Bible Verses About Divorce: 22 Helpful Scriptures

by Daryl Evans on June 23, 2012 · Print Print · Email Email

I always found it interesting that one of the first things God was concerned about after creation was that we were not in life alone.  In Genesis 2:18, God said, It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make him a helper suitable for him.”  So in addition to creating the heavens and the earth and all the animals and finally man; God created marriage for the man and the woman.  This early picture in the garden shows how much God loves and cares for us.  Unfortunately, the fall of man was right around the corner in Genesis 3.  Things would never be the same.  One area where we can clearly see the effects of sin is in the marriage relationship.  Divorce is very common today even to people that go to church and are believing Christians.  The topic of divorce has many passages that we can look to for answers about when divorce is allowed, what happens when a spouse dies, and even what did Jesus have to say about divorce while he was here on this earth.  If you are reading this article you have probably been affected by divorce either by your own personal divorce or by the divorce of someone close to you.  Consider these verses…

Bible Quotes Containing Word Divorce

Deuteronomy 22:19 and they shall fine him a hundred shekels of silver and give them to the father of the young woman, because he has brought a bad name upon a virgin of Israel. And she shall be his wife. He may not divorce her all his days.

Deuteronomy 22:29 then the man who lay with her shall give to the father of the young woman fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife, because he has violated her. He may not divorce her all his days.

Jeremiah 3:1 “If a man divorces his wife and she goes from him and becomes another man’s wife, will he return to her?

Malachi 2:16 “For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”

Matthew 1:19 And her husband Joseph, being a just man and unwilling to put her to shame, resolved to divorce her quietly.

Mark 10:2 And Pharisees came up and in order to test him asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”

1Corinthians 7:11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.

Bible Verses About Divorce

Matthew 5:31 It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’

Scriptures Talking About A “Certificate (or Decree) of Divorce”

Deuteronomy 24:1-3 “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house, 2 and if she goes and becomes another man’s wife, 3 and the latter man hates her and writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter man dies, who took her to be his wife,

Isaiah. 50:1 Thus says the LORD: “Where is your mother’s certificate of divorce, with which I sent her away?  Or which of my creditors is it to whom I have sold you? Behold, for your iniquities you were sold, and for your transgressions your mother was sent away.

Jeremiah 3:8 She saw that for all the adulteries of that faithless one, Israel, I had sent her away with a decree of divorce. Yet her treacherous sister Judah did not fear, but she too went and played the whore.

Matthew 5:31  It was also said, ‘Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.’

Matthew 19:7 They said to him, “Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away?”

Mark 10:4 They said, “Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and to send her away.”

Jesus Explains Why Divorce is Allowed

Matthew 19:8 He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so.

Matthew 19:9 And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

Verses Where The Woman is Not To Divorce Because Their Spouse is an Unbeliever

1Corinthians 7:12 To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her.

1Corinthians 7:13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.

Bible Verses Where A Wife is Freed From Marriage Because of Death

Romans 7:2 For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage.

1Corinthians 7:39 A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

Jesus Talks About When Divorce is Adultery (The same thought repeated by 3 of the Gospel Writers)

Matthew 5:32 But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Mark 10:11 And he said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”

Luke 16:18 “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.

The topic of divorce will always be a hotly debated subject.  It is sad that such a large percentage of marriages will end in divorce.  Jesus clearly allows for divorce under certain conditions but it is always important to recognize that divorce was never the intention or the will of God for His people.  Maybe you are reading today and considering a divorce; if this is the case I would encourage to seek wise counsel.  A great place to find great Biblical advice is from the pastor from a local church that teaches the Bible accurately.  Most pastors would love to listen to you and try to help you.  Maybe there will be a hope of reconciliation for you and your marriage.  Divorce affects both spouses, any kids that may be involved, and even both families that are involved.  My prayer for you this day is for healing for your marriage as you seek the will of God for your life.

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{ 59 comments… read them below or add one }

Chris Martel June 23, 2012 at 10:56 am

Here is the fifty thousand dollar question, which verse do we take for the actual words of Jesus? Matthew, Mark, or Luke? All these statements are attributed to Jesus, yet in Matthew he gives a clear reason for divorce, in Mark and Luke there is no such clarity. I do want to follow the will of Jesus, however there has been much playing of words with the divorce issue. No, I am not divorcing my wife, but I find it confusing in regards to the actual words of Jesus.

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craig December 31, 2012 at 12:51 am

Have you ever wondered why the Gospels of Luke and Mark don’t say anything about fornication regarding divorce. Only the Gospel directed to the Jews from Matthew does. Matthew is referring to the betrothal period in which their is no consummation of the marriage. matthew 1:18-20 states When as his mother Mary was espoused to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Ghost. 19Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not willing to make her a publick example, was minded to put her away privily. 20But while he thought on these things, behold, the angel of the Lord appeared unto him in a dream, saying, Joseph, thou son of David, fear not to take unto thee Mary thy wife: for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Ghost. It was a Jewish thing. This betrothal period. The only way to get out of a marriage was this and The bride and groom never had sex yet. She still lived at her parents house. This is the answer that you are looking for. I hope this helped you.

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Elizabeth April 21, 2013 at 9:25 pm

No that isnt correct mary and joseph had 11 other children after Jesus did.adultry is the end of a betrothel.

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Ms B October 4, 2013 at 7:51 pm

Joseph was told to stay with Mary because she had NOT committed fornication. The child was concieved by Holy Spirit. Had the pregnancy been a result of fornication He would have left her and Never married her—like he was planning to do.

