The Role of the Wife in a Christian Marriage

by Pamela Rose Williams · Print Print · Email Email

I have been a wife for more than half of my life. This is not to say that I have been a good wife and I will never be the perfect wife this side of heaven. I was married before I knew the Lord and as was said by Robert Driskell in his article entitled The Role of the Husband in a Christian Marriage “being a follower of Jesus Christ changes people”. I would like to say that knowing the Lord has made me a better wife and knowing my role as the wife has changed my marriage in the best way. In this article I will share with you what I have learned from the Bible about the role of the wife in a Christian marriage. For the most part I am speaking to Christian wives and women who desire to be good Christian wives. I ask that you prayerfully consider these concepts and guidelines and then see what happens when you take them to heart and apply them to your own life.

Woman was created by God for a purpose 

When we read the Genesis account of Creation, we see that So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them” (Genesis 1:27). This is a general statement that is further explained as we read on in the book of Genesis. Details in the book show that the animals and every other creature were created before man and then man was given dominion over them (Genesis 1:28).

Fast forward to Genesis chapter 2 and we learn that as man (Adam) was naming all of the animals (the birds of the air, the cattle and every beast of the field) he did not find one that would help to meet his own need of a mate. And so our great God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep at which time God took one of Adam’s ribs and made a woman. Adam saw the woman and named her “woman” because she was now bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh (Genesis 2:20-23).

At the end of Genesis chapter 2 we see for what purpose the woman was made:

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (Genesis 2:24).

Woman was made by God for man. Her main purpose on earth is to be in a one flesh relationship with her husband. This is God’s original design and as we read through the Bible we find more truth for the role of the wife.

A wife should follow her husband’s leadership 

As we get into chapter 3 of Genesis we read of the fall of man (and woman). We see how Eve was left to herself in the garden and she was tempted and deceived by the serpent, who led her to eat from the tree in the midst of the garden that had been forbidden by God (Genesis 2:17).  This command was given to Adam and he must have told his wife the one and only rule that they had in the garden — don’t eat from that tree – because we see that she repeats it to that serpent here:

 And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden:  But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. (Genesis 3:2-3)

Eve did not follow her husband’s leadership when he told her the one rule she could not break and the result was sin. After this first sinful act (in which Adam also participated – Genesis 3:6) God further defined the role of the husband and the wife as follows:

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: cursed is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;  Thorns also and thistles shall it bring forth to thee; and thou shalt eat the herb of the field;  In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground; for out of it wast thou taken: for dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return. (Genesis 3:16-19)

“… and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.”  The idea of the wife being in submission to the husband is not something that was made up by some women’s rights organization. This is how God made it. God gave Adam a wife to “help meet” his needs. She was designed for him and when she started doing things out of the lust of her own flesh the result was sin. This is very true in our marriages today. God gave us a husband to lead us and when we go against his godly leadership many times we fall into sin. Every partnership needs a leader, when we refuse to be led by our husband we are going against a fundamental biblical principle set by God. When we go against our husband’s leadership; we are going against God’s design for us. If you disagree with this, then you disagree with God and I pray that you will have a change of mind and agree with God’s plan. The only exception to this is when our husband tells us to do something contrary to what God’s word tells us to do. I can say from my own experience, following my husband’s leadership is the best choice I have ever made in our marriage. 

A wife should care for her husband 

When we unselfishly love and live for our husband we glorify Christ and teach the world the true role of the Christian wife.

When we unselfishly love and live for our husband we glorify Christ and teach the world the true role of the Christian wife.

Your husband’s job is to provide for you (as we saw in Genesis 3 above). He is made to work hard for provision. I understand there are circumstances in which the husband is not able to work – he is physically unable. In this case the wife may work outside of the home. Even so, you were created to “help meet” his needs and one of them is his need to have a comfortable living environment. When he comes home from work, you should have a meal prepared for him. His house should be tidy and his laundry should be clean. The children should be trained to understand that “Daddy” has worked hard all day and he will spend time with them after he spends time with you. A few minutes when hubby comes home from work is essential to your relationship with him. Spend 15 to 20 minutes just talking – the two of you. Do this before children ever come into your marriage and then when the children come, teach them that this is “Mommy and Daddy’s time”. Theirs will come when you are finished.

