What Does the Bible Teach About Sex Outside Of Marriage?

by Jack Wellman · Print Print · Email Email

What does the Bible say about sex outside of marriage?  Is it a sin to have sexual relationships even if a couple is engaged to be married?  Is there any harm to have casual sex between two responsible adults?

What Does The Bible Say About Sex Outside Of The Marriage?

God created man and woman just as He ordained marriage.  He also made men and women sexual creatures, therefore He created sex.  In Genesis 1:28, “God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”  Procreation is one of the reasons that God created sex.  This is the way that humans replenish those who die with old age.  But God also created sex for a husband and a wife to enjoy.  He is not against pleasure and the proof positive is that those who are married are to give to each other their own bodies for the fulfillment of the other’s pleasures (Prov. 5:19).

Is It a Sin To Have Sexual Relationships Even If A Couple is Engaged To Be Married?

Paul is crystal clear about having sexual relations before and outside of marriage.  1 Corinthians 7:1-2 he writes under inspiration from the Holy Spirit, “Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.”  So the point is that even if a couple is betrothed to each other; that is they are engaged to be married, they should abstain from any sexual relationships until after they are married.   The seventh commandment clearly states that adultery is a sin.

God actually condones sexual relationships inside of the martial boundaries in Hebrews 13:4: “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”  Take note of the last portion of that sentence: “God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”    Here God not only states that sex outside of the marital relationship will be condemned by God (e.g. “the adulterer”) but so too will sexual relationships before marriage (e.g. “sexual immorality”).  So even if a couple is engaged they are forbidden by God to engage in any kind of sexual behavior, and this even includes sexual contact with one another (I Cor. 6:18).

Is There Any Harm to Have Casual Sex Between Two Responsible Adults?

Sexual immorality, even between consenting adults, is harmful to one’s own body (1 Corinthians 6:18).  A good example is the risk of exposure to sexually transmitted diseases.  If someone is promiscuous they can become infected and then bring a disease into the marriage, even infecting their partner and risking the health of any subsequent children.  The HIV virus, Herpes Simplex, and, AIDS are permanent and those infected may pay an enormous cost for the rest of their lives.  Some diseases can be fatal.

Paul’s advice nearly two thousand years ago is still as relevant today as it was the day it was written in 1 Corinthians 7:1-5: “Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

If you are married, it is your God-given responsibility to fulfill your mate’s sexual desires.  In I Corinthians 7, Paul says:

V 3: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.”

V 4: “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.”

Why?  “…so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Every marriage has difficulties.  There will be arguments, but sex should never, ever be used as a weapon to get back at the other party or be used in an argument to withhold sex from the other partner because Satan may tempt the other mate.  Withholding sex from marriage sets up the vulnerability of losing self-control.  And this can lead to infidelity…and sin.  It can ruin a marriage.

In conclusion, sex outside of marriage or before marriage is sin.  There are no exceptions at all.  There will be a heavy price to pay.  God will “judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral“(Heb 13:4).  But sex among married couples is a good gift from God for He knew it was not good for men and women to be alone (Gen. 2:18), and He wants husbands and wives to enjoy this gift (Prov. 5:15-19).   Sex is an honorable thing as far as God is concerned…but only among those who have been joined together by God in holy matrimony (Heb 13:4a).

Was this Article Helpful?

If this article was helpful to you, please consider linking this article to your own blog or sharing this through the social buttons to the left. You might also find some of these other good Christian Answer articles helpful:

What Are the Gifts of the Spirit?

What Does The Bible Say About Divorce and Remarriage?

How Do you Talk To Your Children About Sex?

Sources

The Holy Bible, New International Version

THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

 



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{ 112 comments… read them below or add one }

Emily Modimakwane July 28, 2011 at 9:04 am

thanks for highliting this powerful verses to me, i thank GOD for using you to remove those who are in darkness to see the light of GOD through publishing his word to those who are lost. patsor pray 4 in the name of jesus christ to remove me from sexual immorality, after having sex im always feeling guilty for what i have done because i know it sin to have sex without marriage. i need god to give that power not to be tempted by my feelings. God blezz you…EMILY MODOMAKWANE from BOTSWANA.

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Jack Wellman July 28, 2011 at 2:21 pm

I will pray for you Emily my friend. The very fact that you WANT to be free from this sin and that you know that you need God is evidence the Jesus Christ is working in you through the Holy Spirit. Lord , God our Father, please help Emily overcome this powerful temptation to sin and give her this power that is available only through the Holy Spirit and I ask in faith and by the power and authority, in the Holy, Mighty, and Glorious Name of our soon coming Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, amen. God bless you Emily. We love you and are praying for you. You can do all things through Christ Who will strengthen you.

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yolanda August 1, 2011 at 9:25 am

thank you pastor for telling us about what God wants as his children .Pastor can l ask you a quastion,l was married before and my husband died and according to the bible am l supposed to be m
arried again or l must not?GOD BLESS YOU FROM YOLANDA SOUTH AFRICA

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Jack Wellman August 1, 2011 at 2:09 pm

Yolanda, thank you so much for visiting this site. I am sorry for your loss. When Paul spoke of someone who could not remarry, he was speaking of those who had divorced. Since your husband died, you are free to remarry as far as I understand the scriptures. If you have children, children need a father. You are free to remain unmarried or to marry. My beloved wife and I took our marriage vows and they were “till death due us part” and since you likely said these as part of your wedding vows, I see nothing wrong in getting married again or remaining single. Only marry someone who is a believe or you will be unequally yoked with a non-believer and that could hurt your walk with the Lord.

To clarify, the Bible does not command a woman who is single or has lost her husband that she should remarry. If she wants to remain single, she does not sin…but if she wants to remarry, neither is this wrong. You are free to do what you want and God will bless you I believe either way for I can tell you want to obey God. What a godly, woman of faith you seem to be and I wish you the best of blessings in whatever you decide to do. May the Lord be with you there in Africa Yolanda. Thank you for visiting our website.

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Cherie September 23, 2011 at 11:41 pm

Thank you for writing this. I am just beginning my journey to knowing Christ, and I am having a really hard time with the concept of no sex before marriage. I am in a committed long term relationship and denying a physical relationship feels unnatural to me, even though I know this is what God wants. I wish I didn’t have the urge to have sex, or hadn’t had it in the first place before marriage, so it’s really frustrating to me where I’m at right now. I know that it will be so much more special and meaningful to wait until marriage, but the years before I didn’t know God it was just normal to me. This is the biggest crisis I’m having right now, and I just don’t know what to do. I mean of course I know what I should do, but it’s just so difficult for me to change my entire outlook on what sex is meant to be. I’m not sure if I’m making any sense, I guess I’m just so confused I can’t make any sense…

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Jack September 24, 2011 at 9:58 am

Cherie, thank you for your wonderful comment and yes, you are making perfect sense. It is something that is common to a lot of people. God created sex for husband and wife to bond and become as one. The very fact that you know that sex outside of marriage or before marriage is truly a mark that the Holy Spirit is with you. It is a great struggle for many. I would say that Jesus is the source of your power to overcome. The Holy Spirit convicts us when we sin but Jesus says that we can do all things “through” Christ and without Him we can do nothing. The key is, when you feel this great pull of the flesh, which is common to us all, then fall on your knees and ask Jesus to send you His power to overcome and as it says, whatever we ask, He is faithful.

I recommend you read, as I need to, to read Romans 7. The most prolific writer of the New Testament, the Apostle Paul, struggled mightily with sin. Rom 7:15-24:

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. 21 So I find this law at work. Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.” Big amen Paul to this. What to do? Here’s the solution:

Rom 7:24 “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!”

Praying for you Cherie in your struggle. Believe me, we ALL do and I am no exception. May God richly bless your walk with God. Jesus is ready, willing, and able to give you strength to overcome. Romans 7 seems very appropriate.

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Mellisa G November 6, 2011 at 6:25 pm

hi pastor,
i am already praying to God and Jesus and ask them forgive my sin i have done. I already did sin for having sex before marriage, i have a question to asked: i am engaged from my Boyfriend we are planning to get married on july 2013, i wonder we still can have sex during engaged before married or is it still sin or should we wait while we are engaged til we are married so God can forgive me after I Married? that question still make me wonder what if God will forgive me my sin for having sex and outside marriage and after marriage.

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Cherie November 6, 2011 at 9:40 pm

I’m sure he will agree with me but there really are no loop holes when it comes to sex before marriage, and really any sexual contact is a sin. I struggle with this issue every day but I’m putting in an effort and have learned to firmly say no. If you are truly sorry for what you have done in the past, I suggest to try and stop making mistakes in the here and now.

God Bless, and I pray we both find the strength to do the right thing.

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Jack November 7, 2011 at 3:03 pm

Wow Cherie…this is so good. You are so right. This is a powerful temptation and it is so easy to fall into it and into sin. I appreciate your transparency. I believe your comment will help a lot of people. I wish I had included your thoughts in my article. Well done and we too will be praying for you both in this struggle between good and evil. The fact that you are praying is of a great help and a fantastic sign that you are relying on God’s help. God bless you friend and thank you so much for a wonderful comment that adds much to this article.

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Jack November 7, 2011 at 3:15 pm

Hi Mellisa, thank you for your comment and question and for visiting us. I must say that the Bible is clear that sex before marriage is sin. That is not my opinion. It is not a popular stance to take during this day and age but I want you to be happy before and after marriage. I truly believe that if you can wait until July, 2013, then God will truly bless this marriage. The divorce rate is much higher for couples that have premarital sex (not sure why exactly). God will forgive you yes, but he will not forgive the consequences. Every sin has a consequence. But to do something as serious as this will have consequences, believe me. I would wait and then it will be so very much more special.

Let me ask you, why are you having such a long engagement. This is Nov. 2011 and you plan on getting married on July 2013? These long of engagements are not normal. Is your fiance in the military? Is this when he is finished with his tour of duty? I am concerned that you will have to wait 19 months before getting married. That is a long time to wait. Or do you mean July 2012?

Either way, from all that I have ever read, Old and New Testament, you must not have sex before marriage or there will be consequences. Yes He will forgive sin, but to sin anyway and then expect to be forgiven is sinning willfully and the consequences may be long enduring and far reaching. I worry about you and your fiance and only want what is best for you both. May God be with you both in this battle of the flesh and temptation to help you endure and have a blessed, lifelong marriage. That is my prayer for you.

