8:46 pm

Yes, Matthew I do remember you my brother. Most of the world makes it hard to not lust in our hearts and in using our body. You know that 1 in 4 pastors struggle with this today? I still feel like sanctification is a lifelong struggle and no one will ever be sinless but we will sin LESS. Just read how frustrated Paul was by his old nature in Romans chapter 7 but you must realize his conclusion at the end and also that no one can sin away their salvation for the cross of Christ covers it all my brother. If you have taken the application steps in this article then you are already striving to live a holy life. We all fall down but we also get back up and dust ourselves off. You can never sin away the love of God! God never gives up on us and God’s love never fails (isn’t there a song in that somewhere! LOL). The fact that you know its sin is a great sign and shows the Holy Spirit is still active and working in you and thru you. We all have our weaknesses and mine are tobacco so don’t lose heart. God is not done with us yet. He loves you and as a father and grandfather my love never decreases based upon my children or grandchildren’s performance. My love can’t be thwarted and is not tied to their behavior…how much more then God! Your struggle and conscience is showing me that you are fighting the good fight. I pray for you brother and you are loved. More so, exponentially, are you loved by God!

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Matthew October 8, 2013 at 8:44 pm

And I would also very much appreciat some suggestions on how to rebuild my relationship with God that has crumbled over the course of this school year. It seems like I never have time to pray because I’m at school or doing homework. And I find it very difficult to pray before bed because I’m so tired and I feel like I’m just saying words and not truly talking to our Father.

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Jack Wellman October 8, 2013 at 8:51 pm

Here is what I do…I try to pray every single free moment I have. I am a father and grandfather with a daughter as a junior in High School…she is in band (so football & soon basketball games to attend), in scholars bowl, in choir, and in drama…also I in back in school shortly trying to complete my masters in seminary, also moderating comments, taking all the facebook and WCWTK questions sent to me by the site on the Contact Us form on the What Christians Want to Know website, plus I work, pastor a church, and have so much going on right now. I believe it is easier for me to just pray when you can. Take 2 minutes to pray on your face before bed. I get up early to pray and read the Bible. It is hard but I must take time. I too am a student (still!) but must make time even when I don’t feel like it but when I don’t I find it harder the next time. You will actually sleep better after prayer…I guarantee that. Not sure how it works but pray and read at least for 2-3 minutes before bed or perhaps even in bed. Thanks brother. I so pray for you and thank God for you….and I know its a struggle. May God richly bless you my beloved brother in Christ. Remember that God answers knee-mail but He never answers when no messages are sent…and also remember to pray when you are between classes, in the shower, driving,…any and ever free moment you can. Make sense? Does this help? I pray it does brother.

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Matthew October 8, 2013 at 9:29 pm

This helps very much sir, thank you. I can’t wait to re build the bridge between myself and our Father. In being seperated from God before, its no wonder life was getting too mich to handle! But with God and prayer, all the frustration and worry i had before is gone and I know He will continue to be my strength through the tough teenage years, and all the ones after that! Thank you for your time pastor, and for helping me draw closer to God again. Best of luck with your masters and I’ll be sure to keep you in my prayers!

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Shane from South Africa October 31, 2013 at 3:03 am

Dear Pastor Jack,
I truly can not thank you enough for an inspirational blog. I pray and hope God will forgive me for my sexual immoral sins of the flesh. I want to be involved in church, I want to tithe but cannot as my expenses are too much. I want to Praise and Worship God. I want to have INTAMACY, true INTAMACY with God. I confess and repent and turn away from all forms of internet pornography. I pray the Holy Spirit will take over my life. I pray God to give me an ear for hear HIS voice. How do we hear the voice of God. If i don`t tithe can I still be involved in ministry?… Tithing is another major weakness… I love to but simply cann`t. Truely I`m living over and above what I can afford. Wow… never done this before, it feels so good.

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Jack Wellman October 31, 2013 at 9:26 am

Thank you Shane. You hear the voice of God in the words of the Bible. God speaks to us in His Word and you can trust Him to help you when you cannot help yourself. Don’t give up. As for tithing, I do not believe in the 10% tithe. We can only give what we are able but you should at least give SOMETHING to show God that you trust Him. If you give nothing, He will not bless you in proportion to what give. You reap only what you sow, both in good things and in bad.

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Zack June 2, 2014 at 8:30 pm

Pastor Jack,

I wanted to know if there is biblical support for the 10% tithe? I shamefully admit that when I read you said you don’t believe in it, I got a bit excited. I love tithing, but sometimes use the excuse, “I can’t afford to”, to hold on to some money, which is a plague to me because I want to give money to the church because God can turn my penny into an empire if He so desires. But I am very interested in your viewpoint and biblical knowledge on tithing! I do feel slightly guilty when I don’t tithe. A lot of the times it is because the money I have I need it for gas for work (my commute is a 3 hour round trip) but even still, I feel like I’m not putting enough trust in God when I do not tithe.

Look forward to your insight, sir!

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Jack Wellman June 2, 2014 at 8:55 pm

My friend, I believe that you should read this about tithing at: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/what-does-the-bible-teach-about-giving-is-tithing-biblical/ and then let your heart guide. I believe in tithing but not because it is commanded but I try to give over that amount and support other ministries and the church I pastor at. Some who have much should be giving more but those who have little may not be able to. As the article says let each one be convinced in his own mind as he is fully persuaded and give out of a cheerful heart. God looks at the heart and not the size but I believe God DOES bless generosity and you can never outgive God.

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kristin November 5, 2013 at 12:07 pm

Hi pastor Jack,
My ex boyfriend who is also my best friend is currently addicted to pornagraphy. I read your article on how to help, but at the same time I do not feel that he would be willing to set up blockers on his phones internet and our TV. And everything else. We are both Christians and we have both been prophecized over that will be husband and wife. I have also talked to God about this, but lately with his addiction I have been wanting to give up. Cleverson is also bipolar. If you could give me some answers of an easier way of going about this with him I would appreciate it. I would greatly appreciate it! Also many prayers are needed! Thank you and God Bless.

