What Does It Mean To Take Up Your Cross Daily?

by Crystal McDowell · Print Print · Email Email

The cross represents pain and most of us don’t welcome pain. However pain is necessary for healing. Your physical body uses pain to alert you to deal with an infection, otherwise you could die. The pain of the cross can bring healing to your life so that you can bring glory to God in any circumstance.

Before Jesus Christ—nobody willingly went to the cross. He took up the bloody, despicable cross in order to save mankind from the depths of eternal separation from God. Jesus said, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (Matthew 16:24).

When you pick up your cross everyday, your faith is stretched to move beyond what you ever thought possible. Spiritual maturity begins to take root in your heart. What does the cross look like?

Taking up your cross daily

When you pick up your cross everyday, your faith is stretched to move beyond what you ever thought possible.

#1) Take up the Cross of Unmet Expectations

“But we had hoped that he was the one who was going to redeem Israel” (Luke 24:21).

On the road to Emmaus two of Jesus’ disciples were discussing the tragedy of His death on the cross. They believed that Jesus was going to restore the Jewish people to power and crush the oppressive rule of the Romans. However their expectations were unmet due to God’s perfect plan of redemption.

Many times we expect God to move in a direction that is contrary to His overall plan not just for us, but for everyone around us. When we take up the cross of unmet expectations, we turn everything over to God even if we don’t get what we want. Begin everyday with the prayer of surrendering your will to God’s and He will bless you beyond your finite expectations.

#2) Take up the Cross of Unanswered Prayers

“David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground” (2 Samuel 12:1).

David’s son became sick and died as a consequence of his parent’s adultery. Even though David begged and fasted for mercy on behalf of his son—God didn’t answer his prayer as he requested. Immediately after his son’s death, David accepted his unanswered prayer, cleaned up, and worshiped God.

We can pray earnestly like David and it may seem like God is ignoring our request. God answers our prayers according to His will and not ours. Many of us will look back on our requests and thank God for not answering our prayers in the direction we sought. Everyday take up your cross of unanswered prayers and leave them in the hands of the trusted Heavenly Father.

#3) Take up the Cross of Unresolved Issues

“They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company” (Acts 15:39).

Paul and Barnabas came together as a dynamic preaching and teaching team for the early church. Yet in spite of their spiritual maturity and giftedness, they couldn’t come to an agreement about John Mark. Paul didn’t want him to join them because of his earlier desertion, yet Barnabas (the son of encouragement) wanted to give him another chance. As a result, we never learn of Paul and Barnabas together again.

Many of us struggle with not having closure whether its relationships, work projects, or anything we can’t tie up and walk away from. Life on this earth lends itself to incomplete resolutions because we live in a fallen world that is separated from God. It’s possible to leave your cross of unresolved issues before God knowing that He makes all things work together for your good.

#4) Take up the Cross of an Unexpected Crisis

“When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish” (Esther 4:16).

Esther was living her life as a queen surrounded by the best comforts life had to offer. Her tranquility was disrupted when her uncle, Mordecai, requested her help to save the Jewish people. She initially was hesitant because her life would be at risk. Yet this courageous woman stood up in the time of crisis to deal with the sudden and immediate need of her people.

There’s no invisible shield that protects believers from the unexpected. Many of us live as righteously as we can when suddenly we’re sideswiped with a major trial that demands action. Instead of wilting in fear, doubt, and unbelief—we must everyday take up the cross of an unexpected crisis and ask God for wisdom to deal with it.

#5) Take up the Cross of Unplanned Life Events

“Naomi was left without her two sons and her husband” (Ruth 1:5).

Naomi may have been filled with hope when she left Bethlehem with her husband and two sons. Yet a short time later, she was hopelessly struggling to find her way back home after their deaths. With the assistance of her daughter-in-law, Ruth, she went on an unplanned trip filled with sorrow and bitterness.

The Lord doesn’t allow us to see into the future. How many of us would choose to go back in time and make different choices if we could? Yet if we did, we may never learn the lessons necessary to make us more like Christ. Everyday take up your cross of unplanned life events believing that God knows your future and has a plan for your life.

Are you taking up your cross?