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Mellisa G November 7, 2011 at 5:18 pm

hi pastor,
thank you for returning my messages, my Fiance and I been working on relationship to get better, he is deaf and I’m hard of hearing so the reason why is because we have a problem with other deaf people because they are trying to steal me and i told him i really dont care what they say about him and whatever because that just a drama bullcrap talk and in my heart i just know that they are lying and making it up the stories about him because they just try to make him look bad and i told him they are not my friend and they never will because i dont belong to them at all and i am belong to christian people because thats where i grew up with nice people and especially his family and my family too. I do felt really sorry for him because many deaf people accusing him for something that he didnt do it and didnt do anything wrong because of due of his ex gf and his ex wife causing the more plm on him. they are trying to make him look bad and now i can see through his heart has been heartbroken because he is hurting and he is innocent. I am accusing his both ex because this is just wrong and i am been with him for 1 year and 7 months now. i been with him, he is nice guy, he taking care of himself and me, he is very good guy. he is very compassionate and sweet and he been trying show love and support he is trying his best as he can. i notice that his behavior is taking a wrong way that because of due his ex and i explain it to him: hey don’t do this and that because thats not how it works so he learn alot from me and he thank me for teach him a better way and we are getting a lot better now. I am young 21 years old and he’s 27 yrs old. am i still too young to get married? i will be 23 years old in 2013 maybe 2012 is sound better because i agree with you. i am still fear of God facing my judgement day of conquences. i wonder God will send me to hell? because of my sin in the past is very horrible, i did suicide attempts, and doing drugs weeds, drinking, end up having panic attack, saying strong word hate to my family and abusive them too. i am feeling very guilty for what i have done. Maybe i believe i could go to hell because of God can see my action conquences. i did cheat on my fiance too. i feeling very guilty. I am upsetting with my choices i made. i am hoping that u could help me to get through this better and help me too. i will take your advise and i will listen to you too. 🙂 have a good evening. May God bless you for helping me too.

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Jack Wellman November 7, 2011 at 5:58 pm

Thanks again for commenting Mellisa . I hope and pray the best for you both. I am sorry people make fun of your fiance and anyone that is deaf. Shame on them. They will be held accountable to God someday. No one deserves that.

I don’t think you are too young to be married. I think your age is just perfect to be married.

Also, Jesus forgives our sins…past, present, and future. He will never send anyone to hell if they ask for His forgiveness. I John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” To confess means that we agree that we are a sinner or that we have sinned but He is also going to “forgive us our sins and purify us (cleanse our sins or get rid of them) from all unrighteousness”. That means that there is no sin too great from our past that He will not forgive. He will forgive and forget and our sins are cast into the sea of forgetfulness. PLEASE know that anything we do, that is any sin in our past, He promises to forgive us. Just confess, repent (stop sinning) and believe on the Lord Jesus Christ (Believe means you rely on, trust in, have faith in, and lean upon Jesus’ word)….and you WILL BE SAVED! Isn’t that awesome. If you are not sure you are saved right now, read this:

Romans 10:9-10 “If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.”

When Jesus saves you, you have no more reason for guilt. He doesn’t want to send anyone to hell but save you to come to Him and live in eternal life in heaven. Believe Jesus. He forgave me from a life of drugs and prison and stealing and He forgave King David from murder, adultery, and conspiracy to commit murder. Come to Jesus today and you WILL be saved.

Please let your fiance read this too. Maybe today you can both be saved. TODAY can be both of yours salvation (2 Cor 6:2). And please let us know of your decisions. Praying for you both right now. For more, read this:

Read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/come-to-jesus/#ixzz1d4DQ6G5p

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jabulani mlauzi December 7, 2011 at 7:25 pm

Thank God there is still someone who still believes in His ways.

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Jack December 7, 2011 at 8:15 pm

jabulani. thank you for your comment. I agree. I DO thank God and do believe in His unchanging word. The Bible is my source and I believe it. God changes not, just like His Word. Oh that more would believe it jabulani. Thanks for visiting us. Your comment makes me joyful that there are Christians like you who are obeying His word.

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brother pk January 24, 2012 at 3:14 am

wow guys im very perplexed by this subject about sex before marriage can someone pls email me some info and biblically so or even your point of views would help alot.im a youth leader whose trying to help young people do the right things [email protected]

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Jack January 24, 2012 at 2:33 pm

Hello Brother PK. Thank you for your comment and question. By God’s sovereignty, He has put you in a huge position to be teaching youth at their crossroads of life. With having sex comes a great risk…STD’s, which can lead to death or sterilization even…and also to pregnancy. This adversely affects their future. When I taught Sunday school for many years I will send you more info in the email you left but clearly, the Scriptures I mentioned are vitally important. Human opinion is not important but God’s IS and His Word clearly says it is sin and some sins can lead to premature death (i.e. STD’s). I will send this to you and my own counsel. Thanks for visiting us and God bless your very important work with the youth group.

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ann January 25, 2012 at 1:34 pm

Hello Pastor, I am from India and I am a Christian too.
Pastor, I did not want to tell you that I have committed sex before my marriage many times but never lost my virginity nor did my partner. But things not well right know God punished us and our relation broke two years back. And know I feel so sorry for me that if we controlled that time we would have been together and would be happy too. And I still love him allot and want him back… Is there any chance that God would forgive us… and i wanted to ask you that when we together we took our Christian marriage vows that God gave in the sight of God and with our full heart and we thought each other as husband and wife which lead us to commit this sin. Pastor I really want forgiveness for sin so that I can have him back. I am Indian Christian and for me marriage means him and I really mean him my husband. Can u advice me what to do so that I can be with him again. I am very troubled and my family want me to marry some other guy which after reading your article and many more articles from different websites about this topic, is another sin because I read some where we should marry that person with whom we had sex. HELP ME

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Jack January 25, 2012 at 2:28 pm

Hello Ann. Thank you for your question. I guess I am confused because you said that you had sex before marriage but are still a virgin. That is not possible. If you had sex then neither you or the man are virgins…but moving onto your question.

If you were married to this man who was your husband, I would ask, what does the man think about it? Does he want to get back together again? Did you both get a divorce? If you did not get a divorce, then you can still be together but if you did get a divorce, you will have to remarry but whichever you do, God is always willing to forgive all our sins. You sound like you have repented (being sorry for your sin and confessing it to God) and this seeking for forgiveness is a sign that the Holy Spirit is working in you to convict you of your sin which means, you feel you want forgiveness. Pray to God and He promises to forgive all our sins if we confess them. 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” God says He will forgive you of ALL your sins because you confessed them and will purify (thru Christ’s shed blood) from all unrighteousness (which includes sexual immorality or sexual sin).

I would NOT marry the man that your family wants you to marry because that would be sin before God. Once you are married, you can only be joined back together with your husband. Obey God over your family. We have to choose to obey God over anyone else, even if your family hates you for it.

Please you must read this article called What Does the Bible Teach About Divorce. Let me know if this helped or you need more answers or have other questions. Here is the link to the article about divorce and marriage:

http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/what-does-the-bible-teach-about-divorce-and-remarriage/

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Christian April 3, 2012 at 5:29 am

Hey Pastor,
This article is very helpful. You’re doing a great job and may God bless you for that.
What I have actually been trying to search is, if relationships before marriage is allowed. Having a boyfriend/girlfriend in today’s time has become so common that no one thinks that this might be wrong. I want Biblical proof to prove whether it is right or wrong.
I haven’t found one website discussing this issue. I’d be grateful if you reply.
Thank you. GBU

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Jack April 3, 2012 at 3:54 pm

Thank you Christian my friend. My own opinion is worthless but I beg you to read what God says!

1 Corinthians 6:9 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders

Galatians 5:19 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;

Titus 1:16 They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good.

1 Tim 1:9-11, We also know that the law is made not for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers, 10 for the sexually immoral, for those practicing homosexuality, for slave traders and liars and perjurers—and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine 11 that conforms to the gospel concerning the glory of the blessed God, which he entrusted to me.

Revelation 9:21 Nor did they repent of their murders, their magic arts, their sexual immorality or their thefts.

Revelation 14:10 he, too, will drink of the wine of God’s fury, which has been poured full strength into the cup of his wrath. He will be tormented with burning sulfur in the presence of the holy angels and of the Lamb.

Revelation 21:27 Nothing impure will ever enter it (heaven), nor will anyone who does what is shameful or deceitful, but only those whose names are written in the Lamb’s book of life

1 Corinthians 6:9 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders

Revelation 22:15 Outside (in the pits of eternal hell) are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves and practices falsehood.

If you want to spend eternity in hell fire, you can do what you want with your body…but in marriage, all things are permissible in marriage for (Heb 13:4) “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”

Please, please don’t have sex before marriage. A short time of pleasure and an eternity of hell fire is the choice you have…otherwise, get married.

A person might wish to experience sex but there are Sexually Transmitted Diseases that can kill and make a person sterile and not be able to have children later in life. Sex is not supposed to be celebrated except in marriage. Casual sex is detested by God and He calls it sin. Sex does reduce stress but increases the chance of disease and death…even aids. Someone can have aids for many years without showing symptoms. Its like playing Russian Roulet or bungy jumping…fun and a thrill, but deadly.

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George April 18, 2012 at 9:26 am

I was grown up in a godly home . My mom and dad are really active in church activities. I knew about everything about bible . And inspite of that I have made my life worse by giving up control of my my mind and body to devil.

I grew up with this girl together in same church. We were talking really less and i was quite introvert in my school and college days . But she was my sister’s friend . After I graduated and was working my sister told that she likes me a lot . We are from same church and she was leading worship few times so I thought she was close to god. I actually had some attraction for her for really long time but I was not sure if I really love her . At this point of time you can say I was immature as I was 22 and i did started talking to her on phone and we were mainly talking about god . It was friendly talk for about a month . I got emotionally to attached to her and after a month I told her that “I love her”. I was 23 at this point . After this point we were talking for really long times . Like 2-3 hours a day sharing our dreams and thoughtws about feature . After a month of this she had to go to another state to study . I couldnt see her for about 3 months .

I did notoify my mom about our relation and told her that we both love each other she didnt like the idea because there were some issues between our families . But she said if you really really love her I can try to explain your dad later on once you complete your post graduate study . She wanrned me all though that she knows her really well and her attitude is not so good so she warned me to make my decision wisely.

In mean time while she was out in other state I planned to go to a foreign country . Before going to the other country I met her personally for about 5-6 times and after that I had to go to a foreign country for study . While I met her 5-6 times before I went to other country . I would go to her house in absense of her parents. Here I got too intimate with her . I was kissing her passionately and cuddling a lot whenever we met . I would go to her home in absense of per parents to meet her . This happened for about 5-6 times before I came to foriegn country . After this we were just talking on phone for about a year . After 1 year I got chance to go to home country . Once again we met . And at this time we once did go to bed with our clothes on but I was cuddling her huggging and kissing a lot . Everytime we met I could clearly feel that we are doing a wrong thing . And its not what god wants me to do . And I asked for gods forgiviness.

