True Friendship: A Bible Study on Friends

by Jack Wellman on December 22, 2011 · Print Print · Email Email

The Bible says to have friends, we should show ourselves to be friendly. The proverbs contain much wisdom about both being a friend and how to find a friend. There are fewer things in life that are more valuable than a good friend and the Bible is full of stories of some of the greatest friendships in history.

To Find a Friend, Be a Friend

My oldest son once told me that he didn’t have any friends. Of course children are sometimes known to exaggerate but I told him that the Bible shows us how to make friends. As Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man that has friends must show himself friendly, and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.” There is a key to having loyal friends or making friends in the first place. You have to show yourself friendly.

The Trust of a Close Friend

A friend keeps a friend’s secrets to himself as Proverbs 17:9 says, “He who covers and forgives an offense seeks love, but he who repeats or harps on a matter separates even close friends.” That is, a friend doesn’t gossip about friends faults and is quick to forgive them. A friend who repeats a matter (or gossips) can separate “even close friends.” That is a key to true friendship. If you repeat something that a friend entrusted you with, that will likely be the end of that friendship or in the least, they will never come to you in confidence again.

True Friendship Bible Study

Your true friends will not be afraid to tell you the truth even at the risk of hurting your feelings.

Friends Tell You the Truth

Your friends will tell you the truth even when it hurts. As Proverbs 27:5-6 says, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful”

It is better to hear it from a friend if you are doing something wrong because they truly care enough about you. A friend doesn’t want to see you hurt. The point is that the truth sometimes hurts, but flattery or patronizing someone in the end, usually does more harm than good.

Choose Your Friends Carefully

A person becomes more like those that they associate with. This is why it is critically important to choose your friends wisely. Proverbs 13:20 warns us that we should “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Just like we are told, “you are what you eat”, so too we are warned to “not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared” (Prov 22:24-25). Bad company corrupts good morals almost every time. You not only become “ensnared” by them but “you may learn their ways.” If you associate with hot-tempered people, you’re going to become hot-tempered yourself. Most often, we become like those we associate with.

Godly Friends Beget Godly Behavior

David understood that Jonathan was a true and loyal friend. He was a worshiper of the true God. In Psalm 119:63 it says, “I am a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts.” Those who fear God (which is a reverence and high respect for God) are good companions and make excellent friends. You will soon discover that their godly values will rub off on you and these types of friends can be accountability partners to each other. “The fear of the Lord – that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding” (Prov. 28:28).

Fair and Foul Weather Friends

Friends are those that stick with you during the hard times. Trials and adversity can usually separate true friends from those who are just fair-weather friends. Why? Because, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity” (Prov 17:17). Jonathan and David had one of the greatest friendships ever known. So much so that, “Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself” (I Sam. 18:3). When I married my wife, I married my best friend. In fact, it is recommend for betrothed or engaged couples to become friends first and foremost, before they get married. This type of friendship is an image of the relationship that Christ has for the church. A relationship where He literally died for His bride. In this same way, a friend loves his or her friend as they love themselves – through thick and thin, sickness and health, poverty and wealth.

A Biblical Model of Friendship

If you want to know what true friendship is, the greatest biblical model that I know of is that of David and Jonathan. Jonathan was the son of David’s enemy, King Saul. Saul was out to kill David because he was insanely jealous of him and knew that he would replace him on the throne of Israel. Saul’s son Jonathan knew this and was such a loyal friend of David that he alerted David of the danger and literally saved his life when he found out that Saul wanted to kill David. Jonathan told David that, “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you” (I Sam 20:4). We can read just how loyal of a friend Jonathan was to David in I Samuel 20:

16 “So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, May the LORD call David’s enemies to account.” 17 And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself.”

Jesus told us to love our neighbor as ourselves and Jonathan loved David “as he loved himself” fulfilling this Royal Edict from Christ (Mark 12:31).

Jonathan was a loyal friend to David and made a plan to warn him whether he could come to King Saul’s table or whether Saul would kill him do he devised a signal for David, “Tomorrow is the New Moon feast. You will be missed, because your seat will be empty. The day after tomorrow, toward evening, go to the place where you hid when this trouble began, and wait by the stone Ezel. I will shoot three arrows to the side of it, as though I were shooting at a target. Then I will send a boy and say, ‘Go, find the arrows.’ If I say to him, ‘Look, the arrows are on this side of you; bring them here,’ then come, because, as surely as the LORD lives, you are safe; there is no danger. But if I say to the boy, ‘Look, the arrows are beyond you,’ then you must go, because the LORD has sent you away” (I Sam 20:18-22).

