Are There Rules For Sex Within A Christian Marriage?

by Jack Wellman · Print Print · Email Email

What does the Bible say is permissible within a Christian marriage?  Are there certain restrictions?  What is allowable within the confines of the Bible?

God Created Sex

God did not create sex just for procreation or to have children.  God created sex for a husband and wife to enjoy.  He made us male and female so that we could enjoy each other within the confines of marriage for intimate relations.  When Adam and Eve were both naked, they were not ashamed.  They came together in the union of marriage and must have certainly enjoyed sex.  The old Victorian and Middle Ages belief that sex was evil was completely off the mark from what God teaches in the Bible. If we read the Song of Solomon, we can see that marital relations are ordained by God. It is not wrong for husband and wife to enjoy one another and that is how we grow closer together.

The Song of Solomon is rightly named for when a man and woman love one another, they feel like singing.  In Song of Solomon 1:2-4 we read, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine. Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out.  No wonder the young women love you!  Take me away with you—let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers.”  In verses 10 he writes “Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings, your neck with strings of jewels…my beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts (13) [and] how beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves. How handsome you are, my beloved! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant” (vv 15-16). Clearly, these two are passionately in love and it is not wrong to desire your spouse as long as this relationship remains private.  There is little doubt that this man was in love, writing that she is “Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the young women” (2:2) and she responds “My beloved is mine and I am his” (2:16).

If sex remains within the confines of marriage, it is honorable, but outside of the marriage bed, God will judge those who are sexually immoral or commit adultery.

If sex remains within the confines of marriage, it is honorable, but outside of the marriage bed, God will judge those who are sexually immoral or commit adultery.

The Marriage Bed is Undefiled

What did the writer of Hebrews mean when he wrote “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous” (Heb 13:4)?  I believe that he is contrasting sexual immorality and adultery with marriage being honorable as long as sexual relations stay between husband and wife.  If sex remains within the confines of marriage, it is honorable, but outside of the marriage bed, God will judge those who are sexually immoral or commit adultery.  Solomon tells husbands to “Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life” (Eccl 9:9) and “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love” (Prov 5:18-19). What a joy it is to have a faithful marital relationship for there is no such intimacy and joy that can be enjoyed between those who are not married.

Warnings to the Sexually Immoral and Adulterous

In the same chapter in Proverbs where Solomon spoke of the joy of sex between husband and wife he warns us about the dangers of sex outside of marriage: “Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets?  Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you” (Prov 5:15-17).  Why?  What is the danger?  He asks “Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress” (5:20) so “Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house” (5:8) because “Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol (or the grave)” (5:5).  The rhetorical question is “Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned” (Prov 6:27)?  The answer of course is no.  When a person chooses to commit adultery they choosing to suffer consequences.  When a fire is kept in its proper place like a fireplace, it is comforting, warms the soul, and is a wonderful experience but when the fire spreads outside of the fireplace, the entire home can burn down.  The “home” in this case means that the family can be destroyed by adultery.  Whole families may be destroyed and any children in that family are forever changed.  Adultery and divorce can alter the way children value marriage and this vicious, deadly cycle can repeat itself from one generation to the next.

Paul says that adultery or sexual immorality as sinning against one’s own body and joining one’s self to the prostitute or adulterer is the same as the two becoming one.  He warns us to “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body” (1 Cor 6:18) because “he who is joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her? For, as it is written, “The two will become one flesh” (6:16).

Related reading: What Does The Bible Say About Adultery? Five Important Lessons

What is Permissible in the Marriage Bed?

This is a very controversial subject. I cannot tell you what is permissible and what is not.  I am not your conscience. I will leave that up to you.  I will not go into details here in specifics because I don’t want to get too graphic since this website is for Christian families and not just for adults only.  Let me say this that it is wise to counsel with a pastor or Christian marriage counselor if you have questions about what many consider gray areas.  I can say that viewing pornographic images of videos before or during sex is sin from my perspective from what I understand the Bible says.  What type of sex takes place on the marriage bed is for the most part, up to each couple and if both are comfortable with what happens, within reason, there should be no problems.  Sexual intimacy should always be a private matter between husband and wife and there are no exceptions to this at all.  The idea that some do wife or husband swapping is no less than adultery and sex outside of marriage and that is considered adultery and God will judge those who do such things (1 Cor 6:9, 1).  That is why Paul warns us to flee or run from sexual immorality just as James said to resist the Devil and he will flee from you (James 4:7).