Another thing that a husband needs is a close physical relationship. A good morning kiss and a kiss when he leaves for work are essential. A hug and a kiss when he returns home and your heartfelt desire to “welcome” him home is something he deserves. Other physical relations are also necessary. Plan time to spend in the bedroom; just the two of you. Your husband loves you and knows that you may not always be able to have the physical relations that he would like. This is to be expected, but this should be the exception rather than the rule. Make special time just for him – get your needed rest so you can enjoy each other. Make a “date night” regularly, even if it is just to go out and get some fast food, or take a walk in the park. My husband and I do not have lots of money for date time so we look for creative ways to enjoy time together. I remember one time when I planned a beach picnic for supper – in the dead of winter up north! I put on some Beach Boys music in the bedroom, laid beach towels on the bed and made a picnic meal. I put on my swimsuit and tied my hair in a ponytail. I rubbed down with some tropical oil so the “smell of the beach” would be in the bedroom. When he arrived home from work I gave him instructions to change into his swim clothes (which I hung in the bathroom) and then join me “ocean side”. This was a cost free date and we made a great memory too! Feel free to use this idea for your own special time.

Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. (Proverbs 5:18-19)

A wife must be careful what she says; love him 

Gossip and backbiting destroys 

It is so easy to get caught up in gossip when we are with our girlfriends. I am sometimes just astounded at what some women will say about their husbands. Our husband should be the most important relationship we have – next to our relationship with God. We must be careful what we say about him. Our conversation (including our body language) should be always kind and tenderhearted. We must remember that we are walking, talking examples of someone who is indwelled with the Holy Spirit. We should display only the fruit that is produced of the Holy Spirit, therefore the conversation we have about our husband should resemble the following scripture:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22-25)

Do you love him enough to live for him? 

Ladies, how much do you love your husband? Truly the Bible tells us that a husband should love his wife enough that he is willing to die for her (Ephesians 5:25); but what about the wife? The original design for us is to live for our husband because he is our earthly representative of Christ (Ephesians 5:23). We were created for him and from him. We were created to bare his children. We were made to have desire for him only. This means that his needs must come before our own. Remember, I am talking to the ladies here and know that your love for your husband is independent of his love for you. What I mean to say is, you cannot control how he is toward you, but you can make a daily choice to love him in spite of how he loves you. Our biblical command to love one another is simple and it comes right out of the mouth of Jesus: “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another” (John 13:34). 


Today’s world views have distorted the biblical truth that woman was created for man. As Christian wives, when we get back to the fundamentals we can be the best wife that God has made us to be. God’s design is perfect and although we will never be perfect this side of heaven, we can strive to follow our husband’s leadership, care for him, respect him in all manner of our conversation and live our life to help meet his needs. The marriage relationship on earth is a living representation of Christ’s relationship to the church, His bride (Ephesians 5:21-33). When we unselfishly love and live for our husband we glorify Christ and teach the world the true role of the Christian wife. God knows best and when we agree with Him our marriages will be blessed. It is a daily choice, are you choosing to follow God’s way?

Here are some more articles that might interest you:

Bible verses about marriage

Christian advice before marriage

How to respect your husband



The Holy Bible, King James Version

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{ 51 comments… read them below or add one }

Jack Wellman January 20, 2013 at 8:47 am

Pam, you are the epitome of a good and godly wife. I believe that your husband must be blessed above and beyond many. This is so good and it shows me just how much I have been blessed by having a wonderful wife and better than I deserve. Well done. Thank you.


Pamela Rose Williams January 20, 2013 at 4:04 pm

And now you are the Barnabas my brother. Thank you for the words of encouragement. It is my prayer that all Christian wives and those that desire to be a Christian wife take these words from God to heart. I know my marriage has been blessed when I remember God’s plan.


Newly Married January 21, 2013 at 6:52 am

Wow. I am newly married and people have told me bits and peices of this article, but you have laid it out in a way that struck my heart stings. I say thank you for allowing God to show you what it means to be a godly wife and sharing the truth with who ever is willing to read it. This can be a hard pill to sallow for the woman who is independent or who has had previously bad relationships. But, if we could put down the pride and the walls and allow God to help us to be this ‘help meet’ then I believe His blessings will over flow us. Thanks again and God bless!


Pamela Rose Williams January 21, 2013 at 7:20 pm

Amen Newly Married! I love how you said //put down the pride and the walls//. Precisely.


Robert January 21, 2013 at 7:25 am

What a wonderful treatment of this most important subject. Thank you, Pam. Once more, we see that living by God’s Word is the best way.
Yours in Christ,


Pamela Rose Williams January 21, 2013 at 7:23 pm

Amen Robert! I must say that your earlier article about husbands inspired me to share what the Lord laid on my heart. Thank you for that as well as your encouraging words here.