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Jack Wellman November 5, 2013 at 9:54 pm

Hello Kristin. There is something very, very troubling about your comment. You wrote that “My ex boyfriend who is also my best friend is currently addicted to pornagraphy. I read your article on how to help, but at the same time I do not feel that he would be willing to set up blockers on his phones internet and our TV. And everything else. “ Are you still involved with this ex-boyfriend? Or is he just a friend now? If he is not willing to set up blocker on his phones or internet or on the TV, then this man doesn’t really want to quit this sin. He is not willing to repent if he is not willing to do anything to stop it. This is troubling in the sense that he doesn’t want to give it up because it takes drastic measures to repent and overcome and he is not willing to do this, therefore one: he may not actually be saved and two: he has not really ever repented. What has his pastor said about this? Does he and do you go to a church? I would see face to face counsel if I were him. Jesus used exageration but was doing this to show just how drastic a step is needed when He said “if your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out.’ If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off.” Not literally but what He was saying was that you MUST take drastic measures for Jesus said that we are to seek Him and the Kingdom above ALL things (Matt 6:33) or you cannot be His disciple. If he is serious, he will set up these blockers. ..if not, he may not be saved and may have to face the wrath of God someday (Rev 20:11-15) because he hasn’t really repented because a person that repents turns around and stops pursing this sin as repent means to turn around and go the OTHER way and he has not.

Then you wrote, ?We are both Christians” but his behavior does not show this. Read 1 John chapter 3 to see why I say this. This exboyfriend may not be saved at all. You must warn him.

Finally, you wrote, “we have both been prophecized over that will be husband and wife. “ I thought he was your EX-boyfriend and now your friend. Who propheisied over you that you’re to get married. No prophets can tell you what your personal future holds. That is non-biblical. You had better not marry this man because if you do and he has a pornography issue, then your chances of divorce and much, much greater. Don’t do it. Who prophesied? How can they know for sure its God’s will. I can tell you it is NOT God’s will to marry a man who doesn’t’ sound or show any evidence by not repenting of being born again. Pornography has destroyed many, many marriages, it demeans women and devalues them. You said you “also talked to God about this, but lately with his addiction I have been wanting to give up. Cleverson is also bipolar.” This is another red flag. Please talk to your pastor about this…go together with him. Don’t believe any person who prophesied over a person’s personal life. That is not biblical and it has NEVER happened in the Bible…no, not once. God does not do this and so whoever said that they prophesied over you two that you’ll marry is decieved greatly. I say this in love my friend and I pray it doesn’t offend you or your ex-boyfriend but the truth must be spoken to keep people out of the firery judgement of God (Jude 1:22-24)

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Shane Pillay November 6, 2013 at 12:52 am

Hi Pastor Jack and Kristin,
Trust me Kristin I used to be addicted to porn myself. anycase, do you want to marry a person who whilst making love to you is fanatising about have sex with another woman/man. Porn exposes addicts to various sexual immoral acts. By the way, you sound as if you also once enjoyed porn. Dear Friend, I`m not here to judge, as I talking to you I`m also talking to myself. I repented of these things I thought it would help in my marriage, but it cause me to mastrubate more and loose interest in my wife, intamcy went out the window and our marriage bed was not contaminated. We fought, argued, used bad words and curses against wach other. Also to a divorce, but THANKS TO THE GRACE, MERCY, and LOVING KINDNESS of Jesus. Dear Friend, donot give your body to any man before marriage, if you did or are doing so — STOP STOP STOP, The Blood of Jesus can wash us and cleanse us. as pastor Jack as mentioned, NOBODY can prophesy who you are to get married to — THATS UP TO US NOT GOD, God has given us a soul where our seat of WILL rests. God us given us guidelines to follow like don`t fornocate, premaritial sex etc etc… Young ladies must find GOD fearing men, they will raise up GOd fearing children. Don`t you want you child to be involved in Gods work!…. The bible also says “don`t yoke yourself amongst unbelievers/gentiles etc” This can also mean “don`t associate yourself with people who will contaminate your character/personality and who you are. Peer-pressure/Adult-pressure doing what others do just to fit in does not work. By the way, prophesy is there to encourage, edify, build you up.. not predict your future?
you must decide to follow jesus, see who will be your firends after that, probably NOBODY, can you live with that… There was nobody there for Jesus the day he was crucified although He healed some many (He once had alot of friends)
Good luck.

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Jack Wellman November 6, 2013 at 8:54 am

Shane, what a powerful testimony and sound, godly advice. Thank you for your transparency as I believe it will help so many and may God richly bless you for this.

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Peter November 9, 2013 at 10:54 pm

I am so much blessed by the testimonies and your wise councel Pastor. I must also confess that I am struggling with masturbation for twenty years! I thought that when I married that would be the end but alas! How wrong I was! It has really eaten me up and I feel guilty. I am born again and serving In the ministry but this sin hinders me from serving God due to guilty and feelings of condemnation. Intimacy with my wife is deteriorating and I would rather take the short cut (masturbate) than be intimate with my wife. .I also dream having sex with beautiful women I have never seen.
I am also addicted to porn badly as this is only a click away. Pastor, advise me on this. Thank you. I feel relieved for confessing this dirty old secret.

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Jack Wellman November 10, 2013 at 6:06 pm

Peter, I am so glad you feel relieved by confessing for its good to confess our faults (sins) to one another and it is a freeing experience. The number one thing for alcoholics is for them to admit that they are one. Until this happens, there is no hope of recovery at all so you have reached step one.

I would go back over this article for there are practical applications and steps you can take…one is to get a password, protected filter for your computer and then find an accountability partner to provide the password. If the internet or your DVD player is the source, this is something you could live without, right (I mean the DVD). You may need the Internet for work or church ministry but a password protected filter helps much for the Internet.

I believe fasting helps too because there are frequent mentions of fasting in the Old Testament and these are a present aid in breaking strongholds. This humbles us to see our desperate need for God to that He alone can give us victory in this area. Living the Christian life is not hard…it is impossible with the aid of the Holy Spirit.
Confide in one close associate (a male) that you can trust and tell him this problem. Your ministry in the church will never be what it can be until this is overcome. Have you told your wife about this? I believe that her prayers and the prayers of your accountability partner can help. When temptation comes, fall on your knees immediately, seek God’s power, “flee” temptation by pursing something else; getting into the Word, praying, and falling on your face. Don’t despair either for the good news is that you see this need to overcome that and this is strong evidence that the Holy Spirit is convicting you of this and the fact is the unsaved and even many Christians are not battling to live a holy and pure life…I see that you are. I will pray for you too my friend. Read Psalm 51 when you feel the need to stumble back into this sin. We ALL fall but the unsaved dive into sin. When a saint stumbles, like we all do, we get back up and start again and confess (1 John 1:9).