The Scriptures are clear.   Adultery will be judged by God and those who do such things will not be inheriting the Kingdom of God.  That doesn’t mean that someone who slipped up and committed such a sin cannot be forgiven.  There are Christians that do sometimes slip and fall into sin but they get back up and repent and ask for forgiveness but when we dive into sin and wallow in it with no conviction, this is dangerous ground to be one.  God may give us up to our own sin and stop the conviction of the Holy Spirit and there is the possibility that we can become a reprobate (Rom 1:26).  I pray you stay faithful before marriage stay sexually pure and that if you are married, you keep your fire in the fireplace, for no one can take fire to their bosom and not get burned.

Related Reading: 10 Good Christian Marriage Rules

Resources: New International Version Bible (NIV) THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide

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{ 31 comments… read them below or add one }

Kris February 3, 2014 at 2:57 pm

Sadly I must testify that indeed the destruction of adultery is pronounced. My husband has not only committed adultery but has done so repeatedly throughout our 33 years of marriage. One such adultery continued 14 years until I discovered photos of the two children this woman had by him!

It is amazing I did not drop over dead at that time …now seven years later ….he gave a faint attempt to ‘reconcile’ but without repentance entirely leading him to leave our home.

He still supports our family but invests most of his ‘free time’ to visit the children of adultery though he claimsh he ‘hates’ the OW …for enticing and then urging him to ‘give her’ children so she could ‘be a single mom by choice’ …a lie of course as now she has had a great ‘free’ income …thereby depleting our bank account, retirement and certainly caused our daughters the loss of hope in any marriage thus far and d may cost them childbearing since they await the Lord to bring them a young man who is godly .

My husband’s heart is hard against the Lord and the outcome in the lives of the illegitimate children is still uncertain though they have been led by their mother to ‘hate christians’ ….and my husband is for all observations not interested in teaching them what he himself has refused in order to instruct them in HOW to avoid following the sinful trends of this age.

The losses may not be known until the judgment seat as ultimately we do not know the point of repentance that MAY result in these lives….

However as our daughters are living with me and have taken up the various aspects of what my husband’s jurisdiction was to be …companionship, and various helps …my husband continues to do what HE ‘desires’ as he has said he has wanted a ‘separate life ‘ ….but it is apparent that no woman is safe from meeting his ‘needs’ which his denial of all of his part in our marriage has created …HE has in essence created the void wherein all that he has available in marriage and family has cause him to find others to USE for HIMSELF .

This is without thought to the damage to those who ‘agree’ to sinful relationship with him.

He doesn not think of their lives …and they are clueless to realize what damage they do to themselves as they solicite him .

Now when he has a small income and most of our savings is eaten up by his ‘obligations’ to the two children …our debts are quite large with little hope of things changing with his ongoing sinful living .

SO I write this you already know this tale of woe …but for those who may doubt the ‘fruit’ of sinful choices made…as no adultery is an ‘accident’ or ‘mistake’ but it is the outcome of ongoing rejection of the wisdom of GOD learn to be thankful , content and to do what GOd has commanded a husband to do .

IF ans when a man loves God and cares about pleasing HIM then he will do an ongoing effort to love his wife ..and a man who loves his wife will seek to avoid hurthing her through his behavior that draws affections of other women …and confirmes to his wife that she is the ‘apple of his eye’ that he would not harm her through comparisons …that he realizes the harm to his own view of her if he is too ‘caring ‘ for other women.

He is careful to guard his affection for the Lord and his wife.

But failing to heed this wisdom he is the one who closes his wife’s heart through his carelessness and lack of concern for how his behavior communicates to her and to other women.

Other women have long been thought to have been so cutting edge in their ‘hip’ attitudes and since they have solicited and seemingly given themselves the freedom to have sex with anyone they want …much like the era when men were thought to be free to ‘sow wild oats’ …that men now believe that if they find women who consent to adultery that there is no harm done.

It is still a preditory attitude which steals, kills and destroys.

Men who enter into this kind of ‘consentual ‘ relationship will find that women of such attitude to be not only dangerous to the health of their marriage but also to themselves..and their wife.

THis is a very real outcome that many are finding themselves dealing with .

The reprobate mind is also a very real condition which after the seven years of trying to engage my husband who is always looking for ways to avoid being around me …to avoid eye contact…and who has confessed he wishes he had never been born …he has no hope and still rejects and refuses to heed wise counsel …from anyone .

His own family of origin stated boldly that neither his mom or dad believed anyone had any ‘right’ to tell anyone else what to believe about GOD!

