What does the Bible say about sex outside of marriage? Is it a sin to have sexual relationships even if a couple is engaged to be married? Is there any harm to have casual sex between two responsible adults?
What Does The Bible Say About Sex Outside Of The Marriage?
God created man and woman just as He ordained marriage. He also made men and women sexual creatures, therefore He created sex. In Genesis 1:28, “God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” Procreation is one of the reasons that God created sex. This is the way that humans replenish those who die with old age. But God also created sex for a husband and a wife to enjoy. He is not against pleasure and the proof positive is that those who are married are to give to each other their own bodies for the fulfillment of the other’s pleasures (Prov. 5:19).
Is It a Sin To Have Sexual Relationships Even If A Couple is Engaged To Be Married?
Paul is crystal clear about having sexual relations before and outside of marriage. 1 Corinthians 7:1-2 he writes under inspiration from the Holy Spirit, “Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.” So the point is that even if a couple is betrothed to each other; that is they are engaged to be married, they should abstain from any sexual relationships until after they are married. The seventh commandment clearly states that adultery is a sin.
God actually condones sexual relationships inside of the martial boundaries in Hebrews 13:4: “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Take note of the last portion of that sentence: “God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” Here God not only states that sex outside of the marital relationship will be condemned by God (e.g. “the adulterer”) but so too will sexual relationships before marriage (e.g. “sexual immorality”). So even if a couple is engaged they are forbidden by God to engage in any kind of sexual behavior, and this even includes sexual contact with one another (I Cor. 6:18).
Is There Any Harm to Have Casual Sex Between Two Responsible Adults?
Sexual immorality, even between consenting adults, is harmful to one’s own body (1 Corinthians 6:18). A good example is the risk of exposure to sexually transmitted diseases. If someone is promiscuous they can become infected and then bring a disease into the marriage, even infecting their partner and risking the health of any subsequent children. The HIV virus, Herpes Simplex, and, AIDS are permanent and those infected may pay an enormous cost for the rest of their lives. Some diseases can be fatal.
Paul’s advice nearly two thousand years ago is still as relevant today as it was the day it was written in 1 Corinthians 7:1-5: “Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
If you are married, it is your God-given responsibility to fulfill your mate’s sexual desires. In I Corinthians 7, Paul says:
V 3: “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.”
V 4: “The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.”
Why? “…so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Every marriage has difficulties. There will be arguments, but sex should never, ever be used as a weapon to get back at the other party or be used in an argument to withhold sex from the other partner because Satan may tempt the other mate. Withholding sex from marriage sets up the vulnerability of losing self-control. And this can lead to infidelity…and sin. It can ruin a marriage.
In conclusion, sex outside of marriage or before marriage is sin. There are no exceptions at all. There will be a heavy price to pay. God will “judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral“(Heb 13:4). But sex among married couples is a good gift from God for He knew it was not good for men and women to be alone (Gen. 2:18), and He wants husbands and wives to enjoy this gift (Prov. 5:15-19). Sex is an honorable thing as far as God is concerned…but only among those who have been joined together by God in holy matrimony (Heb 13:4a).
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If this article was helpful to you, please consider linking this article to your own blog or sharing this through the social buttons to the left. You might also find some of these other good Christian Answer articles helpful:
What Are the Gifts of the Spirit?
What Does The Bible Say About Divorce and Remarriage?
How Do you Talk To Your Children About Sex?
Sources
The Holy Bible, New International Version
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{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }
thanks for highliting this powerful verses to me, i thank GOD for using you to remove those who are in darkness to see the light of GOD through publishing his word to those who are lost. patsor pray 4 in the name of jesus christ to remove me from sexual immorality, after having sex im always feeling guilty for what i have done because i know it sin to have sex without marriage. i need god to give that power not to be tempted by my feelings. God blezz you…EMILY MODOMAKWANE from BOTSWANA.