Jesus took up His cross and commands that you take up yours as well.  Your cross won’t be easy, predictable, or even manageable. It’s even more difficult if you don’t begin with denying yourself first and following Christ afterward.

The season of taking up your cross has a beginning and an end, but the joy and peace from the Lord lasts forever. He gives you the strength and courage to take up your cross and move forward in grace. Your cross will become a symbol of joy as you follow Jesus’ footsteps to live a fulfilled life of purpose and destiny.

Take up your cross today!

Have you read Crystal’s personal testimony? Read it here:

He’s Not Done with Me Yet

Resources – New International Version Bible, The Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright© 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblca, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.


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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

violet September 16, 2013 at 12:56 am

God does really answers our prayers but not in our own way because His way is the best. God does heal but not always instantly. Slow healing is painful but then it follows a process of intimately knowing God better each day.


Crystal McDowell September 20, 2013 at 1:00 pm

Amen Violet. Thanks for sharing.

Love in Christ,


Kris September 20, 2013 at 1:26 am

Tomorrow is our 33rd wedding anniversary. My husband has informed me that he will not be here and is not sure where he will be going but he does not want to be here with me because he is so deeply depressed over his infidelity. I have tried to engage him and to encourage him to trust that he may be forgiven and have his life changed if he will go to the Lord and ask for Him to help him receive forgiveness . He is simply determined to leave to spend the day and a night alone somewhere , anywhere but here since he feels it is not ‘right’ to celebrate with me . Our grown daughters live with us as we homeschooled and they are awaiting young men as God will bring them for them to marry .

This is heartbreaking all over again . D Day was 6 years ago but my husband has not ‘recovered’ due to his feeling a ‘need’ to live his life ‘separately’ though at home. He had two children with the OW that they planned together….the adultery lasted 14 years until I discovered the photos of the children after a move where I was trying to help him find some papers.

He said that he cannot get over the damage he has done . He said he never intended to hurt anyone in his whole life and that he never thought the devastation to all would be so bad . He says he cannot get over it …all day …and the only time he can escape his deep depression over it is when he sleeps IF he sleeps.

He has chosen to retreat to a room upstairs …I have been praying for him and treating him with kindness and exhorting him to trust the Lord ..who he once did …but he shuts me out .

I wanted to ask for prayer for him and all of us because this is so stressful even as I am continuing with the Lord as I have endeavored to serve Him according to scripture for now 45 years. Once in ministry …as my husband and I had a family I determined my family my place and devoted myself to serving God there . My husband soon rejected the faith after our first child came and he began to climb the ladder of excess in the corporate world….sad …sin has such a deadly ‘fruit’

Thank you for your prayers …I am so sad tonight …His withdrawal is something so hard to live with …and it hurts all of us ..including him!


Crystal McDowell September 20, 2013 at 1:05 pm

Hi Kris,

My heart breaks for you because of this painful season of your life. I wish I could reach through my laptop and give you a real tight hug. But instead, dear sister in Christ, please know that your loving, heavenly Father sees everything and He knows what you are going through. You can only do what you can do–take courage that you aren’t the only woman who’s going through this type of struggle. Thousands of our sisters in Christ wet their pillows with tears every night over the pain of a broken marriage. I pray that you will take a stand of faith in the midst of this storm for yourself and your children. Please seek godly advice from mature believers and take life one moment at a time. I find it helpful in my season of pain to look for what I can be thankful for so that I’m not consumed by sorrow. I pray for you sister to be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might to sustain your spirit, mind, and body. You will make it through this with the Lord on your side.

Love in Christ,


Kris September 20, 2013 at 1:54 pm

Indeed ! Wise counsel. Presently I have turned this toward the Lord and am finding using this to exhort the many women and men who are surprised to find they married a person who is so devoid of love that they are turned inward. I am finding it helpful to keep others as you have here.

The pain of these ‘set backs’ is that it exposes the continuing darkness in the spouse who we have been praying for to be delivered of such a terrible perspective . My husband is so miserable yet he refuses to go where he KNOWS the answers are . This is a demonstration of the kind of prison that sin weaves around the hearts and minds of those who disdain having the Lord as THEIR LORD instead of allowing their flesh and that of others to be used of the devil to inspire more and more captivity of mind and body to his will.