There werer really a few times that we could meet up . And this feeling we were calling love was exploding whenever we met there were hardly any times where we would sit and talk cause we thought we really have small amount of time . After I came back to foriegn country we were again talking on phone which later turned to more intimate talk .There were many times where I asked for god’s forgivness but again and again I was turning back to the same thing . Which was more of chatting and later on a webcam chat . So in 1st 2 years of this relation we had some issues but I thought any couple has issues and ignored it many times . I think my main focus tuerned away from christ and it was totally focused on flashly desires towards her . After 3rd year I asked her to send me some more exposive picrures . She sent me some of her pics in upper undergarments.

I was totally blind during all this time . And I wanted her to be my life partner and I forced my mom and dad for this marriage . Her family are kinda crafty people and my mom and dad had to listen lot of stuff which they never told me about untill marriage was done . For my happiness they didnt say a single word .We got married in 2012 . Just after 2 days of marriage I started to know my wife and oh boy I started to regret this marriage for day and night . My mom was totally right about her . Well I know that its my biggest mistake that I eneterd in to this relation inspite of all warnings . During a year before marriage (2011) I was able to see talk to her just on phone because she didnt have much access to computer . When I went to back home after 3 years I had not seen her online for a year . When I saw her 1st time I was shocked . She had become so fat and dark that I could never imaginge. I know that physicall appreances should not matter that much but every morning I wake up and I see her I feel more regrets . Also as I see my friends wives I feel that I have married someone really uncompatible. We hardly match in terms of education , looks , thoughts about god . Many times she would behave like a kid and whenever I would like to sit and talk about something she would start crying . I feel like I am stuck in this prison and have no idea what should I do.I prayed a lot about it but I am not able to come out of regret of this marriage . It has been 3 months now since our marriage and its been most terrible time of my life .

I am not able to even share this all to anyone . Divorce is not an option at all . I dont know what should I do I have so many suicidal thoughts all the time . My work is suffering so much in last 3 months . My whole day goes in to regrets and grief . I think its pretty clear this is all judgement and wrath of god on me . I really need your prayers .

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Jack April 18, 2012 at 2:52 pm

George, please know that we are going to be praying for you sir and I am hopeful others reading this will join us in prayer as well. God is not punishing you I don’t believe. We reap what we sow and it is our own selves that bring these things upon us but God will not leave you in the bog and I know it must be hard right now but please don’t give up. Prayer is the most powerful and effective thing that we humans can do. I would visit with your pastor or a Christian counselor, that is if you have a church home. If you don’t I urge you to find one because there are prayer warriors in churches and good and godly men who can give you sound advice and pray for you sir. If you don’t have a church home, then maybe God is trying to call you into one by the mountanious problems you are now encountering.

Psalm 34:18 is true: “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

Psalm 51:17 “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”

Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”

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George April 19, 2012 at 1:06 pm

Dear pastor jack

Thank u so much for he encouragement you provided. Yes I have a home church that I am attending . I want to change the course of my life and make it more useful for god . I plan to spend most of my free time in prayers and bible study . If there is any way I can work with you saving lives I wOuld love to join it.

Once again thank you so much for your encouragement.

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Jack April 19, 2012 at 4:03 pm

George, it was and still is my distinct pleasure and privilege to pray for those brothers & sisters in Christ. We need each other and we need to pray for one another. I can tell you that I provide free training on-site or free materials for evangelizing the lost and that is my great passion. I have such a heart for those who don’t know Christ and its such good news, how can I not share it. I wish I knew where your church was as I do free training on creating or building Outreach, how to evangelize door to door, in the streets, and wherever there are people. If you would like to know more, please click the “Contact” link at the upper right top of this webpage and I will help in anyway you can in the harvest. God bless you. Still praying on for you sir.

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Jasmine April 30, 2012 at 12:10 am

Dear Pastor.
I would like to thankyou for writting this message, it has most definitely been helpful. I am 19 years old and I have been having sex, I have tried numerous time to give it up. I always seem to fail. I want to become saved and follow the path that my Father in Christ has set forth for me. I went to church yesterday for the first time in months and I felt as if the Pastor was speaking directly towards me. I no longer want to live in sin. I want to give my life over to the Lord, for he died for me. I would like for him to give me strength so that I may be able to stop having sex and I could be one step closer to living by the will of God. I have disappointed my family and also myself. I want to ask the Lord to forgive for all my sins, for I have sinned greatly.
Thankyou.

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Jack April 30, 2012 at 2:51 pm

Thank you so much Jasmine. By the way, that is a really beautiful name. Let me say that you are a rare exception to wanting to follow the path of your Father in Christ and being only 19. I wish I had been as wise as you at my age but now as a father and a grandfather, I must say you have blessed me and given me hope in the young people of this world that the Holy Spirit is still working in young Daniel’s of the world like you. You desire to follow and obey God as a teenager is like Daniel in the Old Testament for which a book is named after in the Bible. He too was a teenager and God used him mightily. Please don’t give up on yourself. God will not. When you feel the urge to think about or have sex, fall on your knees and ask God’s strength to overcome this because sex outside of marriage is not only sin, but it is dangerous: STD’s, sterility, pregnancy, etc. God be with you young lady. Remember though that “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins(A) and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

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E May 2, 2012 at 2:37 pm

Hi Jack, great article, I hope this comment isn’t too late for you to give me some advice.
I have recently became a Christian in the past year, having once been Agnostic. My boyfriend, too, is a Christian and we have been together for 10 months. Before I came to faith or even properly considered the thought of God (I am from a non-religious background) I had lost my virginity and had sex with several partners in committed relationships, all of which failed. My boyfriend and I are sleeping together. In the past few months I have been thinking about how I wish I could have saved myself for marriage. I really think, emotionally, that my boyfriend will be the one – am I set for failure? How can I discuss wanting to become celibate with him, without making him feel unloved or unwanted? Is it too late for us – does it even matter now, is it all spoiled? I am really cut up about this, because I feel like we are being untrue to God in our continuance, and that we are laying the foundations for yet another spoiled relationship – and this time I am so certain that I don’t want that to happen. Please help!

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Jack May 2, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Hello to you “E”. Thank you for your comment and question. I think if your boyfriend who is also a Christian can not understand why you don’t want to sleep with him anymore until you are married, then I would question his form of Christianity. Sexual immorality is sin and if you are afraid that he won’t think you love him anymore if you stop sleeping with him, then you must know that having sex is not love. That is a natural physical attraction and sex is honorable only for those who are married. It is actually MORE loving to stop having sex outside of marriage to honor God’s commands if you do not stop, this may threaten your future marriage if there is one. Please stop now. Explain to your boyfriend about this. Show him this article…please. Its a very serious sin and as Paul said, all others sins are of the mind but sexual sin and immorality is sinning against your own soul. Please let me know what your decision is my friend. This is very, very important.

PS, it is Never, ever too late to start doing the right thing. Today is the day. Talk to your boyfriend.

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LH May 9, 2012 at 9:01 am

My fiance and I often spend the night at each others houses and are very much in love and committed to each other. Sometimes the passion overcomes us and we mess up and sin by having sex. I really want to wait until July when we get married but am also strongly tempted because I don’t understand why something that feels so good and brings us so close can be so bad. I want to serve the Lord but I feel like such a failure. What should I do or say when we get tempted? We pray but soemtimes we still have sex. Thanks for the article! I am going to share with my fiance. Please pray for me and us. Thanks!

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Jack May 9, 2012 at 3:04 pm

Thank you LH for your comment and prayer request. I think that since you often spend the night at each others houses, you should try to seriously make other arrangements. When you are tempted, fall to your knees and realize that God is watching everything you do and to honor Him, try to keep yourself from spending time at each other’s houses. Try going to a movie, or dinner, or at a friends house. The fact that drugs feel good, that getting drunk feels good, and so on, is not good enough of a reason as you said you “don’t understand why something that feels so good and brings us so close can be bad.” We can not base our obedience on feelings. Feelings are the most untrustworthy part of our humanity. The temptation is too much so make a vow to seriously stay away from spending the night at the other engaged person’s home. I will pray for you but you must fall on your knees when tempted, realize this is not pleasing to God, and ask for His strength to do the right thing. God bless and thank you for your comment and for the maturity to understand that its not the temptation that is wrong, but allowing it to have sin take root that is.

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Tutu May 15, 2012 at 5:19 am

Dear Pastor Jack,
I can’t thank GOD enough for using you to open my eyes again,I knew sex outside marriage was a sin but me and my long lost Boyfriend re-united,we were both good xtians in School(University) although were didn’t last because of some circumstances like giving each other the right attention,we were living far from each other so we were only close in school. We are graduates now and we have re-united,he proposed to me but now he has advanced to the point that he wants to have sex each time we see,I always say we have to honour GOD but its hard 4 him to control himself and that makes it hard for me too,when we are together we have sex,I feel like the worst sinner on earth. I have taken a decision to stop now. Infact d last time we saw I resisted him and I have told him that this time we should honour GOD no matter what it takes because when I pray my eyes open to 1 thess vs 4 and I know GOD talks to me. I’m praying that GOD should help us so we can wait even though our wedding that should hold in July has been postponed and now he’s travelling to another country with the hope that I would join him soon,I love him so much because I know deeply he loves GOD but we must resist the devil. That’s what GOD wants. I just need you to talk to me and agree with me in prayer,I want to honour GOD with my relationship,I want Him to be the bedrock of my relationship because I love my fiance so much and sex has been seperating us lately,we argue now ,I know that our circumstance won’t change if we don’t,I want my fiance to see things the way I see them. Thanks.

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Jack May 15, 2012 at 4:34 pm

Hi Tutu. What a godly woman of strong faith you are being my friend. We can do all things thru Christ Who strengthens us and I will most definetly pray for you my friend. Love and sex are not the same thing. When you resist, God will honor that and you will make such a wonderful bride and your desire to stop and make God your bedrock is truly remarkable. I am so overjoyed that this article could help at least one person if no one else. That was the express intent of this and tell your finace that you want to obey God rather than your desires to break the law and have sex outside of marriage. Indeed, by your waiting, your marriage will have more than twice the chance of resisting divorce (statistics say) and make your honeymoon all the more special. What a testimony to your desire to obey God and God will honor that Tutu. Praying for God to strengthen you and remember that God sees all things and knows all things and so we must act like He is with you at all times. God bless you my friend. Let me know how its going too in the future if you would.

