What Does the Bible Teach About Sex Outside Of Marriage?

by Jack Wellman on July 25, 2011 · Print Print · Email Email

What does the Bible say about sex outside of marriage?  Is it a sin to have sexual relationships even if a couple is engaged to be married?  Is there any harm to have casual sex between two responsible adults?

What Does The Bible Say About Sex Outside Of The Marriage?

God created man and woman just as He ordained marriage.  He also made men and women sexual creatures, therefore He created sex.  In Genesis 1:28, “God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”  Procreation is one of the reasons that God created sex.  This is the way that humans replenish those who die with old age.  But God also created sex for a husband and a wife to enjoy.  He is not against pleasure and the proof positive is that those who are married are to give to each other their own bodies for the fulfillment of the other’s pleasures (Prov. 5:19).

Is It a Sin To Have Sexual Relationships Even If A Couple is Engaged To Be Married?

Paul is crystal clear about having sexual relations before and outside of marriage.  1 Corinthians 7:1-2 he writes under inspiration from the Holy Spirit, “Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.”  So the point is that even if a couple is betrothed to each other; that is they are engaged to be married, they should abstain from any sexual relationships until after they are married.   The seventh commandment clearly states that adultery is a sin.

God actually condones sexual relationships inside of the martial boundaries in Hebrews 13:4: “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”  Take note of the last portion of that sentence: “God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”    Here God not only states that sex outside of the marital relationship will be condemned by God (e.g. “the adulterer”) but so too will sexual relationships before marriage (e.g. “sexual immorality”).  So even if a couple is engaged they are forbidden by God to engage in any kind of sexual behavior, and this even includes sexual contact with one another (I Cor. 6:18).

Is There Any Harm to Have Casual Sex Between Two Responsible Adults?

Sexual immorality, even between consenting adults, is harmful to one’s own body (1 Corinthians 6:18).  A good example is the risk of exposure to sexually transmitted diseases.  If someone is promiscuous they can become infected and then bring a disease into the marriage, even infecting their partner and risking the health of any subsequent children.  The HIV virus, Herpes Simplex, and, AIDS are permanent and those infected may pay an enormous cost for the rest of their lives.  Some diseases can be fatal.

Paul’s advice nearly two thousand years ago is still as relevant today as it was the day it was written in 1 Corinthians 7:1-5: “Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

If you are married, it is your God-given responsibility to fulfill your mate’s sexual desires.  In I Corinthians 7, Paul says:

V 3: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.”

V 4: “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.”

Why?  “…so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Every marriage has difficulties.  There will be arguments, but sex should never, ever be used as a weapon to get back at the other party or be used in an argument to withhold sex from the other partner because Satan may tempt the other mate.  Withholding sex from marriage sets up the vulnerability of losing self-control.  And this can lead to infidelity…and sin.  It can ruin a marriage.

In conclusion, sex outside of marriage or before marriage is sin.  There are no exceptions at all.  There will be a heavy price to pay.  God will “judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral“(Heb 13:4).  But sex among married couples is a good gift from God for He knew it was not good for men and women to be alone (Gen. 2:18), and He wants husbands and wives to enjoy this gift (Prov. 5:15-19).   Sex is an honorable thing as far as God is concerned…but only among those who have been joined together by God in holy matrimony (Heb 13:4a).

Was this Article Helpful?

If this article was helpful to you, please consider linking this article to your own blog or sharing this through the social buttons to the left. You might also find some of these other good Christian Answer articles helpful:

What Are the Gifts of the Spirit?

What Does The Bible Say About Divorce and Remarriage?

How Do you Talk To Your Children About Sex?

Sources

The Holy Bible, New International Version

THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

 



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{ 122 comments… read them below or add one }

lui November 12, 2012 at 6:32 am

yea this is such an intresting topic indeed,i also learned a lot right here.and my issue is,i always find myself thinking of my Girlfriend having sex with me and its realy bothering me a lot,i’v never been into the sex thing before,i’m waiting till i get married,but these thought they are realy bothering me a lot,i try stop thinking about it just for a little while then again the moment after seeing her it comes back at me,so i truely want to stop thinking about it and focus on what God wants for us!

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Amanda December 8, 2012 at 1:43 am

I think I understand it all though I do still have tons of questions.