I am thankful for your exhortation and comforting words. I know my Lord is not only aware of this and is my stay and buckler….it is interesting to note that through our situations we are allowed to experience SOME of what HE went through …rejection, slander, abuses that HE did not deserve . We who have made every effort to learn to walk as God will direct in His word …being dutifully adimmit to consider all of our own walk and areas of need of correction …being subjected to the most cruel of betrayals are privy to share in what God has had to endure as mankind for the majority …has left off and defied Him .

Though this may be the ‘good ‘ we can take away it still is a grievous truth to learn.

The deepest concern being for those who commit this …choosing to defy God and to harm others as well as they are consuming themselves with sinful deliberate will!

My husband is SO MISERABLE …he told me he has no peace anytime but seeks to sleep …but sleep does not relieve nor continue….It is harsh reality that though he knows that God would deliver him , forgive and heal him he refuses this !

HE has known the Word and had the Lord as Savior in the past but refused the Lordship. His family also denied Christ outright telling me to not speak of Jesus in their home! His mother said no one has the right to tell others what to believe about GOD .

So I was foolish to believe my husband was going to live for Christ as our earliest years together before and after marriage seemed to be portrayed , The world the flesh and the devil among his choices took his heart away …and nothing ANYONE did could curb him from going after all the delights of the world that his talent, ambition and desires made available to him.

God is good ..always and has protected me and our children over the years from many of the things that might have been as a result of my husband’s choices …yet I grieve for the losses that my husband has suffered from his own stubborn insistance that he has ‘rights’ to do as he pleases …and that those he hurts and harms must deal with it …he refuses to take any actions to own the damage.

THis as you probably have seen is often the case….those who damage others cannot face the damage done …and often will accuse the wounded for making them feel badly ….but the truth is that it is their own sin that causes them pain …they cannot ‘take’ being around or observing the damage they do but seek something more to escape and there IS NO ESCAPE as my husband is learning …he just wants to have his life be over!

He confessed that he never imagined the destruction his adultery would cause…even as over those 14 years he was often asked to join our family and take a more active part in our lives…he simply turned a deaf ear.

He said he never imagined the pain and suffering …he was too busy enjoying all of what he chose to do instead. Fun …fun …fun.

He also said he never in his life wanted to hurt anyone …I believe him …but isn’t it interesting how sinful lust will darken the mind and make ‘justifications’ which are lies and how I have observed as I have sought out to learn about this deadly plague …that the lies people give to explain their ‘reasons’ for committing adultery are many times EXACTLY the same even to the wording …THIS is a great evidence of the truth Jesus told us that they all come from the SAME SOURCE…THE FATHER OF LIES!

Indeed …having never thought I would go through this …thinking my husband had too much pride in his integrity to actually follow his lust …I heard his ‘explainations ‘ upon discovery and later as I read time after time accounts on forums of the ‘excuses’ other adulterers gave they indicated this common source!

The influence of the devil is weak and beggarly but it is effective in those who will not obey GOD’S command to ‘put on the armor of GOD’ , to ‘put on the mind of Christ’ to ‘study to show themselves approved of GOD” …man apart from God and having God’s Word as the guide and knowledge of how to live through this world …is ‘unarmed’ and clueless as to the ways deception takes the lead through fleshly influences.

So it is …we KNOW where these ideas come from and realize the value of the ‘renewed mind ‘ and the submitted will to the Lord to avoid becoming useful to the destruction of our own souls and that of those our lives touch.

I am thankful for the prayers of like minded brethren and sisters who have compassion on the lost and uphold one another is faithful petitions for strength and wisdom for the length of our walk through this world .

The truth of God’s word is indeed amazing as we see very often in all situations how it is truth …always reliable …even in the depths of our sorrows we can know for assurety that our God is THERE and HE is not silent ! HE has and does know the end from the beginning and that is a comfort for all you trust in Him

God bless you for your continued effort to inform and exhort all who find their way here.

Thank you for your ‘cyberhugs’ I appreciate it ….SO MUCH!!!