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Brenda Lee May 18, 2012 at 12:54 pm

Hello Pastor Jack,

My ex-husband and I divorced almost 20 years ago. We are currently back together and are talking about remarrying. At this time we have an issue between us. He wants to have sex and I want to be celibate until we marry. He tells me that it’s okay, because we were married once and in God’s eyes we still are considered to be married, because God don’t honor divorce. When we did have sex in the beginning of us getting back together I felt guilty afterward, because it felt wrong. Now there is a wedge between us, but I cannot give in and meet his needs. I want to honor God, because I feel that if I do it God’s way this time then our marriage will be blessed. I have made so many mistakes in my past, till I don’t want to continue going down the same road and expecting different results. Please pray for my ex-husband and if we are meant to remarry I pray that God takes control and work this out. I want God’s will for my life not mine. Thank You

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Jack May 18, 2012 at 2:31 pm

Hello Brenda. I must say that I hope your ex-husband and again soon to be husband knows how blessed he is to have a woman like you that wants to seek God’s will above her own will. Wow. You are truly being led by the Holy Spirit for this is strong evidence to me that you are just from what you say. I will pray for your husband that he needs to exert some self-control until it is time, after re-marriage. I must say that I am so proud to know good and godly women of faith such as you. This is so encouraging to see that you are truly honoring God in this and surely God will bless you. Your desire to obey God first is commendable. What a joy it is to know of such women like you and the Father will greatly reward your faithfulness in the Great Day of Jesus’ return.

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Dylan Lewis May 22, 2012 at 1:38 pm

I object. What about Domestic Partnership of two of the opposite sex. It is almost the same as marriage. The bible talks nothing about this?

Also if you have avoided the immoral ways of sexuality like porn and sex only for pleasure. Then you have made yourself pure having this gift and making love before marriage would not make you impure it would make you never be immoral again.

And what about stressful jobs and sex, God awards those who work hard and I’ve did clubbing before and felt not convicted of sin. Also, there is not much to do if your girl works hard stressful hours does she not need to have this stress relieved, there certainly are not that many ways to do this.

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Jack May 22, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Mr. Lewis. Great point about domestic partnership of two of the opposite sex. If a couple of the opposite sex live together and do not have sex then it is not necessarily sin but if there is sin involved, then it is sin. A domestic partnership is the same as marriage except they have not made a vow or had witnesses to affirm it and had a legal document to make it called a marriage. Therefore, there is no lifetime commitment and it not a God-ordained relationship. We have included some of the verses that do include sexual immorality. An argument from silence does not mean it is permissible. There are no Scriptures forbidding abortion, but to God it is breaking the commandment, “Thou shall not commit murder.” God rewards those who do work hard but stressful jobs and sex do not go together. I guess I don’t understand your last paragraph. Thank you for your comment in any regards.

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Cuteface June 16, 2012 at 7:14 am

Dearest Pastor J,
Thank you so much for making us revisit our christian basics. I need prayers. I lost my beloved husband in 2007 and now currently in a relationship with an egyptian muslim. I am a devoted christian and this relationship bothers me a lot. My fiance and me love each other a lot but i dont know if it is a sin to be in a relationship with a muslim if you are christian. Thank you. SA

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Jack Wellman June 16, 2012 at 11:09 am

Hello and thank you for your question SA. I am very concerned that you are a Christian and you are dating or engaged to a non-Christian. God forbids this. I know you don’t want to hear it but if you are someone who is looking for true love, there are many things to take into consideration. If you are a believer, the Bible says that we must not be unequally yoked (2 Cor 6:14). This means that Christians are commanded to not marry someone who is not a believer. You can not have a mixed marriage. An believer can not be married to an unbeliever any more than you can mix oil with water. The two might fit into a jar, but they will not mix and will always tend to separate because of their spiritual nature. In the case of non-believers and Christians, they may agree on some things but will disagree on many of the most important issues.

I beg you to read this article link below to tell you more. You are going against what the Bible teaches when a believer marries a non-believer. It IS sin to marry someone outside of the faith and this will only bring you severe heartache. Love is not enough in any case to marry outside of the Body of Christ for light and darkness have no fellowship together. Please read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/true-love-how-do-you-know-when-you-find-it/#ixzz1xyNzsVF2

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Tony June 17, 2012 at 1:54 pm

Hello Pastor Jack,

My fiance and I have a child on the way in October and have been living together for several months. We have planned our wedding in June of 2013. We know that having sex before marriage was sin. We want to get married but can not afford the hospital bills if we do so because my fiance’s insurance will be dropped. We cant pay these medical expenses on my salary. Can you give us any guidance?

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Jack Wellman June 17, 2012 at 2:58 pm

Hello Tony and thank you sir for visiting us and for your comment. Are you still planning on the wedding after your child is born? I can see why you might want to wait. I believe that you are saying that you will not have sex before marriage. Is this right?

How about after the child is born and the hospital expenses are then covering the birth of the child, then perhaps you can get married. I do not believe though that after the birth of your child and all the expenses of the birth are covered, that you should still not get married. In other words, after the child is born, you should be able to afford to get married then, right? If you do not get married and continue to have sex after the child is born, I do not believe God will bless this.

No one can continue in a sexual relationship and make the financial constraints of insurance the excuse for not getting married (read the book of 1 John ). God is able to provide for your family. You must trust Him to do so. My advice is to have the child in October, have all the medical expenses paid, and then get married. You can not stay single and live together and then have sex outside of marriage just because you can’t afford to pay the insurance. I pray you will do the right thing.

Since you are having a child, would you want your child to have sex before marriage and have a baby out of wedlock and live with another person just because they can’t afford insurance? Think of how this child will be confused if you remain single and never marry and the example you will pass on to your child. I know its not popular, but I am only giving you counsel out of what the Bible teaches.

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Tony June 17, 2012 at 4:50 pm

Thank You for your response! We are going to get married as soon as our child is born. We want to get married now but know the financial hardship that it would put us in. We are now waiting until marriage to have sex. Thank you for the advice!

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Jack Wellman June 17, 2012 at 5:07 pm

My great pleasure Tony. May God richly bless you three and I believe you will be blessed by your faithfulness to wait and abstain from sex until after marriage. Everyone is in need of God’s grace and I believe He is most pleased by your waiting for marriage and feel God will bless you all for your desire to obey Him. I pray you all will be blessed as well and have a wonderful life as a family. Please do keep in touch when you can my friend.

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Jean K June 19, 2012 at 11:29 pm

Pastor Jack,
Recently I have regained my faith and have reestablished my relationship with God. I was angry with Him for many years but have come to terms I was angry with the situation thinking he could control bad things from happening. Currently, I am in a relationship and have been for 6 months with a Christian man. He told me from the beginning he will not have sex before marriage. I knew his stance on this however I never felt that way. But I was 100% okay with it because I never met a man who stood by his beliefs and actually wanted to get to know me beyond that level. Most of my relationships were based off of sex and I was so sick of that. I always thought that if you truly love someone making love to them is not a bad thing as long as both of you love each other even if you are not married. About 2 months into the relationship we started having sex. I told him that we should not and that I can wait as I respect his beliefs. He told me that he loved me and that it is okay with him. I knew deep down that if someone has those beliefs they mean it. He told me one evening that he has been depressed about it and just cannot do it anymore. I told him it was fine from the start and let’s commit to that from that point forward. It was confusing as we had sex numerous times after that and I kept telling him we shouldn’t but he said it was okay. Why did he say one thing and do the other? Now, I not only wanted to stop having sex because he was in pain and giving in to his beliefs but I had an emptiness that I needed to fulfill and that was my relationship with God. After starting over from scratch, I read my Bible every day, go to worship and talk to friends from church to help me overcome my struggles. Finally, I decided no more sex. I see now that I have sinned and God sees sex as a special thing to have between you and your spouse. However, I am still confused on why it is bad to do this before marriage? Can you please help me understand more? Either way, I do not want to commit sin any longer and want to follow God’s words and commit to this. I told my boyfriend I cannot let this happen anymore and he seemed so happy and said that he did not expect that to come out of my mouth and he is happy that I have filled my emptiness with God’s love and my commitment. I have been praying every night for God to forgive me from committing those sins, I feel so very guilty will God forgive me for this? I have had numerous relations prior to my boyfriend.

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Jack Wellman June 21, 2012 at 3:17 pm

Hello Jean. Please forgive my late response to this very, very important comment and question. In the first place, that guilt is conviction for you are grieving the Holy Spirit. At least you were since now you have stopped having sex outside of marriage. Why is sex wrong before marriage? Because the Bible teaches this and God knows what is best for us. Sex is a very special thing and He created it for soul mates who are committed to each other and to remain faithful for life. Let me ask you this. If you do get married, how would you feel if someone else had sex with your husband? I am sure you’d hate the idea and so God is no different. The church is called the Bride of Christ and we are betrothed to Jesus Christ and He would want you to remain faithful. Sin is sin and sex outside or before marriage is sin and this is not my opinion. God said it and that’s all the reason I need. God will forgive your sins though (1 JOhn1:9) so don’t be too hard on yourself, but now that you know its wrong, you must remain faithful to God’s commands.

When you feel the urge to think about or have sex, fall on your knees and ask God’s strength to overcome this because sex outside of marriage is not only sin, but it is dangerous: STD’s, sterility, pregnancy, etc. God be with you young lady.

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Joel July 4, 2012 at 12:29 am

Pastor I need your help plz,I’m a sinner I have had multiple sex and everyday I’m thinking of sex.I don’t know of a way to leave this dirty life plz help me to change my life.thank you.JOEL

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Jack Wellman July 4, 2012 at 11:31 am

Joel, thank you for your comment. The fact that you are actually acknowledging that you are a sinner, like me, is a work of the Holy Spirit within you, therefore giving you real hope. An addiction to pornography is a stronghold indeed, much like an addiction to alcohol, drugs, or any other vice. We have an article that offers hope for those who are struggling with sexual addiction like you are Joel…and surely, you are not alone. I urge you to read this article called How to Overcome an Addiction to Pornography: Help for Struggling Christians. Don’t lose hope. I will pray for you and please do keep in touch.

http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/how-to-overcome-an-addiction-to-pornography-help-for-struggling-christians/

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Brian July 8, 2012 at 1:09 am

Cant you say that religion is put together to control the masses of the people. Take a closer look at Christmas. We all know this is not the true birth of Christ, but was decided that by the Catholic Church to help get converts to Christianity. A strategic move to better the Church as a whole in relation to their own glory ($$ with a few other intentions as well). Not that of God. So in regards to sex outside of marriage. The hardest problem I have with all this, is the fact that the bible was written over a 100 year span of the N.T. The thing is, we have a few manuscripts from the N.T. but not all are original. Plus my main issue is that is was written by MAN. As Men (and Women) we make mistakes. I feel that you know that the scribes would alter the bible in the slightest sense to fit there beliefs. Or the fact of how it was written. itishardertounderstandthebiblewithnospaces.butthisishowitwaswritten.lostintranslationcanwesay? (it is harder to understand the bible with no spaces. But this is how it was written. Lost in translation can we say?) But see Jack, most people dont know the understandings and the makeup of the bible on what books made it and what didn’t. We are taught that the bible is either the word of God or inspired word of God. So however you interpret it, man still wrote it.