Coming from a very weak RC background …they stood aside when their son became involved in bible classes and fellowship as he met and began to court me …HOWEVER I did not realize the impact of this on his life.

I believed the teaching I was under at the time that IF someone was confessing and walking in the way of Jesus Chrsit and growing in study of the Word …they would grow and be a good spouse.

I was not learned enough to realize that without a true testimony of walking after Jesus Christ with evidence of some sacrifice and trials I had no reason to be assured of this man’s sincerity . His behavior AFTER marriage has proven what the true content of his heart has been.

HE still appears to be a ‘nice’ and ‘moral ‘ person to all who do not know his life in truth. No one can get close enough to know . He is secretive and I respected this desire believing that as time went by he would become more comfortable and open up more and more he had done before marriage …or so I Thought.

I see now that he is a man that seeks relationships with weak and vulnerable people …women who do not know or believe themselves of worth …or believe that he treats them better than the abusers they might have known before …and children who do not know how to tell a good man from a dishonest one.

He is a very skillful deceiver…listening to the thoughts in his mind without measuring them by God’s WORD and thus takes all ideas and feelings as ‘truth’ and something he can and must do…..Sadly it has destroyed all things past and present and possibly future in his life and damaged the same of all of us .

We have been in the process of trying to continue healing and leaning upon the Lord …it is hard… despite the walk I have had over 45 years ….intentionally studying the Word on my own as well as study with many who are teachers ….

The way adultery HITS a family as well as individuals is not something KNOWN per say in our culture which for many years …generations now has worked to normalize all kinds of sinful things…Days of NOAH! INDEED

I do pray for my offenders but it seems so far they are going on in their lives without effort to seek repentance…stating ‘ I do not agree with the way you believe’

I say …How do you think that will fly before the Lord on judgment day?

Jesus warned that offenses would come but woe unto whom they come by …the ‘little ones’ he spoke of harmed were ‘those that believe in me’ ….and even little children who do not know the Lord will be among those who these adulters will answer for their unrepentant ongoing choices.

Scary actually .


Jack Wellman February 3, 2014 at 9:56 pm

Indeed it is scary Kris. I fear that many will someday hear Matthew 7:21-23 which says “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’” but for you my sister in Christ and good friend, it will be, “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’” (Matt 25:21).


Kris February 4, 2014 at 2:11 am

Jack I pray so . I grieve every day for the loss of not just me and our family but for my husband and those like him who do not realize that there IS NO escape from reality. This age keeps people running from one form of escape to another.

There is a reason that GOD has made ONE WAY …THE LIFE who is Jesus Christ ….Because all other ‘ways ‘ are not real.

The testimony is clear as one may look at people from history …and even contemporary …dealing with ONE person in relationship is a lifetime project…and to marry is a great opportunity to have a helper in the task of overcoming flesh, and identifying and avoiding deception IF both are willing to regard the truth of the Word and invest time and focus upon GOD.,

I believe that is why GOD’S FIRST commandment is so key to living through the world without falling into ditches more and more but avoiding them more and more as we go along with the Lord to guide us by HIS Word.

I am thankful for you and your ‘crew’ of believers in this site….Keep up the great loving work that you do. Somedays are ‘rougher’ than others but we will be ‘outta here’ soon it appears. Until then we keep on following after the Way, the Truth, and the Life who is Jesus ONLY.



Jack Wellman February 4, 2014 at 10:12 am

Hello Kris. What a yoke you have in this life, but amazingly, to the glory of God, you endure and go on even amidst such terrible circumstances. Sadly, there is not much you can do unfortunately that you have not already been doing. You are right…God never promises Christians happiness but I fear for your husband’s eternal state for he doesn’t sound like he is saved at all and will likely hear this terrible message from Jesus someday (Matt 7:21-23) while you will hear “well done thou good and faithful servant….” I will join with you Kris and pray and maybe even fast for the salvation of your husband to repent and trust in Christ for there is no other thing you can do but to trust in God and make Him your first love (Matt 6:33) and wait upon Him (Psalm 37) which you have and are already doing. I can’t wait to meet you in the Kingdom. I believe your husband may be deceived thinking he is a believer. Misery in this life will be replaced by unspeakable joy in the next (Rom 8:18, 28). Thank you for being faithful and putting Christ first in your life because many in your circumstance would fall away and turn bitter but not you…you providence strong evidence of the Holy Spirit working in you, through you, and living in you Kris.