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Bryan December 25, 2013 at 3:42 am

I am 24 and I have been struggling with this sin and depression which for me comes along with it since I was 12, whenever I do it is when I am depressed and in times when I have overcome it I feel full of life yet I still end up back at it. It has been a rollercoaster ride for me, I have prayed over the years and I was convicted to first get rid of my computer, cell phone, tablet, I actually have literally smashed or destroyed these things so that I wouldn’t have to deal with them because my spiritual relationship with God is most important too me. But I always find a way back to it, I lie to myself/trick myself into getting back on the internet. I have asked for my familys help multiple times, and even telling my brother not too listen to me when I ask for my computer back, but he ends up falling for it, and the same with my Father. I asked my father to be my accountability partner once and he never followed through. It is really hard for me when I ask and ask and ask for help and I cry out for help from my family who should be there for me but they just seem lazy about it or something. And all my family is christian, both grandparents are pastors. I found out through my mother that my Dad also suffered/suffers from the same problem with pornography/lust/etc. I feel like I have tried everything, but one thing is for certain that I never give up, but I do come to extremely low points and have even thought about suicide, even though I know I would never do it. But this struggle is very stressful and controls my life at some points and I really believe the devil is doing everything he can to make sure I continue to stumble. I work around many many many many atheists and I had been witnessing to a lot of them over the past year or so after I had been gaining control of my temptations and then I started stumbling again. Im sorry I haven’t really had any particular questions I feel like I already know everything that I need to do, this article has helped me realize though that I do need to confess it to someone above me and I think it is going to be my grandfather. All I want to do is serve the Lord and right now I feel so distant from him. Please if you could just keep me in your prayers, I need deliverance from this sin. Also I have tried the filters but honestly there are easy ways around those thats why I always had to get rid of my computers altogether. Right now I live in florida, but I am about to apply to a canoe outfitters camp in MN where there wont be much electronic devices which is what I feel the spirit has been convicting me to get away from. It is a terrible age we live in, in my opinion, so many people struggle from this and its all because of the internet, 20 years ago it wouldn’t be as bad probable, other than magazines I suppose. Merry christmas. Thanks for letting me get all of this off of my chest.

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Jack Wellman December 25, 2013 at 9:55 am

Thank you Bryan for sharing your struggle with pornography. As you can see, but the almost 150 comments, you are not alone. It is so hard to overcome this but I honestly want to encourage you. The very fact that you are struggling with this and know it is sin shows me that you are being convicted by the Holy Spirit and that He is working at sanctifying you because those in the world see no problem with sin. I would try to get a new accountability partner and get a password protected G-rated filter and give your pastor the password. Don’t give up. Overcoming sin is a lifelong process. I will pray for you my friend.

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Eric Mawuena January 14, 2014 at 9:22 pm

thanks for the words pastor, but my problem is I’ve never had a close friend I tell everything to so i’m finding it very difficult to do that

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Jack Wellman January 14, 2014 at 9:29 pm

The Proverbs say to make a friend, be a friend. Find one man in your church. Every Timothy needs a Paul and every mentor needs to be mentoring someone. Talk to your pastor then because he knows to keep things confidential or quite and not tell anyone. You must tell someone for the Bible tells us to confess our sins to one another, even if its only one man (James 5:16).

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Jay February 11, 2014 at 3:58 pm

I struggled with pornography for a decade. I grew up in a church, was a christian, but was entirely unprepared for this attack. I think the atmosphere around this subject is changing, but 10-20 yrs ago, I don’t thInk the conversation could be so open. I think as men, we need to realize this is a form of spiritual warfare. I felt real sorrow when the reality that as an ambassador for Christ, I had failed, because I was preoccupied by my own guilt, and anger. My relationship with, Christ suffered. I am only 3 months completely free, but I was released from the sin and desire in an instant. As a man, I tried to fix the problem myself so I could crawl back to God. It wasn’t until I literally fell on my hands and knees and asked God to forgive me, and relinquished control to Him that I was freed. In that moment I was in the presence of something far more superior to me, I could literally feel it. I felt inadequate, I cried, I begged for forgiveness, and then I was quickly filled with a warm comforting sensation. I woke up the next morning wih a weight off my shoulders, and haven’t been tempted by it. God has truly delIvered me, He did not give up on me, and He won’t give up on you. Now, the question I struggle with is if I should tell my wife. She is an unbeliever, seeking an answer to the “God” question. We are attending church now, and I have just started a devotional with a mature Christian male. My fear is if I tell her about what I suffered through, will it only turn her away from god because of my imperfections? Yet, I want transparency in my marriage. Also, since this sin is behind me, would I just be devastating her in a selfish act to relieve my own guilt? Even when the sin is gone, there are issues to wrestle with.

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Jack Wellman February 11, 2014 at 9:27 pm

Jay, I would not worry about something that you have been delivered from and overcome and to tell her something that you, by God’s grace, have been forgiven and have overcome would help any at all. God has delivered and forgiven you and I don’t think this would benefit anyone by the fear that telling her something that you have overcome and been cleansed from. We all wrestle with these but now its time to forgive yourself because God already has. You didn’t commit the physical act and God has cleansed you from all sin (1 John 1:9) and you now have Christ’s own righteousness (2 Cor 5:21) so just move on and love your wife with a clear conscience.

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Nelson February 21, 2014 at 4:19 am

I’ve been addicted to pornography mostly “gay pornography” and masturbation for over a year now. I have always wanted to stop and still want to stop. I still can’t get myself to tell anyone about it. I’ve been able to avoid porn for over a month now. But today I was tempted to view porn online then turned back deciding to seek help and I found myself here. My relapse over the past few months have been masturbation. Anytime I have just a little erection all I have on my mind is masturbation and most of the times I fall into it say 7 of every 10 times. I keep looking at other boys lustfully. I try to pray and it relieves me most a times. Another problem is that when I want to read the Bible as a help I don’t know where to turn to. I’m not very strong in prayer and I think fasting doesn’t help me much because my family is one that loves fasting and I am already used to it now. I know I need help but I don’t want to stop serving in the Church choir.
I currently am away from home and I live with Jehovah’s witnesses and I’m currently torn between if maybe I’m in the wrong denomination.
I only want to serve God and appreciate his love for me.

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Jack Wellman February 21, 2014 at 5:55 am

Thank you Nelson. I believe the biggest problem may be two things. Not wanting to give up your position in the church choir and that you are involved in the J W church. Let me say that God the Holy Spirit can only reveal to J W’s who Jesus really is as in

Matth 16:13-17 says”When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?”
14 They replied, “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”
15 “But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?”
16 Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”
17 Jesus replied, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah, for this was not revealed to you by flesh and blood, but by my Father in heaven.