Jonathan risked his life for David because, “Saul’s anger flared up at Jonathan and he said to him, “You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don’t I know that you have sided with the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of the mother who bore you? As long as the son of Jesse lives on this earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established. Now send someone to bring him to me, for he must die!” “Why should he be put to death? What has he done?” Jonathan asked his father. But Saul hurled his spear at him to kill him. Then Jonathan knew that his father intended to kill David” (I Sam 20:30-33). Jonathan understood that he would be next in line for the throne if David was taken out of the way and could have easily betrayed David and had the throne of Israel for himself, but Jonathan’s love and loyalty for his friend David was evident by his selfless act of saving David’s life. Jonathan was willing to risk his own life for his friend David and with the understanding that Jonathan would sacrifice his chance to rule Israel. David’s friendship was more important that the throne of Israel to Jonathan. Jonathan loved David more than a brother and he proved it by his actions in I Samuel 20.

So Jonathon sent a messenger boy to shoot arrows for the signal that it was not safe for David to return to King Saul’s presence for he would surely be killed. What a touching show of affection that Jonathan showed David because, “After the boy had gone, David got up from the south side of the stone and bowed down before Jonathan three times, with his face to the ground. Then they kissed each other and wept together—but David wept the most. Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the LORD, saying, ‘The LORD is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.’” Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town” (I Sam 20:41-42). David showed such respect to Jonathan that he “bowed down three times before Jonathan“, even though David knew that God had anointed him to be the eventual king. Here is the future King of Israel; the greatest earthly kind that Israel would ever have, bowing to the son of is enemy, King Saul. And “then they kissed each other and wept together – but David wept the most” (v 42).

True Friendship Bible Study: Key Takeaway

The fact is that friends are indispensable in this life. The older a person gets the more valued their friendship becomes. Many friends are closer than brothers or sisters are to each other. There is something special about having a friend that you can confide in, tell your troubles too, and share your life with. It has been said that a sorrow shared is halved, but a joy shared is doubled. Proverbs 27:10a says, “Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family” because you may need that friend in a day of trouble. The value of friends is one of the most important things in a person’s life: Their worth are not diminished by time, not devalued by inflation, not worn out by use, but like a fine wine, they improve with time. So are friends to those who have them; like medicine to the soul or as Proverbs 27:9 says, “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.”

Tell us about a friend that has made a difference in your life in the comments and then share this article with them!

If you enjoyed this article and are looking for more on friendship check out this article:

5 Amazing Bible Stories About Friendship

Resources

New International Bible (NIV)
THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

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{ 45 comments… read them below or add one }

Alyse May 3, 2012 at 6:59 pm

Would it be bad to be friends with an Atheist, or someone of different religion? Please contact me by email with my answer. Thank you.

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Jack May 7, 2012 at 3:07 pm

No, not at all. Jesus was said to be a friend of sinners, of whom I am also one, only I am forgiven. That is the only difference. God wants us to show no partiality or to show love to all, even those who disagree with us. We should be friends, but being too close of a friend would allow him or her (the atheist) to influence us in a bad way. For example, if the atheists uses swear words with God’s name in it, goes to bars, or R-rated movies, we would not want to go with them there like we would go with Christian friends to different places. Does this make sense? Thank you Alyse for your very good question.

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Rana Hamid May 7, 2012 at 1:50 pm

I am very gladful to read it

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Jack May 7, 2012 at 3:45 pm

Thank you so much Rana and please come back again soon.

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Angie W. July 3, 2012 at 6:52 am

I enjoyed this article. As me and my best friend of 26 yrs embark on a new chapter in our lives, i remain in prayer through this process to keep us strong and following God. We have committed to each other and our friendship. We have overcome that word “friendship” and see and reference ourselves as sisters. She was one who waived me down the path of reconnecting back to church some years ago when I walked away… over the years we see ourselves on different parts of the path and waiving each other foward and sometimes being fortunate enough to walk together. In this friendship, we both have married and those two guys became apart of the committement also and it has been a joy and i am always so grateful to have been blessed with several people to call my friends.

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Jack Wellman July 3, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Thank you so very much Angie. I love the relationship you two have…that is truly a rich person who have godly friends.