So the bible, it was written to the people at the time. If my research is correct Paul did not write, “People of the future trust my words.” It was directly to the people of the time. I apologize for being all over the place. I have many more questions and the next time I post it will be structured better. Until next time. Thank you for your time. I hope I have not offended you. Thank you.

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Jack Wellman July 8, 2012 at 2:16 pm

I want to thank you Brian for your comment. Yes, we are taught that the Word of God is inspired by God but is it not a “either/or” proposition sir. Man wrote it yes, but under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. If it is wrong, you have lost nothing but if it is right, of which I am certain, they you stand to lose everything. God Himself says in 2 Tim 3:16-17 that “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” Now either God is lying by saying its His authorship or men lied under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit. You are typing your comment but the words you type are not you but you inspired the words to be written. Could we say that you didn’t really write it but it was written by the keyboard? No, you were the author, not the keyboard.

By the way, no offense taken. Please read this link to see why we believe it is God’s speaking.

http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/what-are-the-dead-sea-scrolls-the-reasons-they-are-important/

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Bernice July 18, 2012 at 5:38 am

Hello, well I was up late looking for prayers for jealousy because my boyfriend and I are having problems because im a very jealous girl. Anyways, Im 17 and since I was little I STRONGLY believed that one shall wait till marrige. That was one of my main goals. I have been recently been going out with my bestfriend since feb 22. We have been very good friends since my freshman year. About a month ago I lost my virginity to him. I feel confused because i went against my morals, yet he has bri=ought so much happiness into my life even before. I can tekk right away that he is a good person at heart and has his best interst in me. I just wonder is GOd disappointed in me? 🙁 Will he forgive me? Can I have your opinion?

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Jack Wellman July 18, 2012 at 3:22 pm

Hello Bernice. God is disspointed in you and your friend who you describe as a “good person at heart.” But he must not be that good of a friend if he wanted to have sex. He and you must stop now but God will forgive you. Read 1 John 1:9 and know that God is a forgiving God but you also may have consequences….maybe you become pregnant and other risks include what I mention below. If he is really your friend will not force you or talk you into having sex. God hates sexual immorality. When you feel the urge to think about or have sex, fall on your knees and ask God’s strength to overcome this because sex outside of marriage is not only sin, but it is dangerous: STD’s, sterility, pregnancy, etc. God be with you young lady.

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Lee July 24, 2012 at 7:40 am

Good day Pastor
i’m a born again christian and i made a decision that i will not have sex before marriage again. But i am a bit confused, is cuddling and kissing a sin .

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Jack Wellman July 24, 2012 at 4:45 pm

Lee, if you can control your passions and not let it get away from you, as in touching or petting in areas that are restricted before marriage. I think cuddling and kissing is okay if it doesn’t lead to too great of a temptation. Are you engaged? For those who are only dating, I would be very cautious my friend. Thank you Lee.

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Lee July 26, 2012 at 2:23 am

I’m still dating and not yet engaged. But thank you very much Pastor. I’m no-longer confused i now know the right thing to do.

God Bless you

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Jack Wellman July 26, 2012 at 4:24 pm

Awesome Lee. The fact that you are still just dating and are concerned about not doing the wrong thing tells me that you want to follow Jesus Christ and obey God. May God richly bless you and your future relationships.

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Tutu July 28, 2012 at 11:49 am

Thank you pastor for your words of encouragement,I made that decision. I am glad JESUS is my priority now. I chose not to have sex again till I am married but my fiance is making everything difficult,I told him we should honour GOD till we are married,right now he’s not talking to me unless I talk to him. I have been praying for him,he’s angry but no matter what he does I am not reversing my decision because now I know I must please GOD. Should I stop talking to him because he doesn’t care anymore and I feel like I am the only one holding the relationship…

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Tutu July 28, 2012 at 11:52 am

Thank you pastor for your words of encouragement,I made that decision. I am glad JESUS is my priority now. I chose not to have sex again till I am married but my fiance is making everything difficult,I told him we should honour GOD till we are married,right now he’s not talking to me unless I talk to him. I have been praying for him,he’s angry but no matter what he does I am not reversing my decision because now I know I must please GOD. Should I stop talking to him because he doesn’t care anymore and I feel like I am the only one holding the relationship…If he loves me he’ll stay but how can a man love a woman if he doesn’t love the true GOD first…I think its not possible to love someone if u don’t love GOD first,if he loves GOD,he’ll agree with me to honour GOD till we get married. Maybe I should move on

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Jack Wellman July 28, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Amen Tutu. This is such a joy to hear and this shows me that the Holy Spirit is truly working in you my friend. To honor God is to obey God and I see that this is your desire to please the Lord above all things and all people. Yes, if he loves you he will stay even now that you have decided to save sex for marriage. If he doesn’t stay, then he was not the right man to begin with. Read 1 John chapter 3 and see that no Christian truly keeps on sinning. Amen to you statement that it is not possible to love someone without honoring God and loving God above all. Well said. I would say move on if this man doesn’t agree and save yourself for someone who will honor your body as a vessel of God.

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Tutu July 28, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Sir,I am not keeping malice with him,we could be friends if it doesn’t work even though I wish it could but maybe I need to put everything behind me and start afresh because I have found out that if a person doesn’t love the true GOD,he’ll not obey HIM and if he doesn’t,he cannot love another person truely.

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Jack Wellman July 28, 2012 at 1:09 pm

Good for you my friend. God is going to bless you because you have a theology and not a me-ology.

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Tutu July 28, 2012 at 12:57 pm

Sir,I am not keeping malice with him,we could be friends if it doesn’t work even though I wish it could but maybe I need to put everything behind me and start afresh because I have found out that if a person doesn’t love the true GOD,he’ll not obey HIM and if he doesn’t,he cannot love another person truly.

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Tutu July 28, 2012 at 1:10 pm

Thank you so much,Sir. You are absolutely right.

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Tutu July 28, 2012 at 1:11 pm

Amen in Jesus’ name.

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Erica July 30, 2012 at 8:04 pm

I prayed to God for guidance and he led me to this article. God definitely spoke to me through you. To Gpd be the glory! Amen

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Jack Wellman July 30, 2012 at 8:20 pm

Oh Erica, glory to God and to Jesus Christ our Lord who is sovereign over all things and for such a time and place has he brought you here and I cry with joy as such messages as yours my friend. Thank you and I thank God FOR you Erica.

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Erica July 30, 2012 at 10:34 pm

God truly has blessed me with so many new friends Aka BASICS( brothers and sisters in Christ )
Being a new creation in Christ has presented some challenges but as long as I call on our father in Christ and have faith in Him, there’s nothing He can’t fix. I do have a question. How does a 35 year single mother, such as myself, go about getting into a Bible college? My church ( Thechurchlv ) only does internships for younger people?Ive been going to bible studies but they are more for socializing. I hope to start my own bible study and hopefully become motivational speaker. God bless you Jack!

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Jack Wellman July 31, 2012 at 2:30 pm

Erica, I don’t know what to tell you about getting into Bible college. There are scholarships available but I have had to pay my way myself thru online courses and am struggling to finish my masters. I have not been able to find one. As your church leaders/pastor if they have internships for others for your only 35 and to me, that’s young.

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James August 6, 2012 at 2:03 am

Hey Pastor Jack, God bless you sir. I’m very much inlove with a girl. We’ve known each other for years now and we have had sex a few times. I don’t look at it as just sex, and neither does she, we look at it as making love. God knows my heart and knows how much I’m inlove with her. I’ve cried in prayer a few times that he will bless us. Given that God knows my heart, do you think he will show leniency and still bless us?

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Jack Wellman August 6, 2012 at 4:33 pm

James, thank you for your question and comment my friend. Sex outside of marriage is sin and God will NOT bless you until you stop. He will not forgive you until you repent. Let me give you a serious warning James and I do this in love. There will be no leniency in ongoing sexual immorality. It is not love but lust and it is sin.

For those who have premarital sex there is the risk of sexually transmitted disease and people who have sex before marriage risk disease, death, and even going sterile (that is the chance of not having children later in life). I beg you both to not use this as an excuse that you “love” each other… indeed if you love your her I beg you not to do this for sex outside of marriage, under any circumstances, is only for those that are married. God will be angry at the sin of sexual immorality and those who do such things will not inherit the Kingdom of Heaven, so says the Bible (Read Gal 5:21, 1 Cor 6:9-18, and in the Book of Revelation). Please, please don’t do this.

Romans 8:8,13
Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.

1 Corinthians 6:18
Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.

Hebrews 13:4
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

I know this is hard in your case, but those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of heaven, not by my thoughts but this is fromt he Bible. Rev 21:8 says, “But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars–their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.”

I beg you not to do this. Hell could be the final judgment, especially since you know better. You say you are born again, yet 1 John 3:6-10 says, “No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him. 7 Dear children, do not let anyone lead you astray.The one who does what is right is righteous, just as he is righteous. 8 The one who does what is sinful is of the devil,because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work 9 No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God. 10 This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not God’s child, nor is anyone who does not love their brother and sister.”

No one can claim to be a Christians and continue to sin and not stop it. Read 1 John chapter 3…I beg you to stop this now James for your and your girlfriends sake. The judgment of God can be swift and eternal. If either of you were to die before stopping and repenting of this, there is NO guarantee that you won’t go to hell instead of heaven.

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chiemela chilaka August 10, 2012 at 5:58 pm

tanz about dat

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Diana August 16, 2012 at 12:58 pm

I’ve been in a relationship for six months now, and I finally found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. Even tho’ I know he loves me, and I love him too I know it ain’t right that we’ve had sex a few times. I really wanted to wait until marriage, but somehow it happened, and I’m sad, I feel so guilty, but I’m glad my boyfriend agrees on stopping it until we get married, please pray for us, it’s hard for me to feel clean after all this. I hope God will forgive me, I’m only 18 and I can’t believe I’m not a virgin anymore, I don’t know what to think, all I know is that I will stay with my boyfriend, and we will stop this. We both agree on it, all I want now is God’s forgiveness. Please help me, there’s a lot I don’t understand yet 🙁

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Jack Wellman August 16, 2012 at 3:59 pm

Hello Diana. I will pray for God to give you the strength to wait until you are married. God will forgive you all of your sins. You can believe what God says and the Bible says in 1 John 1:9 that “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” So,you have already confessed them, now believe that He is faithful and just and will forgive them, and cleanse you from ALL unrighteousness. Believe it! God said it and God can not lie.