Please read Matt 7:21-23. This is a very, very sobering, frightening verse.

Let me ask you only one question and after you answer it, I’ll answer any question you want. First I need to clarify a few things. In the New World Translation, John 1:1 reads: “In [the] beginning the Word was, and the Word was with God, and the Word was a god.” Then in Isaiah 9:6 (NWT) we read: “For there has been a child born to us, there has been a son given to us; and the princely rule will come to be upon his shoulder. And his name will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Eternal Father, Prince of Peace.” So then, does Jehovah equal almighty God?
JW: Yes.
C: Now Jesus isn’t Jehovah, right?
JW: That’s right.
C: Jesus equals a Mighty God?
JW: That is correct.
C: Is Jehovah a true God or a false God?
JW: Jehovah is a true God.
C: Is Jesus a true God or a false God?
JW: Jesus is a true God.
C: Okay, here’s my question: How can you believe there are two true Gods when the Bible says there is only one God? After all, it says in Isaiah 43:10-11 (NWT), “Before me there was no God formed, and after me there continued to be none.” And Isa: 44:6 (NWT) says: “I am the first and I am the last, and besides me there is no God.”
JW: That passage is teaching that there are no capital “G” gods.
C: Hebrew doesn’t have capital letters so the capitalization of the “G” in those passages is an insertion by the NW translators to make us believe there are two categories of gods. It is equivalent to their just inserting the word “almighty” in the text. If the Lord had wanted to proclaim that “besides me there is no Almighty God” instead of what it really says, “beside me there is no god,” He could easily have had Isaiah insert the word “Almighty” in those passages. But He didn’t.
JW: Well, we only worship one God.
C: If I only loved one wife but was married to two women, I would still be a polygamist and your believing there are two true Gods even though you only worship one of them still makes you a polytheist. The Bible says there is only one God.
JW: But the Bible calls Satan a God.
C: Is Satan a true God or a false God?
JW: A false God.
C: You still have two true Gods.
JW: But in Ex. 4:16 (NWT) it says that Moses “will serve as God to him [Pharaoh].”
C: It says Moses will serve “as God.” In other translations of this verse it says Moses will be “like God” to him. Do you see a difference between serving “as” God or “like” God and really being a god? For example, if I said an older woman was “as a mother to me” it wouldn’t mean that I actually came out of her womb, right? Do you see the difference?”
JW: But the word “God” is just a title that can be used for those on the side of God.
C: Then there would be lots of true Gods, but John 17:3 (NWT) says “This means everlasting life, their taking in knowledge of you, the only true God, and of the one whom you sent forth, Jesus Christ.” If that’s true, how could you say that Jesus is a true God?
JW: As I said, we only worship one God.
C: But I’m not asking about how many Gods you worship, I’m asking about how many Gods you think are true. Can you think of a time when someone says that ‘X’ is the ‘only true’ ‘X’ that it doesn’t make everything else in that category false? If there God is the ‘only true’ God then any other god must be a false god, but you have already said that Jehovah and Jesus are both true Gods and that makes… count them… two true Gods.
JW: 1 Cor. 8:4-6 says “…there is no God but one. For even though there are those who are called ‘gods,’ whether in heaven or on earth, just as there are many ‘gods’ and many ‘lords,’ there is actually to us one God the Father, out of whom all things are, and we for him; and there is one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things are, and we through him.” See, the Father is God, not Jesus.
C: But you’ve already agreed there are two true Gods and this passage says there is only one God.
JW: You’re talking about the Trinity.
C: No, I’m pointing out that Jehovah’s Witnesses are polytheists who believe there is more than one true God, even though the Bible tells us there is only one true God.
JW: We didn’t come here to argue. [What?]
C: Okay, well, if you want to bring someone back, I’ll be glad to talk with them. [That hasn’t happened yet.]
This is all about logic. After all, if there is one God and if there are three persons in the Bible called God, then the three persons must be the one God. It is no surprise that I have yet to hear a coherent answer. I carried on an email dialog with one JW and after several months she ended our discussion with, “You just like to go around and destroy other people’s religions!”

What?

By the way, I really don’t let them ask me a question unless they can answer mine first because JWs, more than any cult I’ve talked to, will change the subject as soon as they see they are in a bind.

Titus 2:13: “We wait for the blessed hope—the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ.”

Read John 8:22-24 too. The biggest issue is that you do not have the right Jesus and without the right Jesus, you don’t have the right way to heaven for its not about what you do as a J W, as they stress works, but about what Jesus has done. If you want to serve God, serve the right one my friend. I am pleading with you to see where you are in the relationship with Christ. Maybe this doubt about the right church is the work of the Holy Spirit for we must leave what we have (like the Apostles left everything) to follow Christ. For more on this, please read: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/what-do-jehovahs-witnesses-believe/

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Nelson February 22, 2014 at 7:12 am

Thanks Pastor. Maybe I wasn’t clear but the thing is I live with them because my cousin is one. I have never accepted to attend their meetings over the past one year I have stayed with them. Now I am convinced I can tell them off when they bring up a discussion. But I so I still need help for what brought me here.

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Jack Wellman February 22, 2014 at 9:40 am

Thank you Nelson and I apologize for not understanding completely your situation my friend. You stand firm on your biblical beliefs for the JW’s are worshiping a different Jesus. As for the pornography, I believe that memorizing certain Scriptures will help you. I believe it was Martin Luther who said that you can stop birds from flying over your head but you can stop them from building a nest on it…that is we can’t stop those thoughts from coming at us but we can have our minds shift to the Word of God…one example is Philippians 4:8 “whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.” When these thoughts come to mind, fall on your knees, pray to God to send you help, get into the Word, and think about Jesus’ and the extreme payment He gave because of the wretchedness of sin.

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Jay February 21, 2014 at 11:15 am

I am a 16 yr old girl and I’m addicted to gay porn I don’t know why I do it cause I have a boifwend I love very much and his a true Christian and he is true to what he believes in..
I don’t think I have bin so close to God like that but I will like to change ..from where I m from it’s not easy to tell somebody this type of problem I overcame it before but now I am back to it ..I can’t get rid of my internet because I do most of my school work wif it..but I will put up a filter and I will fast ..pls pray for me ..God deliver us all thank u

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Jack Wellman February 21, 2014 at 3:30 pm

Jay, I will pray for you and I agree that a filter and fasting will help but the good news to me is that you know it is sin and are trying to overcome this showing evidence that the Holy Spirit is working in you and thru you and lives in you!