Steve Biel May 6, 2016 at 10:16 am

Very helpful and wise words. Thanks for the transparency and truth. Prayers for you.


DocReits September 25, 2013 at 2:52 am

Hi Kris,

I do not know all the circumstances obviously but on first blanch would say, “Throw the bum out!” How dare he continue to emotionally abuse you. Hasn’t he done enough through his 14 years of cheating behind your back? Sharing your marriage bed with another while claiming to know Christ. He had a false conversion at best and was, IMO, never a Christian.

I know the scripture says that if the Christian(you) will stay with the unbeliever let them (1 Cor 7:13). Remember this is Paul’s own thought and not the Lords, as he states. This does not state that you should stay with the adulterer. In fact you have scriptural support to “put him away” (Mt 19:9).

Obviously he is not repenting of his sin, even though he cries and whines about how much damage he has done. This is a smoke screen and a bone tossed to his dog (you). Do not blush. He is and has treated you as his dog. He needs to be cast away for a season so that he might wake up (1 Cor 5:3-5) and be truly saved.

Allowing him access to your sanctuary is allowing him to continue in his sin. What sin? The sin that all unbelievers live with….their rebellion towards God. We are all under condemnation, and must repent and accept Christ as our only hope. Without this hope only judgment awaits.

Will your husband do this in his room upstairs you allow him to occupy? How is that working out so far?? I say these things in love for you and for him. He will burn in hell forever where the worm dies not and the fires are un-quenched. You are presently enabling this destiny for your husband.

It will probably be the second hardest thing you will ever have to go through. The first one you already experienced. Throw him out firmly yet lovingly until he truly repents and throws himself at the Savior’s feet.

A brother,



kris October 20, 2013 at 10:45 pm

This makes it sound as though if I remain in my marriage that I am responsible for whether my husband comes to Christ or not …That it is my action that should motivate my husband to seek repentance.

In the OT …women were protected and provided for by family …widows, single women protected by kinsmen. Married women protected by husbands…or were supposed to be .

There is no ‘network’ in my life . In the ministry widows, orphans and abandoned women were not necessarily taken into the ‘number’ ….

What do you suggest I do in this latter part of my life?

This is a challenge indeed in this time because we do not ‘stone ‘ adulterers in this day and age …but redemption is something I hope in for our marriage as my husband wants to remain in our home and marriage and to provide for us.

I believe I will trust in the Lord to draw my husband to Him…as it seems the wise thing for all of us at this time.

Thank you for your counsel.


Stephen October 19, 2013 at 9:30 am

I think you should add the cross we have to bear because sharing the gospel, being in ministry for the Kingdom of God, and to live for Christ.


DocReits December 27, 2013 at 8:35 pm

Hi Kris,

Sorry I did not see your reply until today. So here is my tardy reply.

“This makes it sound as though if I remain in my marriage that I am responsible for whether my husband comes to Christ or not …That it is my action that should motivate my husband to seek repentance.”

Amen! Read on,

“28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.(Eph 5:28-32)

The mystery spoken of here is that marriage between a man and a woman is representative of Christ’s union with the church, His bride. We become one with our spouse in marriage which is this wonderful co-creative partnership God established in the garden, which is really just a darkened window symbolism, in that it is really a “type” of our becoming one with Christ as Christians, which Paul was really speaking about in Ephesians 5.

That sounds easy enough and we have heard a gazillion sermons on the same topic, but follow me here as your question belies a fundamental misunderstanding of this reality.

If our relationship with our spouse is really a type of Christ’s relationship to the Church, then the discipline for the Church should be applicable to our spouse, for we are one Body in Christ as we are one body with our spouse.

The Corinthian church had a similar problem to yours. They had a man in the church who was sleeping with his father’s wife, his step-mother. (I am sure you know the story as you seem well acquainted with the Scriptures). He was probably a professing Christian yet here he was in this sinful lifestyle. Does that sound familiar? What was Paul’s recommendation? “Throw the bum out” (A paraphrase). Why? So that he might be buffeted by Satan for a season in order that he might be won over for God, which eventually happened as told in 2 Corinthians.

