Are there signs that church members are not feeling welcome? If so, what are the warning signs and what can you do to address the issue of people not feeling welcome at your church?
Ignoring the Back Pew
We are creatures of habit and just like creatures of habit, the same people will sit in the same place in church every Sunday. In some cases, if you sit where they normally sit, they might look at you funny when they see you sitting in their place. For some strange reason, people like to sit in the same places. Now I can understand why some sit in the front or near the front. They might be hard of hearing and the location of the speakers might better enable them to hear the messages, but you’ll notice in about every church you visit that there are those who sit in the very back pews and they often sit by themselves. Is it only because they like to get out of services quickly? Probably in some cases but there may be more to it than that.
Neglecting Hospitality
Those who sit in the back are not those who always feel unwelcome but many times they do. Before I was called into the ministry, I looked for people in the back rows during the “meet and greet” time in services and also before services started. Often, that’s where new people show up. I always looked for people that sat there because the new attendees knew very few people there and they didn’t feel comfortable enough to sit closer to the front. That’s okay. I see why they might do that. I did that too at one time. Anyway, if you see new people sitting in the back in more isolated areas, maybe they aren’t feeling welcome. The old church I attended had designated “meet and greet” people. I loved that idea. Sometimes I would ask them if I could sit with them and if they agreed, I’ sit with them during services. I tried to make everyone feel welcomed but my purpose was to seek out anyone that was new. I would go up and make eye contact with them, introduce myself and tell them “Welcome.” Maybe you need someone in your church designated as a “meet and greeter” to seek out those who seem to isolate themselves by sitting alone and are always in the back pews, in particular newer people. If no one ever does this, that could be a sign that this church doesn’t welcome new people.
Seeking Out the Single People
This is close to what I wrote earlier but is only different in the sense that there are some who sit alone. They could be single mothers, single men or women, and elderly widowed or widowers that have lost someone. Maybe they’re not interacting with anyone in the congregation because they’re hurting. I am a people watcher. I love to watch people…not starring at them but I like to watch for cues that something is not right. One person I saw was sitting there with his head down and barely mumbling the words to the worship song. I sensed that they were hurting. I tried to talk to them after services but they slipped out before I could reach them. The next Sunday I resolved to find him, but for some reason, I never saw him again. Did I drop the ball on that man? Did our church drop the ball on making that person feel welcome? Did anyone even try to talk to him and introduce themselves? During the “meet and greet” I did meet and greet him once but he didn’t say much.
Search and Rescue
During the “meet and greet” time, I looked at him and instead of getting up out of the pew, he remained seated but that didn’t stop me from going up to him and shaking his hand and telling him “I’m so glad to meet you and that you came today.” Making people feel welcome is so important and introducing yourself to new people is essential because you might not see them again. You may never get a second chance. You may only have one chance to make them feel welcome and if that opportunity goes by with no one to welcome them, then that may be the last time you see them. If you see someone sitting alone and no one goes up to speak with them, that is a serious warning sign that new people don’t feel welcome, so be the one to seek them out.
Potluck and Activities Attendance
We had a potluck year’s ago at a church I formerly pastored and I noticed there were a few people missing that were normally there. I found out why from our elder’s wife. Someone had said something about a friend of theirs who was not saved. They made a derogatory comment about them and so the elder’s wife went out into the parking lot to see if they were still there. They were still sitting in the car, apparently fuming. How sad. If you have a problem with gossip, and I would imagine every church does to some extent, then you may be running new people out of the church by loose tongues. One of the most destructive of all things that we can do as the Body of Christ is to gossip. Not only gossiping about members but about their family or friends who are not saved. Since those who are outside of the Body of Christ have no access to the power of God through the Holy Spirit, it isn’t surprising to hear about things that they do that are ungodly, so instead we should pray for them. I believe we should always find something good to say about everyone.
You might also look for a person or a family sitting and eating all by themselves. Why not sit down next to them and open up a conversation and get to know them. New people sitting all by themselves at a potluck might indicate that they don’t feel very welcome. They might not be wallflowers but they might just be being ignored.