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Cat February 21, 2014 at 6:06 pm

Hi Jay…

I agree with Pastor in that it is a wonderful start in that you know it is a sin and the Holy Spirit has convicted you to seek help. As to why you are interested in this…It is our society urging our youth to accept this lifestyle as normal. The way our world is now encourages people to experiment and be open to things which they may never have done in other times. I think that is why we have so many homosexuals and bi people today. Every time somebody is hurt by a member of the opposite sex, or has just a natural curiosity about alternative lifestyles, our society says try it, it is okay. The teenage yrs are very confusing and it is sad that this way of thinking is causing otherwise normal teens into thinking they are homosexual simply because they were curious. Instead of getting help for physical or sexual abuse, we say it is okay to just ignore that gender and stick with your own sex. It is truly sad…I have a relative that admits seeing her mom abused made her hate men. She acknowledges this is why she is probably in a lesbian relationship.

I will however point out that you are a child and young adults are going to make mistakes in life. We are all human and sin but our youth is when we are supposed to make mistakes in order to learn from them before we are thrust into adulthood. I would encourage you to seek the help of a friend, or an adult either in your church, or your family. I say this because a filter will be a great help but only if you are not in control of the settings. My first suggestion would be to go either to a Pastor, or a youth minister. As Christians, they should not judge you and they should know that being a teen is very confusing especially when it comes to sex. Since this is not a life threatening situation, I would simply ask them to leave your parents out of this if you don’t feel comfortable with them knowing. Most ministers will respect that request, with the exception of something being life threatening. You are not engaged in actual same sex relations, you are not mentioning hurting yourself, or others, and you have not mentioned drug use. So pray on this and ask God to lead you to whom you can trust…who he wants you to go to for help.

God Bless you…Cat

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Joshua March 4, 2014 at 9:22 pm

Okay. I’m 18 I’m frankly sick and tired of this I’ve struggled with it for at least 6yrs. I’ve went close to a year without it and it came back. Needless to say I felt waaaaaaay guilty for letting all that hard work go down the drain but more so letting god down after he kept me from it. I didn’t want to continue on letting good down the way I did. I would minimise contact with god and yeah I’m still falling but he taught me to get back up. So, now I’m looking to defeat this thing and move on with my life cause it’s holding me back from what I want to do for god or more realistically. I’m holding myself back. So here goes, I don’t want to tell anyone cause I testified I was free of this sin, at least I thought I was so I would be utterly embarrassed if I said I’m still struggling with it. Next the internet isn’t mine to cut and another it’s a laptop so it’s portable. The laptop was given to my sister by the gov’t with a block. This means a program can’t be installed without admin password and the gov’t won’t give out the password and yeah that’s about it. I don’t have any CLOSE Christian friends unfortunately and I’m single(Since my life began, except with Jesus). I only trust my pastor to tell this to but as I said, the embarrassment. I know this seems trivial if I want to move on so badly but it’s still a problem.

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Jack Wellman March 5, 2014 at 8:41 am

Joshua, I am so sorry for your struggle. Since you don’t have any close Christian friends, you must make the first step and as the proverbs say to have friends, a man must make himself friend. You are afraid to tell others because you testified that you were free of sin? No one is free from sin in this life my friend (1 Jon 1:8, 10). Others should understand that. Even if it is embarrassing you must do it. It appears that you’re worried more about your embarrassment than you sin? The laptop was given to you by your sister? Do you need it for your job? If not, then get rid of it. Jesus said that we must take drastic measures like gouge out your right eye if your eye offends you, meaning it requires serious effort. The Internet isn’t your’s to cut? With whom do you live? You must take action or you will never, ever overcome this. Talk to your pastor. Swallow your pride because God resists (or is opposed) the proud but gives grace only to the humble and you are to worried about your own self image my friend. Does this make sense?

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Joshua March 5, 2014 at 4:00 pm

Okay, I live in the Caribbean the laptop was given to my sister by the government. I don’t have a job I go to school. I use it for leisure purposes and research. I live with my mom, grandmother, sisters, brother, nephews, cousins when they come in the morning till they leave in the evening and brother-in-law. My eldest sister is the one who pays for the internet and the one who got it installed.

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Jack Wellman March 5, 2014 at 6:48 pm

Thanks Joshua for the explanation. You are right…you can’t pull the plug on the Internet. There still should be a way to block or rate the surfing. There is free software and many browsers, like Internet Explorer have a filter where you can set the browser controls to “G” if that will help. Anyway, I will pray for you my friend and perhaps you can have one of your cousins or nephews (the older ones, if there are any) be your accountability partner but really, maybe just pray more for God’s divine intervention and when you feel it coming on, fall on your face and pray and perhaps open the Bible. I imagine this must be really hard. Don’t give up because God sees you’re fighting to stay holy and pure.

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Priscilla March 5, 2014 at 11:16 pm

Hello, your response to Naomi on 7/6/13 included the following…NO ONE who is born of God will CONTINUE to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they CANNOT GO ON SINNING, because they have been born of God. 10 This is how we KNOW who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: ANYONE who does NOT do what is right is NOT God’s child.”

Your response to Sarah on 10/1/13 included the following…I would be less worried about losing your leadership position and more concerned about losing your fellowship with God. Not that you will lose your salvation or relationship, being a child of God, but you can lose your fellowship and the joy of your salvation (which apparently is already gone).

When I read your response to Naomi it sure did sound to me like her husband had lost his salvation, based on your response.

Can you explain the reason for very different view points? I am concerned for my husband, who has confessed to me that he has an addition to porn.

Thank you,

Priscilla

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Jack Wellman March 6, 2014 at 9:32 am

Thank you Priscilla for your comment and question. That is a great point you have made. What I was trying to say, and it appears that I did a poor job of responding, was that if there is no overcoming and repentance that a person may not actually be saved. A person that is struggling and falls again is just like any other Christian (Read Rom 7) but if he is not stopping this porn addiction at all, then that shows that there has never really been any conversion at all. Ultimately only God knows. Paul tells us to examine ourselves to see if we are in the faith or not. The fact that your husband has confessed to you his addiction to porn is a good sign. Perhaps he can follow the steps in this article to help him overcome this but it takes the Spirit of God to do what we cannot do ourselves. Your husband has already did a very good thing…he has confessed that he has a problem with porn. An unsaved person shows no remorse or doesn’t confess it in the first place. I will pray along with you that he seeks more help in overcoming this…like finding a male, Christian to be accountable to and to set up a password protected filter on his computer and so on. This is one of the hardest sins to overcome but we will still sin (1 John 1:8, 10) but we can confess that sin (1 John 1:9) and while we lose our fellowship with God while sinning, just as a child will fall out of favor with his or her parents in sinning, the child will not lose their relationship to their parents. Does that make sense? I hope so and thank you for such an insightful question.