Are you and your boyfriend Christians or that is, are you both born again? If not, click on the “Come to Jesus” link at the top of the page to find out for certain.

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frances September 3, 2012 at 2:56 am

Dear pastor
My boyfriend and I are deeply in love and commited to eachother. We want to get married but have two issues,one is that he had a sexual affair with my elder sister about 8-9years ago. Is it a sin against God if got married given this?
The second issue is that my family don’t support our marriage bcos he has been married twice and divorced twice, 3 with kids; a girl from the first and two boys from the second. My family was in support but later changed their mind. His first marriage happened a month after he met the lady because she got pregnant and he felt marrying her would be the right thing to do. So they never really got to know eachother. Soon the marriage started crumbling due to their not being compartible. She wouldn’t play her role as a wife like preparing meals for him after a hard day’s work,being dirty to the extent of not taking her bath regularly and would come to bed @ night smelling amongst other things. He tried living with this and changing her but she’ll take offense so he divorced her after two years and some months.
The second marriage ended as a result of disrespect,the woman and her family living off him and the climax was an incestous relationship on d part of the woman. He lived with this for 5years hoping she’ll change,and being ashamed of how people would see him and say about him being divorced a second time. This kept dragging him down till he couldn’t handle it anymore. With this pastor,can I go ahead and marry him? Will we be commiting sin? Can we go ahead and marry without the consent of my family(my dad is late though),will I be sinning if I did that? Will we be going contrary to God’s words and instructions? Please advise me/us on what to do,am confused,haven’t been able to eat or sleep or think straight or do anything productive for more than a week now. My main concern is doing what is right before God and not man because I don’t want to miss heaven.

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Jack Wellman September 3, 2012 at 4:26 pm

Hello Frances. I see that you so desire to follow God’s will and to obey Him in all things. My first question is have you talked with your local pastor in the church you attend. You can do so, in most cases, in confidence that he won’t share it with anyone else. Another question was, was your boyfriend saved at the time? I wish I could talk to you both in person because this is a difficult and most complicated situation. Your boyfriends first marriage doesn’t sound like it was biblical grounds for divorce but the second it sounds like he had rights.

Let me say that we all sin and no one is going to ever be sinfree in this life. I wish I knew if this boyfriend was saved prior to his marriages. I don’t want you to fear missing heaven due to your sinning because Jesus Christ atones for our every sin from the past, during the present, and will cover those sins when confessed, in the future. If he was not a believer, this makes a big difference. I would seek a good Christian counselor and your local pastor. See what they say. Your families consent would be nice but ultimately, God’s Word should be your standard above all. Read 1 Cor 7 and see what you think and pray about this. Then, get back to me. This is very complicated, as I said.

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frances September 4, 2012 at 2:40 pm

Thank you so much pastor, you have been of great help. He wasn’t saved prior to his past marriages. I will study d scripture you gave me and pray. I will also endeavour to see our local pastor. Thanks again pastor and God keep blessing you and blessing people through you.

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Jack Wellman September 4, 2012 at 5:27 pm

Thank you Frances so much. I appreciate your kind words and I pray for your future happiness in both of your lives. Please do keep in touch and let us know how it turns out my friend.

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frances September 4, 2012 at 2:41 pm

Thank you so much pastor, you have been of great help. I feel really blessed. He wasn’t saved prior to his past marriages. I will study d scripture you gave me and pray. I will also endeavour to see our local pastor. Thanks again pastor and God keep blessing you and blessing people through you.

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Tutu September 4, 2012 at 5:47 pm

Sir,thanks for always helping. I wanna ask a question not too related to sex,it has been argued about in my area and I just want to know your opinion. Is it true that it is a sin for a woman to wear a trouser and other things designed for men ? I just feel we are saved by grace thru Jesus Christ and not by law in fact law is d way of showing the effect of sin,tz when you have faith in Christ that you can obey the law…the motives for dressing matter to God,I mean a woman could wear a trouser because of the nature of her job,cld dress for comfort. Can God judge someone for what u wear or the motive for wearing something?

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Jack Wellman September 4, 2012 at 5:58 pm

Tutu, I think we agree that a woman wearing trousers or pants is fine. God looks at the heart and we can not judge others for what a woman wears. Motive is very important, yes. Now if she is dressing with too much showing, that is sin for it is tempting men to lust but this is not the case here so it is not sin, from what I understand in the biblical principles, for a woman to war trousers, pants, or slacks. NO problem. We are saved by grace, yes, and not by what we do, for works or how we dress. Thanks Tutu. Does this help my friend?

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Tutu September 5, 2012 at 1:28 pm

Sir,thank you. It really helps,it is the truth.

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New Christian September 5, 2012 at 10:21 pm

Your blog has been very helpful to me in learning more about Jesus and how I can live a more Christian life and set a good example for my husband and kids. My question relates to adultery. What if your spouse was unfaithful during the marriage several times years ago (before we had kids) and no longer does this. Also since that time we have both accepted the Lord and been born again (baptized). I appreciate the many scriptures you reference, and they clearly state this behavior is sexually immoral and a sin against His Commandments, but I am so hopeful that God will forgive him and allow him into Heaven. On the other hand some days i thimk about it and it almost seems hopeless after the studying I have been doing. Please help me understand how God forgives if my husband repents and accepts Jesus, but the Bible says he cannot inherit the Kingdom of Heaven. Thank you for your guidance.

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Jack Wellman September 6, 2012 at 5:16 pm

Hello New Christian. I am overjoyed that you have placed your trust in Jesus Christ. Those who you mentioned will not inherit the Kingdom of Heaven are those who refuse to repent from sexual immorality, not those who have had their sins forgiven, repented of them, confessed them, and place their trust in Jesus. Your spouse has no fear of judgment. Jesus said, “every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven” in Matt 12:31. That means “every sin!” In fact, 1 John 1:9 is one of my favorite memory verses and is says that “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Since we know that God can not lie, there it is…proof that if we confess our sins…He is faithful to forgive us and then, He will cleanse us fro ALL of our unrighteousness.

Further, Jesus says that “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?” (John 11:26). Also read 1 John near the end of the New Testament. This is what I call the “know-so” of your salvation. Your spouse is forgiven. We will never be sinless (1 John 1:8,10) but we can be forgiven (1 John 1:9). We are not sinless but we will sin less! No worry for your spouse. Rest at ease. God bless. Hope this helps.

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Jay September 7, 2012 at 1:22 pm

Hey pastor, I am a 17 year old male that’s in a 1 month relationship right now. I really really love the girl, and we have been kissing just because it feels good. Is it a sin? And a few days ago, I started light petting her (touching her breasts both with her clothing on and slipping my hands into her shirt) and I kissed her breasts once. After that I felt so bad that I stopped immediately and started praying to God to forgive me. However, the feeling came back and I cannot resist it. I feel like doing the same things to my girlfriend again. She doesn’t feel uncomfortable, and in fact she likes it. I prayed about it but it doesn’t feel like its working because the feeling is still there. I really don’t want to do it again because I’m afraid that I’m sinning against God, but at the same time I want to do it because it feels good. Please help me. ):

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Jack Wellman September 7, 2012 at 10:11 pm

Hello Jay. Thank you for the question. I believe the very fact that you are asking this question about touching a woman in private areas, even with clothes on, makes me think that you believe it may be wrong. You said that “you felt so bad.” That is the Holy Spirit telling you that this is wrong. It is wrong and is sin. Sexual contact, touching, petting and such, even without sexual intercourse is the same thing a sexual immorality. Even if she likes it makes no difference. A drug addict likes heroine yet it is destroying his life. I am glad that you don’t want to do it again because it could lead to arousal and eventually to sexual intercourse. Sin IS pleasurable…for a season but God will not leave those unpunished who live this way. No sexually immoral person who doesn’t repent of this will go to heaven (1 Cor 6:9 & many other places).

Jesus said that even lusting after a woman in your heart is the same thing as committing adultery. You must stop, for your and her sake. If you really love this girl, you must save yourself for the marriage relationship. Please stop & tell your girlfriend why you are stopping. It is not worth sinning against God for. Thank you.

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Tutu September 11, 2012 at 5:32 am

Sir,
Please,I need your help in this area. As a christian,you wake up keeping your joy and you are good to people but what about if people reject you because you show them love,do you have to stay away from people like that. For example,there are some neighbours who do not greet you at all if you don’t greet them,they wait for you to greet them first even if you greet them they answer without smiling,do you have to continue greeting them or you act as if you do not see them?

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Jack Wellman September 11, 2012 at 6:43 pm

Hello again Tutu. You must show them love regardless of how they treat you and no, don’t avoid them. Lost people need Christians like you to love them, show them the love of God, because Christ died for us while we were still enemies and yes, continue to greet them….your unconditional love is like God’s love. We must love the unlovable because He loved us who were not lovely but sinners. Do not act like you don’t see them…but love them, and pray for them to come to saving faith in Christ. I love atheists, agnostics, Muslims, Buddhists, gay and lesbians, and those who hate me because I am no better than they are. I pray for them, love them, don’t avoid them.

You will never meet a atheists, agnostics, Muslims, Buddhists, gay or lesbian that God doesn’t love and you will never meet a atheists, agnostics, Muslims, Buddhists, gay or lesbian that God does not want to save. I will not judge nor condemn them…I am not God. My role is to pray for them and love them and not avoid them for then this makes me appear “holier than thou” or self-rightouess which I am not. Does this help Tutu?

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Sibin Joy October 11, 2012 at 8:52 am

I will get married soon… but I am not so in love with my fiancee yet to feel guilty about anything i do. I just like her and happy that i am marrying her. Meanwhile, if I end up having a “one” Fling with a co-worker, would that be sin according to bible?? I know its sin if I do it after marriage.. and I will definitely not do it!
My mind says – I am not officially committed to anyone and so its not a big deal.. till i get married.
My heart says – I need to be spending more time in preparing myself for the wedding physically, mentally, and spiritually.. so i shouldn’t do it…
Whom should i listen to??? Please advise

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Jack Wellman October 11, 2012 at 7:36 pm

Hello Sibin. You are not in love with her so I must tell you that you should not get married to someone you don’t love! When my wife & I were dating before we got married, we became best friends & in time I began to love her. If you don’t love this woman & still get married, you could well end up divorced and biblically tied to this woman with no biblical grounds for divorce.