I will pray for you Emily my friend. The very fact that you WANT to be free from this sin and that you know that you need God is evidence the Jesus Christ is working in you through the Holy Spirit. Lord , God our Father, please help Emily overcome this powerful temptation to sin and give her this power that is available only through the Holy Spirit and I ask in faith and by the power and authority, in the Holy, Mighty, and Glorious Name of our soon coming Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, amen. God bless you Emily. We love you and are praying for you. You can do all things through Christ Who will strengthen you.
thank you pastor for telling us about what God wants as his children .Pastor can l ask you a quastion,l was married before and my husband died and according to the bible am l supposed to be m
arried again or l must not?GOD BLESS YOU FROM YOLANDA SOUTH AFRICA
Yolanda, thank you so much for visiting this site. I am sorry for your loss. When Paul spoke of someone who could not remarry, he was speaking of those who had divorced. Since your husband died, you are free to remarry as far as I understand the scriptures. If you have children, children need a father. You are free to remain unmarried or to marry. My beloved wife and I took our marriage vows and they were “till death due us part” and since you likely said these as part of your wedding vows, I see nothing wrong in getting married again or remaining single. Only marry someone who is a believe or you will be unequally yoked with a non-believer and that could hurt your walk with the Lord.
To clarify, the Bible does not command a woman who is single or has lost her husband that she should remarry. If she wants to remain single, she does not sin…but if she wants to remarry, neither is this wrong. You are free to do what you want and God will bless you I believe either way for I can tell you want to obey God. What a godly, woman of faith you seem to be and I wish you the best of blessings in whatever you decide to do. May the Lord be with you there in Africa Yolanda. Thank you for visiting our website.
Thank you for writing this. I am just beginning my journey to knowing Christ, and I am having a really hard time with the concept of no sex before marriage. I am in a committed long term relationship and denying a physical relationship feels unnatural to me, even though I know this is what God wants. I wish I didn’t have the urge to have sex, or hadn’t had it in the first place before marriage, so it’s really frustrating to me where I’m at right now. I know that it will be so much more special and meaningful to wait until marriage, but the years before I didn’t know God it was just normal to me. This is the biggest crisis I’m having right now, and I just don’t know what to do. I mean of course I know what I should do, but it’s just so difficult for me to change my entire outlook on what sex is meant to be. I’m not sure if I’m making any sense, I guess I’m just so confused I can’t make any sense…
Cherie, thank you for your wonderful comment and yes, you are making perfect sense. It is something that is common to a lot of people. God created sex for husband and wife to bond and become as one. The very fact that you know that sex outside of marriage or before marriage is truly a mark that the Holy Spirit is with you. It is a great struggle for many. I would say that Jesus is the source of your power to overcome. The Holy Spirit convicts us when we sin but Jesus says that we can do all things “through” Christ and without Him we can do nothing. The key is, when you feel this great pull of the flesh, which is common to us all, then fall on your knees and ask Jesus to send you His power to overcome and as it says, whatever we ask, He is faithful.
I recommend you read, as I need to, to read Romans 7. The most prolific writer of the New Testament, the Apostle Paul, struggled mightily with sin. Rom 7:15-24:
“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. 21 So I find this law at work. Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me.” Big amen Paul to this. What to do? Here’s the solution:
Rom 7:24 “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!”
Praying for you Cherie in your struggle. Believe me, we ALL do and I am no exception. May God richly bless your walk with God. Jesus is ready, willing, and able to give you strength to overcome. Romans 7 seems very appropriate.
hi pastor,
i am already praying to God and Jesus and ask them forgive my sin i have done. I already did sin for having sex before marriage, i have a question to asked: i am engaged from my Boyfriend we are planning to get married on july 2013, i wonder we still can have sex during engaged before married or is it still sin or should we wait while we are engaged til we are married so God can forgive me after I Married? that question still make me wonder what if God will forgive me my sin for having sex and outside marriage and after marriage.
I’m sure he will agree with me but there really are no loop holes when it comes to sex before marriage, and really any sexual contact is a sin. I struggle with this issue every day but I’m putting in an effort and have learned to firmly say no. If you are truly sorry for what you have done in the past, I suggest to try and stop making mistakes in the here and now.
God Bless, and I pray we both find the strength to do the right thing.
Wow Cherie…this is so good. You are so right. This is a powerful temptation and it is so easy to fall into it and into sin. I appreciate your transparency. I believe your comment will help a lot of people. I wish I had included your thoughts in my article. Well done and we too will be praying for you both in this struggle between good and evil. The fact that you are praying is of a great help and a fantastic sign that you are relying on God’s help. God bless you friend and thank you so much for a wonderful comment that adds much to this article.