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Joshua March 6, 2014 at 6:00 pm

Thank you for your prayers. I’m not going to ever give up I’ve felt like it but I just remain stagnant for that period but when I think about what he’s done for me through my life thus far and on the cross I can’t just give up. So I’m going with what you did. Draw closer to him because that’s what Ii did last time and it kept me so I don’t see how drawing closer to my god can fail me now. So yeah, it’s something that I needed to do for the longest will but I was doing the same thing expecting different results but I see I needed to change what I was doing. So as long as I keep feed my spirit on a consistent basis and starve my flesh of what it desires, I should be victorious. Thanks, also for the other suggestions, mainly being the accountability idea. I’ve thought about it a long time but didn’t have anyone I trust and I am a person that believes that I don’t have to rely on anyone’s help with any situation but Jesus. It causes me to struggle a bit more than if I was to seek help but I want to be totally dependent on him and his holy spirit. So that’s what I’m working toward.

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Jack Wellman March 6, 2014 at 8:50 pm

Joshua, oh how I wish I could be there for you and pray with you in person and speak encouragement to you, face to face my brother. It is so good to hear you that you want to draw closer to Him and to change and that is what you cooperating and the Holy Spirit working together can do. I know its hard to find someone but there usually will be at least one man to help you and take you into his confidence. We are commanded to confess our faults to one another and I know you don’t believe that you don’t have to rely on anyone else but 1 Cor 12 shows we need each other. Nonetheless, I am going to be praying for you and please do keep in touch Joshua. You are love and cared for here but so much more so by God.

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Joshua March 6, 2014 at 10:38 pm

In my church there the pastor and the co-pastor. My pastors wife. I trust her enough to tell anything knowing she’ll give godly advice and if she doesn’t have the answer she will find out for me and such. But I don’t spend that time you need to spend around a person before you’re able to speak to them about anything. So seeing that I just became a member of the youth committee, not nominating myself but was asked and the problem was being managed at the time. I accepted because I wanted to avail myself. Now in that leadership position, I was advised to spend more time with my pastors so that I well know what is the vision of my pastors. So I’m going to be having lunch at my pastors residence as many Sundays as possible, which is a normal thing. I just didn’t really go. Yeah, so that I can how you say, get more comfortable around my pastor so that I’ll have that person to call on when the time comes, not excluding Jesus and yeah I’m going to be giving progress reports. I don’t know how often. I personally would give one when something significant happens but you can suggest. The cousins I spoke of are younger. The elders of my household that I should be able to be accountable to are my sister. But we don’t really share anything beyond the surface. I could try with my mom be I don’t really think that’ll work. Well basically we live, laugh, eat together. But we don’t really know each others problems. Where my brother and I are concerned but that’s how I like it I guess and I say I guess because I don’t know what life is like with that freedom to share your problems with family so I leave room for optimism.

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Joshua March 6, 2014 at 10:42 pm

Sorry about that though. That was long I and went on and on about different stuff. So yeah my apologize to you!

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Jay March 11, 2014 at 6:53 pm

Joshua,

Please read my post from earlier today all the way at the bottom of this blog. Find another Christian you can talk to. Fighting this temptation alone won’t work, it didn’t work for me. The enemy wants to keep you in isolation, and keep your struggle secret. Talking to another Christian male, who embraces grace will be a huge triumph for you, and you will be amazed at how much less power the temptation will have over you. I will pray for you. Remember, Christ loves you, He is the light. I can’t encourage you enough to step out into the light and reveal your struggle to a mature, and understanding Christian.

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Joshua March 11, 2014 at 9:13 pm

I have read it and I very well an understand what you are saying. But, I don’t know if I’m going to sound like one of those person who’s making excuses not to do something but here goes. Right now I’m on a five day fast no food, strictly water. It started 6am and ends Friday 6pm. So far I’ve been doing really well. I’m in the word, prayer, repent as often as the holy spirit convicts me or there’s an uneasiness in my spirit. I’m staying focussed on god. He’s definitely been keeping me. I can’t shake the feeling that if I seek god with everything I have, I can be delivered. I’m not doing this in self because I’m really putting my all in this and by God if I pray that you show me where I’m still holding back.

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Jay March 12, 2014 at 7:48 am

Okay, I want you to know that I have been, and will be praying for you. It is possible for God to deliver you from this before you seek out some sort of accountability partner. God delivered me from in before I reached out, I just know had I done it sooner, I would have been in a better place a lot earlier than I was. After God works His magic in you, don’t be surprised to be severely attacked by the enemy in different ways. I have experienced periods of doubts over the strengh of my faith. For an example, “if I really believed, how did I stray for so long?”. Or, “are you trying to earn your salvation now?”. I can say that all the positive changes I have made come from a true desire to grow closer to Christ, and as silly as those thoughts I describe sound, during the episodes of doubt, they feel real. I have benefited greatly from support from Christian men. Just don’t be surprised if after a time of jubilation, the enemy tries to attack you in a different way. I am praying for you.

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Joshua March 12, 2014 at 8:46 pm

Thanks. I am still considering the accountability partner not because I’m experiencing temptation or it’s on my mind, it’s been the opposite. I’ve been changing. The way I’m thinking, what I’m doing and what I say. I can definitely say God is helping me and I’m expecting not just deliverance from this sin but all sins. I don’t want to leave any room for the enemy to step in. So I might actually start speaking to someone but for the time I just leaning on Jesus and letting him take full control.