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Teresa June 23, 2012 at 2:34 pm

What if you are liveing with some one , I movie her to a new place and I am living with him . But I do see I am not getting along with him I say it is because I can’t live with a man , I think I would be better off on my own .what would you say to this . It feels like he is right all the time , but maybe it is me . Just was asking this quiet sorry for my spelling . could it be because I dont have my church down her and I have no friend here I miss every one Thank you for listeing

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Daryl Evans June 29, 2012 at 11:23 am

Hi Teresa,
My thoughts and prayers go out to you. I will try to answer your questions as best that I can but your last line of your comment is where I would like to start. Yes, it is very hard when you leave your home church and it does not sound like you are connected yet in another church. I would encourage you to make that a priority. A good Bible believing church will be a great place to be encouraged and grow in your faith. It would be hard for me to give a quick answer to your question about whether you should move out from your boyfriend. I obviously do not know all of the circumstances but I do believe that the Bible teaches that we should not live together before marriage. That is a principle that comes through in Scripture. That is a principle whether or not your boyfriend is treating you right. Even if he is great, the Bible teaches that the “marriage bed is undefiled.” Or simply, that living together (and becoming intimate) before marriage is against God’s commands. This teaching may seem outdated with the culture that we live in but I believe it to be true and I believe that God will bless you if you follow his teachings. I pray that God will give you the wisdom to know what to do next in this relationship. Blessings to you.

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Elizabeth April 21, 2013 at 9:27 pm

i would take the time and get to know him first.

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Daryl Evans June 29, 2012 at 9:38 am

Thanks Chris for you heart-felt question. I believe that all of Scripture is inspired and inerrant. The gospels will sometimes have stories that overlap where more than 1 gospel writer will describe a sermon, miracle, or story. Why aren’t they all the same? That is a hard question but just know that each gospel writer had a different reason or emphasis for his writing. Sometimes individual stories are more complete in one gospel over another. Take for example the temptation of Jesus…Mark describes it in only 4 verses while Matthew uses 11 verses and Luke uses 13. Those accounts are much more detailed and complete. Does that mean that Mark got it wrong? No, but he had a different reason for adding detail where he thought fit. I think the same principle goes for the quotes of Jesus’ views on divorce. I am encouraged by your deep thinking on this topic and am glad you are not in the midst of a divorce. That may have been somewhat long winded but I want to emphasize that all of Scripture is God’s word and is his inspired words to us.

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ui July 20, 2012 at 12:19 pm

i am thankful for this website it gave me a lot of unaswered questions that i had, but i just feel like waiting for your answer from God is one of the hardest things to do. i might go through a divorce soon and i feel like its unfair that a man can be with you for 5 years and in 1 day falls for another lady. and right now i don’t know what to believe because i am getting different answers from 2 people the source and the sister. i am so confused but i know that my God is with me always. i want to remain with my husband but i don’t know where he is so i can’t talk to him, but i am leaving it to God to show me the way. please pray for me. thank you ui

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cassandra August 12, 2012 at 10:58 pm

Daryl can you please email me at redfury02@gmail.com I have a question.

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Darrell October 16, 2012 at 10:37 am

While adultery is an unfaithful incident, some of the other forms of marital unfaithfulness can be chronic and long-lasting, causing great pain over extended periods of time. There are many ways in which the marital covenant can be broken. There are many things about marriage that God intends for us to uphold beyond just who we have sex with. To get married and to believe that so long as you never cheat on your spouse, God will be happy with just about everything else you can possibly do that is wrong to your spouse is absurd.

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shauna October 31, 2012 at 3:03 pm

My husband has cheated on me several times. I am a christian and he is not. When I told my counselor at church we, he , filed for a divorce (we are baptist) she said well ok you are okay with God in my eyes. I am confused because we filed together I just didnt go into detals with her. Not to mention I divorced my 1st husband for adultry. So what is right and what is wrong? Was I wrong?

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Jack Wellman October 31, 2012 at 4:03 pm

Hello Shauna. You are within your rights to divorce your husband who committed adultery. I read 1 Cor 7:15 says of the unbelieving spouse who leaves, “But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.”

I see no wrong in that since you went thru it together, the circumstances of the divorce and the grounds are what we look at and Jesus said that for sexual immorality, including divorce, you may do so. You had no choice but to file together for that is a technicality and states have different laws in that it must be signed by both or in some cases, the person being divorced doesn’t require both parties participate. You were not in the wrong for HE was the adulterer.

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TJ November 12, 2012 at 12:13 pm

TJ
Thank God i have an opportunity here to asked my question. Am married to my husband but he committed adultery, lied to me, assault me and left me & the kids. I have forgiven him and receive him back again but still he will not stop and the last assault he told me to go and leave him alone and left me and the kids. I prayed and cried to God and have been waiting living alone for the past 3yrs but now i don’t have any feeling of love for him anymore and am ready for divorce. If i have a divorce and remarry is it right in the sight of the Lord…thanks

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Vanessa March 2, 2013 at 2:16 pm

As others have already stated the various Scriptures seem sometimes to be in conflict on the subject. There are Old Covenant references and New Testament references. In other words, the Laws given to the Nation of Israel and then the New Testament Church made up of the Souther n Kingdom of Israel and people from other nations. Then of course the Bible is translated: From Hebrew, some Aramaic then Greek, Latin and British/English. Of course something gets lost and/or confused in the translations.

You don’t state he is a believer or not. 1 Corinthians 7:15, 16 Paul is speaking from the wisdom He has from God but not as a command from Him.

The Apostle states we are called to peace. Word study on that one word is very comforting by the way. You are free from him since an abusive marriage is not a peace giving situation. There can be no peace in such a situation.

Secondly, in Ephesians 5 the husband is called to love his wife as Messiah loved the church and gave himself for it. The husband is also called to nurture and cherish his wife.

The interesting aspect of this is that the chapter begins in Ephesians 5:1 that we are to be: verse 1) followers of God. Verse 2) Walk in love. Verse 18) Filled with the Spirit. Verse 21, very important) Submitting ourselves one to another in the fear of God.