Renee January 21, 2013 at 9:05 am

And men need to be leaders NOT dictators.


Pamela Rose Williams January 21, 2013 at 7:25 pm

You are correct Renee, Have you read Robert’s article to the men? Take a look:

Thanks for stopping by.


andrea January 21, 2013 at 9:51 pm

Why do you think God wants slavery for women?


Pamela Rose Williams January 22, 2013 at 9:02 am

Hello Andrea, Please, may I have you further define your question? What does this article have to do with slavery? I would love to discuss your point of view.


Lorraine January 22, 2013 at 8:04 pm

What advice can you give regarding my husband not being the provider he is expected to be? I am a nurse and work fulltime and every other weekend to pay our family expenses. My husband works in his own shop as an auto technician and only seems to make enough money to pay his own expenses. Sometimes he asks me to pay for his bills for the shop. What should I do to change this situation? He tells me he is a provider in other ways to the family. I tell hime God meant for him to be the bread winner and me to be the homemaker. Nothing seems to motivate him to get another job or help pay the family expenses.


Pamela Rose Williams January 22, 2013 at 8:33 pm

Hello Lorraine, I recommend that you continue in prayer that his heart will be softened. It sounds like he is not aware of his husbandly role. Is he a believer? Would he consider joining you for some Biblical counseling to talk about roles? You could ask your Pastor to counsel y’all or look for a good Biblical counselor in your area. NANC is an orginization that trains counselor and you can go to this website to learn all about it and even find a counselor in your area: Although we are not certified NANC counselors, this is the model that we use on our ministry at we are located in Albuquerque, New Mexico.

I will hold you up in prayer.


Annick Vanblaere January 29, 2013 at 12:23 am

We must always be carefull about the times chapters of the Bible were written. Men in these times were single providers and women cared for the children and their homes. (still is today in many cases). To my opinion, women should provide too if it is necessary to keep the basic standards in their families, not for luxuries sake. (there’s nothing wrong with that, but we must be careful not to love material stuff more than we love the Lord and try to follow His image). Providing both for the family is an act of love. Our countries are in an economical crisis, and some firms especially one man firms do have difficult times. If helping out by paying a few bills, would really help your husband from drowning, I do not see any difficulties. You have become one, and must share. BUT having said that, it would only be normal for man and woman to sit at the table and both take a look at the financial part of this shop. Now the word “provide” from a husbands way, may also be the responsability to take necessary steps not to bring his family into any danger. Taking responsability in closing the shop, or to find an second investor, who will work with him. I can understand as much your husband, who wants to keep his lifetime work, as much as I can understand Lorraine to be concerned about the family. As you are one, you need to sit down as one, to find a way out, and you need your husband to provide, by taking responsibility about what to do with the shop. Having paid a few bills in this case, is an act of love and not about I have done this, and you have done that. Remember that money is not our own, it belongs to the face printed on any bill, but when it comes down to the love, it is the image of Christ which is printed in our hearts.
That is what I think, always asking what would Jesus do?


Annick Vanblaere January 23, 2013 at 12:16 am

Dear Sis, I’m a Christian wife as well. Faith changed my life as well and has made me a better (but no perfect)wife. I’ve read vertically through your text. The Old Testament and the law given to Moses have been replaced by the offer of Jesus Christ. The New Testament is the new covenant which has been made for all people. The Old Testament showed that if we would compare ourselves with the commandments, we’re all sinners, without any exception. The Old Testament has its value as the lawgiver. Still Jesus gave us the new covenant to follow and in fact this is what our role as Christian women should be based upon. If Jesus says follow this covenant, for noone puts an old piece of cloth within a new one, it means that the values have not changed, but our angle towards this values have totally changed by his offer. Our role is that one of a deep understanding, a deep way of forgiving, and not being annoyed by the things we were always annoyed by as non-believers. The times of laws belonged to the Old Testament, the times of the broader approach towards this laws is the time after He had risen, which is now, today. Personally when the Lord says to go THAT way, I would not go ANOTHER. So you are right as far as the times before Christ came, but these times have passed.
Annick Vanblaere


Pamela Rose Williams January 23, 2013 at 1:13 pm

Hello Annick Vanblaere, Thank you for your comment. Please help me to understand what that Old Testament law has to do with this article about The Role of a Wife in a Christian Marriage. Thank you.