I do not claim to know all your circumstances. I assume you are in your mid 50’s with two grown daughters at home. Forgive me, but you made it sound as if they are in cold storage awaiting Prince charming. Is that pretty accurate? Is that how you were raised? Why did you not train them to have marketable job skills?

I am just curious because you went into your litany about not being in the OT where the church helped widows and yet you are raising your daughters as if you were. With respect, were you able to follow my logic in these last few statements? To me you need lots of counsel from your pastor. How come you do not mention him in your dialogue?

I could go on for hours but I think this is enough to make you angry for awhile…and that is good. You should be angry. Instead of being a doormat for your husband you need to do what is right, not expedient. Your daughters should be working to help support your family. If you don’t work, you don’t eat(you remember, right?). Second, throw the bum out. I would divorce him for infidelity and have him pay you support. If he refuses…

Sell your house if you need to… and get a job. If you can’t get a job, file for state benefits. Let me see…shall that Cor. church keep the adulterer in their congregation because he was a big tither and the church might have financial troubles or do we trust God and throw him out? Lets ask Paul.

You write,

“I believe I will trust in the Lord to draw my husband to Him…as it seems the wise thing for all of us at this time.”


Well you go ahead, but don’t expect your “enabling” to do anything other than what that word says. Anybody that had a double life for 14 years, living with a second wife, planning and having children with her, is a special piece of work. Examine that last statement I copied and pasted.

I see your husband growing to be an old man, living in his room, telling you on all those special occasions that he can’t spend them with you because he feels so guilty he has to “go out”.( I would hire a private detective to follow him on those “I have to go out” occasions. Don’t be stupid…sorry, you are if you still trust him…tough love…no one else here or probably in your church will tell you this…..well here I am telling you. Reagan was my hero…”trust but verify”. He did not trust the Russian’s word and you should not trust your husbands).

Years will pass with tears, and finally he and you will both die, as will all flesh, and you will still be “trusting in the Lord to draw your husband to Him”, and the Lord will say to you, “I was waiting for you Kris to stop whining, get off your knees and throw the bum out, so I could literally shake the hell out of him and draw him to me. I sent DocReits to give you the memo, but you wouldn’t listen”.

Tough love sister,



Kris December 27, 2013 at 9:58 pm


Thank you for your reply . I appreciate your input. I have finally found a church that teaches BIBLE which is most important to me . I have been in ministry ….and then in search of one that teaches the Bible over many years now …keeping myself in the Word and active with witnessing and home schooling . I agree that there are many areas where I have not equipped my children but did the best I knew how as I schooled them through high school with many interruptions with marketing , packing and moving to follow my husband’s many transfers and promotions . His job became first in his life …and later his OW .

Meanwhile I tried to put the Word first , learn to teach my kids….keep up with the movable path my husband chose …tried to relate to all he asked of me .

I am now 66 …our last move was again a situation where I did not have a network. I have always in the past reached out and made contact …but this time it was a bit difficult with finding out ..>D DAY put a damper on my ability to deal with more people and developing relationships with others without laying my situation on them.

I kept seeking the Lord …studying day and night to learn what I should do …no one marries with any idea how adultery will impact them …or the information of what to do ..what is ‘normal’ in reaction

I did not believe in divorce…and with the complication of the two children it was BEYOND difficult …but I have been striving to learn how to deal properly with the situation.

Maybe you are aware of Rejoice Ministries which is ONE that helps people stand for their marriages …it is perhaps an extreme way to deal with a wayward spouse …but it is interesting and encouraging in dealing with those who are taken captive by the enemy .

Presently my husband has left our home and is house sitting in a near by condo ….so perhaps he has been ‘moved’ to a place where sooner or later he will have to face HIMSELF as we all must to …in order to appreciate that GOD is still overall~!

SO as you have pointed out …I am now without his presence…I am now finally in a church and finding the support of the WORD as taught through the Bible….I have familiarity with many of the various ‘anti biblical ‘scholars and various ‘tares’ since I asked the Lord many years back ‘What has happened to the Church!’ ….so I have been able to study a lot of what is ‘out there’

AND I find that this pastor has familiarity and good biblical answers …that I had found in scripture over my time studying ..and he is sticking with the Word in a way that is solid …not jumping on the various new age bandwagons..