A husband and wife cannot even begin to fulfill the marriage verses 22-33 unless they are submitted to each other in the fear of God verse 21. Verse 21 makes all the rest possible. But even before that Love must be the foundation because God is love.

I believe many marriages fail (including my own abusive marriage because we lack understanding of what these Scriptures really mean. Are both submitted to one another in the fear of God before they marry?

We usually get married and the expectations arise. The wife needs love from him. The man needs respect and demands his wife to submit to him in everything whether he is submitted to God or not. Whether he is loving his wife or not. It is imbalanced. The wife may begin talking about him to friends or require him to submit to counseling. He resents it as a sign of disrespect.

He doesn’t realize she needs love or how to give it. She doesn’t understand his need to be respected or what that means.

In your case you are free to move on. He has shown no signs of being pleased to dwell with you and there is no peace. You in fact are in danger with your children because he physically assaults you.

Safety for you and your children is more important. If he changes down the road, good. Let him prove it. But do not stay placing yourself and your children in harm’s way. That is not what our Father has in mind. That is a declaration of hardness of heart Messiah spoke about and why divorce was allowed by Moses. Abusive husbands are showing no nurturing, cherishing nor sanctifying or cleansing you with the Word. Hope this helps. God bless you your children and deliver your husband from this tormenting behavior.

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C.J. No November 14, 2012 at 9:49 pm

Currently me and my husband are separated and have been for the past 6 months. I am ready to divorce him. I feel like we have grown a part. I have been struggling with this because in the bible divorce is a bad thing. I want everything I do in my life to line up with the word of God but I feel like divorce isn’t. I pray for guidance and I don’t want to do the opposite of what God wants me to do. But I feel like my marriage is done. I no longer want to put in the effort to try and make it work. I guess I am just fed up and tired from years of trying to make it work. There is no infedelity, abuse or anything like that. We simply have different ideas about marriage, life and God. I truly do not think he is the man for me or the man God has on this earth for me. I’m just confused and apprehensive about getting a divorce because I honestly feel like I am getting signs from the Lord himself telling me to stay with my husband. But I do not want to. I do not want to be with him, but I do not want to ignore God…. I don’t know. I no longer want to be with my husband but I fear God is telling me otherwise…

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Jessica November 26, 2012 at 9:06 pm

Dearest C.J No,
I have not been married and evidently I haven’t been divorced. I cannot imagine the spiritual as well as the emotional conflict you have inside of you. Yes, God says that divorce is wrong and such, and I would be a liar if I told you it would be okay. In truth it is not okay. As, you have noticed I am terrible at comforting people in their time of need, I just happened to be at this website when I saw what you had written. I shall pray for you Honey, because no one should have to go through what you are going through. Marriage is a blessed thing to partake of, a blessing to everyone.
I will let you know that no matter what you decide to do, God will not abandon you, he will always be standing by your side, ready to catch you if you fall. If you get a divorce God will not strike you down with a lightening bold,but instead he will cover you with his wing and guide you along your days either married or single. Continue to pray to him, because he always answers to those in need, even if it may not seem like it at the time, but trust me he listens and he hears all that troubles you.
Know that you have one friend that will pray for you in your days of need, and know that as another Sister in Christ, I love you and wish you to have the happiest life a person can have in Christ Jesus.
Sincerely,
Jessica :))

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craig December 31, 2012 at 12:36 am

Jessica as comforting as your letter sounds it does not go in accordance with the bible and by you telling her that it’s okay to live in an adulterous state is very wrong and you will be held accountable for that. People should read the word and study it hard before giving advice to people. If you divorce this man just know that you cannot remarry and if you are living with any other sin in your life the only prayer God will hear from you is the one where you repent truly from your heart any sin you have. The only way you can enjoy God’s love is to get out of the way of his wrath first. Grace is given abundantly to those who seek righteousness. you have to forsake all sin and the Holy Spirit will enter you and through that Grace you can be victorious over sin, your marriage can be reconciled and your husband can be saved because he is sanctified because of you only if you are truly biblically saved. Please don’t take offense to what I am saying I am merely stating what the bible says on these matters. I can not sugar coat this, I don’t mean to scare you nor do I mean to scare you either jessica but God is not who we want him to be he is who the Word says he is. False teachers have plenty people going to hell. And the worst part is some know it, and still teach the lies. The bible talks about it a lot. Study up, Pray up and be encouraged. Come out of her my people.

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Oliver mwashi shivers November 30, 2012 at 11:58 pm

I’m impressed by ua replies bt,I am in a dilemma too,I decided 2 sent my wife of 3yrs away because I was unfaithful to her though she insisted to stay bt I had to do it coz I felt ashamed;Do God allow 4 separation coz i consider this as nt divorce,I did all these even after consulting my junior pastor and the deacon,hey cn I take her back or what should I do because i committed a sin which amounts to divorce though the party which had to complain feels comfortable pliz help me.Oliver mwashi.

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craig December 31, 2012 at 12:40 am

Take her back and get right with the Lord. Then the scriptures will be revealed to you. Be encouraged.

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Benjamin Ottman April 30, 2013 at 11:24 pm

Wrong, you do not have to get right with the law before God will talk to you. Did Jesus not die for us while we were yet sinners? Do we get right with him before we get saved? His grace leads us to repentance! Stop diminishing the work of the cross with religious minded confusion. If we accept his love fully, we are dead to sin! It is not us that sins but sin that lives in us. Which means you throwing the law at people will quite literally condemn them. Jesus loves the adulterer, in fact grace is even more abundant on the adulterer, according to Corinthians 5:8. Be glad, Jesus loves you, and HE IS THE LAW.

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Rozetta February 6, 2013 at 10:42 am

I am divorced now 18 months. There are many reasons why I left , not relevant now. Point is the marraige left me traumatised , fearful of men , deeply distressed , no peace , no joy , no love , fighting everyday for 8 years. He wants me back , I would die first. We are both ‘christian’ whatever that means these days. I dont know. I dont have a question just a comment. How can I believe in God when His word tells me to go back to a monster? I have no hope. Cant move forward serving God , cant go back to being depressed.