Hi Mellisa, thank you for your comment and question and for visiting us. I must say that the Bible is clear that sex before marriage is sin. That is not my opinion. It is not a popular stance to take during this day and age but I want you to be happy before and after marriage. I truly believe that if you can wait until July, 2013, then God will truly bless this marriage. The divorce rate is much higher for couples that have premarital sex (not sure why exactly). God will forgive you yes, but he will not forgive the consequences. Every sin has a consequence. But to do something as serious as this will have consequences, believe me. I would wait and then it will be so very much more special.
Let me ask you, why are you having such a long engagement. This is Nov. 2011 and you plan on getting married on July 2013? These long of engagements are not normal. Is your fiance in the military? Is this when he is finished with his tour of duty? I am concerned that you will have to wait 19 months before getting married. That is a long time to wait. Or do you mean July 2012?
Either way, from all that I have ever read, Old and New Testament, you must not have sex before marriage or there will be consequences. Yes He will forgive sin, but to sin anyway and then expect to be forgiven is sinning willfully and the consequences may be long enduring and far reaching. I worry about you and your fiance and only want what is best for you both. May God be with you both in this battle of the flesh and temptation to help you endure and have a blessed, lifelong marriage. That is my prayer for you.
hi pastor,
have a good evening. May God bless you for helping me too.
thank you for returning my messages, my Fiance and I been working on relationship to get better, he is deaf and I’m hard of hearing so the reason why is because we have a problem with other deaf people because they are trying to steal me and i told him i really dont care what they say about him and whatever because that just a drama bullcrap talk and in my heart i just know that they are lying and making it up the stories about him because they just try to make him look bad and i told him they are not my friend and they never will because i dont belong to them at all and i am belong to christian people because thats where i grew up with nice people and especially his family and my family too. I do felt really sorry for him because many deaf people accusing him for something that he didnt do it and didnt do anything wrong because of due of his ex gf and his ex wife causing the more plm on him. they are trying to make him look bad and now i can see through his heart has been heartbroken because he is hurting and he is innocent. I am accusing his both ex because this is just wrong and i am been with him for 1 year and 7 months now. i been with him, he is nice guy, he taking care of himself and me, he is very good guy. he is very compassionate and sweet and he been trying show love and support he is trying his best as he can. i notice that his behavior is taking a wrong way that because of due his ex and i explain it to him: hey don’t do this and that because thats not how it works so he learn alot from me and he thank me for teach him a better way and we are getting a lot better now. I am young 21 years old and he’s 27 yrs old. am i still too young to get married? i will be 23 years old in 2013 maybe 2012 is sound better because i agree with you. i am still fear of God facing my judgement day of conquences. i wonder God will send me to hell? because of my sin in the past is very horrible, i did suicide attempts, and doing drugs weeds, drinking, end up having panic attack, saying strong word hate to my family and abusive them too. i am feeling very guilty for what i have done. Maybe i believe i could go to hell because of God can see my action conquences. i did cheat on my fiance too. i feeling very guilty. I am upsetting with my choices i made. i am hoping that u could help me to get through this better and help me too. i will take your advise and i will listen to you too.
Thanks again for commenting Mellisa . I hope and pray the best for you both. I am sorry people make fun of your fiance and anyone that is deaf. Shame on them. They will be held accountable to God someday. No one deserves that.
I don’t think you are too young to be married. I think your age is just perfect to be married.
Also, Jesus forgives our sins…past, present, and future. He will never send anyone to hell if they ask for His forgiveness. I John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” To confess means that we agree that we are a sinner or that we have sinned but He is also going to “forgive us our sins and purify us (cleanse our sins or get rid of them) from all unrighteousness”. That means that there is no sin too great from our past that He will not forgive. He will forgive and forget and our sins are cast into the sea of forgetfulness. PLEASE know that anything we do, that is any sin in our past, He promises to forgive us. Just confess, repent (stop sinning) and believe on the Lord Jesus Christ (Believe means you rely on, trust in, have faith in, and lean upon Jesus’ word)….and you WILL BE SAVED! Isn’t that awesome. If you are not sure you are saved right now, read this:
Romans 10:9-10 “If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved.”
When Jesus saves you, you have no more reason for guilt. He doesn’t want to send anyone to hell but save you to come to Him and live in eternal life in heaven. Believe Jesus. He forgave me from a life of drugs and prison and stealing and He forgave King David from murder, adultery, and conspiracy to commit murder. Come to Jesus today and you WILL be saved.