I have some health issues but I continue to press forward …I spend some of my time encouraging people who are in the same boat online to seek out the Lord and read the Bible.

I see your points …but I also consider the salt covenant that we took upon our marriage to be another good reason for me to honor my vows no matter what my husband does …I have not shirked my responsibility to speak the truth in love but also directly ..as I see you do .

I am not responsible for HIS response …but when it is given to me to speak the Word I speak it …with respect but not without the ‘salt’ …I am not trying to massage his ego …nor avoid letting him know what his choices are in terms of how the Word exposes it ….still encouraging him

Perhaps keeping my mouth shut entirely going forward and allowing him to meet his own brick wall is going to be the necessity .

Thank you for your input and prayers …it is indeed a difficult situation.

ALso …the perspective of a husband and father being the protection and provision for unmarried daughters is still how the body functions ideally …especially in today’s culture where young men also need to be instructed how to conduct themselves in purity .

To interact with others as brothers and sisters instead of an ‘option’ and an ‘entertainment ‘ and ‘free love partner ‘ for ‘practice until one is ‘ready to make a marriage commitment’ This kind of thinking makes people out to be random experiences rather than human beings made in the image of God

Women not one’s wife are NOT for the use of a man until he decides which one is his choice…IF she is not HIS wife then she may be someone else’s bride on day so he does not get to ‘help himself ‘ to her to see if she is the ‘one’ !

That is the kind of thinking encouraged by Mr. Alfred Kinsey and Hugh Hefner….the ‘boys will be boys’ and there are ‘two kinds of girls’ ….

No …all women NEED to learn how to protect themselves …and men need to learn how to honor God and the fair sex by protecting them…>But as you said ..those days are gone in terms of the public awareness…it is a Biblical world view of human’s and of marriage and love that makes this apparent and how good it is .


Kris December 28, 2013 at 2:51 am


I had to interrupt myself as I am working to get the house in order for a visit from my son and his new wife.

I wanted to take a look at your exhortation about my having not trained my daughters to work …They were trained up to be ‘keepers at home’ and have kept their virtue in heart, soul , mind and body which in today’s culture is a rare thing indeed.

It was with response to scripture as we studied that we found these things to be what a godly young woman is exhorted to be.

My two oldest went to a fine university and graduated with honors. My youngest chose not to attend college but is industrious and is not only working in our home but is quite busy with her creations which are sought after as many would like to purchase from her.

Her creations are quite time consuming and are in the category or sculptures and fine jewelry .They take many hours to design and create . Those who are blessed to have what she had made are few because it takes a lot of time to produce them.

In addition to the work that they do to keep our home which is quite large they both continue to develop their minds , talents and most importantly their relationship with the Lord and others.

One of the things that may have contributed to our marriage troubles what the way gender neutralizing has effected HOW we read the word..”Man’ and woman’ in scripture….many of the things that GOD commands a man to do or that are the jurisdiction of the man or husband were left up to me since both my husband and I had understood some of those things to be ‘men’ in the general understanding of mankind ..thus inclusive.

My husband used to become irritated whenever I mentioned something that I read that referred to the man’s responsibilties, not in a nagging way but in more of a ‘Oh look what I found out ! ” kind of things.

He did not want to be bothered with anything of our household maintenance
or family things that did not interest him .

He often told me that he made too much money per hour to do some of the things needed around the house so I should just ‘hire someone’

I did my own housework as I felt that was my domain. I often had to deal with many of the workmen …who I later found out had taken advantage of me being a woman…YES that still happens…and in areas I had not had experience and knowledge in ..such a several large remodels and additions to our homes…

There are indeed many women in today’s world that have taken up the work of men …and work in the workplace with other women’s husbands ..that causes even more challenges . Men who love God and love their wives must learn to set up boundaries to protect their wives …themselves and also the women they work with so that there are no misunderstandings that can lead to people violating their conscience.

My husband had a wonderful opportunity to minister to people in his industry but instead of taking that route he allowed his faith to dwindle and did not keep himself in the walk and with renewing his mind…and so he became ‘corrupted’ by his choices of companions instead of being a light and salt to engage them for Christ.