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Robert February 13, 2013 at 8:08 pm

Rozetta,
Whatever the Bible says about marriage and divorce (which is too much to go into here), we know it does not condone spousal abuse. One cannot claim to be following Christ while beating (physically or verbally) their mate. My counsel to anyone with marital problems would be this: seek God wholeheartedly (Matthew 6:25-34), make sure your relationship with Him is what it should be. Find a church, or other Christians, who can help you. It is much more difficult to live out an abusive situation alone. Protect yourself and your children. Relationships are hard enough without the added problems of abuse. I will be praying for you. Trust God, He loves you. If you think He wants anything bad for you, then you’ve simply misunderstood something. The Bible says that God is love.
Yours in Christ,
Robert

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pullen February 20, 2013 at 10:59 pm

Hello Jack, I am a married christian that has been having lots of issues lately. I am of a Pentecostal background and I married a Jehovah’s witness. I have always been tolerant to other christian denominations believing the Common message of Jesus and his love cuts across all. My wife begged me to become a witness and i told her i will try. I started studying with some elders in her congregation. But my spirit could not agree with some of their doctrines. When i look at some of their teachings and what the bible actually says It was just difficult for me to join based on these doubts. As such i told her about it. Now she shows me little or not respect as the husband. She belittles me at every given opportunity. It is just like the marriage is over just because i couldn’t follow through to becoming a witness. Frankly speaking i am tired of everything. My dream for my home has always be founded on God word a home where love, joy and peace reigns. Now my home is one of bitterness , anger and hate. I really do not know what to do. We have been married for 3 years with a 2 year old lovely son. what do i do? I am at my wits end on the issue?. Sometimes i think of asking her that if she thinks she cannot overcome the issue of my not being a witness then we should be divorce why she looks for one of common faith to her. But an action like that does not sound scriptural to me.
My dear brother in Christ i really do need your prayers and counsel
Thanks Pullen.

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Jack Wellman February 21, 2013 at 4:48 pm

You are right to believe that this is not ground for a divorce. Oh, that she would be an unbeliever rather than a JW. This is not a Christian faith-based church as you must know. I am glad that you felt that you could not agree with their beliefs. This wife of yours is truly not saved because she is not even displaying the role of a Christian wife (Eph 5) or a Christian either (1 John chapter 3, Rom 12, 1 Cor 13). I will be glad to pray for you because only God can change this woman’s heart (Prov 21:1) and it will take a miracle at present but God is in the business of doing miracles and what seems impossible for us is not at all for God. Although you probably know what JW believe, I would urge you to read why they are not Christ-followers because the Jesus they teach about is not the Jesus of the Bible.

http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/what-do-jehovahs-witnesses-believe/

Sadly, Jehovah’s Witnesses believe that WE are those who are at present lost and only their beliefs are accurate. In the link below there is also an article on the many false predictions and failed prophecies in the hundreds of the Watchtower magazine and you will also find dozens of Scriptures that clearly indicate that Jesus IS God and has always been God from all eternity and without beginning, which they don’t believe. Speak the truth in love, pray for her, love her unconditionally. Ironically, she needs your love and prays when she least deserves it.

http://www.christiananswers.net/evangelism/beliefs/jehovahswitness.html

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pullen February 22, 2013 at 8:32 am

Thanks Jack ur prayers are appreciated. I am confident that the Lord will turn her heart to experience and live out his True love.

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Benjamin Ottman April 30, 2013 at 11:31 pm

Pullen,

I will say that I don’t agree with Jack about your wife. I grew up in a doctrinally sound church that also was oppressive and legalistic, full of the religious spirit. The religious spirit says, “if I do these things, I will be righteous before God”. Unfortunately, our righteousness is as rags. Your wife is probably like my wife, self-righteous, afraid, not knowing peace. I agree there is only so much you can take in a marriage, but remember, your not trying to convert her, your trying to reconcile her to the love of Christ.

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andrea March 7, 2013 at 9:40 am

did this work?

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Kim March 30, 2013 at 3:11 pm

Sorry, Hello my name is Kim, I have a question regarding the Unbeliever. My husband and I have seperated several times over the last 9 years we have been together over things regarding money, lies and not keeping a job. He has even been in and out of jail for not paying fines that he has. I have bailed him out so many times before. I am six months pregant with our first child. And I have started going back to church and have taken him a few times he doesn’t like going. To get to the bottom of my question he was pulled over for speeding and does not have a DL so he is sitting in jail again and my family is wanting me to file and raise the child on my own. But from what I have read it says that if the nonbeliever leaves. He is not leaving because he doesn’t want me to leave he says he wants to change but I have heard this all before so I’m confused on what to do and I don’t want to make a rash decision

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Jack Wellman March 30, 2013 at 8:21 pm

Hello Kim, there is no need to be sorry for your question. We are thrilled to see you here. Let me say that there are no grounds for you to divorce him biblically. Your family, you said, is wanting you to file for divorce and raise the child yourself.

My first question. Is “your family” your parents? Are they also Christian? Regardless, when God joins husband and wife together, God says that (in Gen 2:24) “a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” This also applies to the woman. They need to LEAVE the family out of all things regarding your marriage and in-laws should NEVER, ever interfere or offer advice, especially concerning divorce. I think it is encouraging that your husband attended church with you. Don’t give up on him. He is at the greatest need for you than ever before. These problems can drive your husband to his knees to see his need for God and His help. You must not leave him at this critical time. He sounds like he could be on the verge of repentance and putting his trust in God for he appears at the end of his rope (as you are too my friend, for that I am sorry).