Annick Vanblaere January 24, 2013 at 1:31 am

The law-giving. We are no longer bonded by laws. It was clear from the Old Testament, no one obeyed the by God given laws, not even today, no one ever will. People even added laws, which had nothing to do with the 10 commandments, or deviated from what it actually meant. That’s why God send His only son, and by His grace we are saved. A lot of Christians today still like to say “you must do this, you must do that”. These times have passed. All we need to do is accept Jesus Christ and in doing so the Holy Ghost takes over. If we truly accept Jesus, automatically we will try do continue our lives in a loving, forgiving and righteous way. If we do not, we will feel “something ain’t right” and we will correct ourselves.the new covenant is written on our hearts, made possible only by faith in Christ, who shed His own blood to atone for the sins of the world. Luke 22:20 says, “After supper, [Jesus] took another cup of wine and said, ‘This wine is the token of God’s new covenant to save you – an agreement sealed with the blood I will pour out for you.'”Now that we are under the new covenant, we are not under the penalty of the law. We are now given the opportunity to receive salvation as a free gift (Ephesians 2:8-9). Through the life-giving Holy Spirit who lives in all believers (Romans 8:9-11), we can now share in the inheritance of Christ and enjoy a permanent, unbroken relationship with God. Hebrews 9:15 declares, “For this reason Christ is the mediator of a new covenant, that those who are called may receive the promised eternal inheritance—now that He has died as a ransom to set them free from the sins committed under the first covenant.”
The only role we can play (both women and men) is the role of any Christian today, accept Jesus Christ, and we WILL be changed. Follow His example.
It is by all means beautiful if you follow in your life what the Holy Ghost set out for you to do in His service, but what we are to do will be different, from christian to christian, no matter his or her gender, status or origin. But what each and everyone is instructed to do, do not let your left hand know, what your right hand has done for the Lord, for as we enter heaven, He will declare: I never knew you, depart from me.
You are a beautiful person in His Name. Love you sis.


Pamela Rose Williams January 24, 2013 at 3:50 pm

Thank you for explaining your thoughts Annick. I agree with you that we are not to keep the law. The law was given as our schoolmaster to show us our need of a Savior (Gal 3:24). Not only do we no longer live under the law, but we live under grace (Rom 6:14). However, this article is not talking about laws. It is speaking of the roles in which we were created. God created us for a purpose and that has not changed — even though the world view believes it has. Ephesians 5 is the best area to read to understand what a marriage here on earth represents. As this and many of Paul’s other letters point out when we are walking in the Spirit (of the Holy Ghost as you put it) we can not fulfill the lust of the flesh. When a person believes in what Jesus did at the cross at Calvary, they are indwelt with that Holy Spirit (Eph 1:12-14) and indeed that should change them. However, a believer could ignore the prompting of the Holy Spirit and continue to walk in the flesh. This is why it is so important that we read our Bible, so we can know how we can walk in the role that God has created us to do.

I stand on the truth of the Bible, although male and female were created as documented in the Old Testament … the roles have not changed even in New Testament times. Much is written in the New Testament to support what I am claiming, some of which I have shared above in the article. It is not about the law, it is about walking in a way that pleases God. Walking in our role as we have been created pleases our Creator.

Thank you for your comments and I pray that you are blessed … I love you too!


Annick Vanblaere January 25, 2013 at 3:23 am

Dear sister, My replies are not to comment rather than add to your service and mine. The ways women should behave in your text, are pretty much the ways men should behave in their marriage. Adding to your text, I would like to point out that the Bible says that any man should love his wife as much as he loves the Lord. Loving the Lord is loving in submission. So therefor from your text and mine we should conclude that both man and woman should please each as much as they need to please the Lord.
I’m happy for you that following your husbands leadership was the best thing to do. But… not every husband has the strength to lead. I have met several christian husbands, who don’t obtain the strength to lead in there marriage. Some men need a strong woman to stand behind them, and I’m sure from what you are able to write, you are a very strong woman. It is a gift as well for these women to be the levers in their marriage so their husbands can move mountains. ;o)))
It is a kind of love that actually builds up the male, believing in himself, and therefor making him strong. So in fact, there are many ways to love and many ways to serve. The number of marriages and couples involved, define the many ways there are to love and to be righteous in our first service, which is… at home.
Thank you for your replies and me too, I pray that you may continue to be blessed.