Please let your fiance read this too. Maybe today you can both be saved. TODAY can be both of yours salvation (2 Cor 6:2). And please let us know of your decisions. Praying for you both right now. For more, read this:
Read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/come-to-jesus/#ixzz1d4DQ6G5p
Thank God there is still someone who still believes in His ways.
jabulani. thank you for your comment. I agree. I DO thank God and do believe in His unchanging word. The Bible is my source and I believe it. God changes not, just like His Word. Oh that more would believe it jabulani. Thanks for visiting us. Your comment makes me joyful that there are Christians like you who are obeying His word.
wow guys im very perplexed by this subject about sex before marriage can someone pls email me some info and biblically so or even your point of views would help alot.im a youth leader whose trying to help young people do the right things .pk.newheroes@webmail.co.za
Hello Brother PK. Thank you for your comment and question. By God’s sovereignty, He has put you in a huge position to be teaching youth at their crossroads of life. With having sex comes a great risk…STD’s, which can lead to death or sterilization even…and also to pregnancy. This adversely affects their future. When I taught Sunday school for many years I will send you more info in the email you left but clearly, the Scriptures I mentioned are vitally important. Human opinion is not important but God’s IS and His Word clearly says it is sin and some sins can lead to premature death (i.e. STD’s). I will send this to you and my own counsel. Thanks for visiting us and God bless your very important work with the youth group.
Hello Pastor, I am from India and I am a Christian too.
Pastor, I did not want to tell you that I have committed sex before my marriage many times but never lost my virginity nor did my partner. But things not well right know God punished us and our relation broke two years back. And know I feel so sorry for me that if we controlled that time we would have been together and would be happy too. And I still love him allot and want him back… Is there any chance that God would forgive us… and i wanted to ask you that when we together we took our Christian marriage vows that God gave in the sight of God and with our full heart and we thought each other as husband and wife which lead us to commit this sin. Pastor I really want forgiveness for sin so that I can have him back. I am Indian Christian and for me marriage means him and I really mean him my husband. Can u advice me what to do so that I can be with him again. I am very troubled and my family want me to marry some other guy which after reading your article and many more articles from different websites about this topic, is another sin because I read some where we should marry that person with whom we had sex. HELP ME
Hello Ann. Thank you for your question. I guess I am confused because you said that you had sex before marriage but are still a virgin. That is not possible. If you had sex then neither you or the man are virgins…but moving onto your question.
If you were married to this man who was your husband, I would ask, what does the man think about it? Does he want to get back together again? Did you both get a divorce? If you did not get a divorce, then you can still be together but if you did get a divorce, you will have to remarry but whichever you do, God is always willing to forgive all our sins. You sound like you have repented (being sorry for your sin and confessing it to God) and this seeking for forgiveness is a sign that the Holy Spirit is working in you to convict you of your sin which means, you feel you want forgiveness. Pray to God and He promises to forgive all our sins if we confess them. 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” God says He will forgive you of ALL your sins because you confessed them and will purify (thru Christ’s shed blood) from all unrighteousness (which includes sexual immorality or sexual sin).
I would NOT marry the man that your family wants you to marry because that would be sin before God. Once you are married, you can only be joined back together with your husband. Obey God over your family. We have to choose to obey God over anyone else, even if your family hates you for it.
Please you must read this article called What Does the Bible Teach About Divorce. Let me know if this helped or you need more answers or have other questions. Here is the link to the article about divorce and marriage:
http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/what-does-the-bible-teach-about-divorce-and-remarriage/
Hey Pastor,
This article is very helpful. You’re doing a great job and may God bless you for that.
What I have actually been trying to search is, if relationships before marriage is allowed. Having a boyfriend/girlfriend in today’s time has become so common that no one thinks that this might be wrong. I want Biblical proof to prove whether it is right or wrong.
I haven’t found one website discussing this issue. I’d be grateful if you reply.
Thank you. GBU
Thank you Christian my friend. My own opinion is worthless but I beg you to read what God says!
1 Corinthians 6:9 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders
Galatians 5:19 The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery;
Titus 1:16 They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him. They are detestable, disobedient and unfit for doing anything good.
1 Tim 1:9-11, We also know that the law is made not for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers, 10 for the sexually immoral, for those practicing homosexuality, for slave traders and liars and perjurers—and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine 11 that conforms to the gospel concerning the glory of the blessed God, which he entrusted to me.
Revelation 9:21 Nor did they repent of their murders, their magic arts, their sexual immorality or their thefts.