Caleb March 10, 2014 at 3:08 am

Sir,
I am at my wit’s end. I will be 40 years old next year and I have been struggling against pornography for what seems like my entire life. I was exposed to pornography at a very young age and have had times of victory, but mostly huge failures since I can remember. Reading the previous comments brings me to tears because I am so frustrated about this situation that I, and so many others, happen to be in. I know that this is spiritual and now this wicked spirit is attacking my six year old son. I’ve had quite a few instances where I would be napping and have a totally sexually sinful dream and I would wake with a start, and go and check on my son in his room (where he was napping) and he would be in his bed humping (sorry I don’t have a better term) his pillow. He even told me that one day that he is scared because he gets attacked at night when he is sleeping. I told him to pray in Jesus’ name and the monsters would leave, but I know it’s because I’ve invited them in with my addiction to masturbation/pornography. My parents fasted and prayed for me and my dad told me that while he was fasting, he saw the evil spirit that is troubling me and it scared him. I am a huge failure as a dad because I can’t even control myself to keep that wickedness out of my home for my own son’s safety. I am at a loss for what to do. Please help.

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Jack Wellman March 10, 2014 at 1:20 pm

Don’t lose heart Caleb. A dream you had is something that we all experience and you are not responsible for these where you do not carry it out in thought and deed. IS the source of pornography the Internet? Do you need it if it is? Have you spoken with your pastor? I would do that right away. I would talk to your pastor right away or have you already done so? Also, we have an article about spiritual battles called by the same name at this link: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/spiritual-attacks-putting-on-the-armor-of-god/

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Caleb March 10, 2014 at 9:18 pm

Thank you for your response. I just read the link that you provided regarding spiritual attacks and putting on the armor of God. As for the source of pornography, it is not only the internet but also the television. TV programming is rife with suggestive themes and wicked topics, and all it takes is a small suggestion or image to get those wheels turning and the next thing you know I have been consumed by the easy availability of it all. Yes, I do have internet at home and cable television, but I’m in a battle with my wife to get rid of it. She refuses to accept that these are doorways to my addiction and that I need as much help as I can get in order to overcome this problem. She says that it doesn’t matter if we get rid of the internet or cable because I will still have my mind. I don’t know how to respond to this but I really believe that time is short and I am not in right standing with the Lord to be called His. I also had a dream not too long ago about a large party that I was supposed to attend that was being thrown by Jesus himself. When it came time to attend the party, I was distracted by something that I started chasing down a dark alleyway. I remembered where I was supposed to be and went back but it was too late and I was locked out. I cried to Jesus for mercy and begged to be let in but to no avail. It was too late. I woke up actually crying. I know of the parable of the bridesmaids, but this dream was so real, I immediately knew when I woke up that I was one of those bridesmaids from the parable who had been left out of the wedding. As for the dreams that I referred to in my last message, I am convinced that they are attacks by the enemy. These aren’t your run of the mill dreams. These are completely tangible wildly erotic dreams that start all of a sudden, but are so vivid that they cause me to wake out of my sleep. These have been at any hour of the night, but there have been too many times that I have woken and walked into my son’s room just to see what I described to you in the previous post to discount them as my own imagination running wild.

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Jack Wellman March 10, 2014 at 9:52 pm

Thank you Caleb for your response and willingness to fight this. I am saddened by your wife’s apathy in your battle saying about the Internet and Cable elimination that “it doesn’t matter if we get rid of the internet or cable because I will still have my mind.” Maybe, but these images tempt you more, make you more vulnerable to these images, and keep a satanic door open. Yes, we still have them in the mind…but the mind doesn’t view images and stimulate lusts like visual images and pictures and the sound with these.

I also agree, and from my many years of experience in dealing with these (being a pastor we get these frequently and viciously too) I think the Devil is trying to infiltrate your dreams and your home and as long as Internet (at least without a password protected filter) and cable, this will keep these accesses open to the dark side. Continue to pray, talk with your pastor, pray for your wife and son, and know that God will never give up on you and His love never fails even when we (and I) do! Praying for you Caleb. The good thing is you are fighting this…and a sign the Holy Spirit is active and working in you…unbelievers could care less.

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Cat March 11, 2014 at 5:33 pm

Hi Caleb…Here are a couple of options for you to think about…First, set the ratings limit on your cable or satallite box. Have your wife do this and ask her to keep the code to herself. Secondly, you can opt for one of the streaming boxes which will allow you basically to just download shows from Hulu plus and netflix, plus several others to include family oriented channels. There is one that plays only Hallmark and Christian type programming. You choose what you want and pay a small fee monthly but it is much less expensive than cable or satallite. I find that since I can’t just flip on the t.v. and listen to whatever comes on while I work, I watch less t.v. period. These services would also allow your wife to watch her shows that apparently she can’t do without, on her own schedule and when you are not around. Those boxes also have rating locks.

I guess as for your wife, maybe she needs to go to a support group for families of porn addicts. Then she might realize this is very dangerous to a marriage. A friend of mine found this out the hard way when her husband, who was addicted to porn, ended up giving into wanting some of those fantasies so much that he had an affair. She ended up in one of these support groups, they both ended up in personnel and Christian counselling, and it took over a full yr before they got to a point that he could even start earning her trust back.

God luck and God Bless…Cat

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Jay March 11, 2014 at 4:39 pm

After reading through all these post, including my own, I want to share a huge mistake I made over, and over during my own struggle with pornography. It’s two parts really. The first, don’t forget that all sin was paid for on the cross. If you are a Christian, you are already forgiven. Don’t let the enemy tell you otherwise, and don’t let him drive you into isolation. Find a believer you can trust who embraces Grace, and reveal your troubles to them. God walks in light, the enemy thrives on our sin in secret. Second, I tried to deal with my struggle on my own. What I mean is, I asked for forgiveness, but then dealt with the temptation by myself. It wasn’t until I was so broken on the inside, and called out to God that He delivered me. For some reason it escaped me that out of my own willpower I would never be able to completely abandon pornography. It’s the holy spirit that makes that change. If at this point in your own struggle you’ve been trying to fix it yourself, try praying a genuine prayer to God where you say ” I can’t do it. Save me.”. It worked for me. I will pray for you all. I understand the pain, anguish, and loneliness that accompanies this sin. It is ugly. Just remember, Christ came while we were still sinners and died for us. He has risen, is alive and loves you. He will not disown you. Please if you haven’t already, find a mature Christian you can talk to.

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Joshua March 30, 2014 at 10:06 pm

I haven’t found anyone yet but it been good so far I just had some sexual dream the other day and the holy spirit made me to understand that this was an attempt by a demon to plant a seed in to my mind but I rebuked that demon and asked the lord to remove what ever it was in my mind. This is significant because normally I’d just look past those thing and in doing so I would have a series of different encounters and eventually I’d end up in the same place. But progress is being made. I haven’t disregard the advise given to me all so. Once I have found that person it will be as you suggested.