God can change this man’s heart to come to faith in Christ (Prov 21:1) and so I will join with you to pray for him and I suggest you fast too. If your husband puts his trust in Christ, this could be such an amazing turn around your and your child as well as for him. We make our vows for “better or worse” and this is the “worse” right now. Please don’t make a rash decision. Its encouraging that your husband wants to change. That may be the Holy Spirit working! He doesn’t want you to leave…so please, I beg you, don’t.

Stop listening to your family…please. God is not pleased because you two are now “one flesh” and parental interference is sin in God’s eys. Please don’t give up. You don’t have grounds for divorce anyway. I beg you to hang in there…please…I will pray and I believe so will pastor Daryl.

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TC April 16, 2013 at 11:52 am

My wife recently left me and is moving back to Mass. to live with her family, she has expressed that she still has feelings for Adam a guy she used to see before our relationship. I donot know if she is talking or seeing him but she has text him recently in the past. She wants a divorce but cannot afford to file…… what do I do in my situation because I want to have the assurance of being protected legally and at least have her sign the papers before she leaves agreeing that any future business endeavor I open later, that she cannot come back expecting me to give her all my hard work after picking up the pieces. What do I do since she left me?????

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Jack Wellman April 17, 2013 at 6:18 pm

Hello TC. I am not the author of this article but another pastor is whose name is Daryl. He could probably give you better advice but I always recommend talking first to your own pastor first. Schedule a time with him soon. A person’s own pastor is always better since he knows you better, knows the situation better, and can visit with you face to face which I can not do.

Having said that, I would not make it any easier for this divorce to go thru. I would fight tooth and nail any divorce and since she can not afford one yet, please wait. Marriage is always worth a strong effort. Try fasting, praying, and turn it all over to God for when we can not do anything ourselves, it is always best to give it all to God for He is able to do above and beyond all we can do or might expect and exceedingly better than we can handle ourselves. In the meantime, try reading Psalm 37 for some comfort. I will join with you in prayer for your marriage and know that God can do all things as even the king’s heart is like channels of water, turning it whichever way He wills (Prov 21:1).

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Benjamin Ottman April 30, 2013 at 11:47 pm

Here’s my situation-

My wife and I have been married for 4 years. For the first 3 years, we fought frequently as 2 people who weren’t really close to God at all. We both knew Jesus at a young age, and then the deceiver came around I guess. Anyhow, we were abusive to each other, verbally and physically. Not surprisingly, this resulted in our marriage being on the brink of failure. When I separated from the military a year ago, our stressful circumstance had driven my wife to leaving me. She quite suddenly left for Iowa with our daughter. To make a long story short, she filed an order against me, and I drove to Iowa to fight it in court. Luckily for me, it was dismissed. This was a “come to Jesus” experience for me. I never thought I would find Christ because I was so jaded by being brought up in an oppressive, legalistic church. Anyhow, I have grown in Christ throughout the year. My wife has harbored bitterness and resentment against me since she moved back to NY, and acts completely selfish and downright nasty at times. To top it off she has struggled with prescription drug dependency. This dependency comes with a lot of deceit. Anyhow, things came to a head recently when she physically attacked me with her fists and kicking. I’m afraid that the fighting is going to damage our daughter who is now 3. I have a mind to file for custody and will probably get the majority of the physical custody and legal custody. Of course God is always speaking MERCY to me. I still feel hopeful for her to get better. Glory to God.

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mike May 31, 2013 at 8:38 pm

After only being married 4 months i found my wife online cheating 6 times. I am now seeking annulment. i don’t think there is a difference between online cheating with guys on skype or real life cheating, though some of my liberal friends have told me different. i prayed for god to show me if she was lying about changing her ways and he did. whoever wrote the post on here about only being able to divorce if she is unfaithful “before betrothal” in courting period is putting words into jesus’ mouth. biblically speaking, what does this guy want me to do? live with a cheating wife or report it to the jewish council so the town can stone her…certainly not…i have to be both practical and still adhere to my faith. these are difficult times we live in. it is hard to find a man or woman of virtue…i used to be a horrible sinner so i should try not to judge her and let’s say “put her away quietly” like joseph was going to do for mary….however i will not be visited by an angel to tell me my wife is a virgin haha…sorry trying to have some humor. keep the faith and lean on the Lord. ask god to show you if your spouse is unfaithful–he showed me.

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Simone Seymour September 21, 2013 at 2:26 pm

At this present time my Husband of almost 15 yrs. and together almost 19 years has a female Coworker he has lunches and breaks with, phone calls and texts with. I have asked him to separate himself from her and he has given me the ultimatum of letting him keep his friendship with this Female Co worker who is not only single but divorced 3 times or walk out on his Family ( Myself and my 3 Young Children). I do not want to loose him but also do not want to loose my path with God. Live in Sin for allowing this to continue when I am not comfortable with her. He has stated it does not say in the Bible that he cannot have single female friends that he is only friends with, but he has stated if I make him choose then he will leave. I have prayed to God that he sees the light. He is a Christian Man but has started to question the Bible and its beliefs in husbandry as well as Marriage and Friendships. He has stated that the facts of husband doing things for his wife is slavery, and friendships he should be able to have and pick without Wifes Consent or approval. I have tried praying, Praying for protection of my Family as well as Marriage. How or what can I do to keep this marriage together. My Christian friends have also stated that God will take his hands off of our Marriage if I allow this friendship to continue but also if I allow him to stay in the home, also stated that God will take his hands off of myself and my children if I try to make this work. I have not abandoned my faith or my walk in God or with God. I keep my Christian belief’s and teach my Children the word of God. At this time my Husband has abandoned his Christian Belief’s but I do not want to divorce but do not want God to abandon me and my Children or take his hands off.