How sad to have missed such a legacy.

Here are a couple of sections of scripture I would like to examine briefly..

Titus 2:3 The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;

4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,

5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

6 Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded.

7 In all things shewing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity,

8 Sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you.

This was what I felt was my ‘jurisdiction’ as a wife and mother. I have found that this effort has paid off in the lives of my children and in the sense that my husband really has had to face what VERSE 8 has to say …Most of his accusations are not finding any ground.

Most of those who commit adultery I have noticed from reading many other people’s accounts of what their waywards spouses have had to say is nearly word for word the same kinds of things!

This should not surprise anyone who knows what the Word says about the Devil …for HE is the FATHER OF LIES and so all of the lies those who commit adultery have to say to support their reasoning are going to be very similar since they have been believing the lies of the accuser who is not original in any of his tactics.

Then the work of a young woman or a wife is IN the home most beneficial and anyone who has kept house knows it is WORK! …and yes…it is never done….but with all of my prior career success …keeping my home and teaching and training my own children and waiting upon my husband have been the BEST of all …I am so glad I was able to devote myself to these things.

The fruit is evident. I am NOT responsible for my husband’s choices to not hear or heed the Word of God .

For men the work is evident as well. Please note this is concerning the ‘brethren” ….and pointedly to the ‘BROTHER that walketh disorderly’…and in the context it is the brother that is said ‘if any ‘ ….in reference to not working ….Yet I will agree that we all work …women in the home hopefully even in this evil day …when women have often found themselves having to work to support the family ….

2 Thes 3:6 Now we command you, BRETHREN, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye withdraw yourselves from every BROTHER that walketh disorderly, and not after the tradition which he received of us.

7 For yourselves know how ye ought to follow us: for we behaved not ourselves disorderly among you;

8 Neither did we eat any man’s bread for nought; but wrought with labour and travail night and day, that we might not be chargeable to any of you:

9 Not because we have not power, but to make ourselves an ensample unto you to follow us.

10 For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.

Sorrowful indeed …I believe there is some reason to regard this verse in terms of a man’s responsibility in his jurisdiction of his OWN family .

1 Tim 5:8 But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

In the biblical culture under the drirection of the Lord families were to take in those who were OF the family ….widows and orphans particularly.

Women who were divorced who did not have a ‘bill of divorcement’ where outcast …one reason Moses made a provision for them …so that they did not starve .

Families remained close and even up to the last century people took their relatives in …or the church family met the needs of those of their community. Small towns even were close and much of their survival relied upon community care. Also that that time more people had an attitude of dependence upon God and their faith.

The twentieth and more the twenty first century finds our families and communities more fragmented and mobile than ever before . People are disconnected as more families break up and the various jurisdictions of the fathers have been taken up by government agencies …Women also have left their cottage industries to work outside the home …compelled by the latest wave of feminist doctrines that deminish and devalue the home, marriage, family and parenting …all out of a rejection of God’s Holy Word and the acceptance of Humanism .

ALL orchestrated deliberately toward this end…a world dependent upon man’s mechanisms not unlike the way Nimrod drew people into dependency upon him rather than obedience to the Lord.

We work …but yes …I did not prepare my daughters in a career track.

I asked my husband for help in the areas that he was so excellently equipped to share and help with …he came home with some ‘comic’ books about his field of work ..and left it to me.

His area is difficult for me …it is his area…but he was too busy with is career , his sports and his OW …

I think my children have done amazingly well considering . My son works hard and has had several promotions in a very short time. His work ethic and his moral attitude is often the thing that brings him praise from his co workers and boss.

I pray that my husband will have that wake up call before he loses his opportunity . I know that having to try to parent the children of his adultery is not easy since he is only able to see them infrequently . The OW has actually signed her son up for a big brother which must have hurt my husband since he has given up everything …including me to be able to spend time with them regularly if only for a couple of days a week.

The more I learn about the OW and all that she has done during and since she got him to ‘give ‘ her children so she could be a ‘single mom by choice’ …but with OUR finances ….I see her tactics as right in line with the extreme feminism …and she has said as much her self .