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Jack Wellman March 30, 2014 at 10:10 pm

Joshua…this is such good news my brother. I am overjoyed and the thing is, that if you are in a battle, you know you are on the right side…HIS side because if there were no battle, you could not care less about this so I am encouraged my brother. Praise God…and thank you Jesus and I thank God for Joshua.

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Jim B November 10, 2014 at 7:28 pm

I was also having a dream like that now when the lady got closer to me “it” changed into something incredibly demonic (I believe it was a devil). Jesus however was right there by my side and he said I can’t be touched if I remember right I was praying in that dream. I never felt more saved in my life or more with Christ in my life. Even though it was the worse experience I have probably had as far as that goes I wouldn’t part with it for anything.

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Lukas Szalbot April 22, 2014 at 2:01 pm

Hi, I thank you for this article I have spoke to you once on a different article and I think it was something about giving your life to Jesus or something.
Anyway, I think I have mentioned that I was a pornography addict and I have been struggling with this sinful thing for about 5 years. I am 19 years old now. I am not sure how I started to watch it but I did and now it had become a problem. I was baptised nearly a year ago and I still am watching pornography. I stop for a week but I come back to it the next week and there does not seem any change. My parents and brother found out about the sin as they caught me watching it. I though things would get better since my mom found out as she was disappointed in me and I could use that as I know God is disappointed when I watch it.
I know I should tell them or at least some one but I do not have any Christian friends and my church is quite far away. I have told someone when I walked towards the front during communion as my church always has that if anyone needs prayer for anything so I went there I told the man about my pornographic addiction.
Basically, i would like for you to pray for me, please. And could give me any advice about how to tell someone about it.

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Jack Wellman April 22, 2014 at 3:58 pm

Hello Lukas and thank you for your comment and question. I would find an accountability partner in the church you attend. Ask the pastor about this. You don’t have to tell him the sin problem, but I think it would be wise to counsel with your pastor, and as a pastor, we never share this with anyone else. Maybe he could be or find a trusted Christian brother in the church you attend. Re-read this article. Get a password protected filter on your internet or get rid of it? Jesus said that if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out, which is an extreme exaggeration for Him saying “Do whatever it takes!” Every Timothy (the one mentored to) needs a Paul (a mentor).

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Jim B November 10, 2014 at 7:17 pm

Hey,

I have been exposed to this male problem and I struggle with it as well. I have innumerable problems in my life. Male struggles with lusting after the female gender is unfortunately one of them which leads me to other questions. We are supposed to be “dead in Christ” and have “cast off the old man” but why does the new man want to sin. Jesus is Lord of my life and redeemer of my soul. While I am not a porno addict I have viewed some strongly R-rated material and I masturbate. I view this as sin in my life and a testimony that I do not have a strong relationship with Christ. Overtime it boils down to doctrine and inate details. For example if you are going to sin (look at the porno site) and realize you will and you know that is a sin to do so are you rejecting Jesus’ control over your life. I never want to say that Jesus’ blood no longer covers my sin as that is a hardening if the heart. I know that it is a sin because it violates the sanctity of marriage. 1 Corinthians 6:9 says fornicators won’t enter the kingdom of heaven but the bible also says God’s grace covers the multidude of sins.

Please pray all that read this,
A fellow brother in Christ

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Jack Wellman November 10, 2014 at 8:14 pm

Thank you Jim for your comment and open honesty. God and many people respect transparency but know this, as great as our sin is, our Savior is even greater. Yes, it does violate the sanctity of marriage but what I found hopeful in your comment is that you see it as sin and you admit that it is…and that is a strong indication that the Holy Spirit is working in you. You know you are not alone my friend. Consider the spiritual giant, the Apostle Paul. Read Romans 7 and see how he too struggled against the flesh, even after conversion. But his conclusion at the end of Romans 7 and the hope he gives us all in Romans 8 I pray will encourage you my brother. I pray the steps and advice in this article can help you take enough drastic steps that are sometimes necessary for fighting this sin of the mind. Don’t give up for He never gives up on us.

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david November 30, 2014 at 2:22 pm

I need help!!!!!! I am gay porn addict for many years. I live in a community that the church’s don’t understand because the teaching is no one among us has that problem so when i don’t know where to look for help pls help. I wish we could talk on the phone one to one

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Jack Wellman November 30, 2014 at 3:20 pm

David, please find a church where you are not judged for having same-sex attraction. I do wish you could speak with me in person. Are there other churches pastors you could speak with? I past the Mulvane Kansas Brethren Church and wish you could come and I could sit down with you and help you. Many have this problem. They are not opening their eyes. They must reach out to men like you to offer them assistance but there are some churches out there that actually do. Someone who is practicing same-sex relations and someone who has repented but still has the problem of being attracted to the same sex are not the same thing so I wish more churches would see this. David.

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Jack Wellman March 12, 2014 at 8:52 pm

Josh, I appreciate so much what you just said and the sterling input from Jay which has been spot on. There are over 200 “one anothers” in the New Testament and it is a community of believers who are there for each other and we need each other. Here are some that may help explain why I and Jay have said these things (Besides the fact that we love you as a fellow heir in Christ):

•Stimulate one another to love and good deeds, Hebrews 10:24-25
•Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, James 5:16
•Love one another, John 13:34-35, John 15:12 – Actually the word is used around 15 times encouraging people to have reciprocal love with other believers.
•Wash one another’s feet, John 13:14
•Be devoted to one another, Romans 12:10
•Be of the same mind toward one another, Romans 12:16
•Build up one another, Romans 14:19
•Accept one another as Christ accepted you, Romans 15:7
•Admonish one another, Romans 15:14
•Greet one another with a holy kiss, Romans 16:16 – this one is fun! Actually the word is used three different times with this admonition.
•Eat with one another – 1 Corinthians 11:33
•Care for one another – ! Corinthians 12:25
•Serve one another, Galatians 5:13
•Bear one another’s burdens, Galatians 6:2
•Show tolerance to one another, Ephesians 4:2
•We are members of one another, Ephesians 4:25
•Be kind to one another and forgive one another, Ephesians 4:32
•Be subject to one another, Ephesians 5:21
•Regard one another as more important, Philippians 2:13
•Bear with one another and forgive one another, Colossians 3:13
•Comfort one another (with the hope of Jesus second coming), 1 Thessalonians 4:18
•Encourage and build up one another, 1 Thessalonians 5:11

I am overjoyed that you are so positive about deliverance. I would imagine that Jay is praying for you and I will join with him and Jay, man, I thank God for you brother.

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