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Jack Wellman September 21, 2013 at 8:47 pm

Hello Mrs. Seymour. I am not the author of this article but have written many articles on marriage and biblical grounds for divorce at this website and let me say that I am deeply sorry for this and greatly troubled because your husband is committing a great sin in keeping this relationship and it is sin. If he is even lusting after this woman, a very likely thing, he is committing adultery of the heart, according to Jesus’ words. You and your children are at no risk of any type of God “taking His hands off” of you or your children. Your husband is a great risk and facing the wrath of God.

If you allow this to keep going is not even anything you can allow or not allow for it is your husband who is making this decision and taking fire to his bosom. Your friends can not be your counselor. What has your pastor said? Have you spoken with him? I would do so immediately. How can your friends say such a thing that God will take His hands off your marriage if you continue to let this happen? How can you stop it? Its almost like they are blaming you. You have asked him to stop this and prayed about it and what more can you do for you cant’ convince someone against their will and your husband seems intent on continuing this affair.

Believe me that God is angry about this and your husband will face His wrath some day if not sooner and ultimately at the judgment seat of Christ. He does not sound anything like what a truly regenerated, born again man lives like (read 1 John chapter 3). I will pray for you and your children. Keep at Jesus’ feet, depend upon Him since there is nothing more you can do and if your friends keep telling you that you must stop this, ask them how? He is misquoting that having a wife to be her slave is not even in the Bible and that he should be able to have friendships as he wants. Again, this is wrong and clearly sin. My wife is my best friend and so he is deceived greatly. Let this in God’s hands, for Him to deal with, stay in prayer and in church and talk to your pastor. You have not sinned and God is NOT going to take His hands off you or your children. This is when He is actually closer than ever.

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Bradley Turner September 29, 2013 at 6:26 pm

Jesus it clearly says that the only way to be pardoned from a marriage is for one or both spouses to commit sexual immorality. Now if the husband, the wife, or both have a history of looking at pornography and one of them or both fall back into it, even looking at it just once, would that make both of them eligible to be pardoned from the marriage? Because Jesus also clearly says that any person who looks at another person with lust, commits the act of sexual immorality and/or adultery in his/her own heart.

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Jack Wellman September 29, 2013 at 9:44 pm

Thank you Mr. Turner. If they fall back into it even once after they came out of pornography, which as you said Jesus equates this with adultery of the heart, I would say that both need counseling instead of jumping to the conclusion that they can now divorce. It is hoped that this type of marriage can be saved. Jesus would agree that ongoing, unrepentant adultery is grounds for a divorce but to stop and then fall into it again there is hope because at least they both stopped. We are to be forgiving of one another and the fact that they stopped is a hopeful sign…one of repentance. If they fall back into it, this shows that they were at one time not in it. Even Paul, perhaps the strongest Christian ever, time and time again did things he knew was wrong yet did it again and again as we read in Romans chapter 7:21-25
“So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin.”

Does this make sense Mr. Turner?

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Dray October 12, 2013 at 8:43 am

My name is Dray. I just got married in February 2013. My relationship with my husband was in & off for 3 years before we go married. I saw the warning signs but being a fool I ignored them all and married him. 2 months into our marriage I found out things he’s done before we were married and that he was currently still addicted to porn. My reaction was shameful..not only was I upset I was vicious in my words and slapped him. He filed for divorce telling me that I should of supported him through that instead of being so mean & upset. I feel he’s right about how I should of acted but I also feel he’s just using that as an easy out to our marriage. Every time (when we dated) he would break up with me after 8 or so months then beg me to come back. I truely feel he only wants me when I’m gone. My parents are very dedicated Christ followers and believe that I should just allow this divorce. Even people at our church (some pastors included) feel that he’s put too much emotional damage on me and my two sons (we have no children together). He has an adopted son and a daughter & won’t even bring them to our house anymore. He works during the week and is out almost every night at local bars. On weekends he goes and stays with his family. I just don’t know if I should walk away or stay and fight. Not a pride thing but in tired of fighting for him when it feels like he doesn’t want me. I want to be fought for, treasured. I am praying but just not sure what to do. Emotionally my love is gone but I’ve tried to consciously make the decision daily to live him b/c I’m suppose to. I guess my question is…should I just let this divorce happen & take it as a ‘get out of jail free’ card or fight for a man that has never fought for me and doesn’t love me? He doesn’t love or want me but can’t be alone. If divorce happens I’m done either way. Praying and confused.

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Dray October 12, 2013 at 8:48 am

Fixing my misspellings from my phones auto correct…
On* & off
But I’m* tired
Daily to love* him

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Jack Wellman October 12, 2013 at 11:06 am

Hello Dray. If he is filing for divorce you may not be able to stop him but I would fight for this marriage. Think about this husband of yours. He needs help. His fate is too terrible to describe if he dies in his sins (Rev 20:11-15) but if God can change a pagan king’s heart, He can change anyones (Prov 21:1) so fight for his coming to repentance, confession, and trusting in Christ. You have at least the hope of eternal life in Christ but God can change anyone’s heart…look at Saul who became Paul. Don’t lose heart, don’t give up, don’t depend upon your feelings, pray for your husband, fast perhaps, ask God to send His Holy Spirit to him and let the rest up to God and just obey God and leave the results up to Him. God will honor your faithfulness to Him.

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Dray October 12, 2013 at 12:09 pm

Thank you so much Jack. Very good advice that I will follow. Gods will be done.

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Jack Wellman October 12, 2013 at 1:02 pm

I so appreciate your desire to be obedient and it sounds like you are in a very hard place right now Draw. Just imagine that Jesus will say to you some day “Well done thou good and faithful servant.”