Kris February 4, 2014 at 2:05 pm

How healing your words to me this day. I fight being bitter , especially when my husband will ignore my effort to communicate …not replying to emails, or texts …and only briefly when finances are a needed topic.

I know others are having a lot worse situations. Some completely abandoned and left to fend for themselves …for the continued financial supply I thank God that through all of this my husband had too much pride to leave us entirely alone .

I also read many of those who suffer physical abuses and so I am thankful this is not my lot.

When a person is a widow or widower there is much support due to the obvious knowledge by those who may be close or even in the public realm of the network of acquaintances. There is a rally around to some degree .

Grieving is indeed difficult in any situation but as the Word tells us we do well to grieve with those who grieve….bearing one another’s burdens.

I am growing a new network of believers slowly in a church I began to attend. With many deceptions among believers , false teachers and such I am thankful I still ‘hold out’ for those who genuinely handle the word without effort to manipulate …and there are STILL some out there.

Learning to lean upon the Lord in these times is something we must continue to do . It is actually some kind of ‘gift’ from Him in that I am able to stay home and study the Word and collect my strength.

I feel the sorrow mostly for our daughters who are adults and have a very large obstacle in dealing with this . This person has been one kind of person all their lives and now they have to deal with all that he was not being who he actually is! He was the picture of the perfect man . I used to call him ‘Mr. Wonderful’ since the contrast with other men was so pronounced.

Be careful what you perceive with your flesh . I thought he measured so well with the things the Word describe as a good character and those things which were not ‘perfect’ were certainly there but in that we all have our flaws and are growing and in process I did not think any of them serious enough to be concerned about . All growth and perfection in our character and walk is possible in Jesus Christ as we grow up unto Him.

I had not counted on a complete reverse in his attitude about the Lord . I DID realize that if he kept up company with people who had no interest in Jesus Christ or the Bible and left off being among believers that he might become weak in the faith.

He turned his back distinctly upon God and all that GOD tells us to be concerned about in choices we make. He would not go with me to anything that had to do with believers. He would not read the Bible. It seems that he was deliberate in removing any and all aspects of his walk . I can only see this as a demonstration of the work of the demonic realm.

When one person in a marriage is intentional and growing in the Word and following the Lord then the devil looks to the one that is not all that urgent about it to attack all of the family in order to create havoc. So it is when the head of a family will not take upon himself that responsibility HE gets stolen from his ‘treasure’ of marriage and family and the whole household gets ransacked ….Just as the parable tells us …the plundering of the house happens as the ‘strong man’ is bound. I know that was referring to the casting out of demons but I think it applies as well to the household where the husband is taken out by way of lust , greed and pride.

The husband is the one who is responsible for the jurisdiction of the household and is the HEAD….If you get rid of the head then you can do some damage to the body …

MY Head is Jesus Christ but the head of our marriage and household jurisdiction was granted to my husband the day he ‘asked’ the Lord if he would take one of the Lord’s women as his wife.

Once a vow is made before GOD that man becomes the steward of the woman that was ‘bought with a price’ …and the woman is to be the helper to that man to help him fulfill his duties in that jurisdiction.

I tried to encourage my husband to study what GOD would show him about this role …as well as what GOD would show him about being a father…HE outright told me that he had no intention to study …He “did not want to be the head or leader”…once he began to have other ‘options’ in view.

The change was dramatic and swift but I continued thinking that if I would be faithful to the Lord and keep on growing and encouraging and admiring my husband that he would change his mind.

I think with having a new baby and learning how to be a mom as well as the many moves to accommodate my husband’s career climb…every couple of years I found that his refusal to share his life was a result of his DECISION to make a separate life for himself since he did not want to learn anything about his own family responsibilities.

In short he wanted to remain a boy. His life after our child was born did not indicate any turning from his lust for more attention, admiration, new toys in terms of shining sports cars and trips for himself with his father and brother and his friends. High end luxuries were added in more and more . The career path demanded his full attention not just to build his business but to add to his image all of the things that ‘success’ in that realm deceived him into thinking were ‘necessities’ among them was the adultery with any woman that he thought he could get away with it with.

All of the effort I made to follow after what I was being taught about the responsibilities of a wife were actually not useful to any degree to gain any of his appreciation or contentment. He presumed not only upon me but many others who took upon themselves the tasks my husband left undone. He was not even thankful to any of them . He seemed to feel entitled to have things all his way.

Whenever I would venture to ask if I might be included in some business trip his response was much like an adolescent whose parents would interrupt him on the way out to play with friends…snarling that “no one took wives on business trips …’ no spouses were included in the event’!