So we will continue to stay with the Lord as day by day I have to trust that HE will deal with my husband.

Now that he is living away from us I pray that he will soon ‘hit the wall’ of his hard head and hardened heart ..and stiff neck /

I am thankful for your caring enough to engage in this discussion with me because I do think it is important for me not to close off to all that might be from those who also love the Lord.


DocReits December 28, 2013 at 1:47 pm

Hi Kris,

First, God Bless You! Now lets get down to it. I feel like I have just listened to Martha, Martha, who is concerned about many things. OK, do you know if your husband married the OW? If he did, he should be arrested(polygamy charges), sentenced and hopefully sent to jail. If not, you should divorce him, receive your half of his social security benefits, as you are 66, sell your home(s?), and live small, if need be.

You have many material things you do not want to depart with(apparently from your conversation)…large home(s), remodeled house(s), etc. These material possessions are nailing your spirit to them. Your hand is firmly grasped around them in your writings.

You write:

“no one marries with any idea how adultery will impact them …”

Not so. I raised my girls(my youngest is 20 year old wishes to be a stay at home mom, is a virgin, and seeks a mate of the same persuasion), to be “real” about the possibilities in life. I school them on that real possibility.

I specifically warned them that their eventual husbands might die, leave them, or be unfaithful…in which case, they might find themselves in a position exactly like yours…alone, without support, with a family of children to feed and clothe, and possibly no support from their ex.

It is the “cold” truth, just like I am giving you. God does not want us to be dumb, mute, and blind regarding these real possibilities. He sends us life rafts in the flood, when we are standing on our roofs, praying for Him to rescue us. We need to get in the raft and stop waiting for Him to send an angel or Himself to rescue us. He already sent the raft!!

So my daughters became physicians(1) and the other is applying for dental school this Spring. My point, my older daughter is a stay at home mom with her children and is not practicing medicine presently. If her husband does a Chris’s husband’s stunt…she has a job to fall back on. That is a parents responsibility(to guide their children) in today’s world as we are not living 2000 years ago, when women were discouraged from working outside the home.

And that is not too late for you. You say one of your daughters went to university and graduated with honors. What was her major? Why did she go to university? Was it to pass the time, or find a mate? I paid for my children’s education, BUT ONLY, if they chose majors which were “job oriented”…not basket weaving or philosophy. They were to become financially independent from me as soon as possible after graduation.

Most chose graduate training and all of my children(except my 20 yo) are now financially independent from me. That is today’s reality Chris. Your daughters should be encouraged to find short(6 months to two year) courses to do the same. Health care is a great example. Ultrasound or radiology technicians are just two examples. Pharmacy tech(very short course) is another. It is NOT sinful for them to pursue these avenues as they wait for Prince Charming, when they can abandon these careers and pursue their home and child rearing activities.

Then when Prince Charming turns out to a cad, like your husband, they can throw the bum out(like you should have done immediately upon discovery of the OW), and go back to their jobs, part or full time, while they soldier on raising their children. God doesn’t want us to be dumb. Sure in an ideal world we would sing Kumbaya around the Christmas tree with the wife sitting on the husbands lap and all the children gathered around , reading the Bible Christmas Story.

Well you found out life isn’t always as ideal as we were hoping, and God enters in and brings healing as we get smart, pick ourselves up, do the necessary work(divorce), and get on with our lives. All the “Marthaing” in the world won’t change the reality your husband has forced upon you. DEAL with that reality and move on.

If it means loosening your tightened fists around those things you cherish(Houses, children at home, etc) then so be it. I would move as far away from your husband as possible, leaving no forwarding address…he does not deserve anything from you at this time except your prayers for his earthly pummeling, until his reprobate soul cries out to God for forgiveness. Exit his presence immediately is my strong advice. God is big enough to supply your needs. You need to do what is necessary…are you willing?



Rev. Ulhas S. Raiborde March 2, 2021 at 8:08 am

Very practical article. At every crossroad a believer has to bear his cross. Our firm belief in the Saviour, our total dependence upon him and with the help of the Holy Spirit help us to carry our cross.
Thank you.


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