Pamela Rose Williams January 28, 2013 at 9:38 am

Dear Annick, thank you for adding to my text. You are spot on. I pray that Christian men would study the Word to understand their role … as well as women. In the mean time it is no mistake when you find a strong woman behind a man that needs more love than some. I am blessed with a very strong man who is a great spiritual leader as well. He trusts my help and for this I am so thankful.

Nice chatting with you dear. Blessings to you!


Renuka Bhardwaj January 26, 2013 at 1:34 pm

Hello Pam,
Wonderful article! Just one question what if my husband is not a believer? What if he doesn’t want me to go to church? I follow his lead most of the time but not when it comes to my faith and my belief.
Am I a bad wife?!


Pamela Rose Williams January 28, 2013 at 9:45 am

Hello Renuka Bhardwaj, Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. I must encourage you to follow your husband’s wishes regarding church. If he says you should not go, then do not. This is not to say that you should neglect daily personal Bible devotions. As you do this your influence on your husband might cause him to believe. Paul wrote about this in 1 Corinthians 7. I highly recommend you read that whole chapter.

Do as the Bible says you should do and you will be the best wife that you can be.


Renuka Bhardwaj January 28, 2013 at 7:48 pm

Thanks Pam!I will read it.


Annick Vanblaere January 29, 2013 at 12:45 am

Spot on Pamela and I would add 1 Cor.7:16 to it “For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? “. Church means community, to have community with other Christians, it has nothing to do with the bond between you and God. God knows why you’re not going, He’s standing right by your side and it will be His Holy Spirit that guides you. You can have church in many places. You might go shopping and meet a christian woman on your way, when you stop down to talk, you already have “church”, for where two are gathered in His name, He’s in the midst of them. Matth.18:20 So when your darling husband says: Renuka why don’t you ask to go to church? You simply answer: my darling husband, the Lord puts love in my heart and in doing so, also peace. And if it pleases you to stay at home with you, I will do no such thing as to disturb the peace within our marriage.
And like Pamela says, it does not keep you away from the Bible. As you are on the internet, you can read the Bible on the internet and even have CHURCH with many Christians on line. So take care Sis, we’re all there right by your side. Isn’t that so Pamela?


Pamela Rose Williams February 1, 2013 at 11:21 am

Amen Annick!


Iveren November 15, 2019 at 10:56 am

So my question is, what if he then wakes up one day and insists that you go with him to his own place of worship? Or that you stop any prayers or Bible study and for that sole reason he stops you from going anywhere so you do not meet with people who can encourage you in your faith? It is bad enough that we struggle daily with our walk with God and have to receive encouragement from time to time from other believers which may be difficult to motivate by oneself. So when all of those happen…cos they have happened to some women I know, then what?

ISAAC PETER January 30, 2013 at 3:47 am

Thanks Pamella for sure this is the real foundation of the successful christian marriage may the Lord Jesus bless your Family AMEN.


Pamela Rose Williams February 1, 2013 at 11:22 am

Thank you for encouraging me Isaac Peter.


Newly Wed Girl February 11, 2013 at 1:56 am

Hi Pamela! Thank you for putting your articles on here. It is such a breath of fresh air 🙂 They are the same teachings as in the book Love and Respect.
My husband and I have been married two years and I just long to be able to be the home maker, give my husband a kiss before he goes to work and hand him his packed lunch – welcome him home at the end of the day with a hot meal and a clean house.
However, he is not a believer. He has lost his faith due to him feeling like God never bothered to talk to him/have relationship with him, even when he cried out for it (and other things..). Anyway, he has become paralyzed by fear of failure, fear of being hurt.. and won’t go out and try and get a job. I basically provided for us for the first years of our marriage, and I’m sick of it! I want him to go provide! Go get a job! Then I would gladly respect him and make our home beautiful.. I get bitter about providing AND doing all the things around the house so he can just sit and play online games. I hate online games. God’s already told me that He has this under control. It is just hard for me during this time of waiting. He is such a great man, he is just getting lost in his (depression?) and gaming world… I want to do the right thing. Do you have any advice for me?