As I read books to advise me in how to engage my husband I found them only discouraging because nothing worked.

When a person is devoted to pleasing flesh …their own or others they will not regard anything that threatens to deter that aim.

I am seeing that his mind and heart are set against doing anything that might give me hope for his changing his mind .

YET GOD …GOD is able to do all things and when I read in Rejoice Ministries praise reports I see GOD is at work even when we do not SEE it …even as things may look hopeless…GOD is at work for His name sake.

As you have offered to pray with me over this I am MOST grateful . I think I am weak in this area ….yet I speak with the Lord all day long making complaint …bringing my mind back to the Word …and it is ongoing …

One area I am deeply concerned over is that my daughters do not become more and more damaged by my husband’s way of engaging with them.He is quite charming . I also remember that when he started in the financial industry that he took some ‘seminars’ where they trained them to handle the sticky situations of being in offices with women . They were concerned about the sexual harassmentt issue.

I wonder sometimes how that effected his attitude . Even as they had a multiple law suit over this issue at the time as a Corp. They took special care to train their people how to avoid being accused of such things. I wonder if it did not fan the flames of resentment so that there was a covert effort to retaliate but appear to be sympathetic.

I think in many ways men have rightly hated the women’s movement and I am not all that convinced that it was not a ploy on the part of some men to stir this up so that they would foment animosity among men and women.

In the work place my husband insisted that he treated men and women the same but his ‘ways ‘ were not perceived the same among the women . I tried to warn him of how it was causing me pain ..especially since he did not treat me with any kind of preference…but all women were the ‘same ‘ in his way of thinking. AND that it was dangerous to behave in such a ‘friendly ” with the woman because it might lead them on.

He also refused to wear his wedding band almost immediately when we married because at that time he was involved with a sport where he said he might ” lose a finger’ if he wore it …I bought that like a stupid wife who certainly did not want him to lose a finger….and he also said that it bothered him to wear it because he was not a ring wearing kind of guy!

Though he once worked in a jewelry store in college and had a pinky ring which his family gave him …indeed I never observed him wear a ring . He did not object when my brother who is jeweler made a ring I designed for him for our wedding.

So I believe that little by little the devil whispers ideas and thoughts into the mind that is ’empty’ of the WORD and in one who does not take care to think about what he is thinking about and to see if it lines up with God’s Word.

My husband not only did not do this …once working in the office realm he WOULD not do it. He was becoming successful among his peers just fine doing it his own way.

It is also an observation that those who visit churches expecting to see successful and ‘abundant life’ in all of the world’s ways are missing the point….God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble and many many times it is the gathering of those who have finally become humbled to the degree that they seek GOD .

I pray for my husband to repent but I also know what it might mean in terms of his life and his lifestyle ahead…It will probably take some REALLY tough times to bring him to this point ….But a soul is at stake.

I am thankful I can express my various sorrows and some of the things I have been learning as I have determined that whatever this situation brings about I want to learn from the Lord and study of the Word all that I may. For the sake of my own walk and if useful to share the ups and downs and whatever might help another in the same boat.

One thing my husband said about this was that he did not think the damage would be this great …nice to hear but as time goes on apparently that is not enough to cause him to want to deal with it.

I replied that no one is prepared to know how something like this will hit them …because you don’t marry expecting your spouse to declare a vow to Jesus Christ about faithfully living in the marriage to them toss all aside for the pittance this world offers to the unwary.

We discussed all kinds of possibilities before marriage …including adultery and how to avoid it …what it would do in heartbreak and yet once he did not get everything his own way he began to pout and then withdraw …I was pregnant …another thing you do not know how it will effect your body or marriage …and so he did not communicate about his various things . I did not know what was bothering him . It is apparent he simply kept building a ‘case’ against being a married man . He kept adding to the ‘offenses’ without sharing them with me so I could respond or do something about them.

Whenever I perceived something was bothering him and would ask about it ..and sometimes even apologize for whatever it was , not having been told but trying to draw him out ..he would not share ..he would simply say that ‘nothing ‘ was wrong.

I am sorry to say that the man I married , though highly skilled, talented and qualified …with a degree in Psychology from a University few can gain entrance to …was not willing to grow and mature …but has been convinced that life should be whatever HE wants and he ‘should ‘be free to do whatever he wants.

One of the things I noticed as I considered HOW this happened was that it was not the people involved that proved to be all that important to him but the activity he wanted to do . Men around him being of the same attitude about marriage …and soon women too …the venue of their work offered many ‘perks’ in terms of grand activities …free trips ….lots of ‘play ‘ for ‘business’ reasons …to grow relationships.