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Jill July 7, 2012 at 1:30 pm

I was doing a bible study on friendship and then I went to the internet searched for one. I read yours. I enjoyed reading this so much. You are a blessing and have blessed me this day! I have a friend that reacts and can say hurtful words before thinking things through before saying them and my feelings were slightly hurt,,,, but this is her nature and I asked God to bless her. In fact, I sent her a text that she was an angel to me sent from our Lord. I do believe that God brings people together. Maybe, I was one to be an encourgager for her.. because she has self esteem issues. After my feelings were slightly hurt, I asked God to bless her. After reading your bible study on friendship, I knew no matter what, I am still here for her. Things are okay, but she does need our prayers. Thank you again for this bible study!

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Jack Wellman July 7, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Jill, I am so blessed by your comment. Surely there is the Holy Spirit that is living and active in you and you are truly abiding in Christ. I do believe that you are going that extra mile that Christ desires that we should go. Your friend is blessed by you most certainly and praying for those who treat us badly and unfairly is a godly attribute. I thank God for women of faith such as you Jill. I will pray for your friend and for God to richly bless you for your unconditional love of your friend…an unconditional love that reflects that of the Heavenly Father. Please do come back and visit our site again soon to bless us all again Jill.

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Sharon August 18, 2012 at 5:55 am

I’m in a relationship with an Elder/Minister in my church. Over a period of time he would say he would call me back but doesn’t. We meet over 3 years ago and dated for a brief period then he didn’t want to see anymore. We starting dating again last year and everything was fine until a few months ago he started being distance. When we go out, I’m one that makes the plans. He never offer to take me out. He rarely picks the phone us to call me. I resently comforted him about not calling me back and he stated that it usually too late when he gets off the phone with his grow sons. I told him that I had lost sleep due to this. I feel so rejected.
I also must confess that we had sex and I ask God to forgive me. We stop having sex because he said he had to ask God forgives each time and he had to stop.
I want to tell this person how much he has hurt me and end the relationship God’s way.

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Jack Wellman August 18, 2012 at 4:56 pm

Hello Sharon. Thank you for your open honesty in commenting. From what you have told me this minister is disqualified from the pastorate position in his church. Pastors/ministers/elders are all held to a much stricter standard than members of the Body of Christ, the church. I would quickly find another church for as I might say, if the head is sick then the whole body is ill. The church with a practicing, sexually immoral pastor is a church that needs a new one. God will forgive you of course for you have repented and when we seek forgiveness, God will grant it (1 John 1:9) but this minister must confess to his congregation and see if they still have confidence in him to lead the church. If not, he should step down according to the standard for pastors/elders/ministers/deacon. Another thing…was and is this minister married? It is far worse if he is but even if he’s single, there are no excuses for him for he is much more responsible for his actions for he is teaching the Bible yet not living up to it which is the height of hypocrisy.

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Sharon August 19, 2012 at 8:28 am

Jack,
I am very grateful for your counsel. The Elder/Minister at my church is not married, he is a widower. He is also a twice cancer survivor. I admit that I am sensitive to his situations, which I know should not be an excuse for anything. I have planned to leave my church but haven’t found the right time to do so. You confirmed what I already knew about leaving my church. It has not been easy, I haven’t spoken to no one about my inappropriate relationship with the Elder/Minister. We have two Bishops at my church which are husband & wife. I would not be able to speak to them because there are obvious problems in their relationship. I had planned to get spiritual counsel thru my employee benefits but my work schedule will not permit. I don’t know what to say to him or if I should say anything. It has been a blessing to discuss my problems with you. I want to renew my relationship with God.
I believe that you are God sent.

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Elsie March 23, 2014 at 11:35 am

Sharon; Is it possible this minister does not contact
you more often because he is aware of his actions
with you and is trying to get right with God? Your
calling him and making the first moves is making it
harder on him. You should leave that church for
several reasons. First, having had a sexual encounter
with a minister of the gospel you are not married to
is wrong and it would be best to not have any further
contact with him. He is struggling because he feels
like you are a temptation to him. Remember,
the bible says that
we are not to tempt each other to sin. Get out of there
quickly, find another church (God will show you),and
get back on the right track. Second, you say two of the
people in ministry are having problems in their marriage.
No marriage is perfect, but this may be a sign of unhealthy
leadership altogether. Quit hanging on to something
God has not put together. It is so obvious this is not God.
Don’t appear so desperate. If you will leave this relationship alone you can trust God to give you a better
one when the time is right. Lose this mans phone number
and don’t even let him know you are leaving.
JUST LEAVE. You are playing with fire. The enemy of
our souls loves that you are so torn by this. Don’t play
into his hands. Pray for the man and forgive him for any
thing he did to hurt you, but you are accountable to God
and the sooner you get out the better. I will pray for you
that God will give you strength. You know in your heart
what I have said is true; more importantly, this advice
is biblical and you can’t go wrong with that.