Church Grounds
What does the property of the church look like? Is the property kept clean? Does someone keep the lawn cut? If the church looks dirty and trashy on the outside, new people might think that they don’t care and so why would they care about attending there? That is a clear warning sign if no one is in charge of keeping up the church property. What about the sanctuary? Is it clean and free of trash and old bulletins? The bathrooms are critical for new visitors. If there is no organization on cleaning and upkeep of the property that shows that the membership really doesn’t care at all and they visitor will pick up on these cues on their very first visit by what they see on the outside and what they see on the inside. Does the church sign look inviting or is it out of date or is dirty and unkempt?
The Entrance Exam
I heard of an experience where a new man came into a church and one of the first things that he was asked was “Do you speak in tongues? Have you ever been filled with the Spirt?” Wow…when does the entrance exam begin? If one of the first things we do is to ask a new person what their doctrinal beliefs are this sends a strong message to the new person that unless you agree with us you shouldn’t be here. That was the last time that this man ever darkened their doorstop again. I can’t say that I blame him. Instead, why not introduce yourself to the new person. Never presume whether they have been or haven’t been saved. Why not get to know them first. Don’t pummel them with twenty questions right after you meet them. For churches that hold dogmatically to certain beliefs that are non-essential, that can give the impression that they don’t like anyone with different beliefs. This church will probably never welcome someone new who doesn’t believe exactly as they do. I am not saying that the essentials are not important (e.g. Rom 10:9-13, Acts 4:12, Rom 3:23, 6:23), but we must show grace in the non-essentials.
The Final Checkup
If some of these things are not being done or these needs are not being addressed, then the new person that walks through the door may never come back again. Which of these are missing?
Do we introduce ourselves and do we ask anything at all about new visitors…about their family, work, where they live, etc.?
Do we ever do follow up visits for new members?
Do greeters wear name tags and offer to pass out temporary name tags for new people?
Does the church lobby offer any kind of brochure about the church and what the church’s purpose is?
Does anyone ever invite them to participate in a community event or service project once they’ve been there a few Sundays?
Does anyone ever shake their hand and make eye contact?
Does the church ever consider sending them a welcome letter and offer a home visit if they wish?
Would a church ever feature information on new members or their families in the church bulletin that the visitor could read to see that are welcoming to new people?
Would anyone ever welcome them to join a Sunday school class and offer to sit next to them to introduce them to others in the class?
Would the church ever offer them an opportunity to serve?
Does the church sometimes smother them with too many people all at once?
Who would tell parents that a children’s church or a nursery is available for their children?
Does anyone ever portray friendliness to the new visitors?
Does the church have any type of training for church greeters?
Does the church have a dedicated place in the sanctuary or the entrance hallway for visitors with information on the church that they can take with them so that they can look it over then or later?
Does the church brochure or flyer with information about the church focus primarily on doctrine and not on serving?
Does the church offer a Welcome Folder or packet with information about the church or a personal letter from the pastor, contact information, a map of the church and a list of church services and functions?
Does your church ever ask for a show of hands for new visitors?
Does the pastor, deacon, elder, or worship leader ever publicly acknowledge new visitors?
Does anyone ever offer to take new visitors out to lunch after services?
Conclusion
The next time a new person walks into your church, why not go up to them and introduce yourself and say “We are so very glad to have you with us and we’d like to welcome you to our church family? If you have any questions, just ask, my name is Joe Smith. Feel free to let me know what I can do for you. It’s a pleasure meeting you.” If you are not being Christ-like to new people then you might want to have the church do a self-examination. Hospitality is more than a gift of the Spirit. It is what Christ would do so, “as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people” (Gal 6:10).
Conclusion
I pray you have put your trust in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. If that has not happened yet, my friend, you are in real danger of hell fire. And I mean, in immediate danger. You’re one breath, one heartbeat…one accident away from eternity when it will be too late to repent. Today is the best day to believe (2 Cor 6:2) since tomorrow is no guarantee. If Jesus Christ came today, here is your fate (Matt 7:21-23). This is why I plead with you as you read this, repent today…and I mean right now. Put your trust in Jesus Christ. If you do not, you will face God’s judgment after death guaranteed (Heb 9:27) or at Jesus Christ’s appearance (Rev 20:12-15), which could happen at any moment.
Here is some related reading for you: Would Jesus Be Welcome in Your Church?
Resource – Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), Crossway Bibles. (2007). ESV: Study Bible: English standard version. Wheaton, Ill: Crossway Bibles. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
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