Much of what was offered was not all that different than what would grow the bond , affection and relationship of marriage!

Of course ..the devil is NOT ORIGINAL. He uses the mind of man to eventually bring about behaviors that suit his devious plans.

Man MUST submit to the renewing of the mind through study of the Word for it is the knowledge of Jesus Christ and all that GOD gives us in instruction that keeps and guards the heart that is humble to it and willing to follow …no matter WHAT the cost.

We live in times where we draw near to the end of the age …the rapture is now on our horizon…at one time I studied materials that denied the rapture but I have had the rapture confirmed in further study of scripture and I see it as truth.

I see that we who know about it …not only find it comforting in a departure from the mess of the world we endure and live among BUT as also an urgent call to see if any we meet might be ‘snatched out ‘ of the fire…hopefully without even the ‘smell of smoke’ upon them …rescued and cleansed in the blood of our Savior…

I have been studying about the Blood Covenant….His provision for us …the tokens of virginity that none have had since the Fall have been His gift to us …how I long to live up to the sacrifice but see so much is hindered by my own struggle with the wounds. I know that we may rejoice in time to come and even in the midst but I confess I fall far short….I think anger with my own weakness even is sin ….ugh ..

I may be forgiven for sins past , present and future but I do not want to add to them! I am thankful and seeking prayer from anyone who is of a mind to ….it is something I need to help me make good choices in the use of this time where I am not distracted by serving my husband in the physical realm but may in the ways of prayer and continuing to allow the Lord to reach into my heart and do His work toward His intention for glory to Himself through all trials .

Many are facing the same thing …hit broadside …as they walk and dealing with allowing the Lord to set them aright …getting back up off the canvas much like a prize fighter not willing to surrender the fight …we press toward the mark of the high calling of Christ …for it is HIS victory that we may share in if we faint not …

I am thankful again for your kindness in keeping me and others like me in your prayers …your faithfulness in encouraging while standing for truth is a gracious reminder of the character of the Lord we love and serve.


Jack Wellman February 4, 2014 at 3:18 pm

At best, I am an unworthy servant doing only what is expected of me and I have no reason to boast only in the God has sent the Holy Spirit. Oh that the Devil’s reign would come to an end soon with the crushing of the Serpent’s head one final, fatal time by the Heel of the Master, the soon coming King of kings and Lord of lords…and with all the suffering going on today…”Even so Lord, come quickly!”


Kris February 4, 2014 at 3:32 pm


Just listening to a great exposition of the Olivet discourse….very encouraging and many details from historical references that bring about a richer understanding ….you may check it out …under the Gracethrutruth site….

Thanks again for your helpful care for the church my brother! I am blessed to know your ear is turned to the Lord!


Jack Wellman February 4, 2014 at 4:09 pm

Thanks Kris….I was not able to find a Gracethrutruth website either thru .org or thru .com but thanks for your words of encouragement…as always my sister.


Kris February 4, 2014 at 10:39 pm

OOPS! Here is the link …had a “senior moment” I guess….

Go to the free downloads …The Olivet Discourse is in segments that you can hear online…I find I must download each one but there are some gem info amidst the teaching.

Also the others like the seven things one…let me know how you find it .


Jack Wellman February 5, 2014 at 12:15 pm

Thank you Kris. I appreciate it and I thank God for you.


Kris February 5, 2014 at 1:34 pm

And I thank God for your faithful submission to Him as well. Indeed a rare brother in my experience….He is OUR Rock and YOU ‘rock’ because it is evident you LOVE to do His will!


Lindsey February 15, 2014 at 4:14 pm

Hi Jack,

Thanks for such a wonderful and insightful article. This site has been such a blessing! At the end of the article you used the word reprobate. I have never heard of that word before and was trying to understand the definition. I thought that once you were saved and received the holy spirit you were sealed and that you couldn’t loose your salvation. To me someone who never repents might not have been saved to begin with. I know this is off topic but could you show me some insight. I definetly do not want to ever be a reprobate! Thanks Brother and God Bless!!!


Jack Wellman February 15, 2014 at 4:27 pm

Not to worry Lindsey over whether a person who is a reprobate means that they can lose your salvation. Anyone who is worried about it obviously cannot lose it for to worry about it shows a sensitivity to sin and we are all sinners before a just and holy God. The word reprobate simply means that the minds of these people became corrupted concerning the faith. They deny God and even pollute their good works. Those who don’t like to retain God in their knowledge eventually take on a reprobate mind. It sounds as if these people are not living the right way. They don’t seem to have a desire to please God. These people were not ever really saved as 1 John 2:19 says “They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would no doubt have continued with us: but they went out, that they might be made manifest that they were not all of us.”