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cms October 23, 2013 at 1:20 pm

Anonymous,
It seems apparent that you are not a “born again” Christian. The reason for me saying this is , if you truly were, you would know that GOD wants us to be happy in this life. However he has rules made for our own good, weather we agree with them or not. We as Christ followers are commanded to follow him by his word. If you were truly a Christian you would WANT to follow his word. Sure we get tempted to go our own way. We live in a fallen world and the devil has free reign. God also doesnt go against our “free will”, but he will help us and guide us to do whats right. I believe although sometimes uncomfortable for a short amount of time, following God leads to joy, contentment, peace, and true happiness. Did you follow Gods laws when dating and marring? Or, did you follow youre own desires, only to turn around later and wonder what happened? We throw God out of our life and ignore him until we need something. Then we expect him to jump at our request. Either we love, trust and follow him, or we dont. God will pick up the pieces of our broken life even after we make mistakes and purposely sin- IF we truely repent, but it isnt without consequenses. If you touch a hot stove, youre gonna get burned. You may be sorry, but ya still have to deal with the pain of the burn. Thats how life is. As far as wanting to follow a “God like that”…. that is your choice and yours alone. You can choose real happiness here and NOW as well as in the after life, or you can choose your own vewrsion of happiness, which I can guarantee will only last a very short time, ultimately bringing you pain and suffering. Its up to you. God wont force you. He can/will only lead you. Take a leap of faith and trust in him. Also, dont write for advise from a licensed pastor then bash his answer just cause you dont like it. No one is perfect but if ya dont want to know, dont ask.
cms.

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cms October 23, 2013 at 1:29 pm

Oh and one more thing anonymous..
Jesus was HOLY. was HE always happy? people mocked him, spat in his face, called him names, and then crucified him. He put up with all this for YOU! So yes, holiness can/does come without happiness. Youre idea of happiness may be shallow and by the way you are speaking to some of these writters, it seems you are on on the wrong web-site. ONLY stuggling Christians, or folks interested in GODLY advice, come here for answers.
You need prayer. WE all will pray for you, for your ignorance is being made public.

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Am January 7, 2014 at 11:43 pm

Ive recently started to live for god. I’ve tried several times since I was young but never persevered to long. I’ve never belonged to a church and still today I don’t. I’ve been separated from my husband for over 8 years we were actually only together, together for 2 yrs. and never got a divorce. I have a son with him. My boyfriend of 7. Years and we have two kids together were about to get my divorce and get married. Ive have read and studied about everything on line about divorce, from the original words of adultery and fornication/ sexual immorality. I googled where in the bible pornea and monachia was used and I found the two are not the same. The two are listed simultaneously in the same bible verse. If pornea/prostitution ment monachia/ adultery then why not just pornea. I can’t find anything that gives me 100 percent comfort that I can divorce and remarry and believe me I have tried. I am very sad, my boyfriend is miserable and mad at me bc of it and I’ve been sleeping with my daughter. I feel like I need to put god first but I’m hurting my boy friend and my kids will hurt. I feel I’m doomed to be alone and I have no job. Please pray for me.

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Jack Wellman January 9, 2014 at 6:43 pm

Am, thank you for your comment and prayer request. The biggest part of your problem may be that you feel doomed because you are not part of the Body of Christ. Try to follow these commands by being a “lone ranger” Christian in Romans 12, 1 Cor 13 and Ephesians 4. You are like those who were put out of the church so that Satan could buffet them around. If you are not part of the Body of Christ then you don’t love the people of Christ and you are commanded to assemble together as part of the church or you are disobeying God (Heb 10:19-25). Unless your ex-husband was living in unrepentant and ongoing adultery, you cannot remarry according to the Bible and Jesus’ own teachings. If your boyfriend is not a Christian, then you must cut off that relationship too. You are bound to feel doomed and I hope you aren’t living with him and having sexual relations with him because you will continue to be chastised by God.

If you want to put God first do it. Why are you worried about hurting your boyfriend and your kids if you put God first? If you don’t, then you are choosing to be part of the world and outside of the church you are sinning. The New Testament never, ever speaks of any Christian that is NOT attending part of the local church so your feelings of doom will continue unless you repent, choose to put God first (Matt 6:33) and join the local body of Christ. Jesus is the Head of the church and you are presently cut off from this Head.

I will pray for you but pray you repent, cut off the relationship with your boyfriend if he is not a Christian, join a local church and put your trust in Christ and do it today because no one knows whether tomorrow will come and you may not be secure right now (Read Matt 7:21-23) and may face God’s judgment some day soon (Rev 20:11-15). I know this seems harsh but I speak it in love for I care for your soul.

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Am January 8, 2014 at 12:04 am

Excuse all my grammar mistakes

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Mr Branch February 5, 2014 at 11:13 pm

Hello saints,
I have been married for the past 5 years with my high school sweetheart. Before we were married we had dated for 5 years but we had too many ups and downs but still in love. Unfortunately because we were not born again Christians when we were dating we fornicated alot and after being born again (when we were married) our sex life has been extremely bad. We rarely make love and it unfortunately affects me as a man, I fear being overcome by temptation. For the past 3 years I have spoken to my wife about this & she always says she will change but does for a day or 2. I’m not saying we don’t make love but we rarely do and she has confessed she actually forces herself when we do. I spoke to her about a divorce last night and she seemed to understand but I just am not sure if it’s the right thing.

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Jack Wellman February 6, 2014 at 9:46 am

Hello Mr. Branch and thank you sir for commenting. I don’t have to wonder about this or be unsure…I know that you must do the right thing and not divorce your wife. There is no biblical grounds for a divorce. If Jesus depended upon His feelings as to whether to go to Calvary or not, we would still be in our sins. If you fear being overcome by temptation then flee it when it comes. If you truly are born again, then you must know in your heart, as should your wife, that you must not divorce since this is clearly sin and God hates divorce.