Pamela Rose Williams February 11, 2013 at 2:38 pm

Hello Newly Wed Girl – I am encouraged that you want to do the right thing. You ask for advice but first, I see that you said you believe God has this under control. Do you really? Waiting is the hardest thing, but please — you gave it to God — don’t take it back. God is so much bigger than the gaming world that has engulfed your husband. I will offer the same advice that I have offered others with similar situations. Take a look at how you can still respect your husband … I wrote about it here:

I understand that you are “sick of it” And I see that you said //I want him to go provide! Go get a job! Then I would gladly respect him and make our home beautiful.. I get bitter about providing …//

Please dear don’t ever forget that we are never promised that we will be respected, provided for or even loved by our husband, however, the Biblical admonishment is that we are to respect and love, even when they are not respectful or lovely. Continue to put your husband’s needs before your own… don’t put conditions upon it. God’s love for us has no conditions, “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Follow what the Bible says to do because through it your husband may become a believer and be sanctified by your actions. Paul wrote about this and I encourage you to read 1 Corinthians chapter 7 and meditate upon it. Do as the Bible says you should do and God will bless you and your marriage. Do it regardless of what you husband does or does not do.


Suffering wife May 22, 2013 at 11:20 am

What should a Christian wife do if her husband downgrades, curses, cuts her down, and doesn’t respect her in public or at home? What if he has hurt so much as a women telling her she has nothing he wants to look at? What can she do besides praying for him and letting him know he is not honoring her as his wife? My self-esteem is out the window & don’t think Jesus approves of a husband treating so badly his wife. Specially if he says he’s a believer. His actions is a contradiction. We’ve been married for four years & no matter how patient and helpful I try to be, it’s just getting worse.


Adeola Opeloyeru September 15, 2015 at 8:22 am

My beloved sister, i felt your emotions but you have to continue to submit to your husband just obey the Lord you have to use your own good deed to overcome his evil deed. believe me if you can continue as the Lord instructed us you will have an amazing testimony. this word of encouragement will help you.

Respect as an Attitude
There are times when the husband is not respectful to the wife. This does not give you license to be disrespectful. You cannot control his actions, but you can control your reactions. You see, respect is not only seen in your actions (as a verb) but it is also seen in your attitude (as a noun). When you show an attitude of respect toward your husband he will think twice about the way that he is treating you. Love him, even when he is unlovely. Serve him, even when he seems not to appreciate your service. Listen to him, even when you may not understand what he is talking about. Be attentive to his physical needs, even when you are tired. God will bless you and your marriage when you remember to have a respectful attitude. Bible guidelines for this are:

Romans 12:21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Philippians 2:3-4 (KJV) Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.
Philippians 4:13 (KJV) I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives
Respect His Reputation
Don’t air your dirty laundry. When you are in the company of others you should never be saying things that tear your husband down. Instead you should be saying only good about him. Brag on him! Be faithful to him in thought, word and deed. This includes what you say and do in front of the children. Teach them to respect their Daddy, he is their protector too and they should see him as a hero. The Bible is loaded with this concept, here are a few verses:

Read more:


Mr. Hillary Kileo March 30, 2014 at 4:47 am

dear Pamela
your message is so inspiring and life building. i have some women in my blog, when i met this message i couldn’t hesitate sharing it with them, i will share their comments with you to appreciate this strong message to christian wives.
may God bless you


Mandie December 5, 2015 at 7:25 am

“You should have a meal prepared for him.”

Even though I cannot cook? How about dividing chores equally? My husband cooks, and I keep everything clean.

And what about intimacy? My husband hates it, and I will go months with out it. I have a much higher drive that my husband, so this must mean that because he is never in the mood that I should just…forget about? I’ve tried talking to him about it saying I need a bit more, because I desire him and I get called a nag.

I came looking for encouragement, because I hate being married and cannot fathom how any Christian woman would willingly choose this life. Now I am even more depressed than what I started reading. “Your desire shall be only to your husband.” So that means my wants and desires must be the same as my husband otherwise I am living selfishly? I just don’t understand how I am suppose to be myself yet I am suppose not want anything unless my husband does. That seems like a cursed life.

My husband is a Christian, but does not believe that women are subservient to men. I, on the other hand, was raised that wives are to be subservient to their husbands, and so I try my hardest at doing that even if my life is miserable.

If this is really was a marriage is suppose to be like, and I am supposed to be nothing but a former shell of myself then I am counting down the days till I am either raptured or I’m dead. This is misery to me.

I don’t understand why God would want this for me or for woman in general (if my thoughts are correct), and I hope that when I get to Heaven I can have a few answers to my questions. If God truly is merciful, then I hope that He will erase me from existence and the memory of everyone I have ever met.


Pamela Rose Williams December 10, 2015 at 4:15 pm

Hello Maddie and thank you for taking the time to comment on this article. I would like to address your comments and I pray that you understand that this article and my responses to your comments are based upon my Biblical worldview and are made only after heartfelt prayer.

You said:
“You should have a meal prepared for him.”
Even though I cannot cook? How about dividing chores equally? My husband cooks, and I keep everything clean.

