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Joe Sewell November 9, 2016 at 10:59 am

“Keeping secrets” is a bit different from lying or being dishonest. For example, if a husband is planning a surprise birthday party for his wife, that’s a “secret” that’s being kept. How does that fit into what you wrote, Jack?

Jack Wellman November 9, 2016 at 12:00 pm

That is a great exception. I guess that’s how that fits in Joe. So good to hear from you my friend. Hope all is well.

Mrs Alam April 17, 2019 at 12:53 am

My husband had an affair and married his mistress. They had a secret marriage and bore a child which was also kept secret.

My husband had this double family set up for 9 years. The last 9 years of our marriage.

He died in November 2016.

My husband was not the type of man whom you could ask if his whereabouts. He went on alot of business trips or would say I’m away for a couple of days. I never asked why or he would tell me he was going to a friends wedding abroad.

This woman always accompanied him. I never knew she existed or the child until after his death. He had met her just the day before.

Does this constitute lying? He met her thousands of times under my very nose in my own home town and actually visited her every night when I went to bed. Is this lying or hiding?

Mrs Alam

Jack Wellman April 17, 2019 at 9:58 am

Hello Mrs. Alam. If your husband is dead, why do you want to keep wondering if he was lying now? It is over, isn’t it, with your husband dead? I would say it is lying and cheating, but since he is deceased, you must forgive him and move on with your life. I would speak with your pastor about this.

Sandra J Marfor February 20, 2020 at 8:59 pm

Regardless of the reason, should my husband hide or refuse to show me his bank account spending?
Thank you,

Jack Wellman February 20, 2020 at 9:06 pm

As I said in the article Sandra, I believe that husbands and wives should be transparent about everything, including finances. Why would someone want to hide something from their spouse unless it was for the wrong reason. Just doesn’t seem fair to you that your husband keeps this secret. I believe it is wrong.

Sadie April 13, 2020 at 12:48 pm

Just told my husband of my past sexual immorality. We have been married for almost two years now but my confessions weren’t all at once. But most of them were after marriage. I couldn’t hold it back anymore because he sometimes get the feeling I am not telling him everything. After telling him I keep asking God if I have to tell my husband about every single man I have ever been with. Should I? Because I have changed my life around and this is through Christ Jesus

Jack Wellman April 13, 2020 at 1:04 pm

I would stop where you are. If he has accepted your past already, there’s no reason to keep bringing up more. Besides, we could all bring up things we are ashamed of and none of us are really good (Rom 3:10-12). The very fact you’ve changed your life around shows you don’t need to go back to the past. Have the funeral….bury the past. God has buried our sins in the seas of forgetfulness and told us, “No fishing!” What God has forgiven, and your husband has already too, then move forward to this next exciting chapter in your life.

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