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Daniel September 7, 2012 at 10:00 pm

Jack,
I am a teenager in high school and as sad as it is, I don’t think I have friends. It’s a burden because I just don’t know what to do. For some unknown reason I’m incapable of socializing with others and making lasting relationships of any kind. I’d gladly take any advice :)

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Jack Wellman September 7, 2012 at 10:18 pm

Daniel, I too was shunned by many in my school. I had few friends and felt isolated. But think of this, the proverbs say that to have a friend, you must be a friend. Prov 18:24 says, “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.”

Remember that if you place your trust in Jesus Christ, he says to you in John 15:15 “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” Find fellow Christians in school and ask them to come over on the weekend, or ask them to teach you about the Bible or start your own Christian fellowship, or what about your church. Do they have young men who attend that are near your same age? Above all, do as the Proverbs says…to find a friend, you must show yourself friendly. That does work.

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Tj rayhill September 23, 2012 at 1:15 pm

Hey daniel , afte i gave my life to christ i saw that i c
Became less popular( for seceral reasons) but for the latter part of two years i was friendless… Then a football team mate invited me to his church and i got connected there and found three great goddly guys that are great friends. I consider them brothers and their family as my own. But the thing wa during those two years i was in constant prayer asking god to provide. An He did.

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Ben September 25, 2012 at 8:11 am

I am very blessed to have a friendship like that between Jonathan and David. Me and my best friend Matt have the closest relationship I have ever had in my life; I truly feel loved for the first time in my life. Not only are we both Christians, but we both desire and seek the best for each other. I have never felt as happy and blessed in my life as I have since we have become best friends. I would do absolutely anything for him and I am fully devoted to our friendship. I pray to God everyday, thanking him for blessing me with such a amazing best friend. I can’t even fully express my gratitude to God and my best friend, because I feel blessed beyond what can be expressed.

Since I have become best friends with Matt, my life has taken a 180 degree turn. Before I was quite miserable and was seeking worldly avenues for happiness and success. After God brought Matt into my life, I recognize true happiness and success in God.

We both have every intention of remaining best friends forever; worshiping God together in Heaven for all of eternity. We have both agreed to hold each other accountable for everything we do. We maintain the highest level of trust and respect for each other.

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Jing September 27, 2012 at 3:10 pm

Dear Jack,

Really enjoyed reading every part of it… There are some questions in my life about my relationship with my friend has answered…

Thank you so much for sharing!!

Blessing!!

Jing

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Ama Owusuaa Bansah October 7, 2012 at 3:18 pm

Am really touch by this. Thanks very much.
i am giving a sermon on frindship at curch and this site has helped me a lot…..
God bless you very much

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Angela October 13, 2012 at 1:21 pm

For most of my life, I have always had very good friends the only issue is that I found that they often became dependent on me. Even after I became Christian, I would meet someone who would call every day or at work even though I would tactfully explain how busy I am.

Actually, I would love to spend more time with friends but with studies and work, time is limited. Then I need to spend alone time with God. No matter how hard I try, my Christian friends don’t get my blatant hints.

The only thing left for me to say is..”I really enjoy our friendship but I can’t talk every day.” And I believe this will hurt. It reminds me of Provers 25:17 Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour’s house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee. I don’t hate…but I am getting very agitated, I have asked God and he seems silent on the issue which is odd since he normally gives me an answer in these cases.

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edwardevansmaina October 21, 2012 at 9:25 am

please am going through alot and am 16years please if ican have iwould appreciate as

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edwardevansmaina October 21, 2012 at 9:27 am

iwould apreciate having aclose friend

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Jack Wellman October 21, 2012 at 12:38 pm

Hello Edward. As I have said before the proverbs say that to have a friend, you must be a friend. Prov 18:24 says, “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.”