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JZ March 5, 2014 at 3:28 pm

My wife left me on Dec. 7 saying I left her alone too much because of my selfishness and she is not in love with me anymore. On Feb. 18, I received divorce settlement from her attorney. As far as I know, there has not been adultery, abuse or addiction. I believed I did the best I could but I did not lead my household the way God called me to do. I have since repented wholeheartedly (in December) for what I did and failed to do and continue wanting to live according to Gods will. She says she feels conviction about divorce but will not change her mind. She also says she has her own personal relationship to Christ and she worships differently than I do. When issues arose I did my best to make her happy but her heart is hard nonetheless, though she denies this while yelling at me. I continue to be slow to speak, slow to anger and quick to listen. Its hard when people tell me she is on social media posting pictures of going out partying and moving on. I pray for her but should I even pray for reconciliation? Divorce papers are sitting right in front of me and I still can’t believe this is happening. We have a 3 year old son. Any help or concern is appreciated.

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Jack Wellman March 5, 2014 at 6:55 pm

Hello JZ. I am so hurting for you my brother. What heartache this must be for you. I cannot believe that Christ is living inside this woman and she worships God differently than you do to condone or excuse her for allowing a divorce. Many I fear will hear the most terrible things that they could imagine (Matt 7:21-23) some day. Her hard heart betrays her in a way and so I fear she is not soundly saved and is a false disciple and the desire you have to save this marriage and that you have repented is strong evidence that you are saved so we must trust God in this and pray others will join with us in praying for God to convict this woman of sin and that God would change her heart (Prov 21:1).

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JZ March 6, 2014 at 4:30 pm

Thank you. I was her husband when she was baptized and her father is saved too but I think its hard for him to believe she is doing wrong. He says because she is saved that she will not suffer consequences for divorce. She is annoyed and mad because I haven’t signed the papers yet but 1) a few details need fixing, 2) she and her attorney are rushing me before I understand everything as I do not have an attorney. Am I sinning if I sign divorce papers and letting her go? I prayed the blood of Jesus over her heart and the reconciliation of our marriage and things get worse to be honest. By our state law, its gonna happen anyway and she don’t want anything except to divorce me. I don’t want this but she does not love or want to be with anymore because she is completely done.

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Jack Wellman March 6, 2014 at 8:54 pm

Thank you JZ. Your father-in-law is so deceived when he said that ” because she is saved that she will not suffer consequences for divorce.” That is absolutely not true. Jesus Himself said except for adultery, no divorce is allowed. Stay your ground. I am praying for you brother. Your father-in-law apparently doesn’t know the Bible and neither does your wife for if they knew the Word of God well and were truly filled with the Holy Spirit, they would not believe what is contrary and opposed to the Word. She says that she is does not love but love is not a feeling but a choice. Jesus displayed His love, not be what He felt, but by dying for us while we were still His sinners and enemies of God. You get this…but we can only pray that she does and stops listening to the faulty advice from her father who is doing much harm and will be held accountable someday before Jesus for his ungodly and unbiblical advice.

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JZ March 7, 2014 at 9:44 am

I believe her father knows the truth but it is hard for him to know daddy’s little girl is going to be brought to her knees as HE has done to me. If she is not a true believer, 1 Cor 7:15 says that I can let her depart. I will just sign the darn things so we can both move on and care for our son best we can. The worst advice she received was actually from her mother (who divorced my father in law). I do have to say that I have a lot to do with her heart hardening but God allowed this to completely have my heart submitted to HIM. 9 years we had our ups and downs and I always felt we could get through them. I guess I was wrong. Again, should I even pray for reconciliation? She obviously has moved on to greener pastures.

JZ March 7, 2014 at 11:32 am

Thank you. The father in law knows its just hard for him I believe. Her brother has also been a support to me as well. The mother, in my view, has been the worst to give advice as she has lived with three different men all the while saying her faith is strong. My soon to be ex wife is like a different person so I will continue to pray for her. She has always been one not to take blame for anything. I know that pride comes before the fall because I was also very prideful during the marriage at times. Thank you again and God Bless you and everybody who post what we need to surrender to God.

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Jen December 14, 2014 at 7:16 pm

My husband hit me for the first time. We are both believers but he became a believer after we married. We have been married 10 years now and have 3 kids. He has never physically abused me before but a few nights ago while we were in a heated argument he grabbed my face and pushed it away and then used a backhand motion but w/a closed fist to hit me. My nose has some small fractures and I have a black eye. I have not seen him since that night 3 days ago. I am not yet ready to see him or even talk to him and we communicate via text. However, my question is how do I tell my kids that we are going to be separated for an indefinite amount of time. I don’t know when I will be ready to talk to him or see him let alone have him back in the house. He is willing to go to counseling, DV and anger management etc. But what do I say to my kids tonight about him not being here the next week?
Also I hate the thought of divorce and a praying that God would give me grace and forgiveness for him. But what does the Bible say regarding physical abuse? Does the Bible say you have to wait until the abuse is consistent in order to consider leaving?

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Jack Wellman December 14, 2014 at 9:27 pm

Jen, this needs to be reported to the police right away. The Biblical model is that criminals should be punished. I would also talk to your pastor right away. Jail or a fine is needed because it could get worse. Instead of talking about divorce, turn this man in right away. There is no excuse. The children could be next. Tell you kids that daddy made a bad decision and needs help. Your job is to protect you…and I will do that. He needs counseling for sure but needs to be turned into a police report so you have a record of it. Don’t wait…call the police and tell your pastor so you have at least two witnesses. The Bible doesn’t tell us about abuse of a spouse and what that means but Romans 13 says that criminal acts must be subject to the ruling or governing authorities.

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Jack Wellman March 7, 2014 at 9:49 am

JZ, I think praying for reconciliation is biblical and so I would do it. One thing that troubles me is that her father is interfered and is still interfering in your marriage and the first wedding ceremony in the Garden of Eden says that “a man (and woman too) should leave their father and mother” which indicates that they leave their old family and leave their old family out of their new family and become one flesh (new family) and millions of marriages have been broken up from parental interference and these parents will be held accountable someday in front of Christ. I am sorry for your loss.

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