Revelation 14:10 he, too, will drink of the wine of God’s fury, which has been poured full strength into the cup of his wrath. He will be tormented with burning sulfur in the presence of the holy angels and of the Lamb.
Revelation 21:27 Nothing impure will ever enter it (heaven), nor will anyone who does what is shameful or deceitful, but only those whose names are written in the Lamb’s book of life
1 Corinthians 6:9 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders
Revelation 22:15 Outside (in the pits of eternal hell) are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves and practices falsehood.
If you want to spend eternity in hell fire, you can do what you want with your body…but in marriage, all things are permissible in marriage for (Heb 13:4) “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”
Please, please don’t have sex before marriage. A short time of pleasure and an eternity of hell fire is the choice you have…otherwise, get married.
A person might wish to experience sex but there are Sexually Transmitted Diseases that can kill and make a person sterile and not be able to have children later in life. Sex is not supposed to be celebrated except in marriage. Casual sex is detested by God and He calls it sin. Sex does reduce stress but increases the chance of disease and death…even aids. Someone can have aids for many years without showing symptoms. Its like playing Russian Roulet or bungy jumping…fun and a thrill, but deadly.
I was grown up in a godly home . My mom and dad are really active in church activities. I knew about everything about bible . And inspite of that I have made my life worse by giving up control of my my mind and body to devil.
I grew up with this girl together in same church. We were talking really less and i was quite introvert in my school and college days . But she was my sister’s friend . After I graduated and was working my sister told that she likes me a lot . We are from same church and she was leading worship few times so I thought she was close to god. I actually had some attraction for her for really long time but I was not sure if I really love her . At this point of time you can say I was immature as I was 22 and i did started talking to her on phone and we were mainly talking about god . It was friendly talk for about a month . I got emotionally to attached to her and after a month I told her that “I love her”. I was 23 at this point . After this point we were talking for really long times . Like 2-3 hours a day sharing our dreams and thoughtws about feature . After a month of this she had to go to another state to study . I couldnt see her for about 3 months .
I did notoify my mom about our relation and told her that we both love each other she didnt like the idea because there were some issues between our families . But she said if you really really love her I can try to explain your dad later on once you complete your post graduate study . She wanrned me all though that she knows her really well and her attitude is not so good so she warned me to make my decision wisely.
In mean time while she was out in other state I planned to go to a foreign country . Before going to the other country I met her personally for about 5-6 times and after that I had to go to a foreign country for study . While I met her 5-6 times before I went to other country . I would go to her house in absense of her parents. Here I got too intimate with her . I was kissing her passionately and cuddling a lot whenever we met . I would go to her home in absense of per parents to meet her . This happened for about 5-6 times before I came to foriegn country . After this we were just talking on phone for about a year . After 1 year I got chance to go to home country . Once again we met . And at this time we once did go to bed with our clothes on but I was cuddling her huggging and kissing a lot . Everytime we met I could clearly feel that we are doing a wrong thing . And its not what god wants me to do . And I asked for gods forgiviness.
There werer really a few times that we could meet up . And this feeling we were calling love was exploding whenever we met there were hardly any times where we would sit and talk cause we thought we really have small amount of time . After I came back to foriegn country we were again talking on phone which later turned to more intimate talk .There were many times where I asked for god’s forgivness but again and again I was turning back to the same thing . Which was more of chatting and later on a webcam chat . So in 1st 2 years of this relation we had some issues but I thought any couple has issues and ignored it many times . I think my main focus tuerned away from christ and it was totally focused on flashly desires towards her . After 3rd year I asked her to send me some more exposive picrures . She sent me some of her pics in upper undergarments.
I was totally blind during all this time . And I wanted her to be my life partner and I forced my mom and dad for this marriage . Her family are kinda crafty people and my mom and dad had to listen lot of stuff which they never told me about untill marriage was done . For my happiness they didnt say a single word .We got married in 2012 . Just after 2 days of marriage I started to know my wife and oh boy I started to regret this marriage for day and night . My mom was totally right about her . Well I know that its my biggest mistake that I eneterd in to this relation inspite of all warnings . During a year before marriage (2011) I was able to see talk to her just on phone because she didnt have much access to computer . When I went to back home after 3 years I had not seen her online for a year . When I saw her 1st time I was shocked . She had become so fat and dark that I could never imaginge. I know that physicall appreances should not matter that much but every morning I wake up and I see her I feel more regrets . Also as I see my friends wives I feel that I have married someone really uncompatible. We hardly match in terms of education , looks , thoughts about god . Many times she would behave like a kid and whenever I would like to sit and talk about something she would start crying . I feel like I am stuck in this prison and have no idea what should I do.I prayed a lot about it but I am not able to come out of regret of this marriage . It has been 3 months now since our marriage and its been most terrible time of my life .