Remember that if you place your trust in Jesus Christ, he says to you in John 15:15 “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”

Now, find fellow Christians in school and ask them to come over on the weekend, or ask them to teach you about the Bible or start your own Christian fellowship, or what about your church. Do they have young men who attend that are near your same age? Above all, do as the Proverbs says…to find a friend, you must show yourself friendly. That does work.

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Hope November 13, 2012 at 10:23 pm

I really loved your article! I have this friend an w have been friends since the fourth grade but this year is our freshman year and she’s a cheerleader. I’m a Pentecostal pastors daughter. My friend use to come to church with me and we use to do everything together but lately we seem to hardly even see each other. It’s very hard because she was the one person I told everything to and now I don’t have anyone. I am friends with just about everyone in school and I try to always be nice but I don’t really have another friend that I can just trust with my deepest secrets. I really miss her and wish we weren’t growing apart. How can I help that?

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Jack Wellman November 14, 2012 at 11:25 am

Hello Hope. I am so glad you came here today. I believe all you can do is be friendly to her. It may be that she is more concerned with appearing “cool” and religion in schools is usually seen as not so much, so it could be peer pressure. You said you are friends with “just about everyone in school” so find one person you can draw closer to by inviting to church, asking them over for a homework buddy-study, or something similar. You do miss your close friend I can tell, but only God can change a person’s heart and desire (Prov 21:1) so pray for that. Is this cheerleader friend a Christian? If not, pray for her salvation and that way you can be closer again.

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Kathy Farrell November 17, 2012 at 2:05 pm

I am writing to provide an example of why you must choose your friends wisely. I am a single mother of two children whom I support without help from their father who deserted the family after he depleted all the financial assets that had been saved in our twenty year marriage. I met a man this summer whom I enjoyed spending time with on multiple levels. Specifically, he made me laugh and smile and gave me refreshed hope about the future. In addition, he taught me how to read the bible, encouraged me, complemented me and held me tight when I was sad. All those accolades sounds great; except this man was a con artist who used a false identity, told multiple lies and took advantage of my financial generosity even when it meant that I did not have enough money for food or gas for the week. I was able to figure out his schemes before he was able to financially ruin me, but my feelings have been hurt by this man. People can be so cruel and like Jesus; I was lied to, mistreated, betrayed and abused. In spite of these facts that I put forth; I miss him. I immunized and desensitized from most offenses that I am faced with; however, I am really hurt by the deception of this man who pretended to be a friend. So be careful; choose your friends wisely.

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Jack Wellman November 17, 2012 at 3:01 pm

Mrs. Farell, you make an outstanding point. I am sorry you had to experience such this. You and Jesus certainly had this in common. Thank you for forewarning us to choose our friends carefully. Great advice.

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Cheryl December 4, 2012 at 9:02 pm

Loved this, thank you so much! Very inspiring, thought provoking, and needed to be shared with one of my very dear friends who is like my sister. Thank you Jack for such blessings!

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Jack Wellman December 4, 2012 at 9:08 pm

Thank you Cheryl. I agree that we should share things with our friends and many of my friends are closer than a brother to me.

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Lynne February 11, 2013 at 10:40 am

I really enjoyed reading this article. Right now I am very hurt by what I thought was a dear friend. My husband and I and her and her husband and many of her friends and our friends all went on a cruise vacation together. Our friends were treated terribly and so were we all because they didn’t like a couple we invited. We were ignored, lied to and mistreated. We’ve been friends for over 8 years and enjoyed holidays together. She has mistreated me in the past and my husband can’t take what she does anymore. Now she is putting me down on the social media site Facebook. I told her to please stop. As a Christian I know I am supposed to forgive but the mistreatment and the betrayal of what I thought was a good friend really hurts. It’s not the first time she has done this. She also keeps blaming her friend for all of this but she took part in it. I am a forgiver and my husband said no, enough already. That isn’t a true friend – I’m confused. She keeps asking to sit down with us and he has no interest. Do I forgive and keep taking more of this behavior?

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Jack Wellman February 11, 2013 at 2:09 pm

Lynne, to me it doesn’t sound like these friends are Christian for no Christian acts like that (read Romans 12, 1 Cor 13 and the Book of 1 John). I am somewhat troubled by your husbands response thought. Yes, you SHOULD forgive them and we are told to pray for even our enemies and those who hate us and persecute us, how much more so than friends who have hurt us.