Why would you want to marry someone you don’t love!? And having a fling before you get married, that is a blatant sin my friend. My question is you should read 1 John chapter 3 too see if you indeed are a Christian. Are you born again?

What if this woman you want to have a fling with becomes pregnant? Plus there are other risks that include what I mention below. God hates sexual immorality and all of the sexually immoral will be headed into the lake of fire (Rev 20). When you feel the urge to think about or have sex, fall on your knees and ask God’s strength to overcome this because sex outside of marriage is not only sin, but it is dangerous: STD’s, sterility, pregnancy, etc.

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J A October 25, 2012 at 8:30 am

Hi Pastor. I would like to ask you for advise. Thank you in advance.

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a year and half and known each other for 12 years. She’s been telling me she loves me since we first met but I decided to ask her out only a year and half ago. I am 24 and she is 23.

I have always been sexually active in every relationship I’ve had, and so has she. In fact we both have had very sexual lifes. Not that I am proud of it. But this day and age we are raised to follow sinful paths and only recently have I become aware of the importance of abstinence before marriage. I think abstaining before marriage is important but there are some things which make me think it will not be worth it.
1. Me and my girlfriend already have been very sexually active in the past so it would be at best hypocritical to pretend to be pure now. I think God would appreciate some honesty from us both and if honesty means not pretending to be what we are not (sinners) then maybe we should just conform to the life of sin we’ve been thrown into and pray for the Lord’s forgiveness.
2. I am highly suspicious of all churches because they all work hand in hand with this world and God clearly states we need to be suspicious of the world and follow him and not the world which is under Satan’s rule anyway. Only thing is me and my girlfriend are Catholics and as I believe it the Catholic Church has been run by Satan since the Roman Empire co-opted it. So what importance does marriage have if marriage is performed by a sinful church? If there are no non-sinful churches available for us to get married in, should we abstain from having sex altogether forever?
3. Me and my girlfriend live really really far away. It takes 8 hours on plane to get to see each other. I am committed to her and so is she to me but since our financial resources are not huge I’m not seeing a real marriage happening any time soon. I mean it’s really easy to wait for marraige when your fiance lives in your town and so do both of your families but in our case this seems impossible. Our marriage is looking many years away. Does God not want couples from different countries? He surely must understand the extra difficulty.

I’m thinking our best bet is to buy a couple fake rings one of the few times we see each other and make a marriage rehearsal in our basement. I mean I understand the importance of marriage and waiting for sex before it but what’s the use if you’re never going to be married rightfully(by a faithful church and with financial resources)? Are poor people or people deceived by Satan’s churches forbidden from marriage and sex?

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Jack Wellman October 25, 2012 at 1:45 pm

Hello J A. Thank you for your honesty and comment. I have great concerns for you and your girlfriends spiritual state. From what you said, you may not actually be saved! How can I say that? Read 1 John chapter 3. You are not living as the Bible says believer will. You said something very concerning that shows me you are compromising the truth in the Bible. You said for example that there are some things that make you think that abstaining from premarital sex will not be worth it.

You wrote, “maybe we should just conform to the life of sin we’ve been thrown into and pray for the Lord’s forgiveness.” This is dangerous. You are sinning presumptuously. This is like saying, since bank robbers are going to rob banks anyway, and “we’ve been thrown into this” we can just “pray for the Lord’s forgiveness.” That is what Paul calls licentiousness. You are giving yourself a license to sin and that is dangerous spiritual ground. Read the book of Hebrews. You are trampling on the blood of Christ making the cross of Christ of no effect! This is like telling the judge, well judge, please forgive us for robbing banks because “we’ve been thrown into this” and we just as for your forgiveness. It won’t work with a human judge, how much higher are God’s standards because this is sexual immorality & the Bible says that the sexually immoral will NOT inherit the Kingdom of Heaven.

Then you said, “So what importance does marriage have if marriage is performed by a sinful church? If there are no non-sinful churches available for us to get married in” There are no sinless churches just as there are no sinless Christians, but you are not sinless either (1 John 1:8, 10).

You are not joined together before a church to get married but before God. Exchanging “fake rings one of the few times we see each other and make a marriage rehearsal in our basement” is not recognized by God and that would still be sexual immorality in God’s eyes. You are justifying your own sexual immorality by saying there are “some things that make you think” that…and then justifiy your actions. Friend, I am sorry to sound so strong but God sees this as sin. You can not justifiy your actions because what the Bible says about sex outside of marriage is true, not what you think. I fear for both of yours spiritual future. Honestly, it doesn’t sound like you are saved. Read Hebrews and 1 John chapter 3, please, I beg you before it is too late and you die in this state.

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J A November 7, 2012 at 4:36 am

Thank you very much pastor. Thank your for caring about my salvation. I know my soul is in big trouble. I want to not be sinful and to put my desires on the cross.
My girlfriend is coming to see me in January. I have been toying with the idea of telling her we should abstain from sex until we get married one day. I just don’t see this happening soon because of our circumstances. She still has 3 more years to finish her eduaction in her country. I tried getting a job there but coulnd’t. I told her we could get married legally in my country so she could obtain a visa and we could live together here. But she said she didn’t want that because she wants to get married legally only after getting married spiritually. The problem is that we just don’t have the resources yet.
I want to be fair to her. If I don’t have the resources to get married with her, if I don’t want to keep sinning commiting premarital sex, but she wants to do this (premarital sex), should I tell her that she needs someone else? I know she won’t conform to a cheap wedding and has dreams of a great and expensive one. I’m so lost. I have bookmarked the readings you advised for me and will add them to my daily reading of scriptures and read them soon. Hopefully this sends me the right direction.
I will reply again after I read them. I think I should propose to her an affordable wedding with witnesses and a priest… or to just be friends. I can not keep living like this. I’m just a bit sad because she really is the only one that has ever loved me….and for 10 years. I really want to give her what she wants (an expensive wedding) but just can’t. I feel that if I tell her the truth and she refuses my offer just like she refused to get married legally I will be heartbroken.
Also, could you please answer me with your opinion on the following (before I reply after I read the scriptures)?;
Is it ok before God to get married legally and not in church? I could do that and promise her an expensive spiritual wedding one day. Will we live in sin after we get married by the state? Will God take offense on that?

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Jack Wellman November 7, 2012 at 1:55 pm

Hello J A. Let me break down your questions one at a time:

You said, “if I tell her the truth and she refuses my offer just like she refused to get married legally I will be heartbroken” but the truth is always the best option. God will not bless any deceit or lying just to get married.

Then you said, “Is it ok before God to get married legally and not in church?” I think as long as you get a legal marriage, it does NOT have to done in a church for God to recognize it at all.

Also you said, “I could do that and promise her an expensive spiritual wedding one day. Will we live in sin after we get married by the state? Will God take offense on that?”

If you don’t have any more sex before marriage and stay pure then God will bless your obedience to Him for sure. You don’t have to promise an “expensive” wedding. Just getting legally married is okay but no sex before that or you will not receive God’s blessings.

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J A November 7, 2012 at 6:11 am

Hi Pastor I just finished reading the scriptures you advised me to.
Please I need to know if getting a legal marriage will satisfy God. Otherwise I will tell my gf to wait until we can get married in church or find someone else. I know I am lying to God and not receiving His salvation by sinning and knowing I sin.

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Jack Wellman November 7, 2012 at 1:58 pm

Hello again J A. Getting legally married WILL satisfy God. If your girlfriend is not willing to wait to have sex before marriage, then this girl is not right to marry. If a woman is not willing to obey God BEFORE marriage, what makes you think that she will AFTER you are married?

No sex before marriage or no marriage at all. You must fear to obey God over what any man or woman (including your girlfriend) thinks.

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J A November 7, 2012 at 10:45 am

Hi again. I just wanted to say that something very strange just happened. One of the top executives in the company I work came to our branch office today and offered me a job oportunity at my girlfriend’s country. I have been looking for a job there for a long time and this just happened today. Truly one just needs to know God knows. I don’t know what else to say. Thank you God. Thank you pastor.

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Jack Wellman November 7, 2012 at 2:02 pm

Horray! Isn’t our God an awesome God. I pray God richly blesses you at your new job and in your possible future marriage. Thank you Jesus!

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J A November 8, 2012 at 3:59 am

Amen! Thank you again! With Jesus’ help no more sex before marriage for me! 😀

Olivia October 29, 2012 at 4:48 pm

Thank you so much pastor for this article. I have learned a lot and am very ashamed to admit that i am a sinner. I thought that only sexual intercourse before marriage is not allowed, but was not fully aware (or i just did not WANT to know) of sexual immorality. Despite knowing about sexual intercourse i recently gave in to sin with my almost 4 year relationship. I have been trying really hard not to allow it but i was away from my bf for 3 months (i was in a diff country) and when i came back i allowed it because i wanted to show how much i love him (which based from this article was a very wrong move) and because i was going away again.. And maybe for good. I thought it would deepen our relationship, but it only gave us trouble in the form of my bf flirting with another woman which was the first time it ever happened in our relationship. Not only that but i was always guilty when it happens and would end up crying or regretting afterwards which made my bf unhappy too. I am disgusted by what we have done and regret doing it in the first place… I am afraid that there will be more punishments God will give us for this.. He has always been there to help us do away with temptation, but due to our own decisions, we have done what he did not want us to do. Now i have a low morale with my relationship.. I love him very much but i am afraid God will not bless us because of what we have done.. I am ready to repent and seek forgiveness from Him..kneel of i have to everytime we have this urge…pray for forgiveness everytime this lust surfaces and sin taints our heart and minds.. I do not know what else to do… Please pastor advise us and pray for us that we may be worthy of his forgiveness and to have the strength to get through this.. I also do not know what step to take since i am leaving for another country again on december and will not know if i will come back.. We are thinking of marrying but i am also having doubts if out marriage will be blessed because of what we have done.. I do not want to be in a relationship that God will not bless, and i also do not want to give up in the relationship, but i have been praying for God’s will to be done.. Pastor please do advise us what we have to do in this situation… 🙁

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Jack Wellman October 29, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Olivia, I sense you are so sorry for your sin so please know that God will forgive you of all your sins if you confess them (1 John 1:9) and He will cleanse you from ALL unrighteousness. Trust God for He can not lie and He says He will forgive all who come to Him and for ALL they have sinned. None of us are worthy to be forgiven, me included, but Jesus’ worthiness is imparted and imputed to us so we have had all our sins placed on Him who knew no sin so that God’s wrath would be removed from us.

Now, I would not stop from getting married because of your past sins. God will bless you if you stop sex before marriage and if you get married and stay faithful, there is no doubt God will bless a faithful married couple. And He doesn’t punish you in the future for sins He has already forgiven you for. Don’t let the past sins stop you from having a happy marriage. If you love each other, and have made vows to stay away from sex before marriage, God WILL bless you both. That is my prayer for you. God bless you Olivia.