  • My Response: Please know that I am speaking of the husband and wife relationship from a traditional, Biblical model. I am simply stating that if the wife is in the home full time she should be doing the chores. That is not to say that the husband cannot offer to help her with the chores. Many wives do not understand that when they are home full time that their job is to be the keeper at home just as the husband’s job is to work and provide for the family (Read Genesis 3:17-19)
  • You said:
    And what about intimacy? My husband hates it, and I will go months with out it. I have a much higher drive that my husband, so this must mean that because he is never in the mood that I should just…forget about? I’ve tried talking to him about it saying I need a bit more, because I desire him and I get called a nag.

    I came looking for encouragement, because I hate being married and cannot fathom how any Christian woman would willingly choose this life. Now I am even more depressed than what I started reading. “Your desire shall be only to your husband.” So that means my wants and desires must be the same as my husband otherwise I am living selfishly? I just don’t understand how I am suppose to be myself yet I am suppose not want anything unless my husband does. That seems like a cursed life.

  • My Response: It sounds to me like your desire is only for your husband. This is a Biblical precept — again read Genesis chapter 3. You see in the Garden things were perfect between Adam and Eve until they sinned. After that there would be a constant struggle between who controls whom in the relationship because God placed the man over the woman as her leader. From the beginning, God’s focus has been love and respect between husband and wife. Though sin has changed the original beauty of this relationship, God tells believers in Jesus to pursue this ideal relationship between husband and wife, it is the earthly representation of the relationship between Christ (the bride groom) and the church (the bride). The encouragement you should take away from this is that as believers one day Jesus will come back to get us (his bride) and we will have a perfect relationship — but not this side of heaven.
  • You Said:
    My husband is a Christian, but does not believe that women are subservient to men. I, on the other hand, was raised that wives are to be subservient to their husbands, and so I try my hardest at doing that even if my life is miserable.

  • My Response: Your husband is correct, a wife should not be subservient to her husband. However, a wife must be submissive to her husband. These two words do not mean the same thing and in many cases — such as what you were raised to believe there is a distorted view of what the Bible teaches. Subservience is blind obedience. Submission is voluntarily placing yourself under the leadership of another. I will remind you of what I wrote in this article about why our submission is so vital to a healthy relationship in marriage: “God gave us a husband to lead us and when we go against his godly leadership many times we fall into sin. Every partnership needs a leader, when we refuse to be led by our husband we are going against a fundamental biblical principle set by God. When we go against our husband’s leadership; we are going against God’s design for us. If you disagree with this, then you disagree with God and I pray that you will have a change of mind and agree with God’s plan. The only exception to this is when our husband tells us to do something contrary to what God’s word tells us to do. I can say from my own experience, following my husband’s leadership is the best choice I have ever made in our marriage.”

    Finally, I am so sad that you have not understood what I tried to convey from God’s word. I am even sadder that you have such a dismal outlook on life and that you are so miserable. I will even go on to recommend that you and your husband seek help from your Pastor or a Biblical counselor for the problems that you are having in your marriage.

  • Reply

    Sunny December 6, 2015 at 9:06 pm

    There is another truth about this story that some people don’t see and that is in Genesis 3:6-7. It says that Adam was actually ‘with her’ when she ate the fruit, watching the devil tempt her to eat it. Then she gave some to him and he also ate it. Now if you go back to Genesis 1:28 where God commanded Adam to ‘subdue’ and replenish. Subdue means to overcome or bring under control. Now in the perfect garden of Eden, there was no sin yet so what was there that needed to be brought under control other than the devil. Adam was commanded to love his wife and protect her from the devil by subduing the devil. Now don’t you think that it was ironic that he was there watching the very creature tempt Eve that he was to already have put under control? This is why Scripture says that Adam committed the sin but Eve was only deceived. This is also why Jesus had to come to replenish the ‘seed of Adam’ and not come to fix the deception of Eve. If Adam had been doing his part of the marriage then there would have been no sin in the first place.


    Pamela Rose Williams December 10, 2015 at 4:22 pm

    Thank you for this insight Sunny


    Wade February 12, 2018 at 10:26 am

    Nice try Sunny but the Bible doesn’t agree with your human logic per 1 Timothy 2:14. They both sinned and are both at fault for their choice but Eve started it. Ironically, Adam’s sin was to listen to his wife Eve. Instead of placing blame lets be holy as He is holy and follow after Christian love and grace. The only reason there is a problem with the God-ordained roles is due to the arrogance and hard-heartedness of women. It’s why more and more men are choosing not to get married.