I am not able to even share this all to anyone . Divorce is not an option at all . I dont know what should I do I have so many suicidal thoughts all the time . My work is suffering so much in last 3 months . My whole day goes in to regrets and grief . I think its pretty clear this is all judgement and wrath of god on me . I really need your prayers .
George, please know that we are going to be praying for you sir and I am hopeful others reading this will join us in prayer as well. God is not punishing you I don’t believe. We reap what we sow and it is our own selves that bring these things upon us but God will not leave you in the bog and I know it must be hard right now but please don’t give up. Prayer is the most powerful and effective thing that we humans can do. I would visit with your pastor or a Christian counselor, that is if you have a church home. If you don’t I urge you to find one because there are prayer warriors in churches and good and godly men who can give you sound advice and pray for you sir. If you don’t have a church home, then maybe God is trying to call you into one by the mountanious problems you are now encountering.
Psalm 34:18 is true: “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Psalm 51:17 “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”
Psalm 147:3 “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Dear pastor jack
Thank u so much for he encouragement you provided. Yes I have a home church that I am attending . I want to change the course of my life and make it more useful for god . I plan to spend most of my free time in prayers and bible study . If there is any way I can work with you saving lives I wOuld love to join it.
Once again thank you so much for your encouragement.
George, it was and still is my distinct pleasure and privilege to pray for those brothers & sisters in Christ. We need each other and we need to pray for one another. I can tell you that I provide free training on-site or free materials for evangelizing the lost and that is my great passion. I have such a heart for those who don’t know Christ and its such good news, how can I not share it. I wish I knew where your church was as I do free training on creating or building Outreach, how to evangelize door to door, in the streets, and wherever there are people. If you would like to know more, please click the “Contact” link at the upper right top of this webpage and I will help in anyway you can in the harvest. God bless you. Still praying on for you sir.
Dear Pastor.
I would like to thankyou for writting this message, it has most definitely been helpful. I am 19 years old and I have been having sex, I have tried numerous time to give it up. I always seem to fail. I want to become saved and follow the path that my Father in Christ has set forth for me. I went to church yesterday for the first time in months and I felt as if the Pastor was speaking directly towards me. I no longer want to live in sin. I want to give my life over to the Lord, for he died for me. I would like for him to give me strength so that I may be able to stop having sex and I could be one step closer to living by the will of God. I have disappointed my family and also myself. I want to ask the Lord to forgive for all my sins, for I have sinned greatly.
Thankyou.
Thank you so much Jasmine. By the way, that is a really beautiful name. Let me say that you are a rare exception to wanting to follow the path of your Father in Christ and being only 19. I wish I had been as wise as you at my age but now as a father and a grandfather, I must say you have blessed me and given me hope in the young people of this world that the Holy Spirit is still working in young Daniel’s of the world like you. You desire to follow and obey God as a teenager is like Daniel in the Old Testament for which a book is named after in the Bible. He too was a teenager and God used him mightily. Please don’t give up on yourself. God will not. When you feel the urge to think about or have sex, fall on your knees and ask God’s strength to overcome this because sex outside of marriage is not only sin, but it is dangerous: STD’s, sterility, pregnancy, etc. God be with you young lady. Remember though that “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins(A) and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).
Hi Jack, great article, I hope this comment isn’t too late for you to give me some advice.
I have recently became a Christian in the past year, having once been Agnostic. My boyfriend, too, is a Christian and we have been together for 10 months. Before I came to faith or even properly considered the thought of God (I am from a non-religious background) I had lost my virginity and had sex with several partners in committed relationships, all of which failed. My boyfriend and I are sleeping together. In the past few months I have been thinking about how I wish I could have saved myself for marriage. I really think, emotionally, that my boyfriend will be the one – am I set for failure? How can I discuss wanting to become celibate with him, without making him feel unloved or unwanted? Is it too late for us – does it even matter now, is it all spoiled? I am really cut up about this, because I feel like we are being untrue to God in our continuance, and that we are laying the foundations for yet another spoiled relationship – and this time I am so certain that I don’t want that to happen. Please help!