“And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient” (Romans 1:28)

“Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith.” (2Timothy 3:8)

“They profess that they know God; but in works they deny him, being abominable, and disobedient, and unto every good work reprobate.” (Titus 1:16)

“Furthermore, since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done.” (Romans 1:28)

It is someone who knew about God and the gospel of Christ but refused to repent and so you have no fear to ever be a reprobate because you are worried about it shows me that you can never be one. Make sense?


Lindsey February 15, 2014 at 4:55 pm

A lot of what you wrote makes sense but I’m still a little confused : (. In the Conclusion of the article it said God may give us up to our own sin and stop the conviction of the holy spirit and there is a posibility that we can become a reprobate. If they weren’t ever really saved wouldn’t they have never had the holy spirit? I’m so sorry. I’m probably making this more complicayed than it really is. I tend to over analyze things : ) Thanks agin.


Jack Wellman February 15, 2014 at 5:21 pm

Lindsey, everyone has a conscience. If you read Romans chapters 1 & 2 it will make much more sense. Everyone knows right from wrong and the Spirit came to convict the world of sin…and this includes the unsaved as Jesus said in John 16:7-9 “the Helper will not come to you. But if I go, I will send him to you. 8 And when he comes, he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment: 9 concerning sin, because they do not believe in me” and the woman caught in adultery was brought to Jesus and Jesus said “he who is without sin, cast the first stone” and guess what? “When the Lord Jesus spoke comforting words to the adulteress, ( John 8:9 ) and had written on the ground,’ those who heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the oldest to the last.’ God’s Spirit powerfully shamed them.” Make sense?


Lindsey February 15, 2014 at 5:27 pm

Now it makes sense : ) Thank you for your patience!


Ben March 18, 2017 at 1:41 pm

There is a passage that states, nothing is unclean or sinful with in the marriage bed. Is NOT sinful. God wants us to enjoy sex with our spouses. Sometimes we can be so legalistic and rule oriented with in Christianity that we can choke ourselves because the noose we put around ourselves gets too tight. Look, there is nothing sinful as long as it is only between a MAN and a WIFE. NOT man and man or woman and woman. That would be wrong. Then if one of you doesn’t like a certain sexual act, then it should not be forced. But let us close this subject for good. Because there is NOTHING wrong within the marriage bed.


Jack Wellman March 18, 2017 at 3:04 pm

Thank you Ben. I too believe that the marriage bed is undefiled and as I said in this article, “What type of sex takes place on the marriage bed is for the most part, up to each couple and if both are comfortable with what happens, within reason, there should be no problems. Sexual intimacy should always be a private matter between husband and wife and there are no exceptions to this at all.” True? It is not just between a man and a woman but only between a man as husband and woman as his wife. Otherwise it is sexual immorality. Any sex outside of marriage is sin and those who practice such things have no assurance of being in the kingdom.


Richard January 4, 2018 at 9:48 am

I am currently processing a divorce for my wife whom i married in less than 4 months. She is not submissive and that has made me gotten violent with her which led to an abuse (which i regret). She still has the same attitude and for fear of being an unhappy husband who might end up going after other single ladies as well as fear of getting violent with her in the near future i am seeking a divorce. She was however pregnant for another man which she did not know while saying our marriage vows at the altar, she aborted the pregnancy which i accepted her after that but yet she is not submissive. I later found her in a room with the same guy she was pregnant for after we got married as late as 9pm which led to the abuse and an accident. It hurts me so much i have to let her go because she was forced into the marriage by the mum and sister.

I suggested a divorce and she readily agreed. at the moment we are not leaving together and she will be served with the divorce documents which she will sign and we divorce.

This is the most difficult time i in my life so far, because i am letting go someone I love because she is married and did not want to be/wasnt ready

Please pray with me


Jack Wellman January 4, 2018 at 10:14 am

Prayers for you sir. I am so sorry for this terrible heartache.


Albert January 7, 2018 at 1:21 am

I m in a relationship with my girlfriend for over 9 years. We have been engaged in sexual relationships for these years. Now we r planning 4 marriage after 6 months. Can we have holy marriage? Because here in our church they say we can’t have holy matrimony if we have premarital sex, they will take action against us n later on just do blessing prayer for us. Will our sin be forgiven if we repent and don’t indulge in sex within this period?