Wounds can fester into infections if left untreated. That’s exactly how unforgiveness works. Whatever was done to us pierced our skin, but if we keep prying it open and looking at the wound, it won’t be able to heal… instead, because it is continually exposed to the dirty air, it becomes infected. That infection in the spiritual realm is welcoming to unclean spirits, which fester the wound even more. If something isn’t done, the person ends up facing demonic harassment and torture, and becomes a very bitter and unhappy person.

That’s why Paul said not to go to bed angry (Don’t let the sun go down on your anger) because it gives the Devil a foothold! I have an idea of what you may be saying right now, “This person has NO clue what they’ve done to me! They don’t deserve anything at all! Much less MY forgiveness!!” They certainly don’t deserve your forgiveness, much less God’s… but none of us deserve what Jesus did for us either. Those who killed Jesus didn’t deserve anything at all, but look at what He said just before He died, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do!” Look at the deep and rich mercy and love that Jesus has towards us… none of us deserve it! But He loves us for who we are, not because of what we’ve done. He wanted a relationship with us so much that He gave His life for it! When we grasp what Jesus has done for us, it makes it a lot easier to pass that grace along to others. We aren’t letting them off God’s hook, we are merely releasing our souls from bondage that un-forgiveness brings us under. You aren’t forgiving them for their benefit, but for your own good! Your soul, not theirs, is what is being held in bondage because of the feelings you’ve allowed yourself to harbor inside. Why should you or your husband allow what they’ve done to continue to bring you under bondage? I wouldn’t! I would let that poison out of my heart… give it to the Lord and seek Him to heal the wounds they have caused.

Forgiving others is sometimes very hard, but it is essential if you want to break out of the bondage that it’s brought you under. Read this to your husband and see what he says.

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Doris Quesada March 19, 2013 at 4:00 pm

AWESOME!!!

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nicole April 2, 2013 at 10:03 pm

Hi. i seek advice. please if anyone can help me. i have one friend. i do my best to be her friend, yet i feel she doesnt do much to be my friend. she makes me sad. i am her only friend too. i have cried to her 2 times how i felt of her. i did feel she made effort to be a better friend but that didnt last long. i talk to her lots, tell her things, why does she not do the same to me. i often think maybe we are not right for eachother. idk. but i would hate to lose her. she has told me she would be devastated as well to lose me. i have been holding back crying to her a 3rd time though. as i think she just doesnt know how to be a friend. she says im her bff but i dont feel the same. sometimes i feel like maybe we are just not meant for eachother. maybe our friendship will just quietly die. but it makes me sad to think or know that. if that were to happen. should i tell her how i feel again? or just ignore it and let it fester into hate of her? because lately ive been feeling more and more hate for her. am i bottling feelings up? she told me once that i do that. but i am not sure. please help. thank you and god bless.

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Jack Wellman April 3, 2013 at 6:43 pm

Hello Nicole. Friends that are truly friends or best friends overlook each others faults. I would try telling her just what you told me in this comment. If she is truly a good friend, she can take it. If not, then you are destined for more heartaches. I don’t think you’re destined to have more hate for her are you really? Don’t bottle these feelings up. Be honest with her and tell her the truth. Truth is always the best policy and what do you have to lose? You have everything to gain.

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JC April 11, 2013 at 2:23 pm

This was a wonderful article. I am going through a really terrible rough patch with a friend, who I truly care about and love. We became friends when she was going through some trouble, and I was there to share similar experiences. We instantly became close friends and were always there for one another. She thinks I am trying to hurt her now, but she doesn’t understand that I am going through other troubles. I know I did hurt her, but it was not my intent. I tried to explain from a Christian perspective what I meant and how I feel. I know that I have more feelings for her (even though she’s in a relationship). I’d never interfere with that but that was the start of our problems. I don’t want to loose her as a friend because she means so much to me. I’ve been praying for guidance and came across this article. Any more insight would be much appreciated.

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Jack Wellman April 11, 2013 at 4:54 pm

Hello JC. I am sorry for your heartache. You have already done all you can to be reconciled or restored to a relationship with your friend. Any more than this would feel like pressure and most people put up more resistance to pressure. Are you a male? I believe that if she is involved in a relationship with another, this might even make it harder to mend this friendship. Other than praying for God’s will to be done,you must give her space and let time take care of the circumstances. You could send her one more thing….a nice card with flowers but don’t follow it up with a phone call or email. Wait. Trust in God. See what happens.