    MICKLO January 4, 2016 at 2:37 pm

    perfect article, from an experienced Mom!

    God Increase you Abundantly!


    galway co council grants January 30, 2016 at 8:26 am

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    Judith February 18, 2016 at 3:45 am

    Its my first time to be on this side,im so greatful to see,monday i was trying to talk to my husband,but he ignored me,so i was angry i took my child and went to my mothers’ place,he didnt even try to check on us.i came back this morning was angry that i left the house,start talking threatening words


    Pamela Rose Williams February 18, 2016 at 10:36 am

    Judith you will remain in my thoughts and prayers. Try to remember that you cannot control what you husband does or even how he reacts to what you do. Just continue to love him and show him love in your actions. He may be inspired by that and in the end all of this will honor the LORD. Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment here.


    Thomas S. February 18, 2016 at 5:29 pm

    Pamela- I wondered if you have any further advice for me. My wife and I are both Christians and love each other very much. She has a job in which we are surviving, although barely, on her salary. We lead a very simple life. I can not find work other than part-time minimum wage. I stay home and care for our children, maintaining the house chores, etc… If I were to work part-time for minimum wage it would not cover the cost of childcare. To make matters worse, the job market here in California is worse than dismal, at best. I spend as much time as I can looking, interviewing, etc… for a job in any field that would pay even a little bit more than minimum wage, including my previous field that paid well.

    I thank God we are getting by with my wife’s salary. But, I would love to be able to get a job again and provide for my family. I enjoy the time caring for our children and I don’t dislike running the house. But I long to be the breadwinner and I would love if my wife could stay home with the children if that worked out for us. She too would like to do that. I feel so inadequate and emasculated as a man/husband/father. My wife tells me she has tremendous guilt that she is not home caring for our young children and i feel the same that I can not provide financially for us. To make matters worse, family and some of our friends think I must be doing something wrong and can’t understand why I don’t just go out and get a job. Even when they see how much effort I put into applying, networking, interviewing, etc… they think I’m still not doing enough to “just get a job” and tell me all the things I must be doing wrong. They say, “You should have found something by now. Why aren’t you working yet?” This causes us both to feel depression even though we know God will work things out for us.

    I’m not sure what my question is. I guess I just wanted to know if you have any thoughts… Something that I’m missing or not understanding. Thank you


    CRINGING SO HARD RN November 20, 2016 at 11:16 pm



    Tony November 29, 2016 at 1:07 pm

    My wife says she respects me, but she has told me that I do not have authority OR responsibility within the home! Its as if she doesnt want me to ‘be head of household’, and she has done many things without my ‘wisdom’ or consent. Also, if I tell her things, she goes to other people or she does as she sees fit, and says I am trying to ‘control’ her, yet when other people tell her the same as I told her.. its still as if she doesnt trust me. She just was re-born again very recently. Advice please!!??


    Tracy K March 21, 2019 at 9:50 pm

    Shouldn’t the husband also respect the wife? I’m battling for my marriage at this very moment. There have been lots of mistakes on both our parts. I am deeply resentful of the way he has allowed his children to be very disrespectful to me. He has always put them before me and always will but wants to brow beat me with scripture and when I show him a response he will ignore me and stop talking to me.


    Jack Wellman March 22, 2019 at 8:54 am

    Yes, the wife should be respected too and I am saddedned that your husband treats you this way. So sad. It sounds likehe is unsaved. I will pray for his soul and for you to endure.


    Jack Wellman March 22, 2019 at 8:55 am

    Yes, the husband should respect his wife. I fear this man is not saved. Pray for his soul as I will and I pray for God to comfort you.


    AYUBA ISTIFANUS September 7, 2020 at 2:59 pm



    Jack Wellman September 7, 2020 at 4:01 pm

    I agree with you Ayuba. Pam is a fine Christian woman and author. I’ve known her long enough to say that with assurance. Thank you for your comment.


    AYUBA ISTIFANUS September 8, 2020 at 1:10 am

    Oh! How I wish other christian women will emulate you mama Pamela.
    You are a blessing to your family, Christendom, and the world in general. Certainly your light shines. More grace!


    Brittany skinner February 23, 2021 at 12:09 pm

    Thank you SO much for allowing God to shine through your words. This has been such life breathing and life altering for Myself and my marriage!!

    I wish this was everywhere for all woman to see!!!


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