Hello to you “E”. Thank you for your comment and question. I think if your boyfriend who is also a Christian can not understand why you don’t want to sleep with him anymore until you are married, then I would question his form of Christianity. Sexual immorality is sin and if you are afraid that he won’t think you love him anymore if you stop sleeping with him, then you must know that having sex is not love. That is a natural physical attraction and sex is honorable only for those who are married. It is actually MORE loving to stop having sex outside of marriage to honor God’s commands if you do not stop, this may threaten your future marriage if there is one. Please stop now. Explain to your boyfriend about this. Show him this article…please. Its a very serious sin and as Paul said, all others sins are of the mind but sexual sin and immorality is sinning against your own soul. Please let me know what your decision is my friend. This is very, very important.
PS, it is Never, ever too late to start doing the right thing. Today is the day. Talk to your boyfriend.
My fiance and I often spend the night at each others houses and are very much in love and committed to each other. Sometimes the passion overcomes us and we mess up and sin by having sex. I really want to wait until July when we get married but am also strongly tempted because I don’t understand why something that feels so good and brings us so close can be so bad. I want to serve the Lord but I feel like such a failure. What should I do or say when we get tempted? We pray but soemtimes we still have sex. Thanks for the article! I am going to share with my fiance. Please pray for me and us. Thanks!
Thank you LH for your comment and prayer request. I think that since you often spend the night at each others houses, you should try to seriously make other arrangements. When you are tempted, fall to your knees and realize that God is watching everything you do and to honor Him, try to keep yourself from spending time at each other’s houses. Try going to a movie, or dinner, or at a friends house. The fact that drugs feel good, that getting drunk feels good, and so on, is not good enough of a reason as you said you “don’t understand why something that feels so good and brings us so close can be bad.” We can not base our obedience on feelings. Feelings are the most untrustworthy part of our humanity. The temptation is too much so make a vow to seriously stay away from spending the night at the other engaged person’s home. I will pray for you but you must fall on your knees when tempted, realize this is not pleasing to God, and ask for His strength to do the right thing. God bless and thank you for your comment and for the maturity to understand that its not the temptation that is wrong, but allowing it to have sin take root that is.
Dear Pastor Jack,
I can’t thank GOD enough for using you to open my eyes again,I knew sex outside marriage was a sin but me and my long lost Boyfriend re-united,we were both good xtians in School(University) although were didn’t last because of some circumstances like giving each other the right attention,we were living far from each other so we were only close in school. We are graduates now and we have re-united,he proposed to me but now he has advanced to the point that he wants to have sex each time we see,I always say we have to honour GOD but its hard 4 him to control himself and that makes it hard for me too,when we are together we have sex,I feel like the worst sinner on earth. I have taken a decision to stop now. Infact d last time we saw I resisted him and I have told him that this time we should honour GOD no matter what it takes because when I pray my eyes open to 1 thess vs 4 and I know GOD talks to me. I’m praying that GOD should help us so we can wait even though our wedding that should hold in July has been postponed and now he’s travelling to another country with the hope that I would join him soon,I love him so much because I know deeply he loves GOD but we must resist the devil. That’s what GOD wants. I just need you to talk to me and agree with me in prayer,I want to honour GOD with my relationship,I want Him to be the bedrock of my relationship because I love my fiance so much and sex has been seperating us lately,we argue now ,I know that our circumstance won’t change if we don’t,I want my fiance to see things the way I see them. Thanks.
Hi Tutu. What a godly woman of strong faith you are being my friend. We can do all things thru Christ Who strengthens us and I will most definetly pray for you my friend. Love and sex are not the same thing. When you resist, God will honor that and you will make such a wonderful bride and your desire to stop and make God your bedrock is truly remarkable. I am so overjoyed that this article could help at least one person if no one else. That was the express intent of this and tell your finace that you want to obey God rather than your desires to break the law and have sex outside of marriage. Indeed, by your waiting, your marriage will have more than twice the chance of resisting divorce (statistics say) and make your honeymoon all the more special. What a testimony to your desire to obey God and God will honor that Tutu. Praying for God to strengthen you and remember that God sees all things and knows all things and so we must act like He is with you at all times. God bless you my friend. Let me know how its going too in the future if you would.