How to Talk To Your Children about Sex? A Christian Perspective

by Jack Wellman · Print Print · Email Email

When do you bring up the topic of sex to your children?  How do you talk to your children about sex?  What should you tell them is the purpose of sex?  What things should be spoken of from the Bible?  What happens if you don’t bring up sex to children?

When Do You Bring up the Topic of Sex to Your Children? 

You really bring up sex when you treat your wife or husband in a loving way.  When a relation between the father and mother is a loving, caring, and affectionate one, then you have already brought up sex in one way.  Children will learn to treat the opposite sex the way that they see their father or mother treated.  They will see this as normal and their expectations of the opposite sex will be primarily based upon the relationship that they see between their father and mother.  It has been said that children can not hear what you say to them because what you are doing is drowning it out.  Actions do speak louder than words, so this important reminder for all parents should be; they are watching, they are learning and more is caught than taught.

When parents first bring up the topic of sex they might bring up an example of the birds and the bees.  The fact is that using the animal kingdom is a great way to bring up the subject.  You could note that the young birds are best taken care of by parent birds.  They provide food, shelter, and protection for the young nestlings.  Now if there were not two to care for the young, then the young birds might starve, or have no shelter, or not be protected.  Birds generally mate for life and they do not have young by themselves.  It takes two to raise the nestlings.  It is not a job for a lone, single bird to do.

The topic of sex is therefore brought up as soon as possible so that the embarrassment is taken out of the topic.  Your children should have a safe-zone feeling where they can bring up anything or ask any question of their parents.  Parents should not look or act uncomfortable when sex is brought up and it will definitely come up with all the media emphasis on it today.  No question should be rejected or treated as unimportant.  Parents would much rather have their children come to them about such things than to learn it from other children or from the street.

Here should be the time to discuss the proper touching and where certain areas of their body are private even from mommy and daddy.  Children should have a clear understanding of what is permissible and what is not and to always have no fear to come to them if they feel uncomfortable about an occurrence where they were touched in a “private” area.

How Do you Talk To Your Children About Sex?

How to talk to children about sex is that it is only for adults that are married.  It is bad for them to expose themselves or to have anyone or touch anyone in a private area.  Sex is a good thing that is a gift from God and it is only for daddies and mommies.  Tell them that God does not want them to have any relations where they feel it is not right.  If it doesn’t feel right to them, then it very well may be wrong.  They should feel free to talk to their parents at anytime about anything or if they have any questions.

Sex should be something that is only for those who are married and it is always between adults.  No children, young adults, or even older adults are supposed to be touching or be touched or to see or be seen by anyone else unless they are married; and only then by the person that they are married to.  When my children were young, I always accompanied them to visits to the pediatrician.  If any pediatrician forbids me or my wife from being present for any procedure or examination, we would find another pediatrician.

So talking about sex being a good thing and how children are born is a necessary part of growing up.  But it is always, and there are no exceptions, between a married man and woman.  You can tell them that without sex, they would not have been born.  Sex is for married couples only and God made sex.  But He did not make it for anyone that was not married and He made it only for men and women who were married.  Even sex between men and sex between women is something you can tell them that God does not approve of and it hurts the body.

What Should You Tell Them is the Purpose of Sex?

Some of this was discussed in the previous section.  Sex is for the purpose of having children borne and that sex is purposely intended for mommies and daddies that are married to each other.  Sex is a special thing and it should never, ever be shared outside of marriage.  Tell them that someday, when they get married, they will have children of your own.  This is the only time that God allows sex.  It is a special thing that God made for married people.  It was never meant for anyone that is not married and it can harm people in a way that their lives may never be the same.

What Things Should Be Spoken of from the Bible?

I once heard a young boy and girl were being married by a little girl who was performing the ceremony.  The little girl’s ceremony went like this:

The little girl:  “Do you take this man for better or for worse?”

The young girl: “For better!”

The little girl:  “Do you take him in sickness or health?”

The young girl: “In health!”

The little girl:  “Do you take him for richer or poorer?”

The young girl:  “For richer!”

This was quite funny but you can always read them the account of the story from Genesis chapter one where God joined together the man and woman, Adam and Eve.  You may emphasize that God is the one that joins them together and that they are made to stay married for the rest of their lives.

You may also tell them that God doesn’t like it when daddies and mommies leave each other because this hurts the family.  It also hurts the children.  Of course, if you had to divorce a spouse because they left the marriage, or they were unfaithful, or they were abusive, then you can tell them that God allows daddies and mommies to live in different houses if it is the best thing for the family.  The parent’s job is to protect the children and this is what God wants the parents to do.

What Happens If You Don’t Bring Up Sex to Children?

I never knew my father and I lived with my aunt for a long time and no one ever talked about sex, so we learned about sex from our friends and from the playground (or the street).  It seemed that it was always wrong too.  I remember being told in the 1st grade that if I kissed a girl they would have a baby…needless to say I was terrified for a long time to even touch a girl, not to mention kiss one.  When my aunt would kiss me, it horrified me because I didn’t understand.  So talk to your children about sex when they are old enough to understand.  Even when they are young they should understand about being touched in private areas and that no one, not even their relatives which include mommy and daddy, has the right to touch them in their private areas.  But if you don’t talk to them about sex, without embarrassment and without putting them off, they will learn about it one way or another.  It  will usually be wrong.  There is never a question that your children should be afraid or embarrassed to ask you.  Tell them that.  That safe-zone builds trust and provides an environment where they can come to you about anything.  And that is the best of situations; especially when they come to you about sex.

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