Husbands, this one is for us. We are hard-headed sometimes aren’t we? I can’t say that I do a perfect job of showing my wife I appreciate her, but writing out these thoughts has helped me clarify what I believe are good ways to show my wife how much I love and appreciate all she does for us as a family.
God commands us to love our wife as our own body
Ephesians 5:25, 28, 31 “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; …So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. …For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.”
We should honor and value our wife because she is a precious treasure
Proverbs 31:10 “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.”
Here are six ways to show appreciation for your wife. There are certainly many more, but I hope this short list will get you started in finding ways to appreciate her for the treasure and gift from God that she is.
It may seem like a cliché to you men, but women really do like flowers (and chocolate). Yes, flowers can be expensive; and yes, everyone (except you and me) gives their wife flowers. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t just because everyone else does.
If you want to give flowers for the purpose of letting her know you love her and appreciate her, try to give them when there is absolutely no other reason to do so. Flowers may be expected on certain days—and you should give them when appropriate—but try to surprise her with a nice bouquet when she does not expect them.
Pay Attention When She Expresses a Desire
You know how the carafe dribbles a little bit of coffee on the counter when you pour your morning brew? Has your wife ever expressed that she wished you would wipe up that drip? If you would always remember to clean that insignificant little spot, you will go a long way to letting her know you care about her desires.
Listen to her when she casually mentions she “would like to have one of those.” Write those things down and refer to your list when it comes time to find a gift. I keep a note on my phone with gift ideas of things my wife has expressed a desire to have. Some of the items may never be bought because of the cost, but I keep them on the list in case the money does present itself some day.
Her desires don’t have to cost money. Pay attention any time she expresses a desire and do what you can to fulfill that for her. The more you are able to fulfill the little things, the more she will know you are paying attention and appreciate her.
Romance Never Grows Old
Plan dates with your wife. Hire a babysitter. Write love notes. Brush your teeth. Shower her with public displays of affection (as long as she is comfortable). She should know that she is the most important person in the world to you, and she wants the world to know it too. Showing affection when you are with other people will help strengthen your relationship.
Romance should not stop once the wedding vows are said. Those romantic things you did to attract your wife in the first place should continue to be a part of your relationship after the honeymoon is over.
Respect comes in many forms. Support her decision with the kids. Keep your disagreements private. Be honest with her. Communicate early and often when plans have to change.
One time my wife and I were in a church service where a singing family was ministering. All through the music program the husband made jokes at his wife’s expense. Some were not at all funny. I was embarrassed for her. I leaned over to my wife and said, “If he asks us to turn to Ephesians 5 when he preaches, I am going to get up and walk out.” This is a classic passage on husbands loving and respecting their wife. I was mortified when he actually preached from that passage. No, I did not walk out during the service; I had to stick around to see how much of a jerk he could make of himself. He did a thorough job.
Do not make unkind jokes at her expense. There is certainly nothing wrong with telling a good story that she also finds humorous, but be careful how the stories are told and received. Things that happen are OK to laugh about, but you should never publicly point out the physical or character flaws of your wife.
Respecting her includes remembering things that are important to her. You may not care about Father’s Day or your birthday; but Mother’s Day, your anniversary, and her birthday should be top-priority dates on your calendar.
Break Some Rules
Even if you have clearly defined responsibilities in your relationship because of skills or interest, occasionally you should break the mold.
My wife does almost all the shopping. Sometimes I can go a couple of months at a time without stepping foot inside a store. However, when I am able to get a grocery list from her, I try and do the shopping for her. It truly increases my appreciation for what she does. For me the task can seem like torture. After each shopping trip on my own I have a greater respect for the fact that she goes through that every week.
Find ways that you can break out of your normal habits and take care of some of her tasks. You may not be able to do them often for her, but lifting some of her load when you can is a good way to show her you appreciate what she does for you and the family. Who knows, you might find that you enjoy doing one of her tasks more than she does.
Be The Man
Women often mention that they would like their husbands and boyfriends to be more active in making decisions. She should give her thoughts and opinions on decisions, but she shouldn’t bear all the responsibility for every decision that needs to be made. It may be a surprise to you, but it is possible for men to decide where to eat supper on occasion.
Women also wish that their husbands would be more active in the spiritual leadership of the family. If you will take your god-given role as head of the house for spiritual things, it will relieve your wife of added responsibility that she never needed to carry in the first place.
Being the head of the relationship in decision making and spiritual leadership will help your wife feel secure and show her how much you appreciate the many other things she is able to excel at in your relationship.
Words And Actions Are Both Important
Don’t just say you love and appreciate her. She needs to see it.
Don’t just show you love and appreciate her. She needs to hear it.
There are endless jokes about how men rarely express their love and appreciation for their wife. We, as men, need to do a better job in expressing with words how much we appreciate our wife.
It is also possible to say the right words, but they are received as empty and hollow because those words are not followed up by actions. A man may never need to hear the words “I love you” to be secure in his relationship, but he certainly needs to see that love. Women need to both hear and see the love and appreciation.
Take the time to show your wife you appreciate her by implementing some or all of these tips. If you have something you do that helps you express your appreciation for your wife, please share those in the comments. Ladies, you are welcome to also share something your husband has said or done for you that helps you know how appreciative he is of you.
Related reading: How to Love Your Wife
Resource – Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, King James Version