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MsM. April 17, 2013 at 12:07 pm

All my life I’ve struggled with friendships – they never seem to last. Now with a daughter of my own who I want to have lasting friendships, I feel at a loss how to teach her. I’ve also got ‘churn’ in my current friendships – I sense a change coming – we don’t talk as much anymore and recently on a group outing there was a tremendous fight between a few. My heart is heavy and I feel an awful dread that this group of friends is about to disband.

Thank you for the article, it seems a great start to a bigger Bible study I’m searching for – for myself and my daughter.

Thank you.

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Jack Wellman April 17, 2013 at 1:18 pm

Thank you for your comment my friend. I am sorry you are struggling with friendships for we all need good and godly friends to grow in grace and knowledge. I am glad you are in a Bible study group. To have a friend, the Proverbs say, we must be a friend. Send for no occasion, a card of thanks. Thank God for them. Just love them unconditionally. Tell them just what you told me. You seek to be a better friend in Christ. Be transparent. Tell them your faults as we are commanded to confess to others our faults and this transparency is a wonderful way to have others confess their own. If this group disbands, start another one. Invite them over for coffee or tea at your home. Invite them to lunch after Sunday services. There are givers and takers in this life. Be a giver. Just love them as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her.

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Margaret April 24, 2013 at 11:43 am

I really enjoyed this article which reminded me of my friend Victor who affected my life very well.

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Nina Fernandes April 25, 2013 at 4:09 pm

Shalom. I take care of my family and I dont have many chances to leave home and make friends. Many people depend on me and I feel weak and empty inside. God knows my life and circunstances. But I feel very, very lonely and I need a Good Friend. Please, could you pray so I can find a good female friend? I’m a girl and my best and good friend died months ago. I dont have anyone to help me now and to talk to. I am not asking you to reply, I dont want to take your time, I just wanted you to pray for me please. I wish God could hear my prayers for a Friend. Thank you, Nina.

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Jack Wellman April 26, 2013 at 12:05 pm

Hello Nina. I will be glad to pray for you. You don’t have to wish that God will hear your prayer. He does! The reason we know God hears our prayers and uses them to accomplish His purposes is because He has promised it — and God cannot lie. The Bible says, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And … we know that we have what we asked of him” (1 John 5:14–15). You must believe God and His Word. God can not lie. Trust Him.

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Nina Fernandes April 26, 2013 at 12:35 pm

Thank you, brother Jack.

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lisa October 20, 2013 at 8:52 am

Hello Jack
This was great! I have a high school youth group who asked me to go over what it meant to be a good friend. This article was so helpful to me. Thank you. I also want to say thank you for the encouragement you have provided to all the comments before me. Praise the Lord for both His faithfulness and the faithfulness of the ones he loves. Sincerely,

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Jack Wellman October 20, 2013 at 6:23 pm

What an encouraging remark Lisa. You sure make a body feel good but we do know that the bottom line is what do we have that we did not first receive? So all glory is truly deserved and rightfully belongs to our Awesome God, true? Nonetheless, I thank you and thank God for you Lisa. This high school group must be surely blessed to have you as their leader.

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Keith December 1, 2013 at 3:00 am

Hi Jack, Friends are priceless. im 38 years old and feel that I finally found my best friend after 37 years. Yes my wife is my best friend but having a brother is also something to thank God for. My best friend came about in the oddest way but with Gods lead I have managed to lead him to recovery of alcoholism. Its been a blessing and a curse at times but man I realize I would not have it any other way. My pals history is rough, but as I told him the past is that, leave it behind and trust God and move forward. We do everything together now and I have learned things from him and I feel he has learned from me. He attends church with my wife and I. Its almost unreal how awesome it is to have a True devoted friend. 37 years of fair weather, but God knows best and has revealed my brother. I pray that we continue to grow in Gods word and grow closer with every day. Thanks for your biblical perspective on friends. God may not give us what we want, but he always gives us what we need!!

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Jack Wellman December 1, 2013 at 9:36 pm

Amen Keith….friends are the most valuable relationship next to Christ and our spouses and children. I need my godly friends so much but the thing is, they need us too. You are such a treasure and what a precious post this was my friend. I thank God for godly men like you that make the church stronger by your living out your faith…like in Romans 12 and 1 Cor 13. Thank you. You made my day brother.

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