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Noluthando April 7, 2013 at 6:20 pm

This is a truth and we thank for such information. But do I have to keep connected with a person who want to marry me? Or we just have to ignore till right time comes. How do I pray for a person whom we were friends for long long time and we are saved and we loved each other for long time but not telling each other untill we are stable even financially to get married. ?

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Jack Wellman April 8, 2013 at 11:21 am

My friend, I would stay connected with this person you want to marry, especially since you said that you both are saved. I thought this person was not saved and so I am sorry for the misunderstanding on my part. I think its a good idea to be financially stable before you get married because the number one reason for couples to break up is over the issue of money. That is a wise decision on your part but by all means, do keep in touch with them. May God richly bless you and your future together.

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Emmie May 8, 2013 at 10:23 pm

What should a person do if their marriage partner cannot have sex for many years due to illness? It’s harder for men.

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Jack Wellman May 9, 2013 at 9:26 am

Hello Emmie. This is a hard situation. Let me ask you this, have you spoken with your own pastor first? That is always my recommendation for he knows you better than I do.

Also, when we marry, we are first and foremost in love with them and not for sexual reasons. I am not saying that sex within marriage is not important but think back when you were dating. What was the thing that attracted you to him? Whether it is harder for men, I can not say. You may be right there but we are to seek the Kingdom and Jesus first and above all things here on earth (Matt 6:33).

Please forgive me for I hope I didn’t upset you. This is a difficult thing. I again recommend you talk to your own pastor first and go as a couple if possible.

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Emmie May 15, 2013 at 8:18 pm

Thank you Jack for your reply. It is a difficult situation and a sad one, especially if the sick partner stays sick the rest of their lives. I see a lot of trials and temptations could happen to people in this type of situation.

I guess we are required to be strong and have faith in God to overcome fleshly desires. I keep wondering why God would create us this way and expect us mere humans to overcome sexual urges without sinning in such situations. I am pretty sure a lot of people seek satisfaction elsewhere in such situations and I don’t know what that feels like for both partners but I can imagine it is awful especially if you deeply love your partner but have some weakness. It’s really sad just to think about it.

And that is another question – why would God leave no other option? Trying to overcome such desires can be really difficult for some people. It does work for some but not everyone is that strong. I think God said to be strong in mind and that eventually helps with physical urges but that is something that will take a lot of time for some people.

I guess these are all questions one has to figure out for themselves and solutions for such one has to seek out for themselves with God. I am sure there is an answer, somewhere in the Bible, on how to best deal with this, and the answer may be that it could be a time when God builds people up in strength, faith and maybe trust. But it’s too sad just thinking about it. In the end God knows best and through Him nothing is impossible. And thank you for the recommendation.

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Tania August 10, 2013 at 7:06 am

Hi. I recently found this site and it has been tremendously helpful in rebuilding my life. I have been a Christian my whole life, but sadly lukewarm. Now that I am fervent and want to life my life in accordance with God’s will, I am faced with great turmoil. I was married and got divorced at 30. I later met and got involved with a older man. He had a vasectomy and I decided to give up having more kids in order to be with him. He did say he would never marry me, and due to a lack of knowledge of Gods word and my own worth, I was with him for 8 years before he left me. I am now 41 and met someone I could spend the test of my life with, but he already said he will not get married again, being divorced twice before himself. At my age, men seem to be disalusioned and jaded towards marriage. Does this mean I will never again have my sexual desires fulfilled?

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Jack Wellman August 10, 2013 at 12:15 pm

Thank you Tania for your question. Many people have fulfilled lives serving the Lord without having their sexual desires fulfilled. It is a matter of serving God with all your heart and putting Him first (Matt 6:33). I would focus on Christ and make Him your first and most passionate desire to pursue Him and be renewed by the Holy Spirit (Rom 12:1-2) and then the desire will be replaced by Him and Him alone for truly nothing on this earth completely satisfies like our God. He brings true joy and not physical pleasure. I am sorry if I didn’t likely satisfy you with this answer but when our heart’s desire is toward Him first, He promises to fulfill the true and satisfying desires of our heart (Psalm 37).

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Loveline mantan March 21, 2014 at 7:20 am

papa i love your response to the question of sis Tania. for as u seek GOD faithfully, he will satisfies our almost desires to the fullest.
THANKS VERY MUCH
IT HAS ALSO STRENGTHENING ME.

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