Jack Wellman January 7, 2018 at 8:25 am

Have you spoken with your own pastor about this? What did he say?


Albert January 8, 2018 at 3:01 am

I wanted to have some suggestion and idea from you first.


Jack Wellman January 8, 2018 at 9:22 am

I would ask your finance to seek counseling with your pastor face to face. I cannot counsel someone with not having all the facts, when each of you were saved, at what time you or your finance became believers, and so on. Will your pastor not counsel with you both or have you already done this?


Albert January 8, 2018 at 3:29 pm

Dear sir, we will be very much thankful to you. Kindly give us some fruitful suggestions. We want to get married and want to be together 4 ever. We love each other very much. As I have told u in my 1st post, if it is ok then we would like to stay holy for these 6 months, repent our sin, will ask for forgiveness n later on would like to get holy marriage without telling anyone about our premarital sexual relationship.
Can we do that?


Jack Wellman January 8, 2018 at 3:49 pm

Hello Albert. From what you have told me in your other posts and communications or posts that I did not publish as they were very sensitive, I believe it is fine to marry. I didn’t realize you both had not fully come to faith and that God’s Spirit may have told you to stop living in sin, abstain from sex, and do this in order to marry. I see no issue as you have discussed in your private, unpublished comments. I will pray for your marriage and yes, by all means, stay sexually pure as you have been doing. God bless you both richly.


Albert January 8, 2018 at 9:43 pm

Dear sir, we will be very much thankful to you. Kindly give us some fruitful suggestions. We want to get married and want to be together 4 ever. We love each other very much. As I have told u in my 1st post, if it is ok then we would like to stay holy for these 6 months, repent our sin, will ask for forgiveness n later on would like to get holy marriage without telling anyone about our premarital sexual relationship.
Can we do that?


Albert January 8, 2018 at 9:45 pm

I belong to a non Christian family, so I m new to Christ just two years. She belong to a Christian family, her father is an evangelist n was a pastor to one church just got relieved from his pastor duty because of his hectic schedule as he is also the leader of the church association. She is a true believer, she believes in god n have great faith in god. She loves her parents n family members very much. She will never dare to hurt them.
Our parents knows about our relationship, we told them about five years ago. last year we have discussed regarding getting married this year. Her parents asked us to stay pure till marriage n warned us about the consequences.
They don’t know about our premarital sex. We had never let anyone doubt n know about it. We always kept it secret. We never spent night together under their knowledge.
I was the one always persuaded her for sex. She loves me very much that is the reason why she always agreed to it, Though she always regret it thereafter. She always said no from the very beginning but it was only because of me. She told me that she want to keep it safe for marriage at the very beginning. I was the one always Did emotional acts nearby her in order to persuade her. Now that we have committed sin n there is no turning back. we don’t have any other choice.
She loves her parents dearly so she don’t want to hurt them by telling these stuffs about us. I too don’t want to hurt them.
Now, if we tell pastor about us, the church committee will punish us according to the rules. It will definitely hurt her parents and turnish her parents image n dignity. Sometimes she suggests instead of hurting parents let’s not to get married n asked me to find Someone else. And, about herself, she says she will stay bachelor all her life. At that very moment I become speechless.
We can’t discuss these things with anyone, that is why i have chosen you so that we can get some fruitful guidance n suggestion from an elder like you. Also, we don’t want to regret with our decision later after marriage without telling them or by without getting married.
Now can u kindly tell us can we get holy marriage without telling anyone?
In some sites I have read them saying u can have holy marriage after premarital sex but only after stopping having sex now till marriage and repent truly to god, seek forgiveness from god, god will forgive you, then you are ready for holy marriage. Is it true? Can we do that?
Is every marriage holy? Does bible tells us about different kinds of marriage ?


sam June 7, 2018 at 8:51 am

hi albert, its me sam. right now m at new york. just saw your post i can understand your situation. call me as soon as possible.


Susie March 1, 2019 at 1:00 pm

This article makes marriage only about sex and is written by a man. Cleaving is only horny, for real. Leaving you mom and dad means what. Sad.


Jack Wellman March 1, 2019 at 1:29 pm

Hello Susie. This article is among dozens of articles we have already written on marriage, so this is simply one specifically about sex since so much sin can occur in the marital relationship. The Scriptures are from the Bible and not man. I suggest you repent of your angry and self-righteous attitude as you are resisting God at the present time (James 4:6).


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