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Olivia October 29, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Thank you thank you thank you for your immediate response! It is clear to me now and we will talk about this and change for the better and repent. It will be a struggle, but it is not something that is impossible with the Lord.. You are changing lives pastor, please continue to do so. May the Lord bless you and your family always!

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taku November 5, 2012 at 2:24 am

thank you for this opportunity to ask and to receive answers
my question is , i am a deveoted and commited member in our local church and i am a praise and worship leader. i am currently in a relatioonship with a man who divorced with his wife 1 year ago, the wife was commitimg adultery and he suffered a lot in trying to keep the relationship but finally divorced, and is 50 years old, i am 27. my worry is he is demanding sex from me and i give in, we are having sex and at the same time i am still committed to te work of the ministry, but i felt very bad about it considering my ministry. he showed much love to me but i am very afraid to tell my pastor about it. i dont want to do the wrong things like sex before merriage and i am worried about his age again. right now he is proposing to marry me as soon as possible, but i am feeling very uncomfortable eventho i love him. give me advice, i really don’t know what to do, should i quit the relationship or what?

Reply

Jack Wellman November 5, 2012 at 1:00 pm

Hello Taku. I would immediately cut off this relationship for no Christian commits sin on an ongoing basis (read 1 John chapter 3). This man is living a lie in my opinion for if he is blaming his wife for the divorce by her committing adultery and then having a sexually immoral relationship with you, he is a hypocrite and is sinning just as much as he accused his wife of. I would not trust him as far as you can move a mountain.

Regarding your question, for those who have premarital sex there is the risk of sexually transmitted disease and people who have sex before marriage risk disease, death, and even going sterile (that is the chance of not having children later in life). I beg you both to do this under any circumstances for sex is only for those that are married. God will be angry at the sin of sexual immorality and those who do such things will not inherit the Kingdom of Heaven, so says the Bible (Read Gal 5:21, 1 Cor 6:9-18, and in the Book of Revelation). Please, please don’t do this

Romans 8:8,13
Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.

1 Corinthians 6:18
Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.

Hebrews 13:4
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

I know this is hard in your case, but those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of heaven, not by my thoughts but this is fromt he Bible. Rev 21:8 says, “But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars–their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.”

The Bible says in 1 John 3:6-10 says, “No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him. 7 Dear children, do not let anyone lead you astray.The one who does what is right is righteous, just as he is righteous. 8 The one who does what is sinful is of the devil,because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work 9 No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God. 10 This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not God’s child, nor is anyone who does not love their brother and sister.”

I warn you, not only as a pastor, but a fellow Christian, cut off this man now. Send him this link to the article. Stay away from him, cut it off immediately for your own sake, I beg you. You say you love him, but love waits for marriage, otherwise love is not love, it is lust and that is a big time sin before God.

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taku November 6, 2012 at 1:40 am

thank you pastor for yr advice, should i really leave him or i should try to tell him the right way to go and then if he resists then i will leave him? its sometimes not easy to just cut an ongoing relationship, how best can i handle this without hurting feelings.

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Jack Wellman November 6, 2012 at 1:22 pm

You should tell him why you are leaving him and show him that this sex before marriage is sin before God’s eyes. You must separate yourself from anyone who wants to have sex before or outside of marriage and calls himself a Christian. If you are a “devoted praise and worship leaders” and any Christian you should not be having sex with this man. Don’t worry about hurting his feelings. We must put our obedience and fear of God well above any feelings of mankind. Do this today. God will not hold those guiltless who do such things, including you and him. I say this in Christian love and concern for your eternal destiny sake.

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Achiobu Joy November 6, 2012 at 4:30 am

Sir, i truly thank God for what He is doing through you on this page, i have learnt a great deal from your councel on other people’s questions. Sir, here is my case. I dated a man when i was much younger about 18yrs and not really knowing what it means to obey God, have so much engaged in sexual immorality. From the very 1st time we met, he has always called me his wife, loves me so much nd love him too. I entered the university and never cared much about him been so occupied with my new life but he never stopped caring. Around 2004 he came to ask for my hand in marriage but i turned it down because i was not ready then. Same year he travelled out of the country and i really moved on but he calls me once in a while, By the grace of God, 2010, i took a decision, stopped every form of sexual relationship nd focused my attention on pleasing my God. I am now engaged to be married this season to this my childhood boyfriend after 8yrs of seperation. I have briefed my fiancee on my new status in Jesus Christ and he somehow accepted to obey my will not to engage in premarital sex, but he has insisted dat i will come and receive him at the airport as he enters the state, be in thesame hotel room with him as we process our court registry and come back home together to see our parents for the traditional marriage. This is my question sir, (1) since he is coming home just for our marriage, can i avoid him completely if he insist on making love to me? Though he promised not to (2) Can i see him as my husband and be totally free with him with my body on acceptance of both of us before the marriage? (3) Is it okay to stay with him nd cook for him while we are going through our marriage processes since he already sees me as his wife though nt legally pronounced? (4) Which is acceptable? court, tranditional or church wedding? (5) Infact can it be possible for us to be together and not sin? Pls sir help me. Thank u.

Reply

Jack Wellman November 6, 2012 at 1:42 pm

Hello Achiobu. Don’t believe my opinion or what I believe but believe what the Bible says. Just because this man and you might get married and he says that “he already sees” you as his wife “though not legally pronounced” then DO NOT HAVE SEX with this man for it is sexual immorality to have sex out side of marriage and God tells us to follow the laws of the government (read Romans 12) and if the state or government does not see us legally married, then we are NOT married in God’s eyes. This is fornication and God will not bless you, him, or your marriage if you have sex BEFORE you are legally married. It IS SIN to be together in the same motel and have sex.

I beg you both to not use this as an excuse… indeed if you love your him & he loves you and are Christians, you will not do this for Christians are not fornicators or sexually immoral and sin (read 1 John chapter 3). I beg you not to do this for sex outside of marriage, under any circumstances, is only for those that are married. God will be angry at the sin of sexual immorality and those who do such things will not inherit the Kingdom of Heaven, so says the Bible (Read Gal 5:21, 1 Cor 6:9-18, and in the Book of Revelation). Please, please don’t do this. Here is why I say that:

Romans 8:8,13
Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.

1 Corinthians 6:18
Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.

Hebrews 13:4
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

I know this is hard in your case, but those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of heaven, not by my thoughts but this is fromt he Bible. Rev 21:8 says, “But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars–their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.”

I beg you not to do this. Hell could be the final judgment, especially since you know better. You say you are born again, yet 1 John 3:6-10 says, “No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him. 7 Dear children, do not let anyone lead you astray.The one who does what is right is righteous, just as he is righteous. 8 The one who does what is sinful is of the devil,because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil’s work 9 No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God. 10 This is how we know who the children of God are and who the children of the devil are: Anyone who does not do what is right is not God’s child, nor is anyone who does not love their brother and sister.”

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AJ November 6, 2012 at 2:44 pm

Thanks pastor for ur timely response. Though d truth may seem bitter, it is still good we hear it. The penalty of this sin is so much nd clearly stated dat I cannot loose my blessings nd kingdom heritage for. I know God did not give these instructions because he hates us, rather, He gave them to keep us in d blessing. I refuse to be a tool for my self destruction. I know with God all things are possible, He will strengthen us, that i know. Thank u sir.

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Jack Wellman November 6, 2012 at 3:52 pm

AJ, you have mentioned something that is very often overlooked….yes, God did this not because He hates us but rather that He wants to bless us and he loves us. So true. I love your comment for there is so much wisdom in in AJ. I thank God that you wrote this and that He sent you to us and please come back again as you are welcome at this site anytime my friend. Thank you so very much!

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NH November 8, 2012 at 8:46 am

I was searching through the web for some true Christian help then happened to get to your page.

A few years back I had a relationship with a fellow Christian sister (Sister A) and we promised each other marriage. When we talked to the Pastor, he said that it is true God had showed him that we were meant for each other (be married). He prayed for us before the congregation then I proceeded to get introduced before the sister’s family.

However not long after, we fell into fornication and got a baby. Our relationship didn’t last long as I decided to quit for selfish reasons. My life then went from bad to worse as I fell deeper and deeper into lust, pornography and fornication.

Later when I came back to my senses, I decided to find another person to marry and leave the life of fornication (Sister B). But since I hadn’t really repented, the same trend of fornication surfaced again with Sister B. Recently I said I better get my life right with God before it is too late. I talked it through with Sister B and we promised to keep ourselves from premarital sex until marriage. We are actually working on getting married right now and have talked to another Pastor whom I told about my troubled past.

However the guilty and fall of my past still haunts me. I feel like I betrayed Sister A with whom I had the baby. When I told her about my plans, she actually says that the relationship we had met marriage and so should not marry anyone else. Sister A has gone on to say that if I marry anyone else the marriage will not work because it will be considered sin? I give her support for the child but still she says it is not enough if we are not married.

Help me please, I have tried praying about it but got no clue perhaps because my relation with God had been rotten and just trying my best to get back on the right track. My marriage plans are now in suspense.
Thank you

Reply

Jack Wellman November 8, 2012 at 12:41 pm

Hello NH. Don’t let the guilt of the past ruin the future for God is the God of 2nd chances and 3rd, and 4th…. When we repent and confess our sins, God will forgive us of all our sins and cleanse us (1 John 1:9). Don’t let your feelings of guilt overshadow a future that God has for you. If God has said that He will forgive us of our sins, we must forgive ourselves. Don’t suspend your marriage plans for guilt of the past that God can forgive. Please be sure though that your plans for a future partner are with a Christian.

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NH November 11, 2012 at 7:45 am

Thank you Pastor. I will cling to this verse (1 John 1:9) letting go of my past failures. My future partner is a Christian.
Gob bless you

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MJ November 10, 2012 at 6:00 am

Hi pastor,
Is masturbation a sin? I am a lonely adult.

Reply

Jack Wellman November 10, 2012 at 12:28 pm

Hello MJ. I believe that anyone who lusts in their heart commits adultery and Jesus said it was as if they had committed adultery physically. What I believe is not important but what Jesus and the Bible teaches. This is a hard place to be and I can understand how hard it is being a lonely adult. I have been there too. Do you know any one in your church you can visit with? How about your pastor? There are many godly women and men in the churches and I don’t know if you are a man or a woman, but you don’t have to be lonely for if you find a good Bible-believing church, there are other singles who are likely just as lonely as you are. Perhaps that might be a start. I don’t know